I’d like to share with you an email I received from one of my readers named Ryan. Ryan writes:
“Dear David,
I just got into the biggest fight with my girlfriend, because I was really curious about how many guys she’s slept with. I’ve only slept with three women – I’m 29 years old. I lost my virginity at 19, and I’ve had three relationships, so I’ve never really had casual sex. I’ve been honest with my girlfriend about that. When I asked her how many guys she’s slept with, she told me about 40! I freaked out and started screaming at her. She ran out of the room crying, and now she won’t return my phone calls. What do I do?”
Here was my answer to Ryan:
Ryan (aka Mr. Double Standard),
How disgraceful are you? My God, I can’t believe how many men do this over and over again. How many men judge women based on the number of men with whom they’ve slept? Who cares!
So she’s slept with 40 people. What difference does that make? She’s not sleeping with all 40 of them right now. When you come home at night, you don’t find 40 men in your bedroom waiting to have sex with your girlfriend.
Do you think she’s promiscuous now that you know she has slept with 40 men? She was just expressing her sexuality.
It’s amazing how many men think that it’s perfectly okay for them to sleep with 40 women . . . and even congratulate themselves for it. When a woman sleeps with 40 men, though, men consider her to be a slut.
I can’t stand guys who have double standards. I don’t care at all with how many men a woman has slept. All I care about is that she enjoyed herself, and that she grew throughout her sexual journey.
It’s not the number of people you sleep with that’s important. It’s what you do with them. It’s how you evolve as a person through those relationships. It’s what you learn about yourself from them.
Some of us may sleep with hundreds of people along the way. Why people do that will vary, but the reasons really don’t matter.
Whether you’re a man or a woman, it doesn’t matter with how many people you’ve slept. You should never judge your partner based on the number of people with whom they’ve slept.
Does your partner enjoy being with you? Are they loyal to you? Do they love being with you? Do they love having sex with you? If the answer to these questions is yes, then what does it matter how many people they’ve slept with before you?
You have to accept that being their partner now means accepting everything they’ve done before they were with you. You have to respect their journey and the things they’ve done. If you can respect all that they’ve done, then you are honoring who they truly are.
The minute you judge somebody like you did, Ryan, you probably deserve to have her walk out on you. You were practicing a double standard. Remember that no one is a slut or a stud when you don’t judge.
Today’s video will help you turn off the negative thinking and really help you embrace each persons unique journey in life.
Today is going to be a blog about the male “commodities brokers” in the dating world.
What’s up with all these men who keep getting busted because they can’t keep their dick away from the yum-yum? It’s amazing.
Look at all the high-powered men from Eliot Spitzer to Bill Clinton, and even back as far as Ted Kennedy and Chappaquiddick. Really, what’s up with men and their endless pursuit of the blow job or the new indecent woman?
The downfall of a man is always when their hand gets caught in the yum-yum cookie jar. Just look at Eliot Spitzer. He went from being New York’s Governor to being a scumbag who will always be remembered as the guy who was a customer in a busted prostitution ring.
I mean, men need to understand something: You are special and there are PLENTY of women to meet. With the right amount of confidence, you can go out and get any woman you want . . . and you can find some really cool ones too.
The problem with a lot of these high-powered men is that they’re addicted to the rush. They’re addicted to business. They’re addicted to lifestyle. They’re addicted to money. Women are just another commodity to them, so they use women and don’t respect women.
So a lot of these guys have a lover whom they use. It’s no different from anyone else on their payroll. What these men do is use women for their own sexual favors.
The problem in this scenario is often times the women are using them too. This is where it starts to get ugly, because there’s nothing worse than having a worthless whore. So all these men who go out there in the pursuit of having their dick sucked basically have their careers thrown away as well.
Throughout history, the downfall of some very powerful men has been their choice in women. They had a wife and kids, got bored, sought a lover . . . and found someone who actually could play the “commodities” game smarter than they could.
Living in Los Angeles has allowed me to see all sorts of women. Look at the recent TV shows, “The Millionaire Matchmaker.” Good show . . . and a lot of fun to watch.
If you saw and remember the last episode, the guys were feasting over the women who were just hot instead of picking the really amazing women. Look at the women these guys chose. One of them was, according to tmz.com, an ex nude model, and the other one was actually an escort that you can get for $300 an hour. The rest of the women in the room were intelligent and interesting, but maybe not as hot as these other two.
No matter what, men will always go for eye candy. Similarly, these powerful men (male “commodities brokers”) think that because they’ve made money, that they have a right to and deserve the hottest piece of ass . . . exactly like they think they have a right to and deserve the hottest car, best plasma TV and the coolest phone. It’s no different to them.
Having coached both men and women for more than a decade, I have had the opportunity to have both sexes confess to me their biggest complaints about the other. One of the biggest pet peeves I hear from the guys I coach is that women are too negative.
Are they saying that women are unfriendly people as a gender? Of course not. Guys complain most often to me that when they ask women questions when they first meet them – whether it be a woman they approach for the first time or a woman with whom they are out on a first date – that women tend to be very negative in how they answer them.
For example, a guy during a first date may ask a woman about her past relationships, and she will bash her ex-boyfriend by saying something like “Oh, my ex-boyfriend was such an idiot. He cheated on me, and he was a complete jerk.” Then she will go on to tell the guy about all the stuff that her ex-boyfriend did that were bad.
Even if all of that is true, women need to understand how this is perceived by the men who are hearing it. In particular, women need to understand how it is perceived by men who are just meeting you or are just newly getting to know you.
When you speak negatively about a past relationship, a guy hearing that will think that if he gets involved with you that at some point down the road you will be bashing him to someone else. Don’t be so negative about your past experiences.
Don’t also be negative about what is going on in your life currently. Don’t talk negatively about your friends. Men don’t care about the turmoil that is going on in your life and with your friends.
Men don’t care that your friend did not show up at your other friend’s birthday party and didn’t even a send a present. The only thing a guy will notice is that they are on a first date with you and you are speaking negatively about your friend.
Men want to see you be positive on a first date. We don’t want to hear about all of that other negative stuff when we haven’t gotten to know you yet.
I can’t tell you how many times when I’ve walked up to a woman and started talking to her by asking how her day is, that she will begin her answer with some version of “My day is lousy…” Then when I ask her why, she will elaborate with a list of one negative thing after another.
Don’t be so negative. When men first meet you, they want to see the positive and cheery side of you.
Men of course understand that life is not all positive and cheery. In the beginning, though, show men your good side.
We all have a negative side. We all have things about which to complain. We all have things that don’t go our way. That’s perfectly fine, just don’t bring all of that up on a first date.
Don’t bash your friends and don’t be negative about past relationships. Be positive on a first date, because you need to think positive things in order to attract a great new relationship.
I remember a woman with whom I had a first date who illustrates this point perfectly. I asked her on that date whether she dated a lot, and she answered “no.” When I asked her why, her answer was “Because men suck.” She then proceeded for the next ten minutes to tell me all the reasons why men ’suck.’
The thing was, I didn’t want to hear about why she believes men ’suck.’ It didn’t matter. I could have said “women suck too” to try and be nice and agree with her, but they don’t. I don’t judge women as a gender based on what certain women in my past may or may not have done.
When I’m on a first date, I am open to finding out who that particular woman is and what she is all about. You should have that same attitude when you meet a new guy.
The fact is that if you’re having a bad run in life, only you can change it. So if you’re negative and you complain when you meet someone new, then you are just perpetuating that bad run and it will simply continue. So stop being negative, and start giving your future a better chance to be positive.
Today’s blog is directed to the men … but don’t worry, Ladies, there will be some great stuff just for YOU coming out as well!
But this message today is for the guys. I’m taking Daphne for a walk on the beach, typing this note to you on my BlackBerry.
I couldn’t believe it when I saw it … and I really need your help. Before I ask you, though, let me back up and catch you up on what’s been going on in my life.
As many of you know, I just moved to a new place and, of course, NOTHING is working right!
No Internet.
No Cable.
No Deliveries coming to the right places.
And don’t even get me started about building management …
Suffice it to say it’s been a FRUSTRATING week. Then I saw it — and all I could say was WOW!
Roughly 10 days ago, I happened to mention that my team and I had been brainstorming ideas for my new men’s community membership site that I’ll be launching in January 2009.
Although I already knew many of you were excited about this Launch (I still am surprised how FAST and how many of you have been signing up on the List for the site), BUT when I was finally able just now to check my emails, I was STUNNED at what I found.
There were literally HUNDREDS of you who had emailed me your lists (and some of them were pretty
BIG lists) of what YOU wanted me to include on this new site. I mean, you guys were busy …
The response was truly OVERWHELMING!
There were so many emails that it actually CRASHED my BlackBerry server’s capacity for a while — so sorry to any of you whose emails were returned.
So here’s where your help comes into play.
As AMAZING as this flood of emails was to me, since I had NO idea so many of you were THIS excited about this Launch, I now have SO MANY suggestions, requests, and “wish lists” that it would take Rey and Rich (my assistants) a good MONTH to sift through all of them!
And let me assure you that this site IS going to Launch in January 2009 NO MATTER WHAT. So I need all of you to help me out now.
Whether or not you have already emailed me your suggestions and wishes for what you want to see on my new membership site, what I want you to do NOW is to think about the MOST IMPORTANT things to you that you want to see on the membership site — and specifically, what are the TOP 2 things
you would want to see.
PLUS, I want to be really sure I know what is most important to you and what YOU really want to see!
Here’s your chance to be a surrogate member of my team. Sit down and ask yourself what you would
MOST like me to include, because I want this site to not just be GREAT or even FANTASTIC — I want it to be the BEST MEMBERSHIP site anywhere on the Internet (and more importantly, one that YOU will want to visit every day!)
Remember, I’m counting on you to give me a hand during this moving nightmare I’m living.
Oh … and I almost forgot! Since I really do appreciate this HUGE flood of interest in the Launch of this site AND your help in sending me your “Top 2,” I want to give you FREE (if you haven’t already gotten it) my audio “How To Meet Women Over The Holidays”
OK … I think Daphne’s about ready to go back in the house (and I’m maybe ready to go back in and face the next moving crisis…)
Thanks in advance and I’ll be talking to you soon.
P.S.: Ladies, make sure to check back here tomorrow — I’ll be back with more great blogs!
Women are always talking about this one thing. If you go out with a group of women and one of them has a new boyfriend, they are always talking about this same thing.
Let’s say the new boyfriend is meeting the group of friends for the first time. Everyone has been introduced politely, and then all of a sudden one of the friends will ask, “so how did you guys meet? Tell us the story!”
They have probably heard the story a thousand times – but they want to keep hearing it, because they want it to happen to them. They want this romance to happen to them. Women are all about this great romance. (more…)
Your goal on a Sunday (you can do it on a Saturday too) is to take yourself out on a date all day long.
I used to do this when I lived in Manhattan. I would wake up at 10:30, take a shower, and then decide which direction I was going to go that day. I’d go left, I’d go right, or I’d go straight.
My goal was to meet as many new people as I could that day – to build up my social network, so then I would be able to go and meet some great women. (more…)
Here is something that I’ve noticed about women. Women are just so much more dramatic than men. I say this not to criticize women, but because it raises a great issue in terms of the differences between the way men speak and the way women speak.
Women will send an email to a guy whom she’s dating – or it can even be to a male co-worker – asking a question that makes her feel vulnerable. The guy may not respond right away.
When a guy doesn’t respond to her email right away, a woman will start thinking and obsessing about it. She’ll wonder “Why hasn’t he responded? How come he didn’t respond? I don’t understand why he didn’t respond.” Then she might even lob another email to the guy saying “I don’t understand why you didn’t respond to that last email” or “Why haven’t you responded to my email?” (more…)
