The perfect summer date!!

Anyway lets talk today about the convenience that things like cell phones, iPhones and BlackBerrys afford us, there is one major drawback: Our constant attention to them may be putting a serious dent in our love lives. There are so many people who spend virtually all day every day giving their cell phone, iPhone or BlackBerry 100% of their attention. Those people are missing opportunities to meet people every day, and in fact may not be meeting people at all.

These are likely the same people, by the way, from whom I receive emails daily complaining that they never see anyone to meet. The irony is that those people are being honest when they say they don’t see anyone to meet . . . but it’s not because people aren’t there. They are victims of “self cell phone sabotage.”

I don’t want any of you to be sabotaging yourselves from finding great connections all because of your cell phone. So to help you be aware if you unknowingly killing your love life by “self cell phone sabotage,” here are 6 ways your phone may be ruining your dating life:

1. You’re Stopping Them Mid-Approach: You’re in a store where someone is checking you out – someone you’ve also noticed and found attractive. Then that someone decides to approach you, but the minute they take their first step in your direction, your phone rings . . . and you answer it. Not only do you answer it, but you proceed to have the same unimportant repetitive conversation with the friend who called you. By doing this, you have stopped someone who was already interested in you from approaching – and they probably won’t wait around to do it a second time.

2. You’re Totally Programmed: Let’s put you in that same store, and that same person you were attracted to walks right by you and smiles just as you receive a text message on your phone. What do you do? Instead of reacting to what’s going on around you and reciprocating with a smile, you react like Pavlov’s dog to the “ding” of the incoming text and immediately look at your phone to find out who texted you. Not only did you miss that person to whom you WERE attracted smiling at you, but by not acknowledging their smile that person will believe you are not interested and they will walk away (and likely never smile at you again).

3. You’re Never “Here”: You could be out with a group of your friends in a great place filled with people you would want to meet. Instead of being present and talking with the people with whom you’re with physically, you are spending the entire time and devoting 100% of your attention to a full-blown conversation you are having with another friend via text message on your BlackBerry. Meanwhile a man or woman that you may have been interested in comes over and starts talking to your group. You are so involved in your text message conversation that you don’t even notice he or she is there. When you don’t acknowledge that person, they will assume you’re not interested and will walk away.

4. It Never Occurs To You To Look: It’s not that you don’t leave the house. You are in the grocery store, the gym, the book store, the coffee shop, or the dry cleaners EVERY DAY. So when I hear people say that they “never see anyone” to meet, I know immediately that they’re not “seeing” anyone because they’re simply not looking. If people want to meet people so badly why aren’t they looking? Well because they allow you to do virtually everything right from the palm of your hand, many people never stop checking their email, making business calls, doing Internet research and sending text messages. So even though they’re out in public, they miss everything (and everyone) around them. They also never interact with anyone – they don’t look at people, smile at people or flirt with people. It it any wonder they’re not meeting anyone?

5. You Make Your Date A “Third Wheel”: You’ve met someone you think you might really like, and you go out on a date with them. So there you are enjoying their company and feeling like there might be an amazing potential connection. Then the red light on your phone starts flashing or your phone starts vibrating alerting you that a text message has just been received. What do you do? Despite the fact that you’re in the middle of a great date, you just can’t resist picking up your phone to see who sent you that text. When you do this, you immediately turn off the person with whom you’re on the date. Nobody likes having a date interrupted by text messages, and nobody likes to feel that their date’s attention is not focused on them. You’re date will feel like a “third wheel.” You’ve also shown your date that your first priority will always be your phone.

6. You’re Always Available But Never Free: When someone tells me that they don’t get approached, or that they never “see” anyone to meet, I know that most of the time this is because that person does not make themselves available. In the case of people who are glued to their cell phone, their BlackBerry or their iPhone, what is happening is that they are “available” in that they are in places where they can meet people but they aren’t ever free. People won’t approach them, because they always seem busy with whatever they’re doing on their phone. They also won’t ever notice potential opportunities to meet people because they never look up from their phone.

So while I love the flexibility and the convenience that my BlackBerry affords me in being able to conduct so many of my business and personal affairs from ANYWHERE, I want to caution everyone to not let them take over your whole life. By doing so, you may be unknowingly killing your dating life.

Start being conscious about how much time you are spending glued to your phone, and try to avoid behaviors like these. Just think how many people you may have completely missed who wanted to meet YOU. Start paying attention to what’s going on LIVE around you. You won’t believe what (and who) you’ve been missing!

Not only that, but Verizon has the WORST rates when you travel internationally. When I’m traveling abroad, the last thing I want to do is roam on some ridiculous network when T-Mobile is worldwide.

But this blog is not about cell phone service – if it were, I would talk about the new, cool, exciting phones that have just come out and why I don’t have an iPhone. Do you know why I don’t use the iPhone? Because I can use my BlackBerry Pearl and type on it with one hand – I get 400 emails a day – and I can whip right through them.

If I had the iPhone, I’d have to dance around with my pointer finger and try to find everything. I like the fact that it has really fun little graphics, but I sit in front of my 24” Mac all day – I don’t need to be on the internet while I’m driving!

Then again, sitting in LA traffic is so bad, I could probably use the time to be on the internet, but I’d rather be cursing at the people in front and to the sides of me who are staring and almost running into me.

But this blog is neither about bad driving or the power of your cell phone network – or, as they say globally, your mobile.

This blog is about the power of your personal network.

Stop for a second and think about your network: who do you know? If an emergency came up, who do you know? Are there doctors in your network? Do you have doctors as friends that you can call up and get their medical opinion – without having to wait for an appointment?

Do you have a veterinarian friend that you can call up when there is something wrong with your dog? Someone you can trust? Someone who won’t charge you $80 a visit to find out that it was nothing but common diarrhea?

What about clothing and fashion? Do you know people that work in the stores you shop in? Do you know people that call you when something good comes in that would be perfect for you?

Do get deals? When you go out at night, do you get a free drink or appetizer because you are just a great person that connects with people? Do you know people in all different places?

How about when you go buy a car? Instead of getting red-penned to death by the salesclerk – going back and forth bargaining – can you walk into a car dealership and get a low, rock bottom price just because you know people there and you’re respected?

How big is your network?

What about when you go to the airport – they only have one seat left in first class and you’re out of certificates – but because you got friendly with the person behind the counter, they slide you into the seat with no questions asked (and no extra charges?)

What about when you check into a hotel that you’ve been to before? Do they remember you and upgrade you to a suite just because you remembered to ask about their dog or their cousin that was about to get married?

How big is your network? All of the time that you spend chasing the opposite sex – are you attracting people into the power of your network? Are you expanding your social circles?

Are you becoming a more powerful person, or are you just walking around trying to validate yourself by meeting people of the opposite sex?

My network is huge. I just had a question about this cyst that Daphne has, called three people up in a span of five minutes and got an answer – through my network.

Next time you have something going on, who are you going to call?

Instead of chasing the opposite sex, learn to attract the opposite sex and attract a more powerful network by being a more powerful person!

Todays video is all about how to overcome approach anxiety forever!!

Its Saturday time to become a tourist in your own town.

Hope everyone is having an amazing weekend.

We are in the middle of a great bootcamp.

Yesterday we went to Malibu and everyone had a task at hand.
To have fun like a kid and overcome all fears of approaching women.

It was a huge success and the task was something you would have never imagined.

I will post some of it this week on you tube so stay tuned…..you will be shocked at what we did.

Today we are heading to the Santa Monica Farmers market as well as Venice beach. Till tomorrow.

Today I want to share with everyone a great question I got from someone in an email. I’m sure this kind of stuff is applicable to many of you who are talking on the internet, so let’s talk about this right now.

Client: Hi David. First of all, I’d like to take a second to kiss your ass for opening a whole new world to me. Basically, your Men’s Mastery Series and blogs are amazing, but I’m sure you already know this, so on with my question.

Last I was IMing a girl that I met through a friend and eventually started talking to through MySpace. It was the second time I have talked to her through AIM and I was planning on getting her number so I could ask her out over the phone (as you recommend.)

As we were talking about boring things, she put me in the position to compliment her. Don’t get me wrong: I love to compliment someone when it is deserved, but it was just so blatantly obvious. I felt like I was giving all of my power away.

Here is one example of our conversation:
Her: So are you actually going to get some work done tonight?
Me: I’ll try, but some crazy girl keeps IMing me… haha.
Her: So why don’t you just ignore her?

So now the nice guy inside wants me to say, “because I really enjoy talking to you,” but that just feels too clingy. Plus, I’m not sure if she still views me just as a friend or as someone she is actually interested in. So I just ended up saying, “nah.”

How would you have handled the situation?

David: Tim, I agree with you: it’s best to give compliments when they are deserved. However, in the example you sent me, it looks like you are the one who really put yourself in that situation.

Don’t worry so much about whether or not you give your power away (just don’t do it constantly), but focus more on keeping the vibe fun, playful and exciting. That’s the real art of flirting.

So in your situation, there are multiple ways you could have handled it. You could:
1. Call her out on it
2. Ignore it and give a very open-ended/vague and neutral answer – basically circling around the pot – this creates some form of intrigue
3. Give her an answer that makes her want to know more – using curiosity/intrigue
4. Give her a “conditional compliment”

So here’s how your situation could have played out:

Her: So are you actually going to get some work done tonight?

Me: I’ll try, but some crazy girl keeps IMing me… haha.

Her: So why don’t you just ignore her?

Me:
1. Hmmmm… I think someone is fishing for a compliment here… :p :p :p
2. [yes, just give a smiley face. Do not answer... and let her ask another question]
3. Well, I don’t know what it is… but… there’s something about this girl that makes me want to talk to her more. [you give her the compliment but you keep it vague to keep your power]
4. Because for a lawyer [insert whatever stereotype she is], she’s pretty fun [insert the opposite quality expected from the stereotype]
I hope these suggestions help you. As you can see, you are just vibing based on what she tells you. Your “nice guy” response would be fine as well as long as you come from a position of power and self-respect. The woman can tell from the OVERALL conversation if you are you just trying to please her or if you truly mean what you tell her.
That’s more important that the exact response you give to the woman fishing for compliments. There’s nothing wrong with giving free compliments once in a while – you just can’t come from the wrong place.
Contact me again if you have any more questions. If you want me to go deeper with something, we can set up some form of phone or email coaching.
Have a great weekend!

If you have any questions at all please send them my way and I will use them in newsletters in the future.

I really enjoying hearing from all of you!

Todays Video is all about how to connect with a woman from the moment you first meet her.

In this video my friend Lexi goes over this in detail.