The Secret To Being A Good Conversationalist
August 23, 2010 
4 Comments
I get asked a lot about how am I so good at being impromptu with strangers. People ask me how I am able to so easily and effortlessly communicate with people, and how I am able to take a simple observation and turn it into a conversation.
My response is this: It’s very easy, because I am not censored. I don’t censor myself.
I basically see something and I walk right over to it. It’s almost like when you were a little kid and you first learned how to catch a ball.
Your dad would be standing there, you would be standing there holding out the glove. Your dad would wind up, and your legs would be shaking as the ball came toward you.
What would you do? You would essentially put the mitt out in front of the ball to try and catch it, or you would cover your face and let the ball hit you in the head (depending on your athletic ability).
In reality, though, all you had to do was allow yourself to react to each pitch as it came toward you. That’s the same thing you have to do with conversation situations.
All I do is allow myself to react to every single situation. I don’t monitor myself. I don’t censor myself. When I see something, I react to it and it comes across as being very genuine.
The problem with most guys is that they’re always over-thinking, trying to figure out what to say or how to say it. By doing that, it never comes across as natural.
You can’t stand there for five or ten minutes before finally spitting out what you hope is the “right thing” to say. It’s so awkward. There is so much apprehension because you spent so much time trying to figure out what the right thing to say is.
There is no right thing to say. It’s the way you own the words and the way you speak. It’s the way you come across.
You can say anything, as long as you say it right away and you say it with authority. When you do that, you are going to command attention. It’s just the way it is.
If you want to really learn this, one of the best things to do is go to any city and look at homeless people. Look at the ones who get attention and who get money. They are the ones who go to people and say, “Hey, you look like you’re having a great day today.” Watch homeless people and learn from them.
Man! One of the ways you can tell you you’ve been in the field for too long is when you start admiring the business plans of successful homeless people. Its like the sun just beats down on you and just messes with your head. I propose a conference called “Unleash the Vagrant Within!” Neill Strauss can teach us the hobo opener. It goes like: “There’s this hobo outside. Do you know what he got up to this morning? I don’t know but the third base plate got jealous. Baaa Duh Boom!” Ah, good times.
wow that blog just kicked me square in the ass. jeez David you really are good at kicking peoples asses and making them think more critical and positive
Good one Manny Castro.
Yea, maybe a different example would have been more appropriate, for sure! I have tried not to “censor” my conversations, and boy, did it get me in trouble a time or two. Blurting out the first thing that comes to mind is a definate mistake. The key to good conversation, really, is to be able to quickly ascertain your audiance, then make the appropriate conversation which is suited for that moment, and circumstance. This is the problem that most guys have. They say the wrong things at the wrong time. They either escalate too fast, or too slow, say inappropriate things at the wrong time and place. If you can learn to size up what you are trying to accomplish, and find the conversation that most efficiently achieves that end…then you are learning how to be a natural conversationalist.
bob/manny castro- i believe thats why you practice so when you do say whats on your mind it comes out positive because you have been practicing and your in a great mood so positive things come out of your mouth. i do it all the time and it works fine for me.