I love that shit. They’re offering you a shortcut! Do you remember that book The Secret? Write yourself a check for a million dollars, and it will just show up!

Not by working at McDonald’s, it won’t! That’s just not how it works.

There is no shortcut in life. You attract who you are, not what you want.

If you want a relationship that is based on love, great sex, confidence – whatever it might be – then you’d better be that person. When you walk over to a woman full of fear, and you see that she’s confident, guess what? She’ll walk away.

And then you will always wonder why you always seem to attract these really timid and scared women. Well, that’s who you are.

You attract who you are. Many people don’t realize that you have to work on yourself first. All of the guys who have come to my bootcamps realize this: the more you work on and embrace yourself, the more you love yourself – the greater the chance that someone else is going to love you back.

If your goal down the road is for a great relationship, then you’d better work on yourself now. You are always going to attract who you are.

Many people look at their past relationships and they don’t take inventory of them. They always place blame – well, I was this way with her, and she was this way. She did this, and I feel bad… bullshit.

The reason why you were a certain way with her is because that’s who you were. You have to take responsibility for everything that you are, and realize that you can attract who you are.

In my current relationship, I attracted me. I’ve attracted me in all of my relationships. I like this version of me that I’ve attracted now more than any other version of me that I’ve ever attracted. And this actually forces me to look deeper inside me and realize that I have to take responsibility for myself.

So it’s not just about writing down what you want – that’s fucking lala-ville. That’s just airy-fairy shit. “I want a big dick” – you can’t just put that shit out into the universe and expect it just to come to you.

You have to BE the big dick! You have to be that person. If you want a hot girlfriend, you have to be a hot guy. If you want a girl that is confident, you’d better be confident! If you want a girl that’s really a sexual dynamo, you’d better be that.

You have to be all these things first. Otherwise you’ll just attract people that will teach you lessons. You have to look back on your lessons, and when you make your list of what you want, make your list of who you want to be.

If you make your list of who you want to be, you’ll attract that person.

It’s time to declare your outcome independence! Here are ways to lose your outcome dependence and attract more women by connecting with them:

1. Stop Being A Predator: You can’t possibly meet every woman you see. Virtually every guy I’ve ever coached have asked me how they can meet women who are walking toward them on the street. Think about this though. You’re walking down the street. You see a woman you find attractive who is also walking down the street. You’re both in a hurry. You all of a sudden become very outcome dependent – you want to meet her right now and get her phone number right now. Let me try to put it into perspective: When you’re in a rush walking down the street, do you like to be bothered? You can’t bother every single woman as she walks down the street by stopping her to ask her for her phone number. You need to realize that you can’t have every single woman you see simply because you find them attractive, because women will not be attracted to you unless you know how to also connect with them. So stop being a predator who chases women, and start attracting them by engaging them in conversations.

2. Good Mechanics Don’t Ensure Success: Just because you walked over to a woman and opened her with some amazing words of wisdom does not mean that she will want to go out with you. When you speak with a woman you need to listen very carefully to what she has to say, because it takes more than a clever opener to really get a woman to be interested in you. You need to pay really close attention to everything a woman says so you can initiate conversation topics about what’s already in her mind. You need to be able to not only engage her in conversation, but also to be able to take the conversation deeper. So just because you arrived on the scene and delivered a perfect opener does not mean that you’re going to get the phone number. It takes a lot more than just showing up in life to get that phone number from a woman.

3. Stay In The Moment: One of the most important things to do to stop being outcome dependent is to make a significant mindset shift. What this means is that when you are talking to a woman, you need to stop focusing on getting women’s phone numbers and start focusing more on staying present in the moment. A lot of men will ask a woman for her phone number and to go out on a date with him mere seconds after they approach and start talking to her. That is the very embodiment of being outcome dependent. Remember once again that in order to get a woman’s phone number you must first connect with her emotionally and in a way that will make her want to give you her phone number. One thing you’ll need to do to connect with women is to be willing to share something about yourself.

Think about this from a woman’s perspective. You’re a complete stranger who has approached her and asked her out … all in fifteen seconds or less. She will first wonder why you are asking her out, but since you know nothing else about her she will assume that you are only asking her out because you are physically attracted to her. Plus since she knows nothing about you, she is unlikely to agree to give you her phone number. So if you want to connect with women when you meet them, you are going to have to spend some time being in the moment with them. Putting in this time also allows both of you to see if you even like each other. Plus, if you’ve been in the moment and connected with a woman when you meet her, if she does give you her phone number she will be excited to get your call (instead of feeling about you like she does about most telemarketers).

4. There Is No Call Back Guarantee: Just because you were able to get a woman’s phone number does not mean that she will call you back after you’ve called her. It is a simple fact of life that there are some women who will give out their phone number just because a man asks for it and regardless of whether she actually is interested in having him call her. There are other women who may genuinely be interested in you when they give you their phone number, but may decide later (due to changing their mind or meeting someone else) that they are not so interested in talking to you, and thus may not return your call when you call them. So to increase your odds of getting a call back, make sure you connect with a woman emotionally before you ask for her phone number. That will greatly increase the chances she will call you back. If a woman for whatever reason does not call you back, don’t take it personally. That happens to everyone. Just move on to meeting someone else. There’s always another woman to meet.

So are you a guy who believes that if you get a woman’s phone number that she is going to be your next girlfriend (or might even be “the one”)? Are you also a guy who believes that if that same woman doesn’t call you back that you must not have said the right thing when you approached her? If so, then you like so many men are very outcome dependent.

So many men perceive approaching a woman like a rite of passage which entitles them to favorable responses from the women they’ve approached. This is the outcome dependent mentality. It’s time to declare your outcome independence!

Understand that you may have to approach a lot of women before you find one who really relates to you. Also, the next time you walk up to a woman, don’t think about how badly you want to go out with her. Instead, get to know her first to see if you really do want to go out with her.

This should be one of your best and most well managed relationships.

What is your relationship with money?

Let me share with you what my relationship with money used to be. Growing up in my household, money was doled out when we were being good. You went to Grandma Frankie’s house, and if you were a good grandson, you’d leave with a couple of hundred bucks for a pair of new sneakers.

If you weren’t a good grandson (or granddaughter) you wouldn’t leave with anything. And the whole time, she would sit there and make sly remarks about what a bad grandchild you were.

My dad couldn’t show love in any way. But when my dad and I were not talking, he was great at paying my car insurance bill. He tried to use his money to show me his love.

My mother has pissed away money four times. My brother and I are basically supporting her now. That shows you my mother’s relationship with money. I don’t mind taking care of my mom. I love her, but she has a bad relationship with money.

Most of my adult life I also had a bad relationship with money. I thought about it too much, I wanted it too much at times, and I hated spending it. Chalk it up to my Jewish upbringing. Chalk it up to my Grandmother, who taught us that we should save every dime and only buy things on sale. I would feel guilty if I bought something that I had wanted. I felt guilty if I stayed at a nicer hotel.

My relationship with money over the last four years has been phenomenal. These days, all I think of is abundance. I don’t let money control my life, and I won’t let the power of money suck me in.

There are always going to be people that are richer than you and there will always be people that are poorer, but your own personal relationship with money is very important.

As I wrote in a blog a while back, the definition of being rich is having enough money and enough love in your life that you are able to do anything you want without feeling the stress and pressure of life.

Think about that. That definition of being rich is very different for every person who reads this.

You have to have a healthy relationship with money. If you don’t, the next time you have a relationship with another person, your unhealthy relationship with money is going to make an appearance. The two reasons why most couples break up is sex and money.

Many times guys will come to me and want to do a bootcamp, but they will use the money as an excuse. It’s not the money that’s really the issue; you can come up with the money to do anything. It’s really the relationship that you have with money that is the issue.

You hold on to every penny because you fear that it will be your last. And if you’re grasping on to every last penny, the universe is not going to reward you with more money.

You have to create abundance in your life. Whether you make $30,000 per year or $4 million, you cannot be cheap with the person that matters the most: you.

Of course, don’t go out and buy that new car if you can’t afford it today. But if it’s something that you’ve wanted to do for a while, and you’ve made the excuse that money is what is keeping you from it, believe in yourself and do it. The money will show up as long as you work hard and believe in who you are.

If you’ve been holding off taking one of my bootcamps or you’ve been holding off buying a new pair of jeans – do it! The way you feel and the way you act after an experience is what is going to attract more positive things in your life – including more money.

Life is about energy. If you walk around holding onto every nickel, it will soon become your last nickel.

How do I know this? Because in 1997, I lost every penny I made due to my fucked up relationship with money. I lost three businesses.

It took me a long time to fully understand what a healthy relationship with money looked like.

Be healthy! Spoil yourself! And go watch the movie Defending Your Life with Albert Brooks and Meryl Streep – one of my all-time favorites. For those of you that have listened to the Mastery Series, I talk about that movie at length. It’s a movie about having a healthy relationship with yourself.

Money is about experiencing things. Eventually, we all die. In general, he who dies with the most money in the bank is the one who experienced the least amount of love and happiness.

Of course, there are some very rich people out there (like Bill Gates) who travel the world and experience things. But many rich people are just saving for that rainy day.

Unfortunately, if you live in Southern California or not, that rainy day may never come!

Get healthy with your relationship with money and you will start to see some amazing things attracted into your life!

If you have the minimalist approach to your business, what happens? You don’t make any money, right? You have to have that same feeling of abundance in every facet of life.

So many guys will meet a girl and then say to themselves, I don’t want to blow this! You’re acting like this is the last pretty girl you will ever see. Instead of challenging yourself and having a good conversation with her, you’re monitoring yourself and trying not to blow it. You walk over there and you play it safe, because you don’t want to blow it.

You think, if I say what I really want to say, then she’s not going to like me. You present yourself in front of her and guess what? She doesn’t like you, because you played it safe. Women don’t like when you play it safe. They’re not attracted to it.

So by having this minimalist attitude and playing it safe – not living with an abundance mentality and realizing that there are so many women out there – you will do this same thing every day. You will always be playing it safe.

You need to think to yourself, hey, this behavior pattern isn’t working!

And then the next time you see a good looking woman, you can say to yourself, I don’t give a fuck what I’m going to say. I’m going to say exactly what is on my mind, I’m going to try something totally different, and I’ll just have some fun with it. If she doesn’t respond, it doesn’t matter.

And when you start changing things like this, you’ll realize that women are starting to respond better to you.

It takes time. Women, keep this in mind: men think that they should win at everything that they do.

Women are about connecting. But coaching men is different. Men are like, I’ve got to go out and meet every single woman and they all have to like me!

No they don’t! Who cares? They don’t all have to like you; you just have to weed through them quickly. It is totally ridiculous to expect that every single woman you meet will like you. But as men, we just think it’s our rite of passage. Just because we stood there and talked to her she should give us her phone number and spread her legs for us.

That’s how men think. That’s the male mentality. On the other hand, women think, I just want to connect and enjoy somebody’s company. I want to learn about them and give it more of a chance. It’s more natural and authentic.

So men, remember this: just because you deposit yourself in front of her doesn’t mean that she’s going to like you.

So I just don’t care. I go over there, I talk and I flirt; I say whatever is on my mind. And if they respond? Great. If not? Who cares!

The next woman that you see – go up to her and say exactly what is on your mind. I don’t care what it is. Don’t get confrontational, but be real about it. Pay attention to her and the emotions on her face. Pay attention to what she is doing.

Just say it as you say it right now.

I hear comments like this from women almost every day: “David, I saw this guy today and he was so cute. He smiled at me, and I would have loved to have smiled back at him or said hello, but I was all sweaty because I’d just left the gym.” Every part of that statement following the “but” is nothing more than an excuse.

In fact, if you put a blank after the “but” in that sentence then I could fill it in with at least one hundred different excuses just like the “but I was all sweaty” one above. I’ve heard them all, but here are some of the classic ones:

My hair was up in a ponytail.
I didn’t feel sexy that day.
I was having a fat day.
I was wearing an unflattering outfit.
I wasn’t wearing any makeup.
I had coffee breath.
I was chewing and had food in my mouth.
I was on my cell phone.
The list of excuses could go on and on and on . . .

Here is a concept that you must understand, though, and it’s something I’ve been telling women for years: If a man looks at you, then he is attracted to you as you are at that very moment. He doesn’t care (and likely doesn’t know) that you are sweaty, are not wearing makeup, are wearing an old t-shirt that is twelve sizes too big for you, or about anything else.

If a man looks at you when you’re not at your best (or even when you’re at your worst), then he is attracted to you right then and just as you are at that moment. Although he may be imagining (and fantasizing about) what you will look like at your best, he doesn’t really care because all he is thinking about is how he is attracted to you right now.

Think about it. Isn’t this what you really want? Don’t you want a guy who checks you out on a Friday night in Blockbuster when you are dressed in your old sweats, have your hair pulled back in a ponytail and are not wearing any makeup?

It’s what you always claim you want. It’s what women always tell me they want.

You don’t want to have to be made up and perfectly coiffed every minute of your life. You don’t want to have to be dolled up when you’re in the comfort of your own home. You want a guy who is attracted to the real core of who you are as a person.

When you think of it that way, why would you ever make another excuse for why you don’t smile or talk to a guy who is looking at you? You should never let the fact that you are not feeling your best be an excuse for not responding to a guy who is looking at you, because the fact is that they are nothing more than excuses.

So the next time a guy looks at you and you’re not feeling like you’re at your best, you need to remember that he doesn’t know that. The only thing he’s thinking is “Man, I think she’s hot!”

Go and talk to him right now, because there may not be another opportunity with that guy. Why would you waste the opportunity to find out what this guy is all about . . . especially when you already know he is attracted to you?

Life is about taking advantage of opportunities every single day. Stop making excuses, because all the “reasons” you have for not interacting with men are just your excuses.

So the next time you see a potential Mr. Right (or Mr. Right Now) staring at you from across the room when you’re still wearing sweatpants from your trip to the gym, smile and talk to him because he couldn’t care less what you’re wearing! He’s attracted to you and, in fact, will likely be talking about you for the rest of the day telling his friends “Man, I saw this girl tonight in Whole Foods. She had on these sweatpants and she looked so cute!”

Stop judging yourself so much, and start accepting that when a man looks at you he finds you attractive exactly as you are at that moment. Stop over analyzing and start feeling beautiful because the guy checked you out.