But in relationships, the sex can get monotonous. Daily life gets in the way and everything else just kind of fades into the background. Do you ever get to a point in a relationship where you just feel like you’re stuck? You’re not hearing each other. You’re not connecting each other emotionally. You always know what you need when you hit that point in relationships.

What you need to do is get away from everything. Kids. Work. Bills. Day care. Diaper care. Whatever it is. Even if you have no family, you just need to get away from work, from your friends, texting, iPhones, all the distractions in life. You need to go on a fuckation.

That’s right: a fuckation. What’s a fuckation, you ask? It’s where you do nothing for 48 hours but fuck each other. You book a nice hotel online, and you get out of town for the weekend. Actually, you can do this anywhere. You don’t even need to get on an airplane or even leave town, really. You can just do this on the other side of town. You drive a half hour away. You pick a point. Say, “Honey, we’re going to drive for 30 minutes and once that 30 minutes is up we’re going to exit the first right and we’re going to find a hotel. We’re going to check in, and we’re going to do nothing but stay in bed, fuck, order room service, and have fun.

It’s called a fuckation because sometimes you just need to leave everything else behind and reconnect on the most basic level. Sometimes you need to stop all of life’s activities and really take the time to do nothing but enjoy one another without distractions.

So here’s what you need besides a hotel and a vehicle to get yourselves there: you need to bring some body lotions, some massage oils, some candles to set the mood. Lingerie too, even though it’s all about staying naked for 48 hours. No clothing allowed. The only thing you’re packing in your overnight bag is a toothbrush and clothing that you can return in. Actually, screw that. Don’t even pack that. Just return in the same clothes you wore on the way there.

The only things you pack in your overnight bag are fuckation toys. Adult toys. Bring a vibrator along, handcuffs, whatever floats your boat. Try out something new you’ve never tried before. Scented oils, bubble bath soaps, foot lotions for foot massages. Maybe a book you can read to each other while taking a bath. Maybe some Netflix DVDs to watch while you’re resting between marathon lovemaking sessions.

Hot Vacation Sex

Order as much room service as you want. Really spoil yourselves. But if you order food, make sure you include food that you can eat off each other. Order strawberries. Order chocolate syrup. Maybe bring a few bottles of wine or champagne. Maybe some liquor if you guys like doing shots—but if you do shots, make sure they are body shots off of each other. Try some tequila body shots, they’re great fun. You put a lime in your partner’s mouth and sprinkle a little bit of salt on your favorite part of their body. Lick the salt off their body, take the shot, and then suck the lime right out of their mouth.

Be creative on your fuckation. It’s all about letting loose and having sex. It’s all about reconnecting, having a blast with each other, and realizing that you don’t need anything else except for each other to keep you happy and satisfied. So let your imagination run wild. And no phones! Granted, for those of you who have kids you need to check up on, you can do that. But that’s it, and you can do so only after a nice, long love session.

If you’re stressed out, your relationship isn’t going that great and you’re losing touch with each other, you need to take a break and get away. So suggest to your partner that you need to take a fuckation. Tell them what the ground rules are. Make each lovemaking session last. Better yet, think of it as one long 48-hour love session. Take the time to massage one another from head to toe. Massage each other’s toes and fingers; take the time to get to know each other’s bodies all over again. When you slow things down and dedicate the time to one another, you’re going to discover each other in brand new ways. By the time you get home—in the same clothes you came in—sex is going to be far more interesting and a lot more fun, because you will have learned so many different things about each other sexually and some new exciting ways to turn each other on.

Some of us love to go to a city to see great artwork, eat fabulous food and get a ton of culture. Some of us find that very relaxing.

Others just want to go to a beach and be left alone. Others like to visit friends and family.

The real question is this: When you are alone, can you take mini-vacations and shut out the whole world?

One of my favorite things to do is take a mini-vacation where I sit alone in my house and don’t do a thing. I don’t have to talk to anyone. I don’t have to play a role. I don’t have to answer emails. I can just zone out, write, watch television or whatever it might be.

Doing this is the way we recharge our batteries. It’s very important that we all do this. It’s very healthy.

Where Is My Dream Man

No one can constantly be on-the-go. No one can constantly be “on.”

So how do you guys unwind, kick back and just let go? How do you recharge your batteries?

I recently had someone who came in from Australia to work with me, and of course the conversation was all about how to meet women at the beach (since it’s the middle of summer there). Then there are other guys who will be traveling to Mexico, Florida or the Caribbean for vacation or spring break. All of these guys will be wondering how to meet people on the beach.

The beach is a blast. To me, it has all the best props you could possibly have.

One of the things we used to do in the Bootcamps is to go to the beach and build sand castles. I’d put the guys right near the water just like when you were a kid, and had them build sand castles.

Then when a woman would come over in our direction, I would turn to her and say “You know, we could use a woman’s finishing touch. We need a little help on the interior right now. I just don’t really know where to put the furniture.” We would just have fun and get the women to laugh.

Then I might say, “Come in here. Let me show you the master suite.” This is so they will actually bend down and look at the sand castle.

Most women will then say something like this: “Oh my God, that’s a beautiful master suite. I would put put this shell in the middle here, and put that pebble over there…I would also want to go with a different color palette – too much gray.” There are so many ways to have fun with this.

Another thing you can do to meet people at the beach is to say to someone standing near the water’s edge, “I’ll race you in.” Many women will respond and say something like, “No, it’s too cold.”

At that point, you want to challenge her. Say something like, “Are you a chicken? You’re afraid to go in the water? You are standing here in the hot sun, but you won’t go in the water? Come on, let’s go.” You make it a game. You have fun.

Another thing I always used to do to meet people at the beach is to bring a Frisbee and a ball. When a woman would walk towards me, I’d throw the ball in the air, look at them and say “Catch!”

She’ll catch the ball and then throw it back to you. Then you can say, “Why do you throw like a girl? Didn’t your father ever teach you not to throw like a girl? Come on, you can throw better than that!” Once again, challenge her and have fun.

That’s what it is all about when you’re at the beach. People go to the beach to have a good time, to relax and to swim.

So these are all great ways you can engage people in conversation and activities at the beach. If they’re having fun with you, the conversation immediately becomes a lot easier.

You are on a ten hour flight coming back from wherever you’ve been — from a secret location vacation. That’s what I like to call my vacations: secret location vacations. (We had a great time on ours by the way).

So we are nearly at the end of our ten hour flight back to Los Angeles, when the flight attendant becomes just really annoying. Here we are, watching our fourth movie and enjoying it. It was a really great movie called “My Sister’s Keeper,” and we’re getting close to the gut-wrenching end when the poor girl is dying of cancer.

Then, all of a sudden, the movie freezes on the screen as the flight attendant gets on the P.A. system to talk to us about . . . money. Yes, she wanted to announce that they were sending around a bag to collect money for UNICEF.

Now maybe if they had brought around a giant plastic pumpkin — or even one of those orange boxes like we used to use when I was a kid — then I might have given them my leftover change. To pass around a garbage bag, though, is just showing there there is no innovation.

It was also really annoying to have her go into this long speech about UNICEF when I just wanted to see the end of the movie. When the movie final did resume, the pilot gets on the speakers.

Who cares that we are almost there. Just land the plane. Then he gives us a guided tour of what is below us. As I am in a middle row, I can’t possibly see that we’re flying over Vegas.

Then the movie comes back on, except it is interrupted again by one of my favorite things in the world:the welcome to America video. It’s such a wonderful video. It teaches you how to make it through customs as if you are retarded.

Look, I’ve flown into England, Germany and lots of other countries, and nobody else plays a video about what to do when you get there. That’s part of the fun of going — not knowing what to do, what to claim and what to fill out.

The United States, however, has an entire patriotic video. Any of you who work for the government are probably cringing right now because I probably sound very anti-American.

The truth is that I am not anti-American at all. I just do not want to watch these videos . . . especially during a crucial part of the movie I’m trying to finish on the plane.

When they finally put the movie back on again, then the flight attendant comes over and says she wants to put my headphones away before we land in another 20 minutes. I looked at her and said, “No, you’ve already interrupted the move fourteen times.”

So if any of you work for the airlines, please help out and see what you can do about getting rid of those videos. Also, although I don’t mind giving money to causes, do we have to be asked while we’re on a plane?

We already give money everywhere we go. You are at the airport and a Hari Krishna hits you up before you hit the plane. You get off the plane, and some guy in a priest outfit is hitting you up for some type of Catholic school thing.

I mean everywhere you go, people are asking for money. Really, I’d like to see some ingenuity at least from the people asking me for the money. I’d like to see the first bum on the street with a credit card processing machining. That would really impress me. Instead of asking for change, they could tell you that they take PayPal, American Express, Visa and Master Card.

My feelings about airplanes would be different if the airlines offered better things on a plane. It would be different if when you boarded a plane, they asked if you were single and seated you with the other single people. I mean, how many times have you walked down the aisle of the plane toward your seat and thought, “Why aren’t I sitting next to THAT person?!”

You could change seats throughout the flights and get to socialize with lots of different people. They could designate a whole singles section in the back of the plane. It could be like a mini speed dating event in the back five rows.

They could have a section for each group. Singles could hang in the back few rows. Divorced people would sit in rows 3 through 7. Couples would hang out in a section together. There would be a section just for swingers. All all the screaming kids would be put in their own section.

Better yet, why not have an entirely separate plane just for kids. No adults, just the kids. Instead of flight attendants, there would be adult babysitters on the plane. They would walk around the plane serving three kinds of milk: breast, whole and skim. Can you imagine what those flight attendants would look like by the end of each trip? Green pea spit up on their shirts and all sorts of other craziness.

I actually think that singles should have their own plane . . . and even their own airline. On that airline, the cart would go around serving shots, cosmopolitans, martinis and Jaegermeister. Instead of peanuts, they would hand out condoms to each person.

There would be a special place for people to go to hook up and join the mile high club. If you think about it, this is a great idea and actually superior to other ways people meet and hook up.

Think if you were on a ten hour flight and ended up getting laid. Is that so crazy? People hook up all the time after two or three hours of talking to someone in a bar. Ten hours sitting and talking with someone on a plane is a long time to get to know someone. It’s like three dates worth of conversation smushed together into one trip.

On the singles airline, if you get laid on the flight you would earn triple miles. just think, three trips to Europe getting laid on each one and you’re executive platinum status. If you think executive platinum has benefits on American, on our airline you get your own waterbed in the back complete with a Hugh Hefner silk robe. Talk about priority seating. . .

This singles airline concept would definitely save the airline industry a lot better than collecting for UNICEF.

How do you mentally get off? What do you do in life to really stimulate your brain? To stimulate your mind? To stimulate your soul? Are you constantly working, constantly building up a life, but yet not doing anything to mentally masturbate?

And what do I mean by the term ‘mental masturbation?’ I mean, how do you enjoy your mind? How do you enhance your mind?

Think for a second: when is the last time you went on a trip? When is the last time that you did something that you really wanted to do – without any rules and regulations?

How many of you work really hard but never take vacation time? How many of you make money but never really spend it on things that you want? Even when you’re in the store, you debate about whether or not you should buy it. You debate about whether or not you deserve it.

My motto is that if you work really hard, you deserve everything that you can do.

You need to start masturbating your mind. You need to start enjoying things. You need to make a list of five places that you want to go, five things that you want to experience that you’ve never done before.

You need to say – as Miles said to Joel in Risky Business – do you remember that scene in Risky Business when Joel had the hooker party and the guy from Princeton was there, and Joel was all nervous because he didn’t think he’d get into Princeton? And Miles looked at him and said, “sometimes you have to say, ‘what the fuck.’”

You’ve got to say ‘what the fuck.’ Instead of thinking about who you want to fuck, and instead of chasing people you want to fuck, why don’t you start saying ‘what the fuck?’

Why don’t you start enjoying your life in every capacity? Make a list of five things that you want to do. Make a list of the things that you really want to experience. Do something crazy. Buy yourself something that you’ve never bought yourself before – just because you can.

Enjoy yourself. Life is just not about chasing the opposite sex. Life is about fulfilling your mind, fulfilling your soul, and that is the real concept behind mental masturbation.

Its summer travel season and I am off to Hawaii tomorrow, so i thought i would share a recent travel related adventure with you all….

By the way airports are great places to meet people.

Recently I was sitting in the Las Vegas airport and I realized – why would anybody actually want to fly Southwest?

They just landed the flight, you get three minutes to board the plane so they remain on time – basically I think Southwest should just move all of their terminals to the Greyhound bus terminal, because really Southwest is just the bus in the sky.

Everybody’s lined up in their little groups like robots, waiting to get on the plane. They then hustle on the plane so that they can go find a seat next to somebody they don’t want to sit next to in the first place – really if you think about it, flying on Southwest is a great way to meet people. You can pick and choose whom you want to sit next to!

On the plane ride here, I actually got on the plane and I was going to sit down, and there was this perfect seat in the front of the plane. This guy was sitting there in the corner all by himself, and everybody was walking by him and I couldn’t figure out why.

So I go put my bag in the overhead compartment, and as I start to sit down, all I can smell is the lovely smell of underarm sweat! Apparently, this man didn’t believe in using deodorant.

It’s amazing that a person can get on an airplane in a public place and smell like they just finished a six-hour workout. He smelled so bad, he made Burger King and McDonald’s smell delicious – which is definitely a tough thing to do.

So as I was waiting for the bus in the sky to get home, I realized it’s just not the most civil and humane way to do it. So now I’ve decided that Southwest needs to land in the middle of the city, basically right next to the Greyhound buses, so you have the two options.

This plane I’m on right now has been to six places – it went from Midland to Albuquerque to Phoenix to Las Vegas to Los Angeles. Some people actually got on in Albuquerque to save $3.50 over all the rest of the airlines so that they can spend six hours in the sky instead of spending just two hours flying direct from Albuquerque to LA. Time is worth more to me than saving $3.50!

It’s pretty amazing, because I once flew Southwest – well, I had to, there was nothing else to fly – Southwest is generally my last option. I flew on this flight that took me from LA to St. Louis and I was sitting down next to someone who was going to Long Island, New York. He had six stops to get there!

It is literally a bus – it flies up in the air, touches down for three and a half minutes, everyone hustles like a bunch of sheep to get on the plane. The cheery Southwest flight attendants then tell some kind of joke – and they are pretty good, they’re a lot better than the sourpusses that work for American Airlines and United.

I asked the guy with six stops going to Long Island how much his airfare was and he told me it was like $265. Do you know I fly to New York City regularly on American Airlines for $299? I told him that he’d saved $34 to spend the entire day on the airplane, and he said, “huh. I guess the commercials don’t tell the truth!”

Let me tell you guys – I’m a huge fan of saving time. If you think about it, unless you are socializing in the aisles of the airplane, flirting with everybody on there – what’s the point of being up there for nine hours just to save $34?

It’s just not worth the extra time. I’d rather spend my time in the airport, flirting with the person next to me, having some fun and exchanging phone numbers – and then getting on that plane knowing that I had a good time and I can get somewhere automatically.

You don’t really need to fly a bus in the sky. I think that Southwest should change the shape of their planes to look like buses.

One more thing about flying – on a 45-minute flight, you really don’t need to give out peanuts and water and everything else. You don’t need to feed the people for 45 minutes! It’s ridiculous – people can survive not eating for 45 minutes. It’d actually do some people good!

Perhaps instead of offering peanuts, they should offer some stretching exercises instead. People don’t need to be entertained 24/7.

How about this idea: how about a speed dating event in an airplane for 45 minutes – that would be more fun!