Do you know what that word means when a guy says it to you? It means that he is not listening to you anymore. He has not stopped listening to you because he’s bored or because he isn’t interested in you . . . in fact it’s just the opposite.

When I guy starts to respond to you with the word “cool,” it means he is very attracted to you and is nervous. Due to his nervousness he doesn’t know what to say, so all he says is “cool.” The “cool” guy will often have his hands deep in his pockets. He’ll roll his shoulders forward a little.

So how do you get these guys to come out of the “cool” zone? How do you get them to say something other than “cool?”

I understand that when men start doing the “cool” thing, it can be a quick conversation killer. You need to understand, though, that men need a little encouragement sometimes.

What I like to do is rephrase things. I tell women all the time that if they are in a conversation with a “cool” guy, they need to rephrase what they’re talking about with him.

For example, let’s say you are talking to a guy about dogs and he tells you about his Labrador Retriever. You say “God, I love Labradors!” to which he says “cool.” Here’s where you can rephrase what he was saying back to him in a question to get the conversation back on track. So ask him “What made you get a Labrador?” This will get him talking again and off the “cool” track.

If you can get a “cool” guy talking again, he will start relaxing. He’ll realize you don’t bite and that you’re actually approachable.

So the next time a guy says “cool,” don’t take it as a sign he’s not interested in you. Take it instead as a clear sign that he IS interested in you, but you need to dial it back a bit and pull the coolness out of him.

Women tend to be better conversationalists than men. It’s just a fact of life that when you come across a “cool” guy, you are going to have to get him to stop using that one word phrase that always seems to kill a conversation. Remember that once you get the “cool” guy talking again, though, you will be back talking to a guy who will be VERY grateful you did.

I don’t care if you’re a man or a woman, but one of the best Sunday exercises is going to a museum or an art gallery and hanging out there.

Hang out there for two or three hours and have conversations with every single person you see. Everyone.

Walk over to them and say, “excuse me, what do you think of this painting?” or “how does this painting make you feel?” You will get into great conversations all day long.

This teaches you a few things. For one, it shows you that people don’t bite – nothing bad is going to happen to you if you talk to people.

Secondly, it’s great practice. It teaches you how to listen. You have to listen to be able to talk about the subject that you’re discussing.

Specifically in terms of artwork, there is so much going on in front of you. We’re in a museum right now, and a client just told me how easy it is in here, because there are so many things to talk about – the things on the wall, the collections, etc.

But life itself is like a museum! After you go to a museum, you can walk around your life and find anything to talk about. You find things to discuss and things to ask questions about.

Today, during a bootcamp, we started at a food market, and all of the conversations started with talking about brownies and pastries. And all of those people we talked to came back to talk to us later.

This is why observations are so powerful. In a grocery store, in a museum, in an art gallery – you have all of these opportunities to talk about the things that are going on.

If you expect nothing from people, then you will accept every gift that they give you – the gift of themselves, and the gift of sharing with you.

Life is just a series of continual conversations. Whenever you meet somebody you connect with and find interesting, you want to continue that conversation with them, right?

So what do you do? You ask them out as a conversation continuance: “oh my god, it was so great to talk to you about your dog and this trip you just got back from. Hey, I want give you a call and learn more – give me your number.”

It’s just a continual theme. That theme is connecting – and you can maintain that continual connection that you have together in that moment of time.

Many guys will go into salesman-mode when they see a woman that they are attracted to; they will just try to sell themselves. “Buy me, please!” They continue to talk AT them rather than with them.

But you all know what a real connection feels like. If you’re talking to a woman and you’re both with groups of people and her eyes can’t stop looking at you – that’s a connection. If she’s directing all of her energy towards you, you know what that feels like.

So if you’re just going out there to practice conversation and listening skills, just talk to people all day long – that’s important to do. But if you’re looking for a real connection, you want to weed through as quickly as possible.

These are the two steps: the first is to go out and talk to people and build your conversation skills, the second is to look for that connection.

Todays video is all about how to create a more powerful version of you!!

You’ve got to understand something about this guy. You think this guy is so cool, calm, collected and confident. The truth is that if he’s nervous around you, then he’s interested in you.

Just look at his personality. That’s something that I always tell women.

A lot of times when a woman is attracted to a guy and he acts like this, i.e., confident and friendly with his friends but nervous around her, she interprets this seemingly stark change in his behavior as an indication that “This guy isn’t interested in me.” She will interpret his nervousness as deliberate unfriendliness toward her.

In reality, this guy IS interested in you precisely because he is not acting like himself . Watch what this guy does and think about it for a second.

The minute he stops talking to you, he goes back to talking to his friends and he immediately becomes the confident guy again. Then you see him talking to a woman to whom he’s not attracted, and he becomes that confident guy again. When he’s talking to the waitress, he’s the confident guy.

The minute he starts talking to you, however, he seems to get really nervous. His hands go in his pockets. He might rock back and forth a little bit.

So what do you do in this situation? You’ve got to bring it out of him a little bit more.

For one thing, you can always ask him “Do I make you nervous?” You can confront him right away if you feel like taking the direct approach.

You can also just be really calming and ask him questions about things. When you’re in a conversation with him, maybe go a little deeper and start asking him more questions about what he’s saying. Get him to relax a little bit. You could laugh at one of his jokes.

The fact is that life is about energy, and whatever energy someone brings into a dynamic can affect the energy of the others. So when this guy is nervous, you become nervous and then the two of you will become nervous together.

So if you like this guy or you think you might like this guy, it may be up to you to bring a calming energy into your conversation to draw out his calmer side. Life is a two-way street ladies. It really is.

Once again, too many women sit back and wait for that guy to come over to them. They wait wait for that guy to be George Clooney or Brad Pitt. Sometimes the reality is that you’ve just got to pull it out of them. It’s just the way things are.

You need to embrace that you are in control of your dating life, and I’m here to help you.

Do you have Little Voice?

Everything you say in life should be spoken with authority. You have to be authoritative with every word that you say.

Let’s say, for instance, you’re in the middle of a bootcamp, as we are right now while I’m recording this blog. There’s a group of about ten of us heading down the stairs, and this woman starts to walk up the steps in front of us.

Of course, we could say anything to her: “hey, how are you doing?” “what direction are you going, my friends are always in the way!” – anything.

It doesn’t matter WHAT you say; it’s how you say it. It’s all about having a big voice. It’s how you project your voice.

You never want to have Little Voice.

You have to say everything with authority, like you’ve said it a thousand times before. That’s what makes you a natural when it comes down to meeting women.

When you say things over and over again, say them with authority.

How do you do that? How do you say things with authority?

Start practicing! There’s an exercise that I tell guy s to do all of the time – take a mini digital recorder and start talking. Start reading stories, start saying sentences: “hey, how are you doing today?” “How are you today?” – things like that.

Then replay everything you’ve said. Listen to how you speak. Would you respond to yourself? If someone was walking towards you and said that to you, would you respond?

This is something that you need to ask yourself: how do you say things?

The reason that women don’t respond to men often times is because they are suffering from Little Voice. Little Voice is the worst thing to have.

The next time you see a woman, project your voice. Learn how to speak, and learn how to project.

When I hear someone label themselves as “shy,” I know they are limiting their opportunities to meet and connect with people every day. Being shy isn’t a physical trait like having brown eyes … you can eliminate it and overcome it.

The first thing you need to be aware of and realize is that shyness is not who you are – it’s not part of your identity. If someone asks you if you’re shy, what is your answer? Do you say “Yes, I am a shy person.”

When you say that, you are accepting that being shy is just part of who you are – that it’s part of your identity. By you telling yourself (and others) that you are a shy person, you are negatively affecting your own mindset. It is very limiting.

One of the first, and most important ways to overcome shyness is to be conscious about eliminating it as part of your identity. One way to get to that place if you are having trouble is to speak about yourself as if you’ve already overcome your shyness. The next time someone asks you if you’re shy, you can say “I am no longer a shy person.” As you continue to say this, you will believe it.

You need to also understand that much of your feeling of being shy comes from negative talk inside your own head. Stop listening to the monkey chatter in your head!

What goes on in your head and what do you think about when you feel shy? Do a whole bunch of different thoughts go through your your mind like monkey chatter you hear at the Central Park Zoo? Are there what seem like hundreds of monkeys screaming all different things in you ear, none of which are good thoughts?

Do you think that you can’t talk to members of the opposite sex because you’re shy? Do you believe that people next to you are thinking negative things about you because of your shyness, or about how you look or about anything else about you?

You need to stop listening to all of this negative talk in your head. Be aware of when your perception about a situation comes solely from these negative thoughts in your head, and then consciously choose to ignore them. You need to stop speculating and assuming things about what’s going on around you based on then negative chatter in your head. It will lead you astray every time.

An extension of the monkey chatter problem going on in your head are thoughts and assumptions about what those around you think or feel about you. You need to realize that people are not talking about you and they are not judging you.

Do you ever refrain from approaching someone because you are worried about what people around you will think about you? Are you worried that they will think you’re strange, or pathetic, or a failure, or that they will make fun of you if you approach a member of the opposite sex?

You need to realize that not only are people around you are not talking about you, they are no thinking about you at all. They aren’t because they are doing exactly what you are doing, i.e., thinking about themselves and what is going on in their own lives. They may be worrying just like you about their own problems, their own issues and, maybe, about their own shyness.

Have you ever been standing in a grocery checkout line next to someone you’d love to talk to but don’t because you don’t want to be judged by those around you? These people are not judging you. They are thinking about how miserable they are in their job, how they weren’t happy with the latte they were served that morning and how long it’s taking them to get through that grocery line.

The only person judging you on your shyness is you. The only person thinking about the thoughts in your head is you.

Perhaps the most important thing you need to do to overcome your dating shyness is understand that you hold the power to overcome your own shyness. The truth is that being shy is all about you and your own thoughts about yourself. It’s not about anything or anyone else.

The good news about this is that you are not stuck being shy … you have the power to overcome your shyness. Once you understand this, you then need to decide to take the necessary action to overcome your shyness.

You have the power to open your mouth and say hello to anyone. Being shy really means that you are judging yourself. It means that you are judging yourself to be unworthy and incapable of meeting and attracting the opposite sex – and this is totally untrue.

You need to accept your life. You need to embrace yourself for who you are and what you’re all about, then go out and talk to others with that confidence. When you stop judging yourself, you will no longer feel shy.

Once you understand what being shy really is and how it has been controlling you, you can take control of your mind and your emotions and eliminate it from your life permanently. Don’t let a poor mindset hold you back from meeting and connecting with people every day.

Todays video is a great step in overcoming that shyness that you feel. Have an amazing Saturday!!!