I don’t care who makes it from the National League, because the Yankees are winning it all this year. You can take that prediction to the bank . . . and maybe even to the bedroom.

Life is not fair.  The other night I was having a conversation with someone about sex. I’m not going to tell you all the specifics, other than to tell you that after that discussion, I was absolutely orgasm envious! So let’s talk about orgasms, and I will tell you the reason why I’m orgasm envious.

By the way, if I could have one wish it would be that I could have a vagina for a day. I just think it would be so much fun. I already know exactly what kind of orgasms I’d want to have. I’d love to know how to have multiple orgasms through all different ways.

I’d want to have a g-spot orgasm. Of course there is the clitoris, so I’d want at least one clitoral orgasm (since the only reason it exists is for pleasure). Then there is this other place way back in the bowels of the vagina that supposedly can create a whole other type of orgasm.

I mean, give me a break. Right there, that’s three different kinds of orgasms! We men only get one kind.

I really don’t, however, want to talk today about the unfairness of orgasm counts between the sexes. What I really want to talk about today is sexual prime.

By the time men hit the age of 25, they are basically out of their sexual prime. Age 25? Half of the guys out there don’t even get laid enough to enjoy their sexual prime while they’re in it. Then by the time they are getting enough sex, they are already out of their sexual prime.

Women, on the other hand, don’t hit their sexual prime until they are around 37 years old. Think about the way that balances out.

By the time a guy is 37 years old, he isn’t exactly producing the same amount of “little swimmers” as he used to produce. Not only that, he doesn’t really want to have sex five times a day anymore (while women at that same age are machines!).

It’s no wonder that 37 year old women are the number one consumers of vibrators. They can basically vibrate their day away.

It’s really not fair the way things line up here. It really seems like things are very askew. It’s no wonder that there are so many cougars running around out there.

If I were a 37 year old woman who was hanging out with a Viagra-infused 55 year old guy with no stamina, I would certainly go find myself a young buck. I mean look at Demi Moore.

Don’t ever give her a hard time. She has a guy who is (whoops, I mean was) in his sexual prime. Wait, she may need to go find someone even younger. Justin Timberlake and Zach Efron, Demi Moore may be calling you really soon.

All joking aside, it just doesn’t seem right how the sexual prime thing is set up. Is this God’s way of punishing us? Someone was being mean when they designed the penis and the vagina. Why aren’t those two things created to be in alignment with one another?

Can all the guys remember when you were 18 and you basically would hump the air every five seconds (almost like a dog that humps the air all the time)? The reason why you were humping air was because you constantly wanted your dick to be touched.

I remember when I was 18 years old. I was so penis conscious, it was ridiculous. I felt my penis nonstop. No, I don’t mean that I touched my penis nonstop. I was just aware of it nonstop.

My penis led my life. It made me sleep with some really iffy women. It wasn’t my idea to sleep with them. It was my penis’ idea.

Not only that, but some guys can’t snuggle with a woman until they hit 28 years old. When you are a male who is 22 or 23 years old and your girlfriend asks you to snuggle, you have to go to the bathroom and snap a load off before you can do it.

This sexual prime gap between men and women just does not seem fair. Something is kharmically wrong here! It’s a mean joke. It’s like our sexual primes should have been matched.

Then again, some of this seeming mismatch may actually have been designed better than we thought. So although a guy past his sexual prime may no longer be able to pump and grind five times in one night, he can really satisfy a woman during the one time they do it and will be more likely to want to engage in a lot more of the foreplay that women crave so much.

In everything you wrote from them on, however, you would have to sneak in a sponsor’s name. So when I am talking about dating and I say how important it is to sneak in a sly smile, I would then say that you can get that sly smile anytime using Cialis. Anyone who works for an advertising agency and knows a unique way of reaching people, be sure to let me know.

So last night we decided to create our own summer memory. You remember the blog I recently wrote about summer memories? If not, then click here.

We were going to go to Europe for three weeks in August, but decided to hold off on that trip until October. Anyway, in the spirit of summer memories I am going back home to New York in August, renting a house in the Hamptons for a week and doing all the things I loved to do as a kid in the summer.

I actually can’t wait. Going to old miniature golf places and the old beaches I love is going to be a blast!

I decided to take my own advice and create some summer memories. So, for any of you who think I can’t take my own advice, you’re wrong! It’s really going to be fun.

By the way, this part of the advice in this blog is being sponsored by the self-help section at Barnes & Noble. Well, that sounds good anyway. See, all you advertising people, how easy this is?

Also, if you have nothing to do this weekend, you’ve got to rent one of the best all-time summer movies of all time: “Summer Rental.” Speaking of summer rentals, if any of you know of a great one in the Hamptons please let me know . . . that is, of course, as long as it doesn’t look like this:

Speaking of Sponsors, today’s blog could be sponsored by John Deere . . .

Do women come over to your house and are jealous of all the products in your bathroom?

Is your collection of denim more extensive than any woman’s?

Do you have denim that makes your ass look different depending on what time of the month it is?

Do you wonder if certain clothes make your ass look fat?

Do you have bad hair days?

Do you spend more time looking in the bathroom mirror than you do in the rear-view mirror?

Do you change outfits several times before going out on a date?

Do you actually shop and get a new outfit before going on a date?

Do you call friends and go over what everyone is wearing to be sure that two of you aren’t wearing the same thing?

Are you so obsessive , that you will actually not wear one shade darker brown in your belt than the shade of your shoes because it won’t match?

If you think I’ve been talking about you, MISS thang, I’m actually not. I’m talking about you, Mr. Manscaper. I’m talking about the overprimping, ridiculously obsessed metrosexual man.

Laugh all you want, but if this was a Cosmo quiz with a point system and you scored 100%, then you better learn how to dial back to the manliness of our species. Granted, we all do some form or another of manscaping but it’s actually only a problem when straight men embrace ALL of these diseases.

In reality, even when women say they want to date someone like them, they actually don’t want to have to compete for space on the medicine cabinet shelves. You shouldn’t own more tweezers than your woman does, and you should not be tweezing your eyebrows together.

Her denim should outnumber yours, and you should definitely have more ballcaps than she does.

Let’s not even talk about murses and manbags . . . Granted, one is fine but you should not have one to go with every outfit.

Men have become overprimped over the last ten years. I think it’s time to bring back the manliness of men because, as ugly as it might be, men are meant to pass gas, belch, scratch their balls and have women reprimand them for having poor manners. I just can’t picture one of these overprimpers passing gas . . .

I thought we could tackle a sensitive topic, one that would cause no end zone celebrations or high fives.

A topic that no one sitting in front of the TV watching the Steelers shave the Cards by 10 would ever mention.

So when you dip your chips today keep in mind about a dip that may not happen later.

Have you ever had whiskey dick – without alcohol?

You start fooling around with a woman, you get naked, and then you just can’t get hard at all?

You can’t figure out why either. You think to yourself, what is it? Am I impotent? Do I need Viagra? Do I need Cialis – so it’s ready when I’m ready? What is wrong with me?

You know what? It happens to all of us.

Sometimes when you get alcohol-free whisky dick it’s because you don’t actually have any emotional connection with her.

A lot of women think that men are just pump and dumpers. They think that men are just into getting laid, but a lot of us are really quite sensitive!

And many of us can’t have sex just for the sake of having sex. We have to have a connection with the other person.

I’ve had nights with alcohol-free whisky dick. If my dick isn’t working, it’s basically telling me, hey man, we really don’t like this woman that much. We like her, we think she’s cool, but we’re really not all that connected with her.

So if you have alcohol-free whisky dick, it’s not necessarily that something is wrong with your dick, but it does mean that you’re probably more emotionally evolved than you thought you were!