Today, I want you not to read, but to watch and listen. If you’ve ever wanted to know how to appear confident every time you approach a woman, this video is a “must see” for you! This video is not only a great example of something I teach, but I also tell you how I used this technique in my own life. Enjoy and have a great Saturday!
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Approach Women: How To Appear Confident Every Time
Saturday, November 14th, 2009Intrigue Her The Minute You Walk In A Room
Friday, October 30th, 2009Do you want to be that guy who walks into a room and women are instantly mesmerized by him? How does that happen? Well, it’s actually very easy!
The first thing to do when you walk into a room is to slow down. A lot of guys will walk into a room very quickly, hustling and making a beeline to the bar or the corner of a room. They somehow feel they need to get there really fast.
What I always tell guys to do is stop when they walk into a room. You frame whatever doorway there is, and if there’s not a doorway then you make a doorway around you.
You stop for two to three seconds, and you look around the room. You scan the room — look left, center, right, right, center, left — so you’re looking at the entire room. People naturally are always looking toward the entranceway of a party or bar to see who is walking in the room.
Not only do you do that, but when you walk in you also make sure you have really good posture. Make sure your shoulders are back and your chest is puffed out. Make sure you’re standing up straight and tall.
Body language is very important. So much of life is based on initial impressions.
So once you walk in a room and you command power (commanding power is standing upright and walking in), then you have to walk through that room slowly. You literally should strut through that room.
Walk through that room at a very slow pace, smile at a woman that you see – make that initial contact. Give her a look directly in her eyes, smile, and ask her “How are you doing tonight?” That’s it.
You can walk away right after you do that, because it is all about how you deliver that smile. If you deliver that smile very strongly — with conviction and with good body language — then she’s going to wonder who you are and will be very intrigued by you.
Next, go directly to your friends (or whoever else you are meeting) and have great body language when you talk to them. People noticed you when you walked into the room. You smiled at the woman and she smiled back at you, and you now have acknowledgment from all of the people who are around you.
When you go to talk to a friend, you make sure that you greet your friend in the same powerful way. Put your hand on his shoulder, shake his hand, look directly in his eyes, and have a very commanding presence.
So not only is body language important, but the speed of your walk is equally important. When you walk into a room slowly, you’re a commanding presence that people will notice. When you walk into a room quickly, you’re hustling into that room so fast that you’re basically just a blur.
You have to be a commanding presence. You may have the body language right, but you’ve got to get the walk right too.
Another important thing to remember is the right body language when you’re talking to a woman. When you are talking to a woman, you need to look directly at her. Your body needs to frame her body. This means that if you’re standing there in front of her, you have to face her directly so you’re mirroring each other.
It’s all in the way that you look at somebody. Once again, a strong, powerful man looks directly into someone’s eyes and shows them who the man is in that situation.
If you have any questions about body language, I suggest you go to YouTube and search for Bill Clinton videos. Bill Clinton has great body language when he speaks.
I know when I’m talking to a room of people, I’m talking to left, center, right. I’m looking directly into people’s eyes to make them feel like I’m connecting with them, which is what people are looking for every time.
The Magic Of The Story
Thursday, October 29th, 2009Do you know what “the magic of a story” is? The magic of the story is remembering that while you might be telling a story for the hundredth time, the woman you’re talking to is hearing it for the very first time . . . and being able to tell it like you’re telling it for the first time.
Recently while I was with some clients, I told a woman a story I’ve told probably at least a thousand times (that’s why the story is so good!). The clients who were with me were shocked when they found this out, and said it seemed like I was telling the story for the first time.
I have such enthusiasm for my stories because I like them. I also know how people will react to them because I’ve told them before.
So how do you tell a great story; how do you tell a story like you’re telling it for the first time? Well, you have to start somewhere in order to learn how to do it.
Pick five or six things that come up over and over again in conversations, and then think of stories that relate to those things. It doesn’t matter what they are about, so long as you enjoy telling them and can do so with passion.
Practice your stories, so they are natural and easy for you to tell. I would suggest that you record all your stories, and then listen to yourself tell them.
As you listen, ask yourself whether you are interesting enough as you tell each story. If you are not, then go back and record them again. Keep listening to those stories over and over again, because those are the stories that are going to come out when you meet people.
Those amazing stories will be what attract women when you talk to them. They love to hear them.
A man who can tell a great story is very intriguing to women. It will show you as a man who is passionate about who he is. A woman will think that if you’re that passionate about yourself and your life, then you will be equally as passionate about her if you start hanging out together.
If you’re passionate about everything that you do – even down to little things like sniffing fruit passionately at the farmer’s market — then women are going to realize how passionate you are about all sorts of things. It’s about living with passion, and it all starts with your stories!
You’re Beautiful!
Saturday, October 24th, 2009So there’s a trend going around. You may have read about it.
There are a bunch of guys that go around and teach the “you’re beautiful” opener or the “you’re really cute” opener. This opener is being taught to guys who want to authentic and real, and these poor guys are forced to go out and approach 40 women a day saying the same “you’re beautiful” line.
What kind of strategy is this? You could almost just stand in the town square walking around in a circle saying to person after person, “You’re beautiful! You’re beautiful! No, really, you ARE beautiful!”
It is about the most ridiculous line I’ve ever heard in my life. Keep in mind that regardless of how nice sounding the sentence is, it is still a line.
Keep in mind, too, that by saying this line out of the blue to a total stranger you are putting the woman completely on the spot. She may be insecure or not want to hear it . . . but she definitely knows you are bullshitting her. She absolutely does.
Another flaw in this whole “you’re beautiful” routine, is that you have no good means of follow up. So you say “You’re beautiful!” to a woman and she responds “Thank you.” Now what? You have nothing else to say because “thank you” gives you nothing to go on to create a conversation.
Canned lines and routines in general are ridiculous, but this particular one is really bad because all it achieves is to leave you standing next to a woman feeling uncomfortable. I had a client once who had tried this routine, and when I asked him how he felt afterwards he told me, “The conversation didn’t go very far and I had no choice but to abruptly end it. It felt embarrassing – from the first moment and I still felt bad afterwards. It’s not natural.”
Of course starting the conversation with a woman with “You’re beautiful!” is going to feel not natural. It’s an awkward way to start a conversation with a complete stranger.
Also, telling a woman she is beautiful the first moment you meet her isn’t helping you connect with her in any way, and isn’t giving you any information (or potential to create a connection with her.
The only connection you create with a woman by this routine is with her physical appearance. Women already know you like their physical appearance if you walked up to them! They’re not stupid. They know if we’re talking to them it’s because we’re intereseted.
Now, don’t mistake what I’m saying. Of course you need an “opener” when you approach a woman. If you are observant of what a woman is doing, and you are 100% confident and authentic about who you are, then you don’t need to use a canned opener. You will have the right opener every time, and women will chase you all day long.
If you want to learn how to authentically approach and attract women, without using canned routines and pickup lines, be sure to check out my “20 Ways To Meet Hotter Women Without Pickup Lines” product.
Are You Too Obsessed With Vagina?
Monday, October 19th, 2009Are you so obsessed with vagina that you’re missing business opportunities everywhere you go? So many people are out there just looking to meet vagina (I use the word ‘vagina’ very loosely; women are out there looking to meet penis!) So let’s talk about this.
So many men are so obsessed about getting into a woman’s pants that they miss business opportunities all of the time. For instance, let’s say you’re trying to start your own business.
The key to starting a business is customers – if you don’t have customers, you won’t have a business. So, technically, every person you meet is a potential customer – maybe not today, but down the road.
Life is about investing. I look at life like the stock market.
Some stocks you buy, wanting them to pop in five minutes, and then you want to bail out. I look at those as like having a one-night stand. You buy this stock, it goes up $2, you get in and you get out. You get a little bit of a high and you’re done. That’s like getting laid that night.
Other stocks you buy because you know the value of the company. You know it’s undervalued at the moment, but you’re making an investment in the company for the future.
It’s the same thing that happens in dating. When you’re dating someone, you’re making an investment in the moment for the future. Everybody you meet has some type of potential for you down the road.
So here’s what you should do. Get the business card of everyone you meet, and on the back of each card write down the following three things: (1) Where you met them, (2) when you met them and (3) three personal things you learned about them (e.g., what they like to do).
Let’s say four years down the road you open up your own business. Every person you’ve met over the last four years now sits in a stack of business cards on your desk.
Open up a Gmail account and enter all of these people into your address book. For each person input their name, address, phone number, email and all the things you noted about them on the back of the business card. Then when you’re working 75 hours a week trying to build your business, you can write personalized emails to all those people you met.
You can write emails like, “Hey Joe, greet meeting you. Remember we met about four years ago in Georgetown? It was interesting, we had this great conversation about French wine and I actually went out and bought two bottles that you recommended. I never emailed you to say thank you, but here it is! Listen, I just opened up my own financial planning business, and I’m reaching out to everyone because this is a real passion of mine. Whether you’re looking to invest now or in the future, I’d love to keep you abreast of things. I’m writing a newsletter that I’d like to send out to you. If you’d ever like to talk investments with me, then let’s get together sometime.” Then end it with “your friend,” “truly,” “see you soon,” or something else very personal.
So what does this mean? It means that every day, you’re out there cultivating potential clients and dates. You might meet a potential client on a Wednesday, and he may lay $1 million on you Thursday (which is like getting laid right away). Another one might take ten years to get (which is more like a relationship).
Regardless, you cultivate them the same way. Every single person you meet has to go into your database.
Even the person who does hire you right away is an important relationship to cultivate and maintain, because you want to keep them coming back for more. It’s like great foreplay. If you please them and they come back for more, that means you’ve essentially f*^ked them really well and left them very satisfied.
You’ve given them really good foreplay. You’ve gotten to know them — their body and their mind. You’ve gotten them off, they loved it and now they’re back for more.
Life if about treating everyone well. Don’t do business with someone that you don’t like. I tell people that all of the time. That’s why I speak to people on the phone before I do business with them. I have to see if I like them. If I like them, I’ll want to work with them.
To me, it’s a relationship that can last forever. If you do business with friends, than it’s like it’s not really business. Friends trust friends. That’s really what it comes down to in the end.
This dating and sex analogy is a bit weird to think about at first, but it’s true. You just have to make everybody feel good.
Stay In Your Own Reality
Sunday, October 18th, 2009A client of mine recently asked me a great question. He asked me, “How do you stay in your own reality? How can you keep your own frame of reference and not get sucked into the reality of the person we want to meet?”
After asking my client to elaborate more on what he meant, I understood that what he was asking was how to keep control of situations instead of letting situations control you. He wanted to know how to not let intimidation get in your way when you want to meet someone.
I told my client that it all starts with the way you approach. You have all heard me talk over and over again about the power of observation. So the first and most important thing to do is always to observe what a woman is doing so that you can frame the conversation based on your own enthusiasm.
Let’s say that you go to a book store and you see an absolutely stunning, beautiful woman browsing in the travel section of the store. Let’s also say that you are very interested in travel and have traveled extensively, so approaching that woman should be quite easy and comfortable.
If you don’t stay in your own reality, though, you can risk not controlling the situation and letting the situation control you. Because the woman is so beautiful, you may want to open her as quickly as possible. You may not take the extra five or six seconds to realize she is standing in the travel section.
A lot of men in this situation panic, and all they focus on is the thought “I’ve got to approach, I’ve got to approach, I’ve got to approach…” While I would agree that you should approach, you should not do so until you are armed with the necessary information to do so. Taking those extra five or ten seconds to really observe what is around you is arming yourself with that necessary information.
Men will often be totally focused on what they can think of to say and will often miss something easy, comfortable and obvious they could say based on what is going on around them. So you need to take those extra five or ten seconds and observe before you approach. It will be well worth it when you see how much more successful (not to mention easy and comfortable) your approaches will be.
Think about what is in her mind at that moment. Is the woman in our hypothetical looking at a particular book? In what section of the book store is she browsing? If she is in the travel section, maybe she is looking for a book about the place to which she is about to travel (or a place to which she would like to travel).
What you’re doing is playing the odds. You are playing the odds based on what she’s already thinking, though, which means that you’ll be in control of the conversation.
This is precisely what most guys do not do when they approach. Most guys go in too quickly.
The reason why these “too quick” approaches don’t usually end up so well, is that you are not starting a conversation based on what the woman is already thinking. You are not getting inside her head.
Don’t go into the approach too quickly simply because you want to get it over with. Don’t rush the approach.
The more you train your mind to be observant by taking those extra ten seconds, the quicker your mind will begin to do that on its own. Don’t worry about getting faster, though, and just work on the observation skill and on not rushing your approaches.
As with everything else I teach you, whatever happens in any approach you should never beat yourself up. Remember that you learn from each experience, and there will always be another opportunity. Working on this observation skill, however, will help to make more and more of your approaches successful.
Where’s My Reward?
Sunday, September 27th, 2009The following is a transcription of an actual one-on-one coaching interaction I had with a client at a recent Bootcamp. This, by the way, is an excellent example of the individual coaching every coaching clients get!
So here’s something I said to a recent client who was very anxious about approaching women. He was also very nervous about what would happen if he did approach them, and about how they would react. Here’s what I said to him:
Think about this. Every time you approach a woman, it’s like you’re doing it as a child would do it. Do you remember when you were a child and your mother would say, “Alright, before I get home tonight you have to clean your room. If you don’t clean your room, you won’t be able to watch TV?”
So what did you do? You cleaned your room, because you knew that you’d be rewarded for it. You might have kicked all your clothes under the bed to get that job done, but the bottom line was you did whatever it took to earn that reward.
Now, because of that social conditioning, whenever you walk over to a woman you are still completely attached to the outcome of the encounter.
At work if you wanted to become a partner, there were certain conditions you had to meet. As you met all of those conditions, you would think, “Okay, check. I did it,” but then they would mind-f*^k you a little more by making you do more things before they would make you partner.
When you finally did make partner, though, do you remember how you felt? It was a reward, right? You thought, “Yay! I made partner!”
Here’s the thing: Our whole life is about rewards. At work if you bring in a lot of money, it means that you had a good month. Everyone has a different agenda.
Salesmen have sales quotas. Copywriters want their sales pages to make a lot of money. If these things don’t happen, people will think “What did I do wrong? Where is the reward?”
Everything is about the reward. If you eat well for a day and then get on the scale, what happens next? You might lose a pound. That’s a reward.
Everything in life is a reward EXCEPT interactions with people. We have to stop being so selfish.
When you see somebody you’re interested in, why don’t you pay them a nice compliment just for the sake of being nice? People always expect something back.
Men and women will stand there like a little kid waiting for something in return when they make a gesture to each other. So you walked over to somebody. Congratulations! So then you stand there, expecting to be rewarded with a phone number or a date . . . or with sex?
Sex is certainly not a reward. A lot of “nice guys” are conditioned to believe that if they do nice things (or do all the right things), that they will be rewarded with sex. It doesn’t work that way.
Here is the way life really works. You know what you know, and you have to be okay with that and with whatever sensations are going through your body and whatever ideas are going through your head.
Being in a situation where we don’t know about something brings us anxiety. We always like to be in control of the situation.
It is an anxious moment for a lot of guys to go over and approach a woman. It’s an anxious moment for a lot of guys to just walk up to a woman and pay her a nice compliment.
The truth is that many women get their validation from someone paying them those kind of compliments. If you think about it, when you give a woman a compliment you are actually giving her a reward. She wants to be noticed, so when someone appreciates her it is a reward.
Deepak Chopra wrote that every day you should commit one random act of kindness or pay one compliment to a total stranger, and expect nothing in return. When you expect nothing back, you get everything back.
Instead of seeking a reward, just walk up to somebody and compliment them. Say, “Wow, that is a great shirt on you” or “Wow, you have a great pair of legs.” Whatever it is – it doesn’t matter. Then continue on with your business.
Make it seem like you’ve always laid those compliments out there, so it doesn’t appear to be something that is totally new. This will help get over that anxiety.
Put Your Penis In Your Pants
Wednesday, September 16th, 2009Wednesday. Podcast day. Today’s podcast is going to shock you.
Are you a guy who walks around with your penis in your hand? When you go on a date, are you totally ruled by the power you’ve given your penis all these years? Are you so obsessed with sex, that all you think about on a date is getting the woman in the sack (instead of getting to know her)?
Are you a guy who knows how to transition to sex? Do you read books about how to transition to sex?
Are you always consumed at the end of a date trying to get an extra squeeze or play some serious tonsil hockey? Do you sit around with your friends and wonder how to make “the move” on a woman you’ve been out with two or three times?
Are you so in your head on a date, that every time you touch her it’s so not natural that she gets turned off (although what you’re doing is technically correct)? Do you actually think about when to hold her hand, or when to touch her back or anywhere else to create sexual tension?
Did you answer yes to any of these questions? If so, then welcome to the world of being run by your penis and not being run by what’s going on in the moment.
Today’s podcast is an interview I did with my friend Vince Kelvin. I’ll be speaking soon at this year’s PUA Summit. I’ll be talking all about transitioning to sex.
Let me tell you something. Today’s podcast will take your penis out of your hand and out of your head, and you’re finally going to learn how to connect with women organically so that sex is her idea (or, better yet, is mutual).
No more wondering when to have sex or how to transition into sex. It’s going to be as seamless and beautiful as watching Drew Brees throw six touchdown passes against the lowly Lions.
Every time Brees fades back to pass, he has the chance to make a touchdown. By learning how to connect with women, you can seamlessly transition into sex with women.
It will be natural. It’s also exactly what women have been wanting from mankind since Oogabooga the caveman went into his cave and dragged Oogaboogette out by the hair, letting his penis do the talking instead of giving her what she really wanted . . . a nice dinner with some chilled dinosaur caviar and a nice warm pterodactyl stir fry.
This is going to be the podcast that will change your sex life forever. Enjoy!
Click HERE to listen now.
Oh, and ladies, please don’t thank me again. You girls can listen to the podcast too and really help with the comments on today’s blog.
Also, for those of you who want to really become a great lover, be sure to pick up a copy of my Sex With The Masters product.
