The Road To Acceptance
March 8, 2010 
39 Comments
I’ve talked quite a bit recently in the blog about self love, and I read all the comments you post. One comment that was posted asked a great question: How do you accept yourself and love yourself if you are trying to improve yourself? There is a very simple answer to that question.
We only know what we know. We only know answers when we have the experience to know them. So if you are trying take the fast track working through something, working through it more quickly than you have the knowledge and life experience to do it, then you are never going to be able to accept yourself.
Every moment you experience in life is there to teach you something. Every moment is a lesson for you to learn. Some lessons take months to learn. Some take years to learn. Some only take hours to learn.
Regardless of how long it takes, you need to understand this concept and allow yourself the time to go through that process. The time it takes you to learn and the time to accept is exactly the time frame in which it needed to happen in the first place.
Don’t rush it, because there are no shortcuts in life. There is no shortcut to meeting women, to loving yourself, to accepting yourself, to making money or to anything else you want in life.
If there were such a shortcut to any of these things, everyone would be happy, with the person of their dreams and rich. There are no shortcuts.
So instead of beating yourself up and thinking how you failed at the end of each day, take a different perspective. Write down all the things you learned that day. Do that, and you will all of a sudden start to feel better.
You learned one thing or two things today? Well then you had a great day!
Every day you learn something. You learn how to deal with something better or how to meet women better or how to deal with yourself better.
There is always something you learn how to do better each day. If you’re not learning something each day (or think you’re not), then you need to listen better both to yourself and to the people you’ve chosen to mentor you along the way.
It is an honor for me to be able to mentor you in your dating life. You need to understand that th
is mentoring relationship we have is two-fold. By me mentoring your, I am really listening to you. The other part of that relationship is that you also need to listen to me.
If you want me to walk you through this journey to self-acceptance, then check out my “Self Love” Audio that is in my Men’s What’s Your Excuse? and Women’s No Excuses programs. In it, I take you through my personal journey to self-acceptance and self love.
Something I have been doing lately is waking up every morning, eating a good breakfast, and doing affirmations about who I am, and what I want, and whom I want to be.
And before I go to bed, I write down everything I’m thankful for in my life, and appreciating the journey of success with my education, business, and women.
Lately when I approach women (or people in general), whether they reject me or not, has no bearing on my attitude about myself.
Your energy will attract similar people into your life, and repel the ones that are constantly draining you.
Thank you David.
I do not have this problem at all. i used to not like being so skinny so i worked out. I wanted to easily talk to women, so i came here. Anything else i don’t like i work on. But this girl i know truly hates herself. i knew her inside and out, and there was nothing not to like. Sweet as pie, good looking but she just didn’t see it. I asked her to break down what she didn’t like and told her to change that. I asked her what she did like about herself and she couldn’t come up with the most miniscule compliment. I wonder if this audio would have gotten through?
The key to finding happiness starts with loving yourself.
Inner game is probably the most important part of dating. Why do we want to be attractive? Why does it matter to us? How can someone respect you if you don’t respect yourself? All these things I believe need to be explored to not only improve your dating life, but to be happy in general. When you find some of the hidden answers, a lot of the frustration of dating is no longer there.
On something unrelated, has Michael Buble been reading your blogs David? This seemingly whole-foods themed film clip gives it away!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AJmKkU5POA
I would love you to be my mentor David!!!
Your journey is a inspiring one, i’ve realized if you can do it so can we.
David has done it because he is tall and good looking. Looks plays a big part.
I have seen some of the best looking guys with hot women, thats why it proves my point.
Dave= are you fucking kiddin me man? I don’t think looks play at all, maybe little bit.
Dave:
I have seen soem of the ugliest guys with hot women, how do you explain that to me????
That’s a great question to ask, what have I learned today? Its funny so many of us learn that one thing in school one time or another but we never take the time to apply it.
Sometimes I think we are not satisfied with learning one or two things, we get way to success oriented that we forget to truly accept ourself.
It scares me how badly I needed to read this exact blog post today. I literally decided last night in a haze of Buckley’s cold medicine (Yes I have a cold. No,I wasn’t taking it for fun;) that if I was going to truly love myself I was going to have to accept my thoughts and feelings based on the mere fact that they came from me. Usually when I have a thought or feeling I don’t like I try to forcibly suppress it. I give the chattering monkeys in my head big sticks with polished rocks attached to the end to hit me with. I decided I wasn’t going to do that anymore. I was going to let my thoughts and feelings flow through me and accept them as me. However, the kicker for me was how do I still love and accept my thoughts and feelings, even if they are change-worthy? I ached with this question all day. Then I came here as I always do and an amazing answer was waiting for me. The craziest part is, I couldn’t have read this a week ago and gotten the same benefit. I had to get to where I was today to see the value in the lesson of today’s post. Neat.
Dave, that’s the biggest self-fulfilling prophecy out there about looks and women…if you believe that only the “good-looking” ones have a shot with the hot women than it justifies to yourself that you shouldn’t even try. This completely ties into the importance of David’s topic of self-love.
Great idea about thinking about the things you learned at the end of the day instead of the failures. I just came back from a zero chemistry blind date, because the girl did not look like the pictures in her profile (which hadn’t happened to me yet). I was feeling kinda bummed, but now I realize that I need to go back to coffee instead of dinners for blind dates! Thanks Mentor David!
Dave
I agree that David is tall and good looking. But what makes him really great is his attitude and sense of style! How do you see yourself Dave?
Brad
Coffee is cheaper and a better escape:)
It really sucks that some people put up profile pictures that were taken years ago.
Do you usually go to dinner for the first date?
Jacob=are you tall and good looking like David?
Oh yea sorry forgot to answer your question, some reason I feel like I’m not really good looking enough and girls lose attraction because of that.
Brad- i see what you are saying, i have no self love for me anymore. I really need to better myself. And it does sound like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dave
Years ago I used to feel just like you. But now I don’t even think about my looks nor my past history has any meaning for me.
The answer to your question, i’m a short brown version of David Wygant:)
Short brown version lol
Dave,
I’ve seen it done several different times with different girls, and every time groups of girls come up with a list of the traits they look for in men, looks isn’t very close to the top. Do you know what’s been in the top 5 every time? Confidence, sense of humor, and most importantly, how he makes her feel. You know what? You can improve all of those.
One of my closest female friends used to always go for the good looking military guys. You know who she’s dating right now? Basically the exact opposite. Even I don’t understand why she likes him, but whatever he does when he’s around her triggered feelings of attraction in her. Who’s to say you can’t do the same thing?
You can keep stopping yourself, or you can start helping yourself. I can tell you how possible it is, but you have to make the choice to work at it.
Dave- you’re thinking too much man, why don’t you think you’re not good looking?
I don’t think i’m good looking because girls and guys used to make fun of the way i looked back in college. I’ve always felt like there is something missing about me. I’m different, and I just don’t have lot of confidence because they already judge me, so why should I do anything?
Collin-Thanks for sharing that stotry and I’m hoping to improve, actually i must improve soon, there is no going back for me now.
That’s the spirit! Remember the cheesy Yoda quotation. Do or do not. There is no try.
I love that yoda quotation Collin. I’m a big Star Wars neard:)
Dave–you need to do things for you and not worry about what others have told you or what you think they are saying. You seem like a great guy and have great qualities I can tell even from the blog..you got to just believe them! Here is an exercise: write a list of all the things you are good at, your strengths, the things you offer in a relationship, your positive physical qualities, etc. Keep adding to your list as you think of them throughout your day and reflect on them. Anytime you start feeling down on yourself, refer to the list and start owning it!
dave u dont get it………..i sometimes feel i do now, i didnt used 2 at all…….iv just started dating a girl thts hot, mayb a 9 on my scale!!! im 5 ft 7 and 9stone and shes 5 ft 9 her x boyfriend is now mr natural universe or something, i used 2 train at gym with him and think fuk me tht guy is ripped to fuk 6 ft 4 and so gud lukin bet he gets layed like crazy!!!! bt now im dating his x ……….wer totally different guys, so dave u need 2 let ur personality come out abit more i pulled her that night in bar by chatting 2 every1 in bar, and then cocky funnyed the shit out of her, she kept wanting 2 hi five me and every1 els in bar, rite at last minute id pull my hand away she remembered next day was 1st thing she sed 2 me…..u wudnt hi five me…..so this is my thanku to you now mr wygant ur products wer part of the success of pulling tht girl, trouble is shes a fukin bunny boiler and once iv fuked her im gna chuck her haha
Okay Monkey Chatter, I’ve ragged on you about your chicken-peck excuse for English before, but what the hell is a bunny boiler?
I’m taking this very slowly… I mean to me it’s a great feeling that I could actually smile to a person and just look for 3 seconds in her eyes:).Me smilling at them really seems akward to me, dont know why.They weird part is, sometimes it’s easy, sometimes my head turs away with me having no power over it
. I keep telling myself to say hello to them and take it further and further. Hope I will eventualy do it …step by step…I’m 18, I don’t think it’a an excuse if I tell myself I have time…dough I would like to do more and more every day.
Thanks for these reminders David, you talked about this stuff in older posts but keep them comming, they’re great reminders!
Mike
Collin,
Have you seen the movie Fatal Attraction? There’s a scene where Glenn Close cooks the bunny…. so that’s where the term Bunny Boiler comes from… when the girl gets so obsessed… or is so crazy that it’s just a tragedy waiting to happen.
I’ve never seen the movie. However, I do know a thing or two about crazy women. They’re usually the most fun.
It addresses how it is necessary to approach different personality types of women, in the best way, for each of their different personality types. It kinda goes to my remark a couple days ago about saying how “fucking” beautiful a girl is out of the blue, without knowing her, her personality type, and possibly insulting her. I haven’t seen you talk about how it may be necessary to adjust your approach for the different types of women you desire. (You will probably say, “you don’t need to “adjust” yourself to fit with what a woman likes”, but that is not really a great answer, in my opinion, if you are seeking a certain type/style of woman) Whether it be a long term, short term, sex, friendship, etc type of relationship, do you think you should respond in a manner that is appropriately different? No need to publish this, since it is off subject for today. Thanks, Bob
Bob,
You have to understand the 2 basic approaches that men use to “get women”. You:
1. learn to attract women by the sheer force of nature you are, based on your lifestyle and the conviction you have of who you are as a man
2. learn to attract women by being the hunter and making sure you can appeal to your “prey” the most effective way you know how.
Both approaches have their own merits. But who are you? Who do you want to be? It’s really up to you.
What we teach here is more oriented to the first approach. Based on what I’ve seen and heard of the Pandora Box, it’s more focused on the second approach.
If you follow approach 1, you aren’t worrying so much about women. You will attract plenty of women who will fit into your lifestyle because you are more concerned with your own life purpose than you are about attracting ALL types of women. You understand that you want 1, 2 or even 3 very specific types of women and you are happy with those kind of women. In the end, as much as we want “hot women”, we only want the RIGHT kind of women for us. You are basically “screening” for the right kind of women up front based on the very lifestyle you live. Our approach is to show you how to project the very traits and lifestyle that will appeal to the kind of women you know will make you happy.
Your sense of abundance comes from the understanding that the more you talk, the more you share yourself to the world, the more opportunities you’ll get to have the right kind of woman find you.
If you follow approach 2, you are more worried about the goal. You want a specific kind of woman and whether she’s the right kind for you or not is not the question. You want that kind of woman because you have a fantasy of dating that kind of woman. You are more interested in stroking your own ego by knowing you can get THAT kind of woman (whatever THAT kind may be). In some ways, you may not know yourself that well yet. Your sense of identity or your sense of purpose/value is not as strongly defined as a guy who likes the first approach more.
Your sense of of abundance comes from the knowledge you have on the tools you can use to appeal to all sorts of women… but by doing so, you are also wasting a lot of energy into making you do things that may be unnatural to you.
Are both approaches valid? Yes… they have their own uses and times. But understand this….
If you listened carefully to the audio you shared with us, Vin challenged you guys to understand women better with his product.
This statement assumes that all women fall into categories. How about you learn to understand YOUR woman better?
Yes, there are generalizations you can make and learn from… but what WE teach is to listen and relate and understand her upfront. If you are good at that, if you are good at seeing/feeling her when you meet her, you WILL gather enough information to guesstimate the kind of woman she is. So in essence, you ARE reading her profile by applying the very principles we teach you here.
I listened to the “webinar” and I wasn’t impressed either. While that kind of thing could be useful to someone who already had the self confidence and grounding for a solid relationship and was just looking for one night stands or brief flings, a person who isn’t in that place already isn’t going to be helped very much by being able to typecast a woman. Small success with hookups in bars might lead to confidence in the system, but it still doesn’t address the core belief issues that so many guys struggle with.
And I don’t mean that like I’m some sort of expert. I meant that as a normal guy who is still learning and developing my dating skills.
Collin,
That’s a very good point you make. Knowing more about women types… doesn’t necessarily give you the proper behavior to attract her.
Just because you know her type… or the angle you should approach her with… doesn’t mean you can apply the steps with the right attitude and confidence.
That’s my problem with PUAs. All I saw was a bunch of confusing acronyms and techniques that were supposed to inspire confidence down the road once you’ve had initial success hooking up with tons of girls at bars. I’m not looking for that. I know lots of guys are, but I think even more guys are looking for great long term relationships. From what I’ve seen, too many PUAs find their self value in the number of hookups they’ve had, as well as how fast they can do it. Ultimately though, their self value is still tied to the approval of women and the approval of other PUAs.
“Oh I must be a big deal because I can get a bunch of drunk chicks to have sex with me the night I meet them, and I’ve hooked up with more girls than those other guys, so they all have to respect me.” is a load of bullshit. People need their self worth to be anchored in something other than the approval of others if they want to be healthy long term.
Start believeing that you are a sexy and attractive man and then step back and let the women come to you, go with the flow and interact with women like you are talking to a friend… show genuine interest in her and then let her qualify herself to you.
I’ve discovered recently that if you are just open and cool and make eye contact with women that they will actually start chasing you. Once you stop making women the centre of your life and stop obesessing over them and start focusing on living your life and finding pleasure in all things other than women then you will start reaching your goals with women much faster.