The Six Month Curse
July 16, 2010 
4 Comments
Why don’t they act the way they did the first six months? What happened?
Why don’t they do the things they used to do during the first six months, like write me love letters? Why don’t they light candles like they used to do? Why aren’t they attacking me sexually in the same way?
Are they just bored with me? Do they no longer want these things?
Why is it that we are so amazing in those first six months of a relationship? Are we trying to impress somebody? Are we trying to win somebody over? Are we being somebody we’re not? Are the first six months just that “amazing” time before all the arguments start and before we get defensive?
In the first six months, we allow ourselves to be emotionally open. We give so much emotionally to our partner.
When you start fighting with each other, however, we take something back. With each fight or misunderstanding after that, we take another piece back. The vulnerability, openness and beauty of those first six months at that point are gone.
During the first six months you would invite your partner to your house, they’d say “Oh Babe, I love coming to your house,” and you would light candles. You do this over and over again during the first six months.
After the first six months, the candle-lighting goes away. Your partner comes over and says, “You don’t light candles anymore.”
Instead of just acknowledging that what they’re saying is true, you get defensive. You could have said, “You’re right, I don’t. I need to start doing that again. I know how much you loved it.” But you don’t. You defend yourself.
Those first six months of a relationship should always be the way I’m describing. It should always be amazing. What happens in those first six months are the reasons why you fell in love with that other person in the first place — the things you used to do for them, the way you came onto them sexually, the way you listened and the way you were patient with them.
It’s amazing, though, how we take things away once the fights and disappointments begin. We don’t even necessarily do it consciously. We do it very passively.
Say that you and your partner touch each other nonstop during the first six months, then your partner stops touching you as much. What do you do?
You start taking some of your touching away. You get angry. You hope that they will notice and think, “Oh my God, he’s not touching me as much. I must need to touch him more.”
The first six months of a relationship are beautiful. For those of you in that post-six months frustration period, however, what you need to do is to go back and think about all the things you did for your lover in the first six months. Then start doing them again, without your partner having to ask you to do them.
I guarantee that if you do this, you’ll not have the whole “taking things away” situation happening anymore. There will be no reason to fight about who is (or is not) doing things for the other.
I challenge all of you who are in a relationship right now, over the next thirty days to do all the things you did for your partner in the first six months you were together. All of them. Every single one. And do them every day.
I guarantee that if you do this for the next thirty days — acting sexually, emotionally, in your communication and in your intimacy the way you did the first six months — and you don’t expect anything in return, you will see your relationship come alive again.
Then watch what your partner will start doing for you. Like magic, they will start doing things you have been wanting them to do for months.
It’s amazing how easy it is to rekindle a relationship, but we all stand on principle so much that we don’t allow ourselves to do the things to make it happen. We’re so about “tit for tat” that we never grow.
So think about what you did for your lover during the first six months, and do them all over the next thirty days. Then watch how the dynamics of your relationship will totally change. It’s a beautiful thing.
It’s a nice concept to think that your relationship will be the same after 10 or 20 years, as it was when you first met someone that you were very attracted too. But, it is totally unrealistic, and if you think it will always have that tremendous adrenalin, heart pumping, craving, rush, you are in for a huge dissapointment. All relationships go through stages. It is inevitable. It’s like eating mint chocolate chip ice cream for the first time. You love it, can’t get enough of it, have to have it all the time. But, after a few weeks, of having it every meal, you get used to it, grow accustomed to the flavor, and don’t have the same zest for it. Relationships are the same. At first they are new, and you are in love and lust, for your new flavor, you just experienced. After time, you still like it, and want it, but will never have the same desire for it, that you did when you first tasted it. It becomes your steady, reliable, comfortable, standby, that you enjoy less frequently, but still is your favorite flavor. I know people will scoff at comparing a person, to ice cream, but those that have been in relationships for over 10 or 15 years, will certainly know what I mean. Bob
David, I have been in a great relationship for about 6 months and it’s unfolded just the way you said. Thank you for the advice I will put it to use.
John
I noticed the dip in my last relationship after 6 months, and I did the “holding back” thing for awhile and then went back to the doing the old things but she was completely removed from it and did not notice. I even called her out on it, but the behavior continued to get worse and she stopped trying all together. How do you go about dealing with this situation when they end up just taking and taking and never giving back or going back the person the were when you first met them.
Is this one of those times where you throw in the towel because what is the point in being with someone you want to change? It is easier to be with one that you don’t want or need to change right?
I don’t believe relationships will fall apart after the first six months. In my case..it only got stronger.
These things happened right after the first six months of my relationship.. but now I have been dating this guy for 6 years!!