I stopped him at this point, and said “Almost a year? Do you realize that self-growth is a never-ending process?”

I want all of you to think about that for one second. No matter where you are in your life today, if you’re somebody that really strives to have an amazing life then you are going to be growing every single day.

Self-growth is a lifetime job. It really is.

It is not a temporary thing you’re going through like getting the flu. There is no temporary self-growth fix. It’s constant.

The Ultimate Mindset

It’s a constant thing that happens in your life. You will always have things that you need to work on, there will always be things that you need to battle, and there will always be things that you need to learn and to embrace.

Self-growth is something I am going to do until the day I die. I’m going to be still growing probably on the day that I die, because I still have a lot of self-growth left to do. That’s life.

So just enjoy where you are in your life right now. If you feel like you’re frustrated, and you wish that the self-growth stage of your life would be over so that you can finally be where you want to be in your life, then I have news for you.

Once you get to where you want to be in life, you will want to be somewhere else — because there is always something else you will need to work on or learn. So just enjoy it.

One of my favorite quotes is one I said to a client a long time ago: “You are where you are in your life because that’s exactly where you should be.”

I want you all to think about that today. You are where you are in your life because it’s exactly where you’re supposed to be.

You can not believe that you have made it this far.

The date that you have planned for tonight? Well, it’s worked out. Oh yes, you know everything about it! It doesn’t matter that it’s presently 2011–it doesn’t matter at all. You can see the future. Years down the road, you’re able to look into the future and know exactly how that date’s going to go tonight.

Aren’t you relaxed now? Isn’t it amazing knowing that THIS is the person you’re going to marry in a couple of years? Can’t you now just relax on this date and not obsess so much about it? The date you’re on is in 2011. But in your head, it’s 2017. 2011 has merely called back to you six years later to tell you how well the date you’re going to have tonight worked out.

What am I talking about here? Future people! Future men and future women, that’s what I’m talking about it. You’re the person who’s such a nervous wreck about a future date that you spend your entire time leading up to that date obsessing about what to do! You even talk to friends: “What should I talk about? What do you think I should tell my date about me, hm? What do you think I should talk about on this date?” Once you’ve set the date, you think about how many times you need to text him or her until the first date to keep their interest level up. You strategize about the date ahead of time. You wonder when to kiss ahead of time. You think about the right moment to hold her hand ahead of time.

You think about when to flip your hair to show him you’re interested. You think about interesting topics to talk about ahead of time.

That’s not a date, that’s just worrying! You’re making it so hard on yourself. Here’s the deal: you set the date, you confirm the date the day before, and then you meet them at the place you confirmed. You don’t think about what signs to look for or what to say. You don’t plot out a whole conversation. You don’t think about when the perfect time to kiss is. You stay present in the moment. That’s what you do. You have a conversation as you would any conversation with any other person that you’ve met.

You need to stop worrying about what this person is going to be in the future, because when you worry about the future, there is not going to be any future. There will be no future at all. So many people, all the time, worry so much about what to say on a date. When you go out with your friends, do you plot out an entire outline of things to talk about, or do you just stay present and have a good time? The most powerful thing about a date is that the person you’re with can really get to know who you are. They can get to know your interests, what you’re about, have a conversation, see if you two really connect.

The absolute worst thing you can do on a date is water yourself down. Just be yourself, talk, and listen. And of course, on a date don’t talk about how wounded you have been from past relationships. Keep it positive, talk about the good times. Stop obsessing about whether or not she thinks (or he thinks) it’s a date or if you’re going out as friends.

It’s a date if you set it up that way. If your intentions are clear, if you’re not hiding a secret agenda, it’s a date whether you’re taking them out for dinner, for coffee, for a drink, for a walk in the park—as long as you set it up as a date. Stop obsessing about what to do.

Don’t try to get to know the “future him” or the “future her” or “future both-of-us-together”. Play it cool and really just get to know her. And to the women right now reading this, get to know him.

Do you ever say to yourself, “Man I’d really love to go talk to that woman I’m really attracted to over there, but I just can’t do it?” If you’re a woman, do you hear dating advice telling you that you need to be more of a huntress with men and think “I can’t do that?”

A lot of women aren’t hunters at all. They don’t even know how to hunt.

In reality, women can actually be not always so much hunters but baiters — if you know how to lay the bait. The real hunter – the man you’re most attracted to — will actually pick up on that and start talking to you. He’ll pick up on your energy and who you are if you know how to lay the bait.

A lot of the times women don’t understand that this is really just a version of being a female hunter. You’ve got to lay the bait. You can’t just sit back and wait.

The people who sit back in life are the same people who say they can’t do things. Also, by using terminology like “I can’t,” what you are doing is telling yourself that you don’t believe you can do it.

“I can’t” is really just a fear. That’s all it is — “I can’t” is a fear. When you say you can’t do something, it really means that you fear doing it. So you allow fear to basically overcome you and control you.

Fear is such an incredible emotion, but fear it is really a man-made one. Think about it.

You see someone to whom you are attracted, and you tell yourself you can’t go approach them and list all the excuses why you can’t do it. I’m sure they are all fantastic excuses. I’m sure they’re great.

I’m sure you use them a thousand times so that they are extremely well thought out and you actually believe them. That doesn’t change the fact, however, that they are still just excuses.

I see through people’s excuses all the time. I see excuses every day. I have my own excuses and fears I deal with just like everyone else. They key is to deal with them — not to avoid them by saying “I can’t.”

So the term “I can’t” doesn’t exist. This is especially true for you women out there who don’t understand the power of being the female hunter . . . but I’ll talk more about that another day.

Thanks Zach from the blog for sending this to me.

Thought you guys would get a kick out of this sad but true way we communicate.

And here is a great clip on how men talk.

This should get all of you excited for this weeks games.

Sometimes you’re with people and you just get annoyed. Do you know what I’m talking about? You’re just not in the mood. I think everyone goes through this.

I think everybody hits a point during their life — whether it’s for a week or a month or even longer — where people (ALL people) just annoy you. Your boss annoys you. Your lover annoys you. Your friends annoy you.

It could be your best friend who tells you the same story over and over again that he has been telling you for years about why he can’t meet someone or about the problems in his relationship. It could be that one habit of your lover’s that normally just kind of bugs you, that you now you can’t stand to be around.

It doesn’t matter what it is. People in general will annoy each other on a regular basis.

So what do you do to avoid fights, or to avoid pissing people off, when they annoy you?

You just acknowledge it, and realize it’s going to pass. Life is just a series of moments that pass. Whatever it is that annoys you about someone at one moment will pass.

These moments will not last. So what you need to do during these times is to go out on the beach and scream at the waves, take a swim, work out or something like that.

Allow yourself to go deep inside yourself and get all pissed off. Yell, scream or do whatever it is you need to do blow off steam. That way, when you are around people again you will be your most charming, sweet and lovable self.

What do I do when people annoy me? I tend to go off into my man den.

Every man should have a man den. Every man needs a man den. It’s his place of complete and utter peace.

When people annoy me, I will sometimes go up into my man den and read some Internet sites that are interesting me at the moment. That kind of calms me down.

Sometimes I will take Daphne for a walk. Then again, Daphne is so slow that she will annoy me because she is that slow.

Sometimes I will chill out and watch a television show. Lately I’ve been watching Dexter. That show is a lot of fun. Getting lost in a television show or a movie is a great way to get your mind off the fact that you’re irritable.

These are some of the things I do. So when you’re feeling this irritation with people, find whatever works that will allow you to blow off some steam and to take your mind off of it. Everyone will be happier for it.

You find yourself really starting to forecast what’s going to happen in this not-yet-a-relationship situation. You think about how you are going to take them home for Christmas and what a blast the party you’re going to go to with them on Halloween is going to be. You think about how great it will be to have someone to go sailing with on your birthday this year.

Do you find yourself always falling too quickly for people before you even get to know them? Do you find yourself saying things to someone you’ve just met about what the two of you should do together two or three weeks from now? You are out on your first date with someone and all you do is talk about the future with them.

Do you know why you’re doing that future planning on a first or second date? It’s because you are needy, you hate being single and you don’t have an abundance mentality.

What happens is the minute you get somebody to say yes to a date with you, all you think about is being rescued form this horrible experience you’ve been having called being alone or being single. So what you do is to immediately start forecasting, because it makes you feel better that you might have a relationship that is going to work after it’s been so hard for you to meet someone.

Because it’s been so hard for you to meet someone, now that you have you don’t want to blow it. So you try really hard not to blow it, and end up putting a lot of pressure on it which makes you come across as being very needy.

When you’re out on a first date with somebody and you’re talking about all the things you want to do with them in the future, you look desperate and needy. That will turn them off. It scares them.

All someone wants to do on a first date is learn more about you. They want to learn what is special about you. They want to learn about what makes you tick.

They don’t want to think about what might happen three weeks from now. On a first date, they are not in the planning stage of a relationship. The truth is that you’re not even close to the planning stage of a relationship yet.

You can consider yourself in the planning stage of a relationship when you’re sleeping with them, when you you’re both committed to each other and when you’re enjoying each other’s company on a regular basis. That is when you know there is a relationship.

If you bring this stuff up from the beginning — and especially on a first date — you’re going to look desperate and needy. That is what makes these things not work out. So many people self-destruct potentially good relationships before they even have a chance to happen.

So the next time you’re with somebody on a first and second date, stop your desperate energy. Stop being so needy, and just enjoy them for the moment. You’ll get the end result that you’ve always desired if you stop thinking about the end result and stop looking for confirmation.

Don’t look for confirmation. If you talk on a first date about what you want to be doing with them three weeks from now, you might as well look them in the eyes and say, “I’m so needy and desperate. Do you like me? Do you like me? Do you like me?” That is what you’re communicating to them when you do that. That is why they’re not calling you again, and why you’re having a lot of “one and done” dates with people.

Who do you call?

Who can help you figure out each and every moment of the date?

Who is going to confirm all that they said on the date?

Who is going to stop you from being inside your head all day after a date.

Guess who?

Me and this podcast will help you stop being a neurotic dating speculator!

For all you men, click through to my Men’s Mastery Series after you listen to today’s podcast.

For all you women, click through to my Women’s Mastery Series after you listen to today’s podcast.

Click Here To Download Today’s Podcast!

One time, I went to a seminar where all the guy leading the seminar wanted the audience to do was to say “Yes!” over and over again. No matter what the seminar leader said, he expected the audience to respond to with just one word: Yes!

You don’t ever want to be a “yes man” (or a “yes woman”). Why are you saying yes? Why are people “yes men” or “yes women?”

The reason is that they are insecure. They actually feel like nobody wants them, so when they find someone with whom to have a relationship, they agree with everything.

They’re so afraid to rock the boat. They’re so afraid that if they don’t say yes to everything that they’re going to lose this person and never have a chance at another relationship again.

Unfortunately they are unaware of one thing. The truth is that nobody wants to be with a “yes man” (or a “yes woman”).

It drives me crazy to be around these kind of people. I have friends who are “yes men,” and have been stuck in conversations like this:

DW: “Do you want Thai food?”
YesMan: “Yes.”
DW: “How about Mexican food?”
YesMan: “Sure.”
DW: What do you want to eat?
YesMan: “I want whatever you want.”

I really can’t stand it.

Stand up for yourself, have an opinion on things and don’t be afraid to communicate. People will respect you more.

I never respect “yes people.” If someone yes’s me to death, I don’t respect them because they don’t feel like my equal.

Everyone is each other’s equal. So if you feel like you’ve been a “yes man” or a “yes woman” in relationships, then it’s time for you to start saying the magic word: No!

These are two letters you need to learn — “n” and “o.” Use them. Be one with “no.”

In reality, what is going on in that situation is that your penis is talking to you. It is saying, “Hey, Mr. Big Head up there. Yeah, you between the shoulders. Mr. Penis here. Listen, man, I think this girl is really hot and really want to get into her. So try not to f^*k it up this time. Please don’t say the wrong thing, because I really want to hit that vagina tonight. Please don’t f^*k it up and say that stupid thing you said last time you approached a woman. Play it safe this time.”

This is what your penis is doing. Your penis is controlling your head. If it wasn’t, then your head would be thinking “I’m a cool guy. Man, I’m awesome. I’m great. There is a pretty girl over there, but who cares? There are tons of pretty girls in the world. I’m just looking for the one I can really connect with who really gets me. Let me go over and talk to her and see what she’s all about. Let’s see if I even like her at all. I’ll ask her out for a cup of coffee and get to know her a little bit.”

That is what the rational mind would be saying. The problem, however, is that we are so driven by what’s inside our pants. We are so driven by Mr. Penis. Since Mr. Penis doesn’t understand anything rational, he gives his power away every single time.

So the next time you see a good-looking woman, stop looking for validation. Stop listening to Mr. Penis. When you do that, you will realize that you are an amazing person.

This is exactly what I did so that my penis never controlled how successful my approaches were. CLICK HERE to listen to me go through it step-by-step.

He’s a little version of me . . . literally. I’m 6’2″ and he’s 5’7″. He’s almost like my adopted son. He’s an amazing, loving and honest person, but like any child he can also drive me crazy.

One way that Jacob drives me crazy is that he doesn’t understand what following up is. Follow-up is the key to life.

Now Jacob knows how to follow up with women, but sometimes when I give him work tasks he will follow up on his own schedule. He’s fine with me writing this blog, by the way, because he’s always contributing – in the blog, being there for all you guys, and he is always about self-growth. He will always admit both his strong points and his weak points.

Follow-up is the key to anybody being very successful in life. This is not just about dating either.

Granted, if you get a phone number from a woman you need to follow up with her. If you’re the least bit interested, you should follow up right away. I always say that you should give someone a call within 24 hours.

Call them (or call them back) and rephrase something you talked about with them that interested you. That way the conversation feels like a never-ending conversation. Things will flow really easily.

A lot of guys will get a phone number and they’ll wait two weeks to call that woman. Then when they do call, the woman will wonder why it took him so long to call. Even if you say that you were traveling or give some other reason, the woman will no longer be interested.

By not calling for two weeks, you just look like another ass. You look like a guy who is playing games and didn’t make her a priority.

Every woman wants to feel like a priority. I don’t care if it’s the first time you go out with her or the hundredth time you go out with her, every woman wants to feel special.

Follow-up is the key in dating and in every other part of life. If you are in sales and you get a sales lead on which you don’t follow up right away, you are never going to make that sale.

Someone calls you at your office and it takes you four days to follow up with them. In this day and age, there are so many different ways to communicate – you have emails, texts, and cell phones. So you don’t even have to be home or at your office to send someone a message.

If you can’t call someone right away, how hard is it to just send somebody a quick email saying “I’m busy for the next day or two, but I really look forward to speaking with you after that. Have a great few days!”

It’s all about following up. All successful people understand that follow-up is one of the things that made them successful.

You want to be successful at dating?  You better learn how to follow up.  If you want to be successful in business, you better really learn how to follow up.

So many people put things off. Those are the people who wake up every New Year’s Day wondering why they aren’t making enough money or aren’t successful in their dating life. They are the ones who write down the same New Year’s resolutions year after year.

If you really want to succeed with life — with women, in business, or in anything else — you need to learn to follow up. If you’re poor at following up, put a “to do” list together every single day. As you do each thing on the list, cross it out.

At the end of the day, look at your “to do” list and transfer all the items that aren’t scratched out on a new piece of paper as your next day’s “to do” list. Every time that you think of something you need to do, write it down right away so you don’t forget.

Say you’re busy doing three or four things and all of a sudden you remember that you need to call Joe. Since you are in the middle of another task, just write down “Call Joe” on your list and that way you will remember to do it after you’re finished.

Another reason to make this list for yourself each day, is that writing everything down gives you a way to prioritize. You can put older tasks on the top and newer ones on the bottom, or maybe you put the most important things on the top of the list. The important thing is that you re-look at your “to do” list every single day.

When I was dating a lot, I would write down every woman that I met. I would write down what they were about, who they were and when I called them (or was going to call them).

I would write all that down automatically — “Met Jane at Whole Foods. Call her Tuesday.” Then I would write things I learned about them like, “Called Jane and met her yesterday. She was cool, liked ….”

I would do this because I know in life we get really busy, and then all of a sudden you’ve forgotten to call a great woman because time got away from you. If you do call her after three or four days have gone by, she’s going to look at it as you being rude.

So get a yellow pad, start writing things down and get that “to do” list together! Review your “to do” list several times a day, and make sure you remain focused and on track.

All of you can thank Coach Jacob for this great blog. I wrote it, but he made me feel it.

Click here to listen to me talk all about my personal tricks to how to become successful in every part of your life — and how to create a roadmap on how to get there.