How was everyones Labor Day Weekend?
Mine was great. I laid low and relaxed and had my Fantasy Football draft last night. As usual it looks like I will be the best team!!!
Today I want to share with you something that I find really wrong. A mans mother sent this to a friend of mine who is dating on Match.com
She of course forwarded it to me right away!!
From: saxxbh (xxxbh@talkmatch.com)
To:xxxfully1111 (xxxx1111@talkmatch.com)
Date received: August 31, 2008
Subject: its eric’s mom — your darling
Hi,
You may think this is odd….but my son is reluctant to search for someone special, because he’s a bit jaded of the whole dating scene. He does really want to find that special woman.
I thought I would act as my son’s matchmaker. I think you could be a good match for him.
Let me know if you would like my son (Eric) to email you some info about him and his photo. He is not on Match. Thanks.
Sandy
sanxxx
61-year-old woman
Beverly Hills, CA, US
Seeks men 58-68
Active within 24 hours
He is jaded by the whole dating scene.
Great so he does not have the guts to get out there and play the game like everyone else.
So his mommy is looking for dates. I can only imagine when you hang with this mommas boy and move in together.
Does mom come and move into the guest room?
Does she pick out all the furniture?
Does she tell him when and how to have sex?
In order to date you need to find your own dates and have a great attitude!!
What do you guys think of meddling mommies and jaded daters?
LOL Does his mommy go on the dates for him too?
lol, Taras not only does she go on the dates, she also test kiss the dates too!
creepy
yeah it creep. what about the TV show about the guy dating the girl momma and they go out on a date with their family and the girl have to impress the guy momma
I have a friend who only girls he meets are one set up as meet and greets. Hes a nice guy succesful, but wont take any risks. He does not date on a regular basis, he will say I dont just date to date. I think he’s a momma’s boy, live at home until 26 or 7, then got married and moved out, but he has been single for a while now.
This is just creepy.
Most women get slammed with emails from men online.
This is the last one anyone would answer.
Its just wrong.
I was the person who this email was sent to. I couldn’t believe it! I forwarded it to David so we could both get a good laugh. I also figured David may be able to help this guy and his mom or at least another person who may think that this is a good way to meet someone. I assure you it is a horrible way to meet someone. How pathetic do you have to be that your mom is writing emails for you? What does this say about the guy? He’s weak, scared, shy, safe, boring for starters. Let’s just suppose that he doesn’t have any idea that his mother is writing to women on his behalf; it’s still not good. Who would want to be with a guy whose mother meddles to this extent?
I was engaged to a mama’s boy a few years ago. When we moved in together he asked he to go shopping with us to pick out our dishes, glassware, etc. I flipped out! I wondered if she was moving in or if I was. It only got worse. One day I came downstairs in the morning and all of our living room furniture was rearranged!!! She thought it would look better the way she arranged it. The worst part about it was that he told me he knew I’d get mad but he still let his mother take charge. Super unattractive!
Erik, grow up and grow some balls! If I wanted a mama’s boy I’d be hanging around high schools or maybe even dating a woman! I want a man
David: You really should contact his mother and offer her some help for herself and her son! Let us all know what happens!!!!
David & Hope: What about my friend?
that is scary…
Jim: ?????
I decided to take things into my own hands (I really using my hands!!) and write Sandy:
Hi Sandy,
I forwarded your email to a friend of mine who is a leading dating expert/coach. He posted your email on his daily blog. Don’t worry your screen name was blocked. I figured he could help your son better than I could be a match for him. If you care to check it out it’s at: David Wygant (dot com)
Good luck!
I hope she/he checks it out as David really could offer them both some good advice.
Hope: ABout my friend who only wants meet and greets. Does not venture or take risks or chances dating. Does he sound like a momma’s boy?
Jim: That depends on whether his mom is setting him up on these meet and greets? Yes if she is and maybe if she’s not. There’s not enough info re his relationship with his mom. There is a difference between a wuss and a mama’s boy.
Hope,
You are evil. I was just trying to help my son. How dare you make my email public, even if my screen name was blocked. I’m glad you’re not interested now.
Sandy
Actually Hope was trying to help you out. I have found men that were overprotected by there mothers as an adult never ever have healthy relationships.
How do i know this?
My father was a mamas boy who could never think for himself and went through life wounded and hurt by everyone always running to his mom.
So this blog really hit home for me.
You think you are helping him but you really are hurting him in the long run
Sandy, you gotta let your son go! my mother tries to be overprotective with me when it comes to certain things, and sometimes it does more harm than good.
Sandy-
I love my mother dearly and she’s a great person. But David has taught me more to stand on my own two feet, especially when it comes to taking initiative in the world. The main point here being with women. And it has worked.
I suggest you empower your son by NOT doing things like this. I realize you love him and just want to help him feel happy, but what you are doing is counterproductive.
Trust me, this is coming from the persepctive of a son who has recently experienced both sides of the debate.
Sandy, I’m sorry if you are hurt by this. It was not my intention. I apologize for making fun of you/him. That wasn’t the right thing to do. David is right though. Maybe this is an opportunity to re evaluate your “helping” nature and let your son grow up and be the man he is capable of being. I’m sure you raised him well so let him find a woman when he is ready
Hope
We did not make fun. We actually found a topic that is very relevant to a lot of men out there.
Standing on their own 2 feet!!
Once again my dad was the ultimate mamas boy and his whole life was spent answering to his mom.
It makes him weak.
Sandy
The way you portray your son in the above email is weak and in need of protection.
Do you really feel that your son is weak?
Wow. This actually reminds me of the movie “Because I Said So.” Man, this is terrible.
To his argument, he may not even know if this is going on. His mom could totally be doing this behind his back and not even know.
But that argument is based on the movie and reality tells me that said scenario is highly doubtful.
Yea, women want strength! They want a man complete on his own! There should not really be anything else besides this.
Infinity
Whether he knows it or not, look at the way she thinks of him.
I am sure his mom is in all aspects of his life.
she is 62.
he must be around 38 to 40.
There’s absolutely NO WAY you can calm down this lady now!!! lol You woke a lion!! Lions don’t use logic, they use instinct. Good luck to y’all now! lol Hope you don’t get eaten alive!
Sandy Sandy Sandy…… can’t you see you are being an overprotective mom? i don’t know if your son notice your actions, but what you are doing will only drive him further away from you!
And i agree with David here, i was raised by my mother, and i had a step father on the last few years of my teenage life before i grew up to be an adult. My step father was an weak mama’s boy, i did not respect him at all……. nor did we get along.
you have to understand Sandy, what you are doing only have negative effects on your son, even if you do help him find his match, he will have a crack in his family due to his weak characteristics.
Dr Bob
In my experience, you can’t ostricize someone publicly (name removed or not) and hope any good can come of it. You gotta handle things privately, and if you choose to make it public, you need to show more class & respect as to seriously eliminate all identifiable details. Again, good luck, you’re gonna need it!!
I agree we woke the lion but that could be a good thing!!
The lion needs to let the cub run free
…and probably still living with his mother.
David, by no means am I going to take his side. I forgot to mention that I hated that movie because watching that whole thing happen not only creeped me out but pissed me off.
Things like that are just bad ideas in general.
With this traveling the web wires, he will be bound to loneliness.
We’ve all been jaded at one point or another. I understand how his mother feels but that does not justify him sulking and her doing his “dirty” work. And there is nothing “dirty” about dating…well…in some respects…
Dr Bob
As always your wisdom is a great addition but when did you become such a bad speller:)
Are you on that damm i phone again
I received this in my match inbox obviously before Sandy came on this site. I am only posting it so I can answer her question as I blocked her there and I’m sure she’ll do the same
Hi,
I’m very curious why Eric may not be a good match for you since I believe you don’t know anything about him….Sandy
Ps: Thanks for the tip to the David’s site.
Sandy: I don’t think Eric would be a good match for me because his mother is writing to me. This makes him unattractive. I am not interested in dating a man’s mother. By you finding him a woman this way makes him look desperate. It makes him look incapable of getting a date himself. It makes him look like a boy; not a man. It’s a whole other level to go on match.com to find a woman for your son than it is to to set him up with your hairdresser or a friend’s niece. Even if he has no idea, I would never want to date a man whose mother is such a meddler in her son’s life.
David, its not easy to type on the Blackberry while driving and staring at the roadkills on the street!
Dr Bob
Bounce,
sadly you might be right. I hope we don’t trigger defensiveness in Sandy, but there is the distinct possibility.
From the perspective of a son here, i implore her to take a step back. This kind of thing she is doing annoys me on a core level.
Dr. Bob what’s up with your grammar? Have you been boozing it up with Horny Lisa again?!
Hope
I think Horny Lisa and Bob are perfect for one another.
Bob
Did you cause road kill?
Hope
I also think you are 100 percent correct at what you said to Sandy and maybe we can get her son on the blog and find out how he feels!!
This was a very interesting day.
Not really Hope, but that sounds like a good combination for the upcoming weekend!
What drama on the blog today that is so applicable to so many people’s lives! This is what it is all about! everybody needs to pip in with their personal stories.
I think you all are over reacting. What is the difference if she hooks her son up with someone she knows and someone she doesn’t know? People meet in tons of different ways. It’s nice being a matchmaker. I’ve introduced countless people to one another. In fact I have been told that I should be a professional matchmaker!
Sandy: It’s clear that you love your son and want the best for him. Are you on match.com just to find people for your son or are you looking too? Does Eric know you are searching on his behalf? What does/would he think about it?
Maybe Eric helps find men for his mom too. I think it’s sweet!
Candyland brings up a great point – Sandy’s idea may have worked if she didn’t phrase it in such a way to make her son sound weak and protected by her. Hell, she could have just pretended to be a mutual friend!!!
You see that Sandy reveals her true thoughts and intentions by the way she words the email. That is why we are reacting to it in this way. She does need to hear the tough things we are telling her.
Rich
Very true if she did not make her son look weak.
Candy land do you have kids?
I unblocked Sandy and told her that this has been a hot topic today and is totally relevant in many people’s lives. I invited her back to the blog. I hope she or Eric respond.
David: Since when are you a matchmaker?! HA! They would be perfect together though. Where’s Horny Lisa?
Hope
Actually i never match make…..
I give people the skills to do this all on there own!!
Its easier and more fun……
Sandy: Just out of curiosity why is Eric jaded on the dating scene? What part of the country is he? I’m in L.A. and I’m pretty jaded too! It’s hard to find people that aren’t totally consumed with themselves.
No I don’t have kids but I have a nice Jewish mom that will probably go to the ends of the earth to find me a nice Jewish man to marry if I don’t find one soon.
She wants grandkids badly!
what is up with all the jaded today.
i am in la and i actually enjoy dating here. its all about who you meet and as we get older we tend to have more quirks.
my mom is jewish too….she has given up with the thought of me having kids.
daphne is plenty for me:)
This conversation is awesome, for the record.
There is no reason to be jaded. As I said, we all have felt screwed over or been involved with a bad experience, but that should not stop you from trying harder.
Women and dating is just like getting a job, getting a house, getting a car, getting drunk and other things we want in our lives. You have to keep working hard to get what you want.
And for most of us here, a lot of these things took like to achieve. Women and dating is no different.
For some years I had a homie who was a total mama’s boy, and it was the creepiest thing i’ve ever seen!! OMG, I could tell stories for days!!! They’re hilarious! Unfortunately, the bottom line is we couldn’t help him. I was his roomate for a year and his mom was always in our business, and I stood up to her so she pretty much didn’t like me. I wasn’t going to be her 2nd minion! lol But she tried hard!
I would talk to him about the things I learned in life, and things I learned from PUA’s like DW here, but his issues were too deeply rooted to change. I’d have a pep talk with him and he’d be all for standing up to mom, or not dating & paying for single moms, then 5 mins later he’d be right back on the wrong track. Again, it’s not LOGIC, it’s INSTINCT. Maybe pro’s like DW can help, but sometimes, especially past 27 years old, it’s too deeply rooted to change, unless of course, they make a huge effort to change their lives for a happier future. You can bring a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink!
Infinity
Very well said.
Everything in life that is worth having takes time and patience.
If dating was easy we would all marry the first person we meet at the bar on a friday night.
So many variables!! I actually enjoy this…….
David: I was asking Sandy why her son was jaded on the dating scene as she mentioned in her inital email to Hope. Glad you’re not jaded. Would love to know what your quirks are! Who is Daphne?
Infinity-
I agree you definitely have to work on dating and meeting women; energy and effort is totally required. But it is some of the most baffling and counter-intuitive work imaginable. So different from getting a job, car, or anythign else societal in nature. Alot of issues arise out of dating in the so-called societal way, when you think about it. Alot can be debated on this topic.
candyland. As the only son in an African American family, my mother also wants me to deliver her a full black grand son asap!
Hang on, where is Eric in all of this?
What Sandy wrote could just as easily have been written by MY mother. It has nothing to do with Eric’s reality (or mine) but merely his mother’s IDEA of reality. I’m sorry mom, if you’re reading this, but I’m not telling you everything about my love life for a reason- that’s just wrong. But I can’t stop you from jumping to your own conclusions. Mom, if you ever jumped to such a hideously wrong conclusion, that you thought it was ok to contact women on my behalf with such a story, I’d probably put a bullet in you. (We live in Texas after all)
I think all of the criticism of Eric is unfair. There’s nothing to lead one to believe that he approves of his mother’s actions or even needs her intervention/assistance. For all we know, he’s out banging the Blahniks off a model right now and perfectly happy. However, his mom needs to know that he’s scaring women away. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, that he’s a normal guy, the worst thing about him (and the only REAL thing we know about him) is his mom.
I fully understand “jaded”, I was for awhile, then I realized you can’t mope around, you just gotta stop banging your head against the wall and walk thru the door into the light! lol
I grew up in South Bay 310 and yes dating blows bigtime in SoCal!! Chicks are stupid & self consumed, and guys are jackasses, and the round cycle is endless. I moved to Ventura County about 8 years ago and it’s so much nicer! Women are much cooler & I LOVE outdoor girls!! I wish there was more here, but the LA influence has taken over. I do notice tho, the older I get, the more compelling women I meet, and I just laugh off chickenheads and stick with the mature women, mostly 26-35. They’re so much more fun & soooooo much less drama than LA girls!
Candyland
Daphne is my black lab.
quirks……..i have many but i dont want to bore anyone.
Tiny Hands
It would be great to hear from Eric,
Yes we are making some assumptions but if i was a gambler i would be on him being a mommas boy.
I always read between the lines and something sandy said really makes me feel this way
Candyland: I totally agree with David and Infinity on this one. I live in LA and have a fantastic dating life. I meet guys everywhere. I have met some amazing people on match and through friends, out and about, parties, working out, shopping, etc. In fact, even their mom’s hit on me!!!! Sorry Sandy I couldn’t resist. Don’t give up. Get out there and be patient. Be confident. Know yourself well and what you like and don’t like. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. Maybe David can help you. I haven’t seen you here before. Are you new?
tinyhands-
Wow, great point. I think most of us directed our energy toward the mother, I’d double check but i dont want to read through all the comments.
You’re right – the son only looks weak in his mother’s eyes (or reality), and that is the only thing we can verifiably conclude to be unhealthy. The son could be James Bond for all that we know for suyre.
But the comment about the son being “jaded” leads me to believe that he may need some assistance. Unless the communication between him and his mother is just off, I would believe that he is close to what his mom describes him as.
Hope
Of course your dating life is great….you hung out with me for a bit:)
I agree with Tinyhands completely! There is no evidence that Eric knows that his mother is doing this. He probably wouldn’t be surprised by this I’m certain. Maybe Sandy meets them on match and then goes out with them for coffee and then tells him that she knows someone he may be worthy of knowing. I respect a guy who loves his mother. I was told by my mom that the way a man treats his mother is the way he’ll treat you and I believe this.
David: Yes it was great then too! We had lots of fun and lots of steamy nights! Please tell us about your quirks, I know I wouldn’t be bored at all! I’m sure everyone else would like to hear them too!!!
Candyland
I support your mother statement. But I still don’t like the idea of her mom going out and searching for a woman for her son. For some reason, it tells me that she doesn’t think too highly of him, in terms of resolve, confidence and ability. She can’t give him enough love to cover those other important areas.
I mean, I have no shame in saying that since I’ve graduated from college this past May, I’ve been living with my parents. But in no way, shape or form would I allow my mother to help me with those kinds of things. But she knows not to even try either.
And for the record, I love my mother to death! She is the best!
Ok, I can buy a certain amount of reading between the lines. And “jaded” isn’t a word that mom is likely to pull out of thin air unless she got that from a specific conversation with him. Without his perspective, this just isn’t what I would call a momma’s boy. This is a meddlesome nuisance of a mother.
creepy. Even if he isn’t a Momma’s boy, who would want to enter into a relationship with any of her offspring? I can see the drama on the horizon. Get a life, Mom.
Oh. my. GOD. His MOTHER wrote to you?? That’s instant deletion. Instant. And a good, hard laugh, really. It’s one thing to have love and respect in your relationship with your Parents, but it’s totally different have them controlling everything you ever do. Grow some hair on your chest and be independent! (HINT: Women rather like that.)
Candy: I’m all for a Mother being supportive of her son, but if he’s too much of a wuss to say hi to a woman himself, he’s better off on Mom’s couch being fed sandwiches and having his laundry done for him.
Sandy: Stop trying to pave everything smooth for your son. He’s a man (I hope) and is going to have to learn to do things on his own. And you really can un-awkwardly be in bed with them because you want to make sure you get grandchildren.
David: Nice new look!
Holy crap mon’, this is some weird and wild stuff, I am the last child of six, I have been a semi-mommas boy.
She did alot of things for me that I wish she would not have, like wash my clothes, and clean up my messes until I was about 23, it took me aloooong time to get into a habit of doing it myself, and it was painful, because it was always done so perfect for me, I recognized I was dependent on her and HAD TO tell her to STOP.
A mothers love is GREAT! But when mothers(or anyone) love TOO much, they become enablers.
It is a SERIOUS handicapp to those who are “loved”. Good thing she didn’t bath me too and brush my teeth and wipe my ass after 4 years old. Eh, David? Its me Jaime
This probably isn’t even real. Someone was just trying out some new brilliant (not) idea about meeting women online.
Dave
This was real look through the comments.
Sandy the mother posted here in anger!!
Hi, I am Eric, the guy you all are talking about here. My mother told me what she did and about this site. We had a long talk, again. Couple of things to set the record straight. My mother is ill. She is on medication, but she still does things that I and the rest of my family would prefer she not do. I told her I was “jaded” and alot more, honestly, to try to get her to back off. The fact is I do date, quite regularly actually. But these are casual relationships. My mother is very old school and does not approve of my “modern ideas on relationships”. I am in my late thirties. She wants me married. I am not interested in marriage at this time. I think she did this, in part, because I simply will not have any discussions with her about it.
Also, I am not, nor have I ever been a momma’s boy, much to my mother’s chargrin. I have to keep her at a distance qutie often to prevent her meddling. It doesn’t always work, obviously.
Last, Hope, sorry my mother bothered you. To placate her, I looked at your picture on Match. Would have been nice to come into contact under different circumstances.
Yea this dudes a wuss and his mother is an enabler but let’s get to the heart of the issue. . .how did your fantasy draft turn out
Eric
Great to hear from you!!!
Moms can be quite a pain sometimes!!
When i wrote this blog i was hoping that you would chime in and speak up. My mom is medicated as well and if left to her own i think she would try some serious matchmaking stunts but she lives back east.
So i am safe!
So you want to date Hope?
I can make this happen.
HEy Hope check out Erics post….what do you think?
Maybe a cup of coffee with him?
LOL…. WTF! What if they hit it off and fall in love!! What a great story!!! FUN! Then again, maybe he take her out a couple of times, and add her to the list of chicks he’s banged! Now thats dating!
This is getting fun.
Eric:
I’m glad you cleared everything up. I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions. I can relate; my mom is a bit nuts and tries to get involved in my business all the time. I hope I didn’t offend you or your mother. I am so sorry if I did. You truly seem like a great guy: sincere, rational, strong, articulate, etc. Thanks for the compliment.
David:
Since when are you my pimp? No, you can’t make this happen. Remember, you aren’t a matchmaker!
Jim: I’m a little offended by your comment about me being on his “list of chicks he’s banged.” How juvenile to think of people in that regard. For the record I don’t just fuck people without having a meaningful connection with them. I have and I’m way past that part of my life.
For some reason, as I was reading all the comments here, on one hand I thought what a creepy thing to do on behalf of a son and, for some reason, I still thought that we may be underestimating this guy who we clearly did not know and he could be very different from our preconceptions of a momma’s boy simply….because his mom did sound kind of irrational:-)
Eric: you sound like a cool guy man…I love my mother but I function really well about 10,000 miles away from her:-) When I am around her, I can’t stand her constant meddlling and whining:-) I know she needs lots of medication!
Sometimes, once in a while, these blogs take a very interesting and very educational and very fun turn!
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlematch.aspx?cp-documentid=8424949>1=32023
?
Hope: I will stand by my boyish/childish comments made. Both could be true! Get over yourself!
I agree Jim … well said
wimps, simps, afcs, chodes, mommas boys= ur lacking in testosterone, get your ass to the gym and work on your inner game, do public speaking, cultivate your purpose, get some hobbies. ITS ok to hit on women. WOMEN DO LIKE REAL MEN (NICE GUYS/GENTLEMEN+ WITH AN EDGE). The women will agree to this below…..have a gr8 weekend ladies and gentlemen.
i think alot of you are EXTREMELY judemental. if i was Eric i wouldn’t say kiss my as to Hope. not alone ask her out. eric you deserve a sweet ,kind, understanding lady who does not put people down to make themselves look good. good luck
Wow, I’m someone’s mom….Thank goodness both my kids are happily married….However, even if they were not, I’ve lived long enough to know I’ve done a good job at training them to have control over their own minds and make their own informed decisions….As a matter of fact, they sometimes even come to me for advice….but, usually it’s more to thank me for having taught themselves how to make decisions.
Besides, I have enough decisions to make out here in the market, I’m not taking on the responsibility for anyone else….Actually, it was my son who assisted me to begin this cyber chapter of my life….we chose a safe name, passwords, bought me my web cam and my first digital cam. He put me on the family plan with my first cell phone and taught me how to use *67 to maintain my annonymity. (Formerly in law enforcement, I was kinda glad I had such loving care instruction.) Actually, he taught me how to use all this equipment…..but, then again, I forgot to tell you….he’s a computer teacher at a local college.
The moral of this comment – Not all mothers on meds get involved in their childrens’ lives….some are just very busy living their own.
Just my thoughts,
Knittin kitten
I have this great friend of mine that is the biggest Momma’s Boy but at the same time he has girlfriends. It’s so funny though when we go out to clubs or even have a house party he is either constantly texting his mother or on the phone with her. I remember one time we had a house party with a bunch of friends at his place hanging out drinking etc and he was on the phone with his mother for like seriously 3 straight hours. First of all a mother that texts her kids just seems WRONG. Texting is for our generation age 40 and down not your mother. Texting is for texting friends or girlfriends. Secondly talking to your mother while at your own house party or at someone else’s party (totally spells MOMMA”S BOY LOL)!! I just have to laugh all the time when I go and see my friend cause he is always either talking to his mother on the phone (text or voice) or also by IM. Don’t get me wrong I love my parents and all but I myself am sure as hell not a Momma’s Boy I like my space and will call my parents once every few weeks not days or every day.
Continued….. Mom’s like this gives me the hee-bee-jee-bees (lol) and if I was a woman I totally would run the other way!! You as parents have to let your kids fall on their own two feet and let them learn to pick themselves up. Let them fall in the mud (so to speak). If the children fall and cry SO WHAT they will learn that the parents are not going to be there all the time at your whim to wipe their ass or blow your nose. Let them learn!! These mothers are the over protectors that will not let their kids think for themselves or get into any kind of trouble. Momma’s Boys even if they try to act tough are the ULTIMATE WUSSIES LOL
!!!