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Posts Tagged ‘pua’

 
 

Become A Soloist

Sunday, September 13th, 2009

It’s time to let the coolness factor die. Let’s say you live in Washington DC. Every Friday and Saturday night, you go to the same bars in Adams Morgan or Dupont Circle, and you hit on the same 24-year-old blond girls.

At 10:30 pm, you decide the place is lame and you go somewhere else. At midnight, the same guy every week says, “Dude, we have to go check out this other place. I heard it is great. My friend just texted me from there…”

It’s like Groundhog Day over and over again. You go home, and you’re always frustrated because you missed talking to the girl that got into the cab as you were walking over to talk to her.

In reality, what you’re doing is chasing the night. You’re miserable and not enjoying yourself, but you go back and do it again the next weekend.

While you’re doing this every weekend, other guys may be sitting around the house with some buddies having a great time barbecuing and drinking some wine. Others may have a great soul-searching weekend. Those guys come back on Monday feeling invigorated and alive.

There is a time when you really have to stop giving into your friend’s bullshit. You have to start saying that enough is enough.

When I was single, some of my best Friday nights included going out to dinner and being home by ten o’clock at night. I never cared about chasing the night. I’d be home at 10:00 pm so I could get up early the next morning and have an amazing Saturday meeting the kind of women I really wanted to meet and doing things I loved to do.

When you finally break up with your friends and stop buying into their bullshit, then you’ll know you really didn’t miss a thing when you get that day after call saying, “Dude, you should have been there!” So start breaking up with your friends and start becoming an independent, free thinker!

I Used To Be You

Saturday, September 12th, 2009

I used to be you. I used to be “that guy.”

I used to be the guy who would go out and get validated by sleeping with women. I used to be the guy who would go out with a bunch of guys every Friday night to cruise bars, try to meet hot women, and try to get as many women’s phone numbers as possible.

I used to be that guy trying to do all that stuff — going from bar to bar and place to place — looking for the best night I could possibly have. I used to be that guy who would actually go home with girls to whom I wasn’t even all that attracted. I mean, they might be okay or kind of a cool girl . . . but they weren’t who I wanted.

The women I really wanted always had left the bar two hours before, but my ego needed validation so I’d be with women I didn’t really want just to be “that guy” who could get women to all my friends. I had to prove to them that I was the guy who could pick up women.

My ego needed that validation. I used to be that guy. I remember being that guy in my 20s.  

I recently had a great coaching session with a guy in his 20s, and we were talking about this very subject. As we were talking and reminiscing, I found myself being amazed thinking about how many women I would have actually connected with if I knew then what I know now.

I would have connected with women on much deeper levels and would have had much better connections with them. I would have met women I wanted to meet, instead of allowing my ego to dictate with which women I’d have sex or ask out on a date.

Back then it didn’t matter to me about the kind of connections I was having as long as my ego was getting validated. As long as I got validated by women, I was able to connect and hook up with women.

A lot of guys are like that. I used to be like that. I used to be that guy. That’s why I totally understand what all you guys are going through and what you really want.

You don’t need to have constant validation, because truly connecting with women is one of the most unbelievable and amazing things you can do. A lot of guys don’t understand that until they get older.

What is so great about coaching you guys and really getting inside your mindset is that I understand where you want to be. I’m so jealous and wish I could be in this mindset I’m teaching you when I was younger, although it’s so great to be able to help you and see all of you get there now.

I used to be you. Now I can help you become the most powerful version of you.

Reaction Speakers

Thursday, June 11th, 2009

Craigslist? Do you know Craig . . . and have you seen his list?

Yesterday I decided since I have a great deal with T-Mobile that I don’t want to give up, that I would look on craigslist for an unlocked iPhone. I mean, I am a mac guy after all, so it would be great to have one.

When I looked at the iPhones online, the prices were all over the map. That’s when I started looking for one on craigslist.

so I go to craigslist and I email a few people about their unlocked iPhones for sale. In my emails, I said that I would like to have the warranty documentation with any phone I’d buy.

At first, no one emailed me back. It’s like buying a used car — absolutely no one tells you the truth. My old business partner used to say that buyers are liars (and so are sellers).

So when I woke up this morning, I had a few emails in my inbox about my iPhone inquiries. There were three of them. The first one said I had to send a Western Union money order with my address on it. Are people really that stupid?

The other two were the exact same email from two people named Movie and Doobie. You’d think they’d just call themselves something like Joe and Bob.

It’s amazing how many people fall for these money order scams. Sonja had a friend who fell for one about a puppy. For $500.00, she got a lovely plastic Chihuahua. I mean, really, are people that stupid?

Really, how many times are we going to win the African lottery and be told there is $22,000,000 waiting for us. Who knew you had four long-lost grandmothers in Africa who would die and leave you that kind of cash?!

I’ve always said we are America the gullible. So many people want to get rich quick and get money for doing nothing.

Look at all the people whose dating life hasn’t changed in a year, but they refuse to do anything about it. It always makes me wonder.

So back to Craig and his list. I’m still looking for iPhones. So if anyone has any leads or knows where I can get one, who knows what I might do to get one? I might do anything . . . even give away a free Bootcamp. You never know what I’ll do.

Today’s blog is all about something (other than the African lottery) that just doesn’t work in life.

As I was flippin’ around the channels the other night, I saw a re-run of Mystery’s show about PUAs, “The Pickup Artist.” For any of you who do not know, PUAs are a bunch of grown men who call themselves “pick up artists.”

I have never been a fan of the whole PUA thing for a number of reasons, but most importantly because I don’t agree with their methodology.

Their whole methodology is reaction-seeking. Everything they do is premised on seeking positive reinforcement from women. They’re not leading it.

They are always looking for something positive from women, so they can move forward. They’re looking for any of the described feedback contained in the PUA manuals. It’s all an illusion.

When they go up to a woman, they’re walking on eggshells because they’re solely focused on looking for some indication of interest (which they can an “IOI”). They are not leading the woman and having a conversation.

They are waiting for an “IOI” that the woman is going to allow them to continue talking so they can continue to move forward in the conversation. They’re looking for some type of body language signal.

The funny thing about this system is that it really is a joke. You HAVE to be able to walk up to a woman and lead. I have never walked over to a woman looking to see if she is interested. I am never looking for confirmation.

I’m going to say whatever I am going to say to her based on the situation around me, and I’m going to lead the conversation. I’m not sitting there and worrying the whole time.

The PUA guys are a bunch of worriers. They worry about what the woman is saying and doing, and all the while they are missing the whole conversation. When you miss that whole conversation, there really is no conversation.

It’s Not A Game

Friday, March 27th, 2009

You know, it’s funny. I’ve been known to criticize and make fun of certain elements of the PUA community, but I’ve really been “on my best behavior” lately and haven’t said much of anything in a while about them.

So I’m sitting with a friend outside of Whole Foods in Venice Beach recently, just taking a break from life, and we started talking about these so-called “Natural Game” guys. Really, we were talking about how interesting it is that they call it “natural game” in the first place.

We talked about how telling it is that they call it “natural game,” because there is no game about being natural. As most of you know, I’ve spent the last eleven years teaching guys not to use all the “pickup” crap. I have always been about teaching people how to be naturally comfortable and to create natural attraction through their own authentic self-confidence.

I never called what I teach “natural game” because what I teach is not a game. The fact is that all these copycat David Wygant’s running around teaching what they claim is a “new thing” called “natural game,” are mostly young boys in their early 20’s trying to be dating gurus. All they’re really doing is calling what they were already teaching by a different name – “natural game.”

The bottom line, guys, is that it’s not a game. Being able to totally, comfortably and confidently meet and connect with women at the deepest level is not a game.

This is my open letter to all the guys. It’s not a game, it’s life. Life is all about real confidence. Life is all about understanding who you are as a person, developing your strengths, and accepting (then working on) your weaknesses.

So life is not about playing a “game” whether you call it “natural game” or anything else. Think about it this way: If “natural game” truly was natural, then it would not still involve men using silly nicknames instead of being who they really are. That’s my take on it . . . so comment away!

By the way, if you want to learn the best ways to make your approaches and early connections with women be a complete SUCCESS, and if you want to learn the best ways to approach women with complete confidence (but without using any “lines” or routines), then you need to click here.

What’s Wrong With PUA Methods?

Wednesday, February 4th, 2009

Today i am going to turn over the blog to one of my coaches.

Everybody meet Khiem.

————————-

Most of you guys who’ve read David’s blog already know what David feels about Pickup Artists and their methods. He doesn’t believe in them.

If you’ve read my blog for a while, I’ve already detailed many times what you can and can’t expect from PUA teachings.

It’s not that they necessarily don’t work. Most of them are either childish, manipulative or plainly unnecessary (therefore, it takes you longer to get good with women)

Funny thing is David and I still receive a lot of emails from guys asking us the same question over and over again:

“I recently read a book on xyz method. I want to learn more about attracting women. Do you think xyz method is a good starting point for those learning to attract women?”

Well… before we even answer that question, let me ask you a few of my own:

What are you looking for?

  • What kind of man are you? Better… what kind of man do you want to be? Are you wanting to be a Pickup Artist who speaks in pickup lingo to his friends and who always have to think of techniques every time he meets a women or do you want to be a the normal cool guy with whom women always look forward to meet up?

  • Where do you want to meet women? A lot of the more funny, gimmicky methods out there are geared for you to use in high energy and loud environments such as bars and clubs. It’s always good to learn how to have fun in any environments because the more you enjoy yourself, the more you project good vibes and the more attractive you become… however, do you really need to learn lines and games for you to know how to have fun?

  • What kind of women do you want to meet? I’m not going to lie to you. I’ve hung out with a lot of Pickup Artists and the types of women they attract are not the same kind of women I attract. Enough said. I like to talk to intelligent, caring, independent, emotionally stable and overall confident or self-made women.

    When you read about a method, try imagining what kind of women would fall for those techniques. I know a lot of PUA will tell you their stuff works on everyone but if you can feel something is fishy when you use some of their techniques or lines, the woman can too! If they don’t say anything to point it out to you, it’s because they are letting you do your thing… because they already like you.

    This is a huge topic of contention but when you go out using techniques, ask yourself: how much is the woman liking me because of my use of techniques… and how much is it because she already likes me for who I am and for my energy or vibe?

  • Do you see women as just an object to conquer and have sex with or do you truly enjoy and appreciate all that a woman can bring or contribute to your life? This is not a criticism of ALL PUA methods but let’s be honest, a lot of these guys don’t actually like women. They just want to bed them and as such, they have loose standards on what makes a woman worthy of the kind of man they are. I personally don’t want to be with everyone out there. There’re definitely a few women that I won’t associate myself with, no matter how hot they are.
  • Do you want your world to center around women? This is the biggest paradigm shift you have to accept. The world of a PUA centers around women: how to meet them, how to attract them, how to seduce them… how to chase them.

    Most of the “normal” men who I’ve seen naturally successful with women have their lives centered around what they are passionate about. Women are a hobby. These men don’t place their self-worth on the amount of women they have in their lives. They place their self-worth on whatever activity they get fulfillment from.

Therefore, if your goal is to learn how to attract women by being confident, by being you, you can skip a lot of the PUA methods out there.

The reason I have is very simple: learn more about emotions and how emotions affect the woman and you’ll understand them better, connect with them better and in the end, attract them better.

You don’t need a method to learn how to do that. Methods teach you a set of techniques and tactics. Methods will give you a list of reasons on why their techniques work, how their techniques are based on the women’s needs and that’s why they successfully influence her emotions but I’ll be honest with you, their analysis is not always accurate.

There is no logic to emotions.

If your sole goal is to become a great womanizer, learn empathy and compassion. Learn how to place yourself in her shoes so that you can understand her world. By understanding her world, you will be able to navigate through her own emotional chaos and help her open up to you so she feels comfortable letting herself be seduced by you.

Instead of learning techniques A, B or C, instead of learning WHAT to do, LEARN HOW TO THINK about attraction, learn how to understand the emotions behind sexual arousal to make her feel desired, learn how to relate to the women’s needs and even more importantly, learn about yourself.

Attraction is about BEING attractive, not doing something attractive.

Real attraction starts from within because… (more…)

Let Her Seek You Out

Monday, January 26th, 2009

So you’re at a party and you lock into “the woman.” You’ve figured out which woman is the one that you really want to get to know.

You guys converse for a few minutes, and then she walks away. And after this, you stop enjoying yourself because all you’re thinking about is “Where is she right now? Is she coming back?”

With all of these thoughts running through your head, you can’t really concentrate on the conversations you’re having with other people. This is where you make the biggest mistake.

You have to understand that the dynamic presence – the power of who you are as a person – will intrigue her. Did you intrigue her enough? If you intrigued her enough, you can just walk away.

A confident man will walk away knowing that the woman will come back. An unconfident man will follow her around and turn her off. The more you follow her around, the more she’ll start to think, “Why is this guy being so needy and following me around?”
(more…)

Excite and Intrigue

Monday, November 24th, 2008

There are no flaky people. Anywhere.

You think you have flaky people in Missouri, right? You have flaky people in Vegas? You have flaky people all over Southern California, right? And there are flaky people all over Jersey and New York, right? And in Arizona… (more…)

Long Term Investment Strategy

Friday, October 3rd, 2008

No we are not talking about that wonderful stock or real estate market!! We are talking about your social investments!

Though I personally think Apple is a great buy right now….it is at a 52 week low.

But this is not a stock trading site so lets get back to the issue at hand on the first Friday in October.

It’s all about paybacks and dividends.

If you’re home on a Friday or Saturday night, make a list of all of the cool people you’ve met over the course of a year – women that you’ve met at parties, women that you’ve met online, whatever it might be. Make that list.
(more…)