If you’re in New York City and ask someone what they do for a living, the answer will likely be either finance, banking or advertising. If you then ask someone what they do in banking (or finance or advertising), they will tell you exactly what they do and why they are passionate about doing it.

Conversely, if you run into someone in L.A. and ask what they do (or what brought them to L.A.), you will often have someone tell you that they are “in the business.” Really? They’re “in the business?” What business is that?

Are they in the gardening business? I mean, there are a lot of gardeners in L.A. since the weather is nice year-round. Are they in the parks & recreation business (because the parks are open all the time)? Really, about what business are they talking?

In L.A., when people are talking about being in “the business,” they mean the Hollywood business. It’s the ones who aren’t working, though, who will always say “I’m in the business.” What they’re really in the business of is waiting tables.

That’s the definition of a waiter in L.A. When you’re a waiter in LA, you’re actually not waiting tables. You’re waiting to get into “the business.”

So for all those who say they are in “the business,” what do you think they say when asked about exactly what it is they do in the business? They say, “Oh, you know, I’m doing the actor thing.” It’s never just acting – it’s always “the actor thing.”

They call it “the acting thing” because it’s not really something real to them yet. It’s just a thing in which they wish they were actually involved.

L.A. is a really fun town. So the next time you’re in L.A. on vacation and you ask someone what they do for a living, you’ll know how to interpret the answer. If they say they’re “in the business,” you’ll know they are really not in the business.

A lot of my friends are writers. If you ask them what they do for a living, they’ll tell you that they’re a writer. I have friends who are actors. If someone asks them what they do for a living, they will say that they are an actor. My friends who are directors will say they are a director when asked what they do for a living.

Not one of my friends say they do “the writing thing,” “the acting thing” or “the directing thing.” Not one of my friends who are actually “in the business” will ever use that term when referring to what they do for a living.

During my typical lunch, I talk to everybody – waiters, busboys, hostesses, everybody. I get to know each of them as they walk over to my table. I find out who they are and what they’re all about.

I connect with each of them in some way. The reason why I am able to do that, is because I say what’s on my mind.

For instance, I was sitting with my dog Daphne in the outdoor cafe area at a California Pizza Kitchen restaurant recently. I have sat in the outdoor cafe with Daphne about a thousand times before without any problem.

The manager comes over to my table and says that dogs aren’t allowed in the restaurant. I said “No problem, but how about on the other side where the public benches are located?” The manager said, “No, dogs aren’t allowed anywhere in the restaurant complex.”

I explained to the manager that my dog had been allowed in that outdoor area for the last five years, and that even the owner (whom I have met) has never said anything about it. She wouldn’t budge, and did not allow me to sit there with Daphne.

I guess she is somebody who is very stringent about the rules. She is all about the rules.

A lot of people will not break rules – ever. They believe that rules are set to be abided by no matter what.

In this situation at the restaurant, a lot of people would get frustrated dealing with that woman. I don’t get frustrated with her, and with people like that.

I basically dismiss people like that. They are not the kind of person I want to talk to again. They are uptight, and not someone who resonates with me.

What I did, though, was use that moment to bond with someone else at the restaurant. A waitress walked by and asked me where my dog went, and I said “Your uptight manager . . . (and told the story) . . . She must be awful to work for.” The waitress started laughing.

So what I did there was to say things that people are already thinking. I say what’s on my mind. When you say what’s on your mind, there is a good chance it’s on someone else’s mind as well.

I also comment on what people are doing. I pick up on the obvious, and I connect with people that way.

People love when someone says what they themselves were thinking. People like to talk about the things about which nobody else would talk.

Why don’t most people talk about these things? It’s because we monitor ourselves 24/7. We’re always thinking about what to say, instead of just reacting to someone.

If you would just react to people when they speak, you would never run out of things to say in a conversation. The conversation will always flow, and will be fun, different and interesting.

When I told the waitress how I thought the manager was uptight, the waitress was probably thinking “Oh my God, she IS so uptight!” I bonded with her just by saying that.

You can always bond with people over the obvious. You repel people by talking about the non-obvious.

Go to www.yelp.com. It has reviews on restaurants. When you’re on that third or fourth date trying to impress that date, you want to find a cute cafe or a great restaurant. So look at the reviews. Look not only at the reviews about the food, but also the reviews about the service.

The reason to do this is something I realized while I was in France. Waiters in France and the United Kingdom (and actually all throughout Europe) are professional waiters. In Los Angeles and New York waiters are struggling actors, so you are not getting great service a lot of times.

In Europe, however, you are getting waiters whose career is being a waiter. Also, in Europe they pay their waiter a respectable wage. It’s a career, not just a job. They even get health benefits and so forth.  Restaurants here barely pay you, and they expect the customers to tip you 30% so you can earn respectable wages.

We’ve already talked about tipping in a previous blog, so that’s not what we’re going to talk about today. What is really important about this, though, is to avoid having bad service when you’re on a date.

You don’t want bad service when you’re on a date because, if you think about it, you are not your nicest self when you’re faced with bad service at a restaurant.
Things may come out of your mouth that wouldn’t otherwise say, and on a date you are always trying to make a good impression.

Your surroundings are really important on a date. So the next time you’re planning a date, check out yelp.com and the restaurant reviews on there . . . especially the reviews of the service at each place. When you’re out there, you better make sure that everything is in your favor, and bad service can quickly turn a good date into a bad one.