The Best Way To Become A Better Communicator
January 17, 2010 
18 Comments
As most of you know, I spent a few weeks in Europe back in October. That trip made me realize that traveling to a foreign country is something everyone needs to do. Of course there are amazing and beautiful things to see, but that is not the reason I am suggesting this.
I think everyone needs to go to a foreign country to learn one of the most important skills to becoming a better communicator: how to communicate nonverbally. This is a really important skill.
This was a very important skill when I was in France, for example, because I don’t speak French. The way I say bonjour and merci beaucoup probably made the French people hate Americans even more than they already do.
I’ll share something interesting with you. Â On that trip we were driving through all these different little mountain towns one day, and we were hungry. Apparently, everything closes down between 12:00 pm and 4:00 pm. I don’t know when they eat lunch or what they do, but the whole area literally boards up and shuts down between those hours.
Nevertheless, we found this little food truck with a whole bunch of workers near it. I pulled up, we got out and I ordered some sandwiches. I picked out the sandwiches by pointing at the pictures. The guy offered me different beverages in French.
It was really fascinating, though, to stand there with eight or nine people who spoke a different language as they are looking at you and laughing. Most people feel very insecure at that moment, because they feel like they are being laughed at.
In reality, those people were just trying to communicate with me using nonverbal communication. They were using gestures and body language to try and communicate with me.
I think this is one of the best lessons we can learn. I’ve traveled all over the world and to a lot of places where I couldn’t speak the language, and every time I go to one of these places I feel like I’ve learned a great lesson.
You actually learn how to communicate better by not speaking the language. You’re forced to use your intuition. Â You’re forced to use body language. Â
You’re forced to use eye contact. So many people, especially American guys who are trying to meet women, are so afraid of eye contact. So many people are always looking for other people’s body language when, ironically, they really don’t even understand body language.
This is one of the reasons I tell people to travel abroad. When you travel abroad, it is all about body language.
It’s all about the way you make eye contact. It’s all about the way you smile and the way your smile engages others. When you travel abroad you are not only more aware of all of this, you are also aware that you are the leader for all of these things.
When many people walk up to someone in France, they do so with a pouty face because they can’t speak the language. When you do this, people are going to look at you say “Asshole American,” right? When you walk up with a big smile and ask if they speak English, you come off as a lot friendlier.
So one of the greatest things to do is to go to a foreign country and navigate your way around. Try and find a hotel. Try to find places to eat.
Don’t rely on finding people who speak English. Don’t even worry about whether people speak English, because what you’ll learn will make you more aware of things with people who do speak your own language when you get home. You’re actually learning worlds of information (pardon the pun) about nonverbal clues.
So save your money and get your ass to a foreign country. Avoid France right now because the American Dollar sucks there. You can go to South America for ten or eleven days and accomplish the same thing for half the price.
That’s my next plan David. Very informative blog today. Thank you!
I agree with Tony, now I’ feel inspired to travel. I don’t think I can afford Europe but South America seems reasonable. Now I gotta start saving some money for a bootcamp and a south American trip.
This totally a great way to practice. I remember when I was spain, i had to really use all my non-verbal skills to the fullest. And I felt really venerable b/c i just didn’t know anyone. But after 2-3weeks you get a new sense of confidence.
Rick- sounds like you had a great experience.
How long you stay there?
Hey Jacob, it was about a month. I know you mentioned you want to learn spanish quickly, traveling is the best way.
I agree b/c of that South A. is my next destination.
Jacob- let me know when you go. I love to be your wing:)
sure will Max:)
David – LOVE the picture on the blog today!!! Well, if anything can inspire me to want to go to Europe, it is the Griswolds…
Everybody, come down to South America! Ecuador, my home country, has the best beer this side of the ocean… Don’t take my word for it, come here and find out by yourself…
I bet David is rolling in glee that his Jets are 1 win from the SB!
Rick–I did an immersion program in Spain and it was amazing for me as well. I lived with a family and studied spanish in the day. Like David I learned the power of nonverbal communication and how so much of it can be conveyed with your body and moves. For all you american guys, learn the power of your eyes. Those European men would melt me with the way they looked at me when they spoke! They just made it seem like I was the only one in the room when they would look at me…like they were really listening and engaged in the conversation and there is nothing sexier to a woman when you feel attended to!
On that note…Diego–I think you should organize a bootcamp in Ecuador!:)
I do not want to look selfish or whatever, but in America it’s hard to find multiple language speaker, at maximum english and spanish, maybe italian. I think that the problem came directly from the schoool, where you do not have to focuse on foreign languages. For example, I speak, english, franch, italian, hungarian, romanian and all very well.
Coach Kim:
Spain is a beautiful country. Sounds like you had a great time as well. I gotta tell you some reason I keep hearing that about European man, that they have great eye-contact skills. I think mine can be developed.
Diego-
Thanks for the invite.
Now I will have to check it out someday.
Like Coach Kim said, organize some people for a bootcamp and the DW crew will be heading out to Ecuador soon:)
LLAD- wow you speak 6 languages, way to go!!!
Dave, I live in a large metropolitan area where not everyone speaks English. I work in a hospital, and how you described your experience in France is exactly how we communicate with these fine people when they come in. No words, but lots of eye contact and body language.
Local London Adult Dating,
You are so right! Americans need to take some time to learn and appreciate foreign languages. If you can manage to teach Jacob a brand new language within the next 3 months, I’ll give you a coaching call
I already speak French, English, Vietnamese and some Spanish but I might need to learn Armenian soon too. I have no idea how I’ll do that hehe