What a game yesterday. My thoughts on the game and how it impacts your life will be posted tomorrow.
I had an interesting talk with a client this morning and thought i would write it up for you guys.
David: Stop thinking about the future! The future is not right now.
We hear this all the time, but let me tell all of you this right now: if I could predict the future, you would not be sitting here with me right now. If I could predict the future, do you think I’d be spending this time coaching you guys?
I’d probably take my girlfriend and my dog with me and we’d go surfing on my own private little island. I heard Marlon Brando’s island is going to be up for sale eventually – maybe I’d buy that.
If I could predict the future, I would predict the winning numbers in the lottery. I would tell you the Steelers would win the Super Bowl and I would have put all of my money on it. I would tell you which stocks would rise during Obama’s presidency. If I could predict the future, there are so many different things I would do. But I can’t!
The only thing in life that we have the power to do is to remain present. That is it. We have no other powers.
So if there is a woman that you really want to get to know and you’re thinking about how to somehow swing her in your direction, you’re not really being present. You’re just thinking about how to get her to come to you, instead of really just having a great time. If you’re having a really great time and she starts to see you that way, you’re going to create attraction.
If you’re really enjoying the company of her friends, she’ll start to see you in that way. That’s how women look at things. But instead, you’re just thinking about the future. You’re not even thinking about that day. You could all be just hanging out at a bar on a Saturday night, but you’re not really there. You’re only thinking about how you can manipulate the situation and change the future.
The fact is that the future is not now – the present is now. Stay focused and stay present to what is going on in the moment. It takes a lot of work to truly stay focused in the present.
Client: Is there something that you can do to really work on that? I feel like I can’t really control it on my own.
David: You’re doing it right now – you’re listening to me. You’re listening intently to every word that comes out of my mouth. For the last few minutes, you listened to every word I said, and then you asked a question based on what you heard. And you did it with authority and conviction in your voice. You weren’t nervous, and you did it from your heart. I could see that it came from your heart, and I could see who you are as a person.
So that’s how you do it. You just listen. If you’re outcome-derived, or you expect something from somebody, then it’s not going to happen. You’re just setting yourself up for disappointment.
Don’t expect anything from anybody. If you do, you’ll set yourself up to be disappointed. Why should you be disappointed? Life is an amazing ride. Enjoy it. Enjoy the entire process.
I have been very fortunate to have very strong role models that lived what they preached. When it come to todays subject the greatest inspiration in life was my grandmother. She never expected anything from anybody, because she said you do it because it’s the right thing in your heart to do, that is your reward, to be true to yourself. Those time in life when I sway a little I close my eyes and feel them with the essence of her and I am back on the right track again.
A nice trip down memory lane today….
David and Khiem,
Thanks for teaching me this one. A few weeks ago I got an invitation to a meet-up. I thought, what the hell, I had 2 hours to spare, I’ll make some new friends. When I got there, it was not quite what I expected. I’m in my mid 20s, and all these people are in their 30s and 40s.
I was kinda put off at first… Never been with this kinda crowd before. Then I recalled your advice, “Stay in the moment!” And so, I just tried to make the best out of it and have a good time. I chatted and got to know everybody on the table. I had a very interesting conversation with a 40-year old woman whose grandpa was buddy-buddy with Ernest Hemingway.
Later that night, I talked with a sweet middle-aged latina. I was not expecting anything out of this party except killing time before my friend’s b’day party later that night. Guess what! She said, “You’re a good gentleman. My step-daughter has been looking for a tango partner. This is her picture. You guys should meet…” What happens next is exactly what you think it is =)
Early on today, I came across this article on Psychology Today, “The Art of Now: Six Steps to Living in the Moment.” The main tips are: Breathe, Observe, and Savor.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=20081027-000001&page=1
Hope that helps!
Good way to stay present… Be more of redneck. stop thinking and do it. + all the teeth hopefully
lol @ Vince’s comment
I’m proud to say I missed every second of yesterday’s big game. But it did sound like a good one, oh well. I was in the present and enjoying my moments and football wasn’t one of them yesterday.
Mike
Mike,
In the present how did your date go, Saturday..
Hi All,
Love the blog today. For me, practicing presence is a skill that develops as well as a powerful way of Being in the moment as often as I can at this particular stage of consciousness in my life.
Out for a walk in the sunshine and Presence now! Being of Appalachian descent, I could relate with the redneck joke, some times it is the simple things of life that nurture us beyond bliss!
Best to all!
Marina- your grandmothers story or words are very inspiring!
today’s blog is great- the older I get, the more I realize how fast time passes by, that there is no better time than NOW. If we think about tomorrow, we will miss today, if we think about today, we will miss this hour, if we think about this hour, we will miss this minute, if we think about this minute, we will miss this moment NOW.
Now is everything, and all there to it. There is no problem, there is no misery, everything is just fine.
I think one of the biggest lesson in my life was to stay present, and taking in everything at each breathe I take!
I don’t agree with all the points you mentioned here David. It’s hard to focus in the present especially when you are being isolated from the rest. You don’t given the same treatment as everyone. It affects your social life big time. I’m not going to talk about of what the heck is going on in my life right now. Anyways last point,
You can analyse the present situation and predicts the future. But if you look at the history and there is a chance your predictions will turn out to be true.
“the older I get, the more I realize how fast time passes by, that there is no better time than NOW. If we think about tomorrow, we will miss today, if we think about today, we will miss this hour, if we think about this hour, we will miss this minute, if we think about this minute, we will miss this moment NOW.”
Those are great words Yakub!
Lets see I will look into my crystal ball and get back to with u later! A little humor in this
I liked that one David.
One time I was thinking and meditating with our Lord and I was asked if a person can stand and look forward and could see into the future what would the person be looking for? At that time I was studying about this one guy that I care about today this was three years ago. Now all I could come up with was this you can discern the stars of the heavens but you can not discern the second coming of man in which was Lord Jesus. If I could see in the future I would be with the one I want to be with and we would have a family together. Yeah right!
Has anyone ever thought about listening to someone who says I can tell your future did you know that I looked up on the internet and it teaches a person on how to become a fortune teller. The day these people know me better than Lord Jesus then we talk. Sandra
Each day my goal is to live in the present and try to conquer any fears that I have and live each day as it comes. Hand in hand I will walk with my Lord and talk with him. But living today I forget what happened yesterday and try to leave it in the past.
Sounds like the client was talking about being unable to control his thoughts or behavior to remain in the present and David was talking about how the client could stay in the moment that is right now because he had already exhibited that behavior just by listening.
You can only control your own actions – neither time, nor space – and certainly not the past, present or future. Give yourself up to the moment that is now. Sometimes we think too hard and just have to BE in the moment, not plan for it. Sometimes we have to model behavior that does not feel right because we don’t own it yet.
Consider it a dry run…or a practice swing. As my father used to say when he taught us kids sports (among a lot of other things): first form, then accuracy, then speed. If you make the effort, it could come as naturally as it seems to for the more successful practitioners we know.
great post David!
I’m practicing that, living the now. It’s always astonished how seeing the present relaxes me
Jim C. – thanks for the kind words, this is exactly how I feel, and had to let it out.
Mr. Eclectic- never seen you here before, welcome to the blog!
Totally agree how the present moment relaxes you.
Tariq: are you the person from Chicago?
if you don’t feel like telling your story in the blog, you can find me in the forum, and I can delve into living in the moment or what David is talking about in this post.
When I opened this and read the topic for today I though how perfect it is for me at this moment. Thank-you David!
For me….Living in the “Now” is very easy for me to do. After years of training my brain to react to a difficult situation I have learn to quickly give it over to God and let him take care of it.
But…being human I recently didn’t follow my own brain training. Instead of taking care of myself because I know that there is no one on this earth that can take care of me but me…. I messed up!
It has to do with a love for a man…..the one I talked about a few weeks ago in my posts. I let myself get totally off balance by not living in the “Now”.
This topic has now put me back in living in the moment. Now, I don’t care that he doesn’t call me or show any emotions of a possible future with him. I let myself get over whelmed with things like when he did call he was on his speaker phone talking to me while he was fixing himself dinner.
When I care for someone I take time out of my life to be one on one with a person I am talking with. Not cleaning house while taking to him on the phone. Ya’ know what I mean?
He also lives in another state and we have been making plans together for me to come to visit him. He looked at his calendar and said: OK what about Friday, Saturday but on Sunday I need to leave at 6PM to go visit friends that I had already planned on.
Geeeez, I’m flying up there to visit but he gives me a time limit to leave his house. It doesn’t feel very good. In fact it hurts my feelings.
He is now wondering how I can open my heart to him and then close it so quickly. He has no clue how women are senitive and for me…. I am a real romantic! So, I believe I expected too much from this person whom came and visited a few days in the begining of January.
My problem is I have never felt this kind of love while he was here. So I stupidly expect that when he left to go home he would call often and maybe send little surprise emails like: I’m think of you! Not!!!
Please someone respond….I don’t want to fly all the way up there when he can’t express his feelings to me in a phone call or email. I’m not a mind reader.
If I didn’t have the feelings that I have for him…. I would have dumped this whole thing weeks ago.
Suggestions Please………….??????
Sending Love…
Dyan…..
hey yakub,
Yea I’m the guy from Chicago. Glad you remember me
Dyan,
Fri night, Sat and part of Sunday. Geez, that’s enough time for wild love making, go out to a nice restaurant or two and sneaking some “feelings chit-chat”.
What am I missing?
p.s. I’m not qualified to give any advice, other than advise women to do me…
Dyan,
Just get it over with, get up there and give it a last chance, I would. If I felt this way for someone I would go up there and take it from there. Just look at it as a great weekend that could give you some more answers weather he really is worth you. You sound like a great girl and if your first instinct says he might be worth you, what do you got to loose. Go, take a chance..he might just need some TLC to begin with.
Refreshing answer J-dude..LOL
Thanks so much!!! I listened last time I posted so I will fly up there and see what goes from there!
I can’t thank-you enough!
I will let you all know how it goes….
Sending love you to all….
Dyan
Dyan:
If someone spoke to me while fixing dinner (it’s okay) and on the speaker phone (that is NOT okay with, kind of a pet peeve of mine) I would not speak to them again:-)
As they said, a whole weekend is fine even if it ends at 6 pm. If your gut says you want to see him, go for it. But please LOWER your expectations!!!
>>>>>>I am a real romantic!
Looks like he is not and that’s perfectly fine as long as you are okay with it…Some men are just not romantic at all, in fact most of them are not lol!
>>>>>….believe I expected too much from this person whom came and visited a few days in the begining of January.
You EXPECT Too Much!!!!! Don’t expect anything, let if flow, free your mind and your ass will follow:-)
If he came over to visit you in January he is definitely interested….Just do your best to be in the moment and enjoy yourself and don’t expect too much allright?
Thanks so much Dan! Sometimes I wish I had never met this person. The mental grief sometimes feels it isn’t worth it.
Yes, I have the same pet peeve you do. Either talk to me or fix dinner not both. There has been a few other things like this…
I can tell he really wants me to come and visit but…he shows no emotions in his emails. He is also scared when I sign my name love, Dyan Gosh, there is a ton of different types of love. I tell my friends I love them all the time. I explained this to him.
He is making me someone I am not. I show love to who ever crosses my path.
Anyway, I will follow my ass and see what happens.
I think I know what the future will bring between us anyway. He is in PA I am in western NC he has a lot of thing going on in his life so…….
I guess I need to take a trip and get away for a few days anyway.
Lets see if this will help. When he said I had to leave by 6PM on Sunday I thought gosh it is a lot of money to fly up there and I have never been to NY before. So I thought I should find something neat to do while I am all the way up there. All this snow doesn’t help either.
His relpy is he will show me a map of the subway turminals and tell me where to go. That was nice but gosh its like…. come visit then I have to leave so here is a map for you. Have fun there is a lot to see. Greeeer!
I don’t want to be in NY by myself.
Maybe what I should do.. is just wait a few weeks and just forget this whole thing and get my life back.
Then think about going up there. Something just doesn’t feel right. Maybe it is just me.
Never in my life have I cared for a person like I feel for him. We made love for three days and it was totally awesome. It wasn’t sex it was making love. Everthing was like a fairy tale. Maybe it is?
Thanks again Dan……..
Dyan Mai – I thought that the idea was that you were going to visit the guy on his turf…take a chance, a trip, leave your comfortable self at home. At least he said that he had some plans that he was planning on keeping – it’s better than finding out AFTER you arrive, true? It’s also important that you know that he HAS a life and friends and plans rather than arriving and finding otherwise. Not everyone is willing or able to drop everything when someone comes to visit.
While I understand the uncertainty of taking public transit in a strange city, that IS what it’s for and if you’re really creeped out by it, take a cab. My parents always told us girls to keep some “mad money” in our little undershirts..meaning phone change and cab fare – just in case! It’s only a contingency plan, not a plan for failure. And you can figure out what else you can do AFTER your time together by surfing the internet BEFORE you go, then check out stuff in the airport when you arrive as well. Are you staying with him or in a hotel?
And while you might be taken aback by his surprise at your sign off of “love”, it doesn’t hurt to dial it back with a relative stranger, regardless of how you REALLY mean it. At least then there is no misinterpretation to have to explain later. If you expect the moon and the stars, then don’t go because you will surely be disappointed. If you are just returning a nice visit that he made to see you, then take it for what it is and stay in the moment and quit getting ahead of yourself and the situation. You could have a very good time with AND without him!
Dyan,
Chance to be in NYC if just for a couple of hours, what can be better than that. Lived in Down Town for 8 years, always took the Subway with kids and everything. Enjoy your trip.
Dyan,
I always hate it too when the sex stops at 6 pm on Sundays:-)
I still think you are expecting too much and want to move this much faster than he wants…If the sex is good, enjoy yourself and leave the romantic endings alone…if they happen, good…if not, maybe even better:-)