Being Jewish (oh my God, did I shock anyone with that?), I don’t really know too much about Lent. I am actually not really a religious person. I am a spiritual person who believes in spirits. I have no idea in what I believe, but that is a topic for another day’s blog.

Anyway, I heard it’s Lent right now for all the Christian folk out there. Do you know what the Jewish version is of Lent? It’s called Lend. That is the time when we go to our banker, borrow some money to start a new business or build up a current business, and then we have forty days to pay it back.

I understand that you have to give something up during the forty days of Lent. So I was thinking about what I could give up for Lent.

I was thinking of giving up my life for Lent. No, I’m not going to kill myself. I’m just going to give up my life to someone else. Does anyone want it?

Does anyone want to be me for forty days and forty nights? We can trade lives. I’ll be you and you can be me.

You can be a dating expert and give relationship advice. You can yell at my employees. You can walk my dog. You can drive my car — actually, no, you can’t do that.

There are some limitations. As I said, you can’t drive my car. You also can’t have sex with my girl.

In exchange, I get your life for those forty days and forty nights. Let me tell you something, I would love to get inside some of your heads and totally change your mindset. Give me forty days inside your body and your mind, and your life would be very different when you got it back on Easter.

So for Lent, I may give up my life. Then again, maybe I won’t. I may give up something else.

Maybe I’ll give up sex for forty days and forty nights. If I did, I think my balls would be as big as a rat’s by the end of it. So I think sex is something I won’t give up for Lent.

I would give up drugs, but I don’t do them anymore. I’ll give up alcohol. Yes, that sounds like a great idea . . . except that I don’t drink. What about smoking? No, I don’t smoke either.

I could give up driving. Nah, I live in Los Angeles so if I gave up driving I would be stuck!

How about if I give up speaking to my mother for forty days? I could do that, and in fact I think I have done that during certain parts of my life. Yes, I have been a bad son at times.

How about if I give up reading ESPN online? Football is finished, and I really don’t care about any of the sports that are being played between now and Easter anyway. I couldn’t care less about basketball, and baseball is a yawn-fest of 162 boring games.

Let’s see what else I can give up for Lent. I just don’t know. I’m trying really hard to think of something.

I could give up giving advice for forty days and let you guys write the blog. No, I don’t think so.

How about I give up getting aggravated at all the L.A. drivers, and promise to just smile at all of them and give them love? Not sure I can make it for forty days doing that.

Do any of you have suggestions of anything I can give up for Lent? Maybe I should just become Jewish again and go back to celebrating Lend. Then I can just borrow some money, pay it back in forty days and see what happens.

Well, that’s my version of Lent. What’s your version of Lent?

This blog has sounded like an Andy Rooney segment. So this is Andy saying goodbye and happy Lent.

The other day I was walking into a cafe, and I see this woman sitting in the corner wearing a t-shirt with the words “For Rent By The Hour” on it. I must admit that this led my mind to go in many different directions.

I mean, what did she mean by this? Could I rent her by the hour to clean my house? Does she perform sexual acts by the hour? Would she make herself available to do filing in my office by the hour?

I kept wondering what exactly she was willing to rent herself out by the hour to do. Then I thought to myself that this would be a great shirt to wear if you want to meet people.

So I walked over to her and said “I want to be 100% original here. I know people have come up to you asking what exactly is for rent by hour and what you are willing to do by the hour. I don’t want to do that. I want to ask you another question: Are you wearing this shirt to be more open to meeting people?”

She started laughing, then told me that she basically wears that shirt for that very reason since she finds most men have no idea how to approach her. She happened to be a stunning, absolutely beautiful blond but she said that most guys never approach her.

She said when she’s wearing that shirt, however, that guys will approach her all day long and she actually gets dates. Not only that, but she said she also gets a great selection of men who approach her when she’s wearing that shirt.

She said that for some odd reason or other, that shirt seems to make men feel for gutsy because it gives them an instant opening line when they approach her. So we talked about this for quite some time.

I asked her what the most clever thing is that any guy had ever said to her about the shirt. She said “Your remark is the most clever, because you are the only one who really wanted to know what people have said and done. Everybody else comes over and basically just asks me what they can get by the hour.”

I asked her why she continued to wear the shirt if that is what most guys said to her when they approached. She said that the shirt seemed to be the only way she is able to get dates.

I told her “That is a really sad thing because most men spend the majority of their energy trying to figure out how to approach women and what to say to them when they do, and most women are not open.” She told me that wearing that shirt makes her feel more open, because when she has so many guys approaching her she feels much more flirtatious and she gets to hand pick which guys she really wants to get to know more.

So if you’re a woman who has had a lot of trouble meeting men, why don’t you go buy a shirt that says “Rent Me By The Hour,” and see the reactions you get from men. Then enjoy the opportunity to do a lot of flirting and getting to pick and choose among them.

If you’re a guy, the next time you see a woman wearing a fun shirt it’s a great opportunity for you to be more creative and clever. According to this woman, she will pick the most creative and clever guy who approaches her and go out on a date with him.

Fortunately for me, I won that contest and was that guy. Unfortunately for me (since she was a phenomenal, cool, fun and sexy woman), I’m seeing someone and was not able to take advantage of it.

So ladies, take this woman’s advice. As for the men, stop commenting on the obvious and start being creative in your comments to women.