Do you know what one of my favorite things is to do? It’s when you’re in a relationship and you stay up late at night into the wee hours talking. You guys thought I was going to say something else, right?
Do you know what I like about getting deep and really talking like this? You learn so much about yourself, about your lover and about how to get closer to each other.
I truly believe that in order to make things amazing in your relationship, you need to get down to the core of your behaviors. I’m going to share more about this a future blog.
Right now, though, let’s talk about another conversation. One that is needed for all lovers to share…
You know, it’s really interesting. I was recently talking to a female client who said to me, “David, I’m having this great sexual relationship with a man but I don’t really know how to communicate things. I love what he does to me, but I don’t know how to communicate more with him in bed.”
Then I asked her a list of things to find out what she likes that he does to her, and also told me what he likes to do and the kind of sex they have together. She also told me what she likes that he does.
So I asked her, “Do you tell him this? Do you tell him that you love when he has sex with you in certain ways? Do you tell him that you love when he goes down on you in a certain way? Do you tell him that you love the way he massages your body? Do you tell him any of that?”
She said, “No I don’t.” I told her that as a man, I want to be told those kind of things.
Let’s say I have great sex with a woman or try a new position or something and the next day she tells me how much she loved what I did to her with that new position. What am I going to want to do? I’m going to want to do it again and again in that position. Even if it wasn’t my favorite position in the world, I’m going to want to do it again and again and again.
Why? I want to do that because in these situations I’m fully embracing their wishes and desires. I’m putting it in my memory bank.
Every time each of you put something in your memory bank, what you’re doing is programming each other. I think everyone needs to reprogram their lover in every which way.
You need to forget about the past, and you need to look at your lover and start finding new ways to make love to each other. So, every single time your lover tells you something that they loved sexually that you did, put it in that memory bank and remember it.
You need to encourage the other person. If the other person does something to you one night and it feels great, encourage them. Say, “I love the way you do that…” What happens when you start doing that, is they are going to want to do those things to you over and over again.
Thank that person for giving themselves to you. Don’t expect, but thank that person. Start doing thiss and your sex life is going to go off the charts.
Great Way you put it. Having been with the same person for 17 years I feel that when i Will be with someone else, that it will more like being with someone the first time and that I have to remember these things.
I think I have a fear of being uncomfortable to express my likes and honestly I am not quite sure how to tell him if hé does something that I don’t like. How is the best way we girls can express this and not hurt the guys feelings. Would love to hear the boys suggestions in how we should tell you if you dó something that we don’t like
need some help here…Jimmy, Leo or Howe our beloved triplets any inputs would be greatly appreciated.
Marina… Don’t! Tell him what you do like, suggest things that you would like him to do, do things that you like to do and show him how. Give instruction and encouragement. As soon as you tell him he’s doing something wrong, you will make him totally self conscious and kill the mood. Be constructive or instructive, but never negative or destructive when your in bed.
Thanks Todd,
It’s such a fine line how you put it. I guess the best way is to really describe what you want before with “sex talk” and if he does not get it, it just might be a sign that he is not really listening to you which eventually is a dead end in a relationship.
I love it when my girl tells me things in bed…she said she loves to taste my man juice and have it rubbed all over her face..she loves to smell me down there after I have worked out and tells me she can hardly wait to do it….