The Magic Of The Linger
January 19, 2009 
29 Comments
So you’ve gone out on a date with her and you’ve had a glass of wine at dinner. You’re standing outside the restaurant – or maybe you’re outside a coffee shop with a redhead. You’re standing by the car.
Here is some advice that I always give guys: always meet her out. Don’t pick her up, meet her out. Unless you’ve got some real rapport going with her, and you’ve gone out with her once or twice, have her meet you. There are a few reasons for this.
Walk her to her car. When you get there, what does she do? Does she linger, does she stand there for ten or 15 minutes talking to you, even though it’s getting chilly? Or does she hustle into her car?
I like to do this: I’ll look at her and say, “give me a hug.” We’ll hug and I’ll tell her I had a good time, she’ll agree. If she lingers after the hug, it means that she likes the way that your body felt. You’ve broken that wall or that barrier.
You’ve probably worked on that barrier over the course of the date by leaning over, touching her arm, etc, but the hug is a great indicator to see if there is any sexual desire on her part. When she feels your body and then she lingers – you can watch her.
Is she dancing back and forth a little a bit? Is she smiling more? Is she laughing a bit? Is she lingering? Is the conversation starting again? If she’s doing that, then you look at her and say, “get over here for a second,” and you pull her over to you and you give her a kiss.
That’s a great way to see whether or not you have chemistry together. If you hug her, and then she hustles into her car very quickly, she’s not feeling it.
Many times when you think she’s feeling it, she’s not. You have to test it a little bit, and the safest test is the hug.
Watch for the linger, give her the hug, and then see what she does with it.
Khiem: It’s her body language too. Sometimes I’ll just look at people who are out and I can tell whether or not they are into each other just by their body language.
Some girls are very touchy-feely, so you can’t base her attraction on just touch. But you can base it on the way that she looks at you, the way she comes closer to you. Generally that means that she’s feeling it. If you have these longer stares with your eyes, she probably likes you. There’s a lot of body language that also plays into it.
Great post, David. And I agree with the whole body language dealio, Khiem.
Great post, David. I like the little pointers which you always give in your posts.
it’s a gentle way of trying each other out, instead of rushing it with a kiss. It gives both parties a way to go the next level without it turning in to an ackward moment. From a girls perspektive this is the way we would want to be treated if we are respected. Nothing worse that feeling you have to kiss some one goodbye no matter how great the date went. There is something to be said about moving in small steps, it makes it more magical and romantic.
Great blog David!!! the hug test you have described above before kissing is a new idea to me and i can feel it works before i have even tried it. this will be a blog i will always remember if i go out on a first date.
When I first read the headline I thought it said the magic of the Liger. Liger’s are pretty much my favorite animal ever, bred for their skills in magic.
That’s a line from Napoleon Dynamite for those who don’t get it.
I liked Khiems point. I’ve seen couples where you can just tell that one of them isn’t into the other one, and I’ve been on a date where that feeling was so strong in the air you could almost touch it. Awkward. I always give a hug at the end of a date to just be friendly and once or twice it has led to a second date when I felt there was no interest there. Hope everyone had a nice weekend.
Adam
so this would be to strong a come on from a girls “You wanna play me? ”
Now how far could we girls push it without appearing as we are cheap. What if it’s a really shy boy, maybe one who has come out of a long marriage. How do we get away with it without him feeling he lost control.
I will say that David and Khiem both have good points, here. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a matter of meeting her out, but if she is interested to see what else is there to you or if she doesn’t want the date to necessarily end, she is naturally going to linger. Body language is a good indicator of that. If you understand that then you can decide what you would like to do from there. Hopefully it would be to make a move of some sort, like David described above.
I think the point about breaking touch barriers is crucial. Too many times in my life have I let things turn towards the friendship tip because I didn’t know of this.
I have also noticed that when I look at a couple I can tell in their eyes whether or not they get along. But here lately I have seen some guys with a dead stare as though they are distant. One the first date I like to hug and kiss. Kissing is my speciality I don’t know it could be the body contact as well. Thanks for the blog David u outdid ur self again.
Very good observations with clear instructions!
Pay attention, guys – you need to know these things!
Despite our differences in behavior, age, or taste, notice how all of us identify with the blog?
We ALL get it in our own way!
For the record, if you’re not comfortable with a full hug, try a half hug.
A hug is not necessarily a full-body contact from head to toe…in case you weren’t sure.
And smile on the release, eh?
Loved this blog David. It’s so simple yet so powerful. It’s a very simple and NATURAL
(oops I accidentally hit the submit comment button before I was rdy duh! lol ) It’s a very simple and NATURAL way for people to test the chemistry.
hey thanks for commenting on my blog, every little bit helps. take care.
Personally, I am not a fan of kissing on a first date although many people seem to believe that there has to be a kiss in order for a date to be successful. I agree with David on the idea that if she lingers, then she is very interested, and that is more reliable than touching because again some people like to touch more than others. It’s funny because someone can make out with someone and not care anything about that person. (That’s why kiss closing is bad, and I push women that I just meet away when they try that.) Also, another sure sign that someone likes another is that after a date they let you into their house/apartment and you stay there for hours. That’s after you’ve had a few dates, however. Awesome blog today, David.
Dave
Dave
Each to their own liking.
I believe the same works if you took her out in your own vehicle. Say I took her on a date and I’m driving her back home; I can tell if she likes me/the time we had by how long she lingers in the car. Does she say “alright see ya later” and hop RIGHT out of the car or does she sit there for a bit making small talk and telling me how much fun she had?
I don’t know that’s how I decide.
Great topic! Body language is huge and “the hug” can be a good test whether there is that chemistry. The linger is often coupled with nervous laughter, hair twirling and playful eye contact. I like Dave’s point of not having to feel like you have to close the deal with a kiss the first time. Sometimes it’s hotter when you can get just a taste with a hug or a kiss on the cheek, leaving one wondering and wanting more!
Also, i have found that a lot can be communicated with how she touches you in that hug. Of course the pat-pat push-off is bad, but does she lay her hand on you like a dead fish or dig her fingers ever so slightly onto the fabric of your shirt?
Yes David, another great post!
I have a couple of questions for u though! What might some of the other reasons u meet the girl out, that u talk about. I’ll bet these are probably great too; but I’m always thinking in the back of my mind when u ask a woman out you should also be offering to pick her up.
I also think it might be a great time for a blog on how to read body language. So how about it DW?? I have seen a video or two but your blogs go into it with such care and depth unlike a 1 1/2 – 3 minute video. I think a blog discussion like this would be great for us guys and my favorite sex; the ladies!!
I would also like the feedback of the other posters and their toughts on a blog about reading body language!!!!!
Sorry I have not posted here in a long time but I’ve been busy!!
P.S. I think I’ll go to my local movie theater here on Long Island to see on the big screen the inauguration; maybe a great place to meet some new friends and a few ladies if I’m lucky!!
Your friend Jim.
I did not meet any new friends but might get part of my 15 minutes of fame. I was interviewed by local channel 55 /10 news for the 11:00 – 11:35 nightly news. The reporter and her camaraman wanted to talk about our new president; maybe if I’m lucky I might get trimmed down to 3-5minutes.
Sandra H. sorry if I’m off topic. I hope u can get over it. I’m going to try!!
Sandra — Only kidding I figured everybody else is busting on you I should too!!
Thanks for the tip David, that’s a good point. However, doesn’t meeting her out make things logistically difficult once the date is over? I usually have the girls meet me at my place, and then take my car to the date location. That way there’s a convenient excuse to go back to my place after the date is over, and you can still watch for the “linger” as you walk her to her car. If things go well, it’s only a few short steps to the bedroom.
the magic of the linger- reminds me of some movie scene, where the woman is lingering near the door of her car or home, but the guy never makes the move. Later he goes home, and tell his buddy that he coulda, woulda and soulda made his move.
Personally, i really enjoy that moment, when she lingers, and i know what she wants me to do. I just get so high about the feeling of holding her close, and tasting every bit of her soft luscious lips, and envelop this goddess in my arms.
Casual- you sound bit “puaish” here.
Stop thinking ways to logistically get her to bed.
women are not stupid, you have create a deep desire in her mind to crave you, and when you do that, she will rip your cloths off.
Jim L
No problem but I even get off the subject at hand. Hey that’s life in the fast lane.
I wish that David (along with his sage advice)was around 20 years ago . As a young guy without a clue about reading body language , or building sexual tension…. or to be quite honest no idea about pretty much anything to do with the opposite sex, I was pretty much like a lost puppy, with my tail wagging and tongue out , and so busy trying to figure out my next move that failed to miss the most basic of signs. Fortunately we now have the guidance of people like David. Sometimes I wonder why we men aren’t more instinctual about something that once understood….. seems so natural? Did something happen during the evolution of man to rob us of our ability to read the body language of a potential mate? Why are we the only species that struggles with this?
Here’s a little something that I pay attention to: if she lingers, she’s waiting on you to lead.
If she lingers, she’s waiting to see if you are going to make a move.
So instead of wondering if she likes you or not because you see her lingering, take action. Go find out
That’s how magic always happens.
I am very observant of body language. If my date doesn’t look me in the eye, is scoping out the women in the room, interrupts me a lot, treats the waitstaff like his own personal servants; these are warning flags to me that I’m next on the hit list of his bad behaviors.
When my present guy and I met, we had already known each other as friends through work for a couple of years. So, he is one of the very few I allowed to pick me up at my place for the dinner date. A girl has to be safe. I’ve had a couple of crazies that I ditched when they left to use the litter box, and I made my escape. Some guys are just not into you and it shows, so, well, then a girl’s gotta eat, and then I can drive myself home, thank you very much.
But this new guy, he is so very special. On our first date he didn’t hold hands or do a lot of touching, but the eye contact was awesome! And the conversation was mutual and interesting. And then when we got to my place, he “asked” if he could give me a hug, and it was the best hug I’ve ever had (not a groping hug either, just a good old fashioned hug.) We both kept talking for a while, and then he asked if he could kiss me. That was the best kiss ever, and we’ve been kissing and hugging ever since. He had no sense of shyness in asking, he was respecting me and letting me know his intentions; and I thought that was so thoughtful.
I think the big difference for me is that we made a very real mind connection through e-mails and phone calls, and then again in person on that first date. The stage was set and ever since it feels like it was meant to be. We spend a lot of our time sharing stories and just laughing like when you were a kid. If this isn’t the real deal, then I just don’t know what is. But, for me, when you connect in the mind first, the physical brings everything together beautifully. And not rushing to nakedness on the first date just makes the wait more exciting. And then naked is awesome! of course!
This post is true, but don’t waste time trying to figure out weather of not she likes you. Physically advance regardless to see if She’s receptive. Its always on but the great part of this post is it let’s you know when to walk away and ways to know when. Good stuff