The Refund Gap

I remember a woman that a friend of mine used to date. He used to tell me, “David, I swear. When I am facing her, she has one boob facing east and one boob facing west, and a gap the size of the United States in the middle. I mean these things just don’t match.”

This situation is what I call “the refund gap.” The refund gap happens to women who go and get a boob job for $599.00.

Somehow they thought, “I am going to go to the surgeon who is willing to get paid almost nothing.” It’s like they really do not value their body.

There are certainly things to save money on in life. There’s no question about it.

If you see toothpaste that’s on sale for $1.99 when it’s regularly $2.99, then go for the $1.99 toothpaste! It’s the same brand you usually use. It’s not going to leave you with Mr. Ed-like yellow teeth filled with cavities, or with breath that smells like your dog’s ass.

When it comes down to personal health, however, you do not want to be cheap. You do not want to shop around for good deals for your new boobs and end up with the refund gap. You do not want to get marked down laser eye surgery at Costco.

It just blows me away.  As far as I’m concerned, anyone willing to discount their services that much, really does not give good service. If someone values their time, their education, their skills and their knowledge, then they are going to be able to build up a clientèle and get paid what they’re worth.

So I’m leery of dermatologists who will do $200.00 procedures for $25.00. I’m leery of the kind of doctors who advertise “buy one get one free” boob jobs. I am leery of dentists who offer teeth whitening for $29.95.

Either they are bad business people, or they are really not skilled. Neither option makes me want to go to these people’s offices.

So women, if you are thinking about getting a boob job, men know about and can easily see a refund gap. Men know that you discount shopped your boob job when they feel breasts that are so hard that feel like rocks when you move from side to side. These things are not exactly a turn-on.

They are more of a turn-off. John Denver might have liked Rocky Mountain High, but he was talking about the Rocky Mountains, not rocky breasts bought on a “buy one get one free” sale.

What is wrong with people that shop for their plastic surgery at Wal*Mart or Costco? You see ads for Lasik saying, “First Eye Only $1.00. Second Eye Just $299.00.” Sure, that’s what I want. I want to entrust my eyes — the things with which I see the whole world — to a doctor that is going to do the surgery on my eyes for $1.00 and $299.00.”

Look at all the women who get $600 boob jobs. Like you can’t tell when a woman has the refund gap? What kind of doctor is doing these surgeries? One who took an afternoon seminar on how to perform the procedure in three easy steps, and who uses implants he finds in dead prostitutes?

Why do any of these things on the cheap? This is your body we’re talking about.

You should see some of the face lifts that I see walking around here in Los Angeles. They look like they tried to save some money by getting them done at Costco.

If you can’t afford a good surgeon, maybe you should hold off on having surgery. I know I certainly don’t want anyone touching my body who I am not 100% sure is great at what he or she does.

I actually saw a guy on the street one time who was right next to a fruit stand, who was selling Botox injections from what looked like a lemonade stand. I don’t remember how much he was charging, but it was super cheap. They could have combined forces and had a sign that said, “Eat a strawberry, get your eyes injected.”

When it comes down to doing anything to my body, I make sure that I go to the best possible person, because I don’t want anybody messing with my body. So if you’re somebody who is looking to get laser eye surgery, boob implants or anything else surgical, I suggest that you save your money before deciding to get these things done at your neighborhood Costco.

This entry was posted on Sunday, October 25th, 2009 at 2:17 pm and is filed under Life Style 101. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.