Comments on: The Dreaded Question

By: Martin

Martin — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 23:59:46 +0000

I’d also love to get David’s answer to Kevin’s question: “What if they ask you how many relationships you’ve had and you’ve had none?”

I believe in honesty, so just making up some great past relationships is not really an option for me – even though it would probably work best.

So last time a girl asked me this question, I just told her that I never had a relationship. Next, obvious question: “Why not?” And I opened up and explained how I usually end up being just friends with girls I go on dates with. Needless to say, I ended up being just friends with her as well. Any advice?

Is just refusing to answer the initial question and keeping her guessing the best way out?

Or is “Why do you want to know?” the right way to dodge it?

I could also say something like “I don’t fall in love easily and it would take a very special girl …”, which is already half-way dishonest, because we all know that the real answer is “Because I’m too much of a coward, always playing it safe, because I don’t have enough romantic/sexual self-confidence.”

P.S.: Since this is my first post here, a big THANK YOU to David for all your free blog posts, videos & pod-casts! What I love about your methods, is that they don’t require me to become an arrogant bully or a sleazy player – but rather a friendlier, more social and outgoing version of myself. I also really enjoyed the “What’s your Excuse” & “Self Love” package I downloaded yesterday, which went a bit deeper and gave me some further great insights.

By: Ted

Ted — Sun, 11 Jul 2010 08:22:25 +0000

I would like DAvid to answer that question that Kevin asked. Maybe you could say the same thing like when a job interviewer asks an applicant “Tell us about your experience” Well i have none thats why i want this job. Thats why i want to date you so i get more experience with dating and girls. Is that answer ok?

By: John

John — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 08:57:36 +0000

To Kevin’s point, what if they ask you that question, you are nearly 40 and have not had one? Surely, one cannot argue that the person asking would be justified in thinking something is wrong with you. One can have a valid reason(s) for their lack of a relationship of at all at that age, but still, it would take a rare person not to run for the hills upon hearing that.

By: Farley

Farley — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 10:41:12 +0000

I remember one time a girl I know asked me if I had a girlfriend. I said no, and she asked me why I did not have one.
I told her because at the moment I do not need one.
She then tells me she just got out of a shitty relationship.
I really did not need to know in what knd of a relationship she was in. But the fact is, she talked negatively about it, thus making her also look bad.

By: Mario

Mario — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 09:24:19 +0000

I agree with Cathy. Honesty is the one huge factor you need to have since the beginning of a relationship. If not you will continue to lie extensively. I’ve done it and ir never finishes in a good way. Life hadsnt been going the way I planned or expected.

By: Mario

Mario — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 23:45:14 +0000

david wygant is fucking amazing. excuse my language

By: Cathy J

Cathy J — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 23:38:01 +0000

Especially with someone knew and even well into a serious relationship – I do not talk about past relationships in a specific way. The number of relationships is not important – a few, a couple, more than a few – I say be vague.

Details tend to be remembered and often taken out of context.

Of course you are who you are today as a result of your past experiences however it is what you learned from them. In that sense some generalities are fine to be discussed if it is relevant to what you learned.

Details – noooooo…. definitely a lose-lose situation. My motto in life, including as blogger and coach – always go for the win-win!!!!

By: Paul

Paul — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 23:17:39 +0000

Great advice!

By: Dancer

Dancer — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 22:25:07 +0000

@ Kevin. If they will think something like that then there is something wrong with them. don’t feel guilty for following your path.

By: Bob

Bob — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 21:11:14 +0000

Very good advice David. Any type of negativety on either part, in the initial stages of a new relationship, always throws a bucket of cold water on it.

Some people are averse to lying, or deception ( “I’ve had a few long-term relationships. They’ve all been wonderful. I’ve learned things about myself, and I have to tell you that I really respect the people I’ve dated.”), due to moral or religious reasons, so it would be inappropriate to lie, in this way, since obviously, they were not all wonderfull people. I get around this by using the old answer a question with a question technique. Since they must know you are going to alternatively ask them about their relationships, I go ahead and say, “Why, how many have you had”? The subject usually quickly changes, and moves to more appropriate conversation. Regards, always. Bob