I was just on the phone with a really good friend of mine, and we were having a really funny conversation about his relationship. He’s dating someone who says to him, “I don’t care if you have female friends, but I don’t want you making an new female friends.”
As we got into the conversation, I started thinking about my life. I started thinking about in which times of my life I have made friends with my female friends.
Many times, I made new female friends when I was single. That would often happen when I was single and dating, because I’d become friends with women I was meeting that I really liked as people but with whom I didn’t feel any chemistry. I didn’t become friends with those women out of any kind of sexual desire for them.
Thinking about the women I became friends with while I’ve been in relationships, however, is something very different. If my relationships weren’t going well, I tended to find women friends to whom I was attracted.
So, I started looking a little deeper into this, and I started to realize that maybe my friend’s girlfriend has a valid point. She truly believes that if you’re in a relationship and are still collecting friends of the opposite sex, then it means that you are still out there trying to “sew your wild oats” . . . just in a different way. It’s a way to cheat emotionally.
I can understand her thinking, because I’ve dated four women who were just my friend when I met them. I ended up dating every one of those four women with whom I was “just friends” when we met.
I have to tell you. I had chemistry with each and every one of those four women right from the get-go, and I know they felt that same chemistry since they continued to pursue the so-called friendship.
Whether I didn’t actually end up dating them until a year later or two years later doesn’t matter. I am kind of in agreement with my friend’s girlfriend and her take on the issue of men and women being friends.
If you’re not satisfied in your relationship or you’re spending a lot of time with someone of the opposite sex, you’re not just bumping into women you think are really cool. Can you imagine your lover telling you this: “I was in Whole Foods today, and I ran into this great girl I want to be friends with. We just had so much in common. We were talking about which kind of breakfast cereal is the best, and I just really think she would be a great friend. I want you to meet her.”
So, the girl meets this new would-be female friend and of course she’s a knockout. Come on guys, let’s get real. You’re only friends with women with whom you want to have sex.
If you’re not happy in your relationship and you’re finding new females with whom to be friends, it’s only a matter of time before you start cheating and having sex with one of them. Women do the same thing.
Stop being in denial ladies. Women do this exact same thing. You have a boyfriend who is not satisfying you, and all of a sudden you’ll meet a great guy and become friends with him. It’s only a matter of time before that chemistry is exposed and the sex starts.
I think anyone who is denying that all of this is true is delusional, and I think my friend’s girlfriend may have a valid point here. The man or women who goes out and finds new opposite sex friends, is someone who tends to feel like something is missing in their relationship. You guys think about this.
I would like to introduce all of you to a friend of mine. She wishes to remain anonymous, but I can tell you that she is a sex and dating coach to men and women all over the globe. We’ll call her “The Fiery Redhead.”
Now you all know how I feel about nicknames, so I’ll encourage her to reveal at least her first name soon. I will tell you that she is a woman in her 30’s who lives in Los Angeles, and who thinks that ‘Sex And The City’ doesn’t pertain to Los Angeles (because, really, it’s more like ’sex in the hills’ or ’sex on the beach).
The Fiery Redhead really wants to help men and women meet people, so I’ve offered her the opportunity to be a guest poster on the blog. Plus, I’m sure you guys have to get sick of hearing from just me.
So you will be getting a different perspective from her about every couple weeks. I also thought it would be a cool to have a woman giving her perspective and helping the women and the men.
So let’s welcome our new guest blogger and enjoy her first blog today. It’s a great topic. So, without further ado, here she is…
Hey Guys and Girls,
You know, David asked me to start writing a little guest column because he figured why not have a female opinion every so often. And why not have one who really tells it like it is. That definitely describes me (as you’ll quickly discover).
I’ve got to tell you something. The other day some girl friends and I were sitting around with some guys who were talking all about how to “close” a woman. You will never hear a woman say something like that.
You’ll never hear a woman say, “You know, we went on a boat trip the other day and met some really cute guys. My friend was flirting with one guy, but at the end of the day she ended up going home without closing him.”
No, she didn’t “close” him. She didn’t hook up with him. What is it with you guys having to “close” us? Why do you need to “close” us?
We’re not a door — you don’t need to close us. Really, if you close us it’s actually because we’ve determined that you were cool to hang out with so we want to go and bang you. I mean, that’s really what it comes down to. We make that decision, not you.
I don’t understand it. Why don’t you just learn the way women are? If we like you and enjoy your company, and we give outward signs of that, then you don’t need to close us. You just need to go with the flow.
Why can’t guys just be a little more relaxed and a little cooler about things? You’d get laid so much more if you would just listen to the verbal clues. That’s all for my ranting and raving for this time. I’ll talk to you guys soon!
Okay, thanks again to the Fiery Redhead for this first post! To all of you, enjoy the last weekend of summer, because fall is here as of next week. Also, if any of you would like to know any of my football predictions, be sure to tune into the blog on Sunday. Why? Because I want to and it will be fun.
Now, since it’s the weekend and some of you go out to the bars, I thought this great video will help you out. It’s all about how to walk the walk and talk the talk to be able to successfully approach women in bars.
I rarely ever make a correction to any blog, but I have to tell you something. I can see why some of you are having trouble meeting the opposite sex.
You take things out of context when you read, and if you do it while you’re reading then I know you do it when you’re listening. My blogs are short, but if you want to get the whole message then you have to read them from beginning to end.
I posted a blog the other day that was titled “We’re Pregnant!” I got congratulatory messages all day long on Facebook, on the blog and in my email inbox. If you’d actually read even the first four lines of that blog, however, you would know that Sonja and I aren’t not pregnant and that the blog was about how men use the phrase ‘we’re pregnant.’
Enough about that blog, except that it’s interesting how life is all about perception. Some of you perceived that my girlfriend and I were pregnant.
It was probably the same group of people who don’t listen to what people say, and have difficulty transitioning into deeper, more meaningful conversations with people to whom they are attracted. Life is all about perception, but you’ve got to listen and communicate everything in order to get what you want.
It’s funny. I have someone who works for me who wants to know why they aren’t making more money. It’s not that I’m not paying them well. It’s that they are not doing what they are supposed to be doing (and need to be doing) to earn more.
If they’re not on Skype during the day, I can’t get a hold of them when I need to do so, and they are on the bottom of the sales numbers every month, then I will perceive them as lazy. I will perceive them as not having a good work mindset.
Now, if you want to masturbate the day away, that’s your business. I’m not talking about physically masturbating (although some people do). I am talking about mental masturbation.
People who don’t take action often times are mental masturbators. They’ll mentally masturbate about having great sex, losing that weight, being able to approach the opposite sex, or whatever it may be.
Mental masturbation is no different than physical masturbation. You just get off in a very different way.
You think about the big home you’re going to have, the car you’ll be driving or taking over a business. In reality, though, you’re still the same person who is getting nothing done and who has the same poor work habits.
Life is full of fears, and unfortunately some of us spend more time mentally masturbating away our fears instead of actually doing something about them. It’s no different than masturbating with your hand or a vibrator. Think about it.
Whenever you get off alone, it’s never even close to how good it is to get off with someone with whom you’ve connected. In a work context, whenever you actually accomplish a goal it is always so much better than mentally masturbating it. Approaching actual women and learning how to be confident doing will always feel better than mentally masturbating all the women you want to approach.
Eventually you have to overcome your fear and just do these things. I am a doer, not a talker.
I am not attracted to talkers. I’ll coach them, but I don’t have any friends in my life who are talkers. I surround myself with doers.
With whom do you surround yourself — doers or talkers? Do you surround yourself with a bunch of mental masturbators so you can stroke each other all day long and never get to your destination?
That’s all for this topic. Speaking of stroking, though, today’s video will tell you how to stroke women so they’ll climax like never before. Ahhh…your mind is so dirty right now, but the sexual technique I’m going to show you will stroke women in a place you would have never thought of…
Wednesday. Podcast day. Today’s podcast is going to shock you.
Are you a guy who walks around with your penis in your hand? When you go on a date, are you totally ruled by the power you’ve given your penis all these years? Are you so obsessed with sex, that all you think about on a date is getting the woman in the sack (instead of getting to know her)?
Are you a guy who knows how to transition to sex? Do you read books about how to transition to sex?
Are you always consumed at the end of a date trying to get an extra squeeze or play some serious tonsil hockey? Do you sit around with your friends and wonder how to make “the move” on a woman you’ve been out with two or three times?
Are you so in your head on a date, that every time you touch her it’s so not natural that she gets turned off (although what you’re doing is technically correct)? Do you actually think about when to hold her hand, or when to touch her back or anywhere else to create sexual tension?
Did you answer yes to any of these questions? If so, then welcome to the world of being run by your penis and not being run by what’s going on in the moment.
Today’s podcast is an interview I did with my friend Vince Kelvin. I’ll be speaking soon at this year’s PUA Summit. I’ll be talking all about transitioning to sex.
Let me tell you something. Today’s podcast will take your penis out of your hand and out of your head, and you’re finally going to learn how to connect with women organically so that sex is her idea (or, better yet, is mutual).
No more wondering when to have sex or how to transition into sex. It’s going to be as seamless and beautiful as watching Drew Brees throw six touchdown passes against the lowly Lions.
Every time Brees fades back to pass, he has the chance to make a touchdown. By learning how to connect with women, you can seamlessly transition into sex with women.
It will be natural. It’s also exactly what women have been wanting from mankind since Oogabooga the caveman went into his cave and dragged Oogaboogette out by the hair, letting his penis do the talking instead of giving her what she really wanted . . . a nice dinner with some chilled dinosaur caviar and a nice warm pterodactyl stir fry.
This is going to be the podcast that will change your sex life forever. Enjoy!
It’s time to let the coolness factor die. Let’s say you live in Washington DC. Every Friday and Saturday night, you go to the same bars in Adams Morgan or Dupont Circle, and you hit on the same 24-year-old blond girls.
At 10:30 pm, you decide the place is lame and you go somewhere else. At midnight, the same guy every week says, “Dude, we have to go check out this other place. I heard it is great. My friend just texted me from there…”
It’s like Groundhog Day over and over again. You go home, and you’re always frustrated because you missed talking to the girl that got into the cab as you were walking over to talk to her.
In reality, what you’re doing is chasing the night. You’re miserable and not enjoying yourself, but you go back and do it again the next weekend.
While you’re doing this every weekend, other guys may be sitting around the house with some buddies having a great time barbecuing and drinking some wine. Others may have a great soul-searching weekend. Those guys come back on Monday feeling invigorated and alive.
There is a time when you really have to stop giving into your friend’s bullshit. You have to start saying that enough is enough.
When I was single, some of my best Friday nights included going out to dinner and being home by ten o’clock at night. I never cared about chasing the night. I’d be home at 10:00 pm so I could get up early the next morning and have an amazing Saturday meeting the kind of women I really wanted to meet and doing things I loved to do.
When you finally break up with your friends and stop buying into their bullshit, then you’ll know you really didn’t miss a thing when you get that day after call saying, “Dude, you should have been there!” So start breaking up with your friends and start becoming an independent, free thinker!
I used to be the guy who would go out and get validated by sleeping with women. I used to be the guy who would go out with a bunch of guys every Friday night to cruise bars, try to meet hot women, and try to get as many women’s phone numbers as possible.
I used to be that guy trying to do all that stuff — going from bar to bar and place to place — looking for the best night I could possibly have. I used to be that guy who would actually go home with girls to whom I wasn’t even all that attracted. I mean, they might be okay or kind of a cool girl . . . but they weren’t who I wanted.
The women I really wanted always had left the bar two hours before, but my ego needed validation so I’d be with women I didn’t really want just to be “that guy” who could get women to all my friends. I had to prove to them that I was the guy who could pick up women.
My ego needed that validation. I used to be that guy. I remember being that guy in my 20s.
I recently had a great coaching session with a guy in his 20s, and we were talking about this very subject. As we were talking and reminiscing, I found myself being amazed thinking about how many women I would have actually connected with if I knew then what I know now.
I would have connected with women on much deeper levels and would have had much better connections with them. I would have met women I wanted to meet, instead of allowing my ego to dictate with which women I’d have sex or ask out on a date.
Back then it didn’t matter to me about the kind of connections I was having as long as my ego was getting validated. As long as I got validated by women, I was able to connect and hook up with women.
A lot of guys are like that. I used to be like that. I used to be that guy. That’s why I totally understand what all you guys are going through and what you really want.
You don’t need to have constant validation, because truly connecting with women is one of the most unbelievable and amazing things you can do. A lot of guys don’t understand that until they get older.
What is so great about coaching you guys and really getting inside your mindset is that I understand where you want to be. I’m so jealous and wish I could be in this mindset I’m teaching you when I was younger, although it’s so great to be able to help you and see all of you get there now.
I used to be you. Now I can help you become the most powerful version of you.
Do you know what the worst thing is about vacation? I mean, apart from the fact that they’re always too short, and involve sitting in uncomfortable airplane seats and having the person in the hotel room next door to you play their television way too loudly. Besides all of that, do you know what the worst thing is about vacation? It’s coming home.
What is it about coming home? Why is it such a downer? I have a nice home. I like my home. I love coming back and seeing my dog. I just never want vacations to end. They’re never long enough.
It was sad seeing New Orleans. It’s the second time I’ve been there post-Katrina, and the city still hasn’t totally recovered. I’m not about to go on a political tangent about how the government screwed that thing up, I’m just going to go on to talk about today’s blog topic.
Whether or not you’re getting sex seems to be a fun conversation, so let’s enjoy it. Also, speaking of sex, take a look at the end of this blog because there’s a sneak peek of a very private offer. (I know some of you only read the beginning and the end of the blog, so I didn’t want any of you to miss out on the prize).
Talking about prizes, how much fun was it as a kid to try to get the prize that came in the bottom of cereal boxes before your brothers and sisters could find them? You always knew when my brother had gotten to a cereal box, because the whole side of the box would look swollen. There’s no way to get those toy surprises in a box of cereal without causing some damage.
Sex is kind of like a prize too. So let’s talk about sex and particularly the “third date sex rule.”
It’s the third date, so it’s time to have sex, right? There seems to be a widespread rumor out there that if you get to a third date with someone, then it’s time to have sex.
What is it with this “it’s the third date so it’s time to have sex” thing? Who made up this rule? Who started it? Was it on an episide of “Sex And The City?” I mean, from where did this “rule” come?
I’m going to tell you exactly what the third date means. If you’re really in touch with yourself and the other person, then the third date signifies the point at which you usually know whether or not this is a person with whom you want to hang, get to know better and with whom you want to see if you can establish some kind of relationship.
Three dates with someone will usually tell you if this is a person you want to get to know better, because you’ve probably spent nine, ten or more hours with them by this time. You’ve had a bunch of phone calls with them in between the dates. You’re getting to know them and learn who they are.
For me, the third date always meant that I liked that persosn, I can hang with them and I want to get to know them better. It doesn’t mean that I sit there all uptight counting down the minutes to the end of date one, counting down the minutes in the second date, and then counting down the minutes to the third date when I can try to get her to come back to my house because it’s the third date and we have to have sex. C’mon…that’s ridiculous.
So from now on when you make it to three dates, instead of just thinking about sex why not ask yourself some better questions:
Do I like this person? Do I want to get to know this person better? Is this person someone whom I respect? Do I like their viewpoint? Can I imagine myself doing things with them (e.g., traveling, going out to dinner)? Do we share some of the same interests? Do I enjoy their company? Do I enjoy listening to them? Do I respect what they do for a living?
Instead of just thinking about whether you’ll vibe together in bed, think about whether you’ll vibe together as people. Because if you vibe together as people, the sex will be great. So stop thinking with Mr. Penis, and start thinking with your heart and with your head. Remember that whenever you let the penis do all of the thinking, the penis is usually wrong.
You know what’s funny too? Some people want to have sex right away. They want to live out a sexual fantasy, but they may have NO clue how to make that happen.
Today, I released a product about sexual fantasies (and how to make them a reality) BUT it’s only available to people on my private subscriber list. If you’re on that list, check your email inbox and the link to (and a video I created about) that product is contained in an email I sent you.
If you’re interested in this product and you’re not on my subscriber list, you have to sign up to be able to get it. Signing up is free, easy and fast — all you have to do is put your first name and email address in the box at the top right hand corner of the page.
I’d like to share with you an email I received from one of my readers named Ryan. Ryan writes:
“Dear David,
I just got into the biggest fight with my girlfriend, because I was really curious about how many guys she’s slept with. I’ve only slept with three women – I’m 29 years old. I lost my virginity at 19, and I’ve had three relationships, so I’ve never really had casual sex. I’ve been honest with my girlfriend about that. When I asked her how many guys she’s slept with, she told me about 40! I freaked out and started screaming at her. She ran out of the room crying, and now she won’t return my phone calls. What do I do?”
Here was my answer to Ryan:
Ryan (aka Mr. Double Standard),
How disgraceful are you? My God, I can’t believe how many men do this over and over again. How many men judge women based on the number of men with whom they’ve slept? Who cares!
So she’s slept with 40 people. What difference does that make? She’s not sleeping with all 40 of them right now. When you come home at night, you don’t find 40 men in your bedroom waiting to have sex with your girlfriend.
Do you think she’s promiscuous now that you know she has slept with 40 men? She was just expressing her sexuality.
It’s amazing how many men think that it’s perfectly okay for them to sleep with 40 women . . . and even congratulate themselves for it. When a woman sleeps with 40 men, though, men consider her to be a slut.
I can’t stand guys who have double standards. I don’t care at all with how many men a woman has slept. All I care about is that she enjoyed herself, and that she grew throughout her sexual journey.
It’s not the number of people you sleep with that’s important. It’s what you do with them. It’s how you evolve as a person through those relationships. It’s what you learn about yourself from them.
Some of us may sleep with hundreds of people along the way. Why people do that will vary, but the reasons really don’t matter.
Whether you’re a man or a woman, it doesn’t matter with how many people you’ve slept. You should never judge your partner based on the number of people with whom they’ve slept.
Does your partner enjoy being with you? Are they loyal to you? Do they love being with you? Do they love having sex with you? If the answer to these questions is yes, then what does it matter how many people they’ve slept with before you?
You have to accept that being their partner now means accepting everything they’ve done before they were with you. You have to respect their journey and the things they’ve done. If you can respect all that they’ve done, then you are honoring who they truly are.
The minute you judge somebody like you did, Ryan, you probably deserve to have her walk out on you. You were practicing a double standard. Remember that no one is a slut or a stud when you don’t judge.
Today’s video will help you turn off the negative thinking and really help you embrace each persons unique journey in life.
