So you are out on a date with somebody, it goes fairly well. Pretty soon, you’re waiting for them to call you back and you become obsessed about that person. You call up all your friends to try to figure out what you did right, what may have gone wrong, when they might call you, or why didn’t they haven’t called you yet.

“How come they didn’t call! What did I do wrong?”

And then all of sudden it’s six weeks later, you’ve been talking about this person constantly, and you haven’t dated anybody else since that date. You basically just wasted six weeks of your dating life.

Here is the deal: if you go out on a date and your date never calls you back afterwards––it’s over. Once it’s over, there’s no reason to think about it ever again. That person was not your dream person, that person was not your soul mate, that person was not the person you really wanted them to be since you went out on that date.

What you need to do is realize that all of that time that you’re wasting being obsessed about somebody you once dated and who doesn’t feel the same way about you is really just time wasted not going out and meeting anybody else. It’s time wasted not living your life the way you want to; time wasted on somebody that doesn’t give a damn about you; time wasted on a person who won’t even give you the time to call you back.

That’s the reality of it. This person who you’re obsessing over did not care enough about you to call you back. So now what do you do with that? You stop thinking about that person, you stop obsessing over that person, and you start realizing that there are so many more people out there. The world is abundant. There is an inventory of amazing single people to date everywhere you look.

I’m tired of the complaining, I’m tired of the obsessions.

Now is the time for you to get real with yourself, and stop the complaining, the whining, and start reengaging with the people around you.

Look at your life right now. Look at the people you’ve dated that didn’t work out. Look at how many hours and how many days you’ve obsessed about those people and think to yourself, “Why did I do it? Why did I drive everybody crazy talking about it?”

Stop.

. . .

It’s 2012. You’re all growns up now. Let the past be the past. Look around you and be grateful for all the attractive people you’re going to be dating soon.

Now get out there and engage life. Stop obsessing and get into your best relationship yet.

You deserve it.

PS. Whatever you do, don’t be this guy.

If you search the Internet you’ll always find an answer. There will always be somebody that will tell you that you can get your ex back, or they’ll tell you that you weren’t energetically aligned, or that your astrological signs didn’t match, or whatever. We’re always trying to find out why something didn’t work out. We need to find out.

Well here’s the deal: instead of looking at why it didn’t work out, ask yourself what you really need to experience that you were afraid of. Let’s go even deeper into this. What do you need to experience based on the experiences that you had with this person? Why do you keep attracting the same type of person in your life, and why are you so afraid to experience what you really desire? Why are you so afraid of become raw, open and vulnerable?

It’s really time to get Naked. I was told—by some great philosopher no doubt—that the question “why?” is one of the worst questions you can ask. “Why?” can almost never be answered alone, in your head—especially if it involves someone else. “How?” is a much better question. It’s more empowering. Instead of “why did they do that to me?” you could ask “how can I grow from this experience?”

We always try to figure out why something didn’t work out. But in reality, there’s a great message as to why it didn’t work out that can’t be rationalized by numerology or anything else. It’s a message that presents itself over and over again with a lot of our lovers and a lot of our relationships.

And until we figure out what that message is, we never move forward and experience what we really need to experience.  And that is where you need to look within.  Because looking deep within is going to enable you to really process it, in a way that you’ll grow instead of just saying it didn’t work out, because you weren’t “energetically aligned”.

If another person doesn’t choose to be with you, they are not rejecting you. They are choosing to go in another direction.

There may not be enough chemistry between the two of you. There may not be that connection there. Whatever the reason, it doesn’t mean that you are not a fantastic, wonderful and incredible person.

Here’s an email a client of mine recently sent me talking about how he’s been feeling a lot of rejection lately:

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Client Email
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“David, This is something I’ve been dealing with recently (and very poorly, since I’m overwhelmed and miserable from getting turned down by someone who I thought was showing me a lot of signs of romantic interest [buying me a couple little gifts, taking me on a scenic drive around town, asking my advice on a couple personal topics].) But it turned out, when I tried to kiss her after a great night out of dinner and dancing, that she had none of these romantic/sexual intentions in mind. There could be dozens of reasons why she dissed me (bad approach? too slow? not showing enough confidence in my pursuit of her? is she being fickle?), but after spending the last six weeks obsessing over her in my own mind and pretty much falling in love with her (as crazy as that seems), I’m inconsolable. How do you suggest rebounding from this sort of disappointment when you’ve thrown so much of your heart and your emotions at someone, only to see it fall flat?”

Meet Men Without Rejection?

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My Response To Client’s Email
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“Think about this. What was happening is that you fell in love with the fantasy of this woman. When you get to know a woman in the first week or you’ve gone out with her maybe once or twice, you are falling in love with the idea of her. The question is when are you going to go in, and are you going in with the intention of kissing her? If she does not want to kiss you, it is not the way you kiss or the way you went in. It is that she just is not feeling the chemistry, and you were not reading it because you were so in your head. David”

Just like with my client, a lot of guys that I have met are just so in their head it’s incredible. They are in their heads in such a ridiculous way, that what they are perceiving as chemistry is not chemistry at all.

Rejection is something that a lot of people take really hard. Rejection is a lot of things to a lot of different people.

I have decided in my life that I don’t believe in rejection. I don’t buy into rejection, nor do I believe that it even exists.

If someone chooses not to be with me, they are not rejecting me. They are just not feeling the chemistry with me. They are just not feeling the same things I think I may be feeling.

Ever since I’ve adopted this mindset in my life and really explored this part of my life, I have found that I live a rejection-free life because I am really happy with who I am as a person. I am really content with who I am. I think I am an amazing person.

If someone chooses not to participate in a friendship or a love relationship with me, that’s fine because I will keep moving forward and find the person with whom I’m meant to be.

As a matter of fact, that’s exactly what I’ve done in my own personal life. That’s why I now have such a great, loving, and amazing relationship with my girlfriend.

This is something you need to think about. Think outside the box a little bit, and stop taking what you think of as “rejection” so personally. Start realizing that chemistry has a great deal to do with whether you will connect with someone, and consider taking “rejection” out of your dating vocabulary.

I am going to end this with another great email from a past client.

Hey Dave,

“An invaluable lesson i picked up from that weekend with you and Kheim last March was letting go of myself and allowing myself to not only appreciate, but help create the present for all its beauty. Whenever I get caught up with the “imminent concerns” confronting me and catch myself preoccupying myself with internal thoughts, I read this. Maybe it will help one of your students some day.”

-Mike

As we grow up, we learn that the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You will break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.

In today’s podcast, I go more in depth into the subject of rejection and tell you more about how to cope with rejection. If you thought my statement that rejection doesn’t exist was incredible, then you don’t want to miss what else I have to say on this subject:

Rejection is just an insecurity in your own mind. Think about it, rejection doesn’t really exist. It is a made-up thought and a made-up word.

How many of you have had this happen: You go out on one date with someone. You like them, and thought they were the coolest person in the entire world. So you call them after the date, and they never call you back.

Did you you feel totally rejected by this? Did you bring all your friends into the conversation, and ask them what you can do in that situation? Did you spend all kinds of time trying to figure out if the person likes you and whether they will every call you back? When you don’t hear from them, did you spend all kinds of time trying to figure out why they didn’t call?

Whenever anybody asks me any of these kind of questions, I always tell them the same thing. I always say, “Give me their number. I will get on the phone with them right now, and I will find out whether or not they are going to call you (or why they didn’t call you). It will be fun. We’ll call them together, and we’ll find out whether they like you.”

As silly as that sounds, that is actually the only way you will ever really know the answers to all of these questions you spend hours and days mulling over with your friends. Even worse, remember that every day you spend feeling that made-up emotion of rejection, is another day you are wasting not meeting other people.

Always go by the “72 hour rule.” Give someone 72 hours to call you back (or to call you after a date if you’re a woman). 72 hours, and that’s it. That is as long as you give yourself to sit around hoping and waiting for that phone call. Then you go out there and start meeting people again.

The longer you wait in that “rejection zone,” the more opportunities you miss to meet someone else really amazing. So it’s time to get out of the rejection zone, which really doesn’t even exist anyway.

Rejection does not exist. It is a made-up thought and a made-up emotion.

You are not rejected by anybody. People have a choice, just like you have a choice. You have a choice not to call someone back or to go out with someone on a second date. So does everyone else.

It’s all about choices. You have just been completely caught up in the subject of what someone else’s choices are or might be.

So someone else decided they didn’t want to call you. You’ve made the choice not to call someone at times. The shoe is on the other foot in that situation, but if you think about it I bet you did not think about your choice as rejecting the other person. You were just making a choice. Yet when it is the other person making the choice, you feel rejected.

Think about that and how crazy that is. It makes no sense, does it now? So the next time you think you have been rejected, remember what it was like when the shoe was on the other foot.

That is what an armchair quarterback does. An armchair quarterback will break down a conversation they had with a woman (or a man if you’re a woman).

If you are an armchair quarterback, what you’ll do is grab the ear of one of your friends and break down the entire exchange — line by line. What happens here is that you end up breaking down and interpreting the situation based on a want or a need, and you end up skewing it in your direction.

Here’s what’s crazy about being an armchair quarterback. You can never really do what you are trying to do, and you are doing nothing that helps you.

First, you have no idea what the other person is thinking unless you talk to them. So no matter how much time you spend dissecting a conversation, you will never know for a fact whether your guesses and speculation are correct.

Second, it’s such a waste of time going through this over and over again with your friends. A real quarterback is someone who leads his team. If you watched Mark Sanchez recently in the Jets’ game against the Miami Dolphins, you saw a great example of a quarterback who was not leading his team.

His shoulders were hunched over, and he was pissed off practically the whole time. Every time he threw the ball badly, his body language was awful. He’d roll his shoulders forward, he’d pout a little bit. He is an armchair quarterback.

Peyton Manning, on the other hand, is never an armchair quarterback. He may get really pissed at himself when he screws up, but he always goes back out there and attacks the field.

If you look at Tom Brady, he is the same way. He attacks the field of play. He owns the field of play.

So what do you want to be in your life?

Do you want to be like Mark Sanchez? Do you want to be a guy who is constantly thinking and wondering about everything people say, or do you want to be more like Tom Brady and go out there, take control and attack the field of life?

A real quarterback takes full control over everything in their life, and they don’t worry about what they think someone is thinking. In reality, you never know what someone is thinking until you ask them.

A real quarterback will do that. A real quarterback will ask a woman out. A real female quarterback will go after the man she wants and not worry about whether she’s playing it right or playing it wrong.

You can’t play it right or wrong if you only play it the way you want to play it. If you’re in complete control of your life, you will play it that exact way and never waste time being an armchair quarterback.

Say you are looking at a sushi bar and you say to her, “Man, there’s a lot of different colors here” and she ignores you. What do you do next?

A lot of guys run. They play the “oops I spoke and you didn’t respond right away so I’m going to run and hide” game. The guys who run in this situation do so without realizing a lot of things.

They do so without realizing that the person they talked to might be shy. In fact, that person might even be shyer than you.

You might have taken her off guard, and she wasn’t ready for a conversation. She might have been thinking about something else. You have no idea because you are not inside her head.

So let’s go back to the sushi scenario. In that situation, here is how I would handle it.

If when I say the observation about the colors the woman looks taken aback, then I would say to her, “What are you getting? What’s good here?” I would give her the opportunity to respond.

Think about yourself and how many times you are out somewhere — at the market, a coffee house, a clothing store or wherever — and you are trapped in your own thoughts. You might be thinking about your day, about work, about what you have to do when you get home or even about your underwear. Who knows?

Just think about how many times you are stuck in your own thought process. So, with that in mind, give someone another shot to respond to you before you bail in these situations thinking someone blew you off.

You may not be getting blown off at all. You might have just caught her stuck in her own thoughts and shocked her for a moment.

That is all it takes. Give it another whirl. If she still ignores you, then maybe she isn’t interested.

If that is the case, then you move on and say “no chemistry” to yourself. Then you think, “They weren’t interested. Who cares? Next!”

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The only people in your life who should prompt change in you are your close friends and family. Feedback should only be listened to in retrospect, and only from people you love and trust.

Strangers know nothing about who you really are. So when they pass judgment on you, they are doing so based on nothing but superficial things.

Think about this the next time you care about what a stranger things about you. Ask yourself, “On what are they basing their opinion, and since they don’t know me why do I even care?”

So many of us spend so much time really just obsessed with other people’s opinions of us. Think about how often you do this.

How many times when a person you’ve approached and with whom you flirted didn’t acknowledge you, did you think “God I must be ugly. I must be a loser. What did I do wrong?”

In life, the only people’s opinions you should care about are those that come from people you respect, know, love and trust. Otherwise you end up becoming a human diaper.

Ever time someone shits on you, you’re going to need to change. That is what a human diaper is: somebody who needs to be changed every day.

“Oh my God, that stranger on the subway didn’t like me. I need to change.” “Oh my God, that person said something mean to me. I need to change.” You’ll be changing your diaper so much, people will start to call you Pampers.

You don’t want to be a human diaper. You want to be someone who respects themselves, and only has a small circle of people whose opinions you respect. The truth is that the only person who can change you, and who should have the power to change or to influence you, is yourself.

Want to never again care about what people think about you? Want to feel the unbelievable sensation of being completely comfortable and confident in your own skin no matter what happens? You deserve to feel this way every single day and to never again bear the burden of the fears you carry around with you now. In my Men’s Mastery Series and Women’s Art of Attracting Men programs, I take you by the hand and guide you step-by-step to this place. Free yourself and grab your ticket to total confidence now!

I want you to write down on a piece of paper the answer to this question: What is your biggest enemy?

When it comes to meeting women, a lot of guys are under the impression that their biggest enemy is timing. They will say that they haven’t met women because they haven’t been invited to the right parties or something similar to that.

This kind of thing is surface stuff, and it is not your biggest enemy. Your biggest enemy is that eight pound thing you carry between your shoulders called your head.

Your head is your biggest enemy because it is what does not allow you to accomplish about 90% of the things in life you want to accomplish. I’m not just talking about meeting women.

When it comes to meeting women, your success comes down to your belief. You must truly believe that you are amazing and are a gift. You must truly believe that any woman who meets you would benefit from your amazing tenderness, your amazing personality, your character traits and everything else about you.

If you don’t truly believe all of this, then it doesn’t matter what you do or what you memorize because you head is disconnected from your heart. When your head is disconnected from your heart, it’s all over.

Have you been in an argument with someone in which your head thinks and over-thinks things so much that you can’t get back into your heart? That will stop whatever constructive dialog you’re having at that point. Your heart and head need to both be involved at all times.

Your head can over-rationalize things. Your head can over-think things.

This is what is going on every time you can’t get yourself to approach a woman. All you are thinking about are the fears and excuses in your head.

What does your heart want to do in this situation though? Your heart wants to go and experience another person. We’re all about experiencing other people – their feelings and emotions. The problem is that our head can play tricks on us.

This does not just happen in the area of meeting women. This happens in relationships and it happens at work.

How many of you had an intent to start the new year really kicking ass at work. Then you get your first rejection and, all of a sudden, you are right back in the same mindset you were in before the new year.

You must get you head aligned. The old saying “get your head on straight” is really important and true. Probably about 90% of the people in the world are walking around with their head on backwards or sideways.

Can you imagine if your head actually could rotate all the way around and how that would feel? You would be walking down the street and would be passing some people with their head facing backwards while others would have their head tilted to the side.

Nobody would walk around with their head on straight except those who truly believe in themselves, and who don’t care about what others think and feel.

I’m not talking about being cold, because of course we all care how others feel. Deep down, however, we all need to maintain a great sense of self. When you’re true to yourself, you’ll be able to do anything you want.

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Whatever it was that they did, has that ever caused you to basically mirror that behavior back to them? Then you start blaming them for being the way that you are at that moment. You start getting angry at them for making you this way.

Sometimes you just can’t handle the way someone is processing something because it is not the way you would process it. They might process things negatively. They might process things positively.

There are so many different ways that people process things. If your partner processes things differently than you do, however, it might freak you out because it will feel like the person you’re with is disconnected from you.

It doesn’t mean that they stopped loving you. They might be unable to show you love at that moment or give you the love you need at that moment, but that doesn’t mean that they ever stopped loving you.

It’s just that right at that moment they need to process something in an entirely different way than you do. They are not getting space, but they really need space.

It is so important to give someone space in this situation. I know it’s hard because they might act mean or might be irritable. You’ve got to realize, though, that if they are taking the time (and the space) they need to process something, it is because they love you and want things to work out with you.

Now, there is a distinction between needing space to process and pulling back. If someone acts like this — mean and irritable — for weeks and weeks, then it’s not processing. It’s pulling back.

When someone’s actions cause you to feel stress, pain and anguish, what do you do? Most of us tend to mirror that person’s behaviors. You give them a taste of their own medicine and you act the way they’ve been acting.

You basically give them back what they’ve been giving you, and you rehash everything. The problem is that rehashing is poison. It is not healthy at all.

It is not healthy to rehash with all the “You-did-this-No-you-did-that” kind of talk. All you’re doing is rehashing the poison.

Maybe they didn’t do things the way you wanted to do it. Maybe they didn’t process things the way you wanted.

They may not come around until a day or two later, but isn’t love about forgiving? Isn’t love about understanding each other and being able to handle each other in ways that get us outside our comfort zone?

Love is about being able to say in that moment, “That’s just Bob (or Mary), and I can see by their behavior that that this is how they handle things. They’re trying to work on it but, in the meantime, it might still happen again. Nobody’s perfect.” Think about all of this for a minute.

The reason why you do is because you like to be a doormat. You continue to date these people because you enjoy being a doormat, and your self-esteem is so low that you’re willing to let someone walk all over you.

I’m sorry to be so crude and to just lay it on you so bluntly. It is really important, though, that you understand this dynamic and what the boundary lines should be.

Let’s say you’ve just started dating someone and they call you at 4:00 pm and say, “I’m being held up at work. I can’t hang out tonight like we planned.” That is okay. You can give them a one-time pass.

They are allowed to use work (or whatever else) as an excuse for flaking one time. If they come back a week later when you’re excited to see them saying that their boss is holding them up or they need to go to an appointment, then that is the second time. You cannot give them another pass.

If you keep giving them a pass, then they are going to look at you as a doormat. What I always say about people who are flakers, is that they are someone who doesn’t respect the time of someone who has committed time to them.

If somebody has rearranged their schedule planning to spend an evening getting to know you and is excited to see you, you show them absolutely zero respect by flaking on them. If you are someone who allows people to flake on you over and over again, though, you are also showing yourself zero respect.

Do not allow somebody to flake on you more than one time. You give someone a one-time pass, and that’s it!

Not only that, but if you end up in a relationship with someone you’ve allowed to flake on you multiple times, then you are going to likely have another problem. If someone flakes on you over and over but yet keeps telling you they want to see you, a year or two down the road you may find that quality time with you may not be anywhere near the number one priority in their life.

They may end up flaking on you a lot. They may always put work or something else first. Flaking behavior is a definite peek into someone’s personality.

If you are a person doing the flaking, then it’s time to get honest with yourself. If you were really excited about the person on whom you are repeatedly flaking and they were a person you truly wanted to get to know, then you would be changing your routine to make that happen.

There is nothing more exciting than getting to know someone new. If the other stuff you’re doing every day — work, appointments, watching the ballgame — is causing you to flake on someone, then clearly that other person is not intriguing you very much.

If that is the case, then stop stringing them along. Be a man (or a woman), let them go and don‘t play with their head anymore.

If you are sick and tired of being a dating doormat? Let me show you how to stop this behavior in your dating life for good! CLICK HERE if you are a man and CLICK HERE if you are a woman to read more about how.