You walk over to a woman. You open her with a simple observation. When she responds, you have a great opportunity to use humor to keep the interaction going but you don’t take it. Your brain shuts down and you end up talking about useless nothing.
If this scenario sounds at all familiar to you, then you are going to want to check out today’s video. In it, you will see this exact scenario take place right before your eyes. Then I talk about how you can past this kind of awkward moment using humor.
Enjoy and have a great Saturday!
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Here is a great question a reader just asked me. He asked, “David, how do seem open to people and be yourself if they reject you?”
Here is the answer: Who cares about what someone who rejects you thinks about you?
The only question that matters is asking how you feel about yourself. When you wake up in the morning and look in the mirror, how do you feel about yourself as a person?
We’re not in this world to please other people. Sometimes people just don’t connect with you. Sometimes people don’t resonate with what you said. Sometimes there is just no chemistry with another person.
So if you really love who you are, you practice a lot of self love, and believe in who you are as a person, then you will never feel rejected. If all you ever do is admire and respect yourself, then you will never walk away from a rejection feeling rejected.
I never feel rejected. If someone doesn’t like what I have to say or isn’t into what I have to say, then I’m fine with that.
Why am I fine with that? It is because there are so many other people with whom what I say does resonate, and I still love myself regardless.
So it all comes down to how you feel about yourself. If you are someone who spends their time trying to get approval and validation from others, it means that you do not feel secure enough about who you are as a person.
So you need to spend the time really getting to know yourself, respecting yourself, and loving and admiring yourself. Call it mental masturbation or, for those of you who are fans of Saturday Night Live, “Stuart Smalley” yourself.
What ever you call it, do it every single day. Do it and you will never be rejected again.
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I’m hanging out with Will (who many of you will recognize from the videos in my Become A Master Communicator product) and he asked me a question which brought me back to some awful nights in my past.
He said, “I was hanging out with Khiem and his girlfriend, and there was this girl we ran into who was one of those loud girls. Everything she said was just over-the-top — amplified and loud. How do I deal with that? I mean, she was pretty. I thought she was hot, but how do I relate to her?”
Here was my answer: You don’t.
It’s so funny. As a man, we are so visual. We get so caught up with “the hot girl” that we tend to really never think about what it would like to hang out with her.
Can you imagine having a woman like the one Will met over for Thanksgiving dinner? She gets asked what she’d like on her plate, and she screams “drumstick!!” at the top of her lungs.
This person does not match who you are. This is not your personality style at all. This is not a person with whom you would get along.
So forget the fact that your penis is attracted to her, because that’s really all that is happening. Your eyes are attracted to her. Your penis felt some movement because it was attracted to her. That is all there is to it though.
It’s called penile attraction. Thank God it’s not fatal, because if it was a fatal attraction then other things would happen.
It is just penile attraction. That is all it is, so walk away from it.
You don’t vibe with her. You don’t relate to her. You two have totally different personalities. So walk away.
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In the NFC, I am going to stick with my preseason prediction that the Saints will make it to the Super Bowl. The score? Saints 34, Vikings 24.
Sorry Favre, but the team you should have stuck with will actually be playing the Saints in the Super Bowl. How ironic is that?
So what I am about to say next probably isn’t too much of a mystery. The Jets will win in a last second field goal, and edge out the Colts 23-20.
How did they get into field goal range? Sanchez hits Edwards for 27 yards and Edwards actually holds on to the ball.
Now let’s move onto to some talk of interaction with some other famous people…
It’s funny. I was just in Whole Foods filming a little undercover video for my Community Site members. If you don’t know about my Community Site, you can find out more HERE.
In this undercover video, Will was basically going around the store talking to people and then I would critique it. It has actually been really fun to do these undercover videos with Will.
Me critiquing him has really helped him grow socially, and I enjoy doing it. Picture Peyton Manning breaking down the “x’s and o’s” of your game or Bill Belichick designing your defense (well maybe not this year).
Anyway, while we were on this undercover shoot, we ended up in line next to actress Michelle Rodriguez (from the tv show Lost and the movie Avatar). When I asked Will if he wanted to talk to her, he said “Why not? She is a person. I can open her and talk to her just like I would anyone else.”
So he did just that. She wasn’t really all that friendly, just like some “non-famous” people are just not that friendly. She did, however, acknowledge him and talk to him a little bit and even gave him a little half-ass smile.
It’s funny. So many people are infatuated and/or intimidated by people they want to meet — whether those people are celebrities or business people. It reminds me of something that happened back in 1997 when I was living in San Diego.
I saw Tony Robbins sitting in a cafe. Everyone in the cafe was staring at him.
I called up a guy I knew, told him about Tony Robbins was there and asked him what I should do. He immediately said, “Go talk to him. When else are you going to have an opportunity to talk to Tony Robbins? Remember, everyone likes talking about themselves. Just sit down and just tell him that you are in the same business and are really curious about how he got started.”
So, I did exactly that. I talked to Tony Robbins for 45 minutes. I had a great conversation with him, and learned a lot about how he got started in his business. By the end of the conversation, I realized that Tony Robbins and I were no different.
Celebrities are only celebrities because we put them in that “celebrity box” in our own minds. They are just regular folks who happen to be acting, running a corporation or playing a professional sport.
The bottom line is that everyone likes talking about themselves. So say you see a celebrity and say “Hi, how is your day going?” They are going to answer you.
At that moment you may feel like saying, “God, I saw you in that movie and it was phenomenal! Was that your favorite role you’ve ever played?” You should say it!
When you do, that person is immediately going to start talking. I’ve done it before.
You have to realize that the universe put you there — in that place and time — for a reason. As I talk about all the time in the blog, you can learn so much from strangers. So why not approach people and talk to them?
You never know. Some of you might actually end up dating a celebrity. We might end up reading about you in US Magazine.
Others of you might run into Donald Trump and start working for him. Who knows?
It’s all networking and growing your network. Just because someone is a celebrity, doesn’t mean they can’t be in your network and doesn’t mean you can’t join theirs.
So now, check out this video to see if Will is going to end up dating celebrity Michelle Rodriguez:
Also, if you want to check out more of my “undercover in-field videos,” click HERE.
Have a fantastic Saturday!
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The other day I was working out with my buddy, Jeff, and we were talking about cars. That is always fun for me because I can buy a car any old day of the week.
Then Jeff started telling me about a woman who works as one of the “meet and greeters” at Wells Fargo (the people who welcome you when you walk in the door). Jeff spent some time talking to her, but he wondered how he can ask this woman out without being noticed by everyone at the bank.
I’m sure this is a scenario to which many guys reading this blog can relate. How do you stay “under the radar” in front of a lot of people? Wrong question!
You have to adopt the mindset that everyone around you couldn’t care less about you or what you’re doing. So, really, it doesn’t matter what other people will say or think even if you get rejected in front of them.
Even if you ask someone out and they reject you in front of a room full of people, no one is going to go home and say, “Oh man, you wouldn’t believe what happened today. I was in Wells Fargo today, and there was this guy who asked out the “meet and greet” girl and got turned down.”
That just isn’t going to happen. People simply aren’t paying that much attention to you.
So you’ve got to put that out of your head. You’ve got to get that mindset out of your head completely, because that mindset is just an excuse that allows you to not go over and ask someone out. It’s just a different form of an excuse.
So once you’ve identified that you have no excuse for not asking this person out, how do you do it in this setting? It all comes down to what you know about her.
Have you talked to her a few times? Do you know what she likes and what she likes to do for fun?
If not, then you need to find out all these things. Then next time you see her, you can say something like, “Hey, did you get a chance to see that movie you were talking about the other day?”
If she says she never got a chance to see it, then it’s very easy from there. You can say something like, “You know what? Why don’t you and I catch that flick next weekend. Let me take you. That way you don’t have any excuses not to go see the movie.”
That’s how you do it. This is how you always ask out people like this (I call them “common area people”). You always ask them out based on things you already know about them. You already have a rapport with them, so they are a warm (and not a cold) lead.
So this skill of getting to know things about people before you ask them out is important. The mindset component and getting rid of this excuse, however, is what you need to get first.
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Billy Joel sings a song called “New York State of Mind.” That song describes what a New York state of mind is, and how he feels when he is in that state of mind. You can see how powerful that state of mind is to him.
Your state of mind is everything when you go out to meet women. Everything.
If you go out to a bar with some friends after your boss has ridden you all day long and made you feel insignificant, then that is precisely what your state of mind is going to be at the bar. Then your night will really be about cleansing, vomiting and regurgitating the anger and all the feelings you have built up that day.
Say you are going out to the market first thing in the morning. You had a bad night the night before, you are not feeling well and you are in a bad mood. Your state of mind will be exactly that.
Your intent may be to go out and meet women at the market. Your intent may be to go to that bar, flirt and meet women.
If your state of mind is not positive and feeling good about yourself, though, then it doesn’t matter what your intentions are. You will never accomplish anything if your state of mind is not in line with your intent.
It’s amazing how much frustration people have and feel about meeting people due to other sources and stimuli in their life. A little trick I tell people all the time to help with this, is to put a picture on the home screen of your iPhone or BlackBerry of something that makes you feel incredibly wonderful.
It could be a picture of your dog. It could be a picture of the first girl you ever kissed. It could be a picture of the mountain you just climbed last weekend. It doesn’t matter what it is.
Whatever image you choose, look at it whenever you feel funky or nervous before you approach someone. Look at it so you have a smile on your face and feel joy.
That is just one thing you can do. There are so many things you can do to create an amazing, peaceful and joyous state of mind. Whatever way you use to get there, without your own version of the New York state of mind, it doesn’t matter what technique you use to meet people. They will never work.
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Hurry! The gift you just unwrapped is ready to be returned.
It’s the day after Christmas,
and all through the mall,
everyone is stirring
because everything is half off…
It’s a great time to buy next year’s decorations, because everything is half off. You can store them in the attic where you won’t be able to find them next year.
Today really is a great day to go out there and meet people.
There is one thing you can say to everyone today. Isn’t that what people are looking for – the one thing you can say to everyone that will work every time? Well, today is the only day of the year you can use this.
So here is your “magic line” of the day. Make sure you say this with a smile. Now you know how I feel about using “lines” when you talk to people, so I’ll call this a “magic opener” (or a “magic conversation starter” would be even better).
So whenever you see anyone today, you can say “Did Santa get you everything you wanted, or do you need to rely on the American Express card today?”
That’s it. That’s all you need to say.
Everyone can use this, and you can say it to everyone — men, women, children, dogs, cats, hedgehogs, cartoon characters, muppets. It’s by far the best thing you can say to people today.
It’s a great conversation starter. It’s your “day after Christmas conversation starter” that allows you to talk to people everywhere.
Say it with a smile, have fun and enjoy the day. I’ll meet you at the mall.
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What you are about to see is a very successful opener followed by complete indecision.
Do you ever feel like you are at a loss for words thirty seconds into a conversation, and all you can do is wonder how long you can keep the flow going?
Check this out. It is going to make this weekend rock for you!
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(from the tv show Lost and the movie Avatar). When I asked Will if he wanted to talk to her, he said “Why not? She is a person. I can open her and talk to her just like I would anyone else.” 
So, I did exactly that. I talked to Tony Robbins for 45 minutes. I had a great conversation with him, and learned a lot about how he got started in his business. By the end of the conversation, I realized that Tony Robbins and I were no different. 
