Do you want to be that guy who walks into a room and women are instantly mesmerized by him? How does that happen? Well, it’s actually very easy!
The first thing to do when you walk into a room is to slow down. A lot of guys will walk into a room very quickly, hustling and making a beeline to the bar or the corner of a room. They somehow feel they need to get there really fast.
What I always tell guys to do is stop when they walk into a room. You frame whatever doorway there is, and if there’s not a doorway then you make a doorway around you.
You stop for two to three seconds, and you look around the room. You scan the room — look left, center, right, right, center, left — so you’re looking at the entire room. People naturally are always looking toward the entranceway of a party or bar to see who is walking in the room.
Not only do you do that, but when you walk in you also make sure you have really good posture. Make sure your shoulders are back and your chest is puffed out. Make sure you’re standing up straight and tall.
Body language is very important. So much of life is based on initial impressions.
So once you walk in a room and you command power (commanding power is standing upright and walking in), then you have to walk through that room slowly. You literally should strut through that room.
Walk through that room at a very slow pace, smile at a woman that you see – make that initial contact. Give her a look directly in her eyes, smile, and ask her “How are you doing tonight?” That’s it.
You can walk away right after you do that, because it is all about how you deliver that smile. If you deliver that smile very strongly — with conviction and with good body language — then she’s going to wonder who you are and will be very intrigued by you.
Next, go directly to your friends (or whoever else you are meeting) and have great body language when you talk to them. People noticed you when you walked into the room. You smiled at the woman and she smiled back at you, and you now have acknowledgment from all of the people who are around you.
When you go to talk to a friend, you make sure that you greet your friend in the same powerful way. Put your hand on his shoulder, shake his hand, look directly in his eyes, and have a very commanding presence.
So not only is body language important, but the speed of your walk is equally important. When you walk into a room slowly, you’re a commanding presence that people will notice. When you walk into a room quickly, you’re hustling into that room so fast that you’re basically just a blur.
You have to be a commanding presence. You may have the body language right, but you’ve got to get the walk right too.
Another important thing to remember is the right body language when you’re talking to a woman. When you are talking to a woman, you need to look directly at her. Your body needs to frame her body. This means that if you’re standing there in front of her, you have to face her directly so you’re mirroring each other.
It’s all in the way that you look at somebody. Once again, a strong, powerful man looks directly into someone’s eyes and shows them who the man is in that situation.
If you have any questions about body language, I suggest you go to YouTube and search for Bill Clinton videos. Bill Clinton has great body language when he speaks.
I know when I’m talking to a room of people, I’m talking to left, center, right. I’m looking directly into people’s eyes to make them feel like I’m connecting with them, which is what people are looking for every time.
Do you know what “the magic of a story” is? The magic of the story is remembering that while you might be telling a story for the hundredth time, the woman you’re talking to is hearing it for the very first time . . . and being able to tell it like you’re telling it for the first time.
Recently while I was with some clients, I told a woman a story I’ve told probably at least a thousand times (that’s why the story is so good!). The clients who were with me were shocked when they found this out, and said it seemed like I was telling the story for the first time.
I have such enthusiasm for my stories because I like them. I also know how people will react to them because I’ve told them before.
So how do you tell a great story; how do you tell a story like you’re telling it for the first time? Well, you have to start somewhere in order to learn how to do it.
Pick five or six things that come up over and over again in conversations, and then think of stories that relate to those things. It doesn’t matter what they are about, so long as you enjoy telling them and can do so with passion.
Practice your stories, so they are natural and easy for you to tell. I would suggest that you record all your stories, and then listen to yourself tell them.
As you listen, ask yourself whether you are interesting enough as you tell each story. If you are not, then go back and record them again. Keep listening to those stories over and over again, because those are the stories that are going to come out when you meet people.
Those amazing stories will be what attract women when you talk to them. They love to hear them.
A man who can tell a great story is very intriguing to women. It will show you as a man who is passionate about who he is. A woman will think that if you’re that passionate about yourself and your life, then you will be equally as passionate about her if you start hanging out together.
If you’re passionate about everything that you do – even down to little things like sniffing fruit passionately at the farmer’s market — then women are going to realize how passionate you are about all sorts of things. It’s about living with passion, and it all starts with your stories!
A client of mine recently asked me a great question. He asked me, “How do you stay in your own reality? How can you keep your own frame of reference and not get sucked into the reality of the person we want to meet?”
After asking my client to elaborate more on what he meant, I understood that what he was asking was how to keep control of situations instead of letting situations control you. He wanted to know how to not let intimidation get in your way when you want to meet someone.
I told my client that it all starts with the way you approach. You have all heard me talk over and over again about the power of observation. So the first and most important thing to do is always to observe what a woman is doing so that you can frame the conversation based on your own enthusiasm.
Let’s say that you go to a book store and you see an absolutely stunning, beautiful woman browsing in the travel section of the store. Let’s also say that you are very interested in travel and have traveled extensively, so approaching that woman should be quite easy and comfortable.
If you don’t stay in your own reality, though, you can risk not controlling the situation and letting the situation control you. Because the woman is so beautiful, you may want to open her as quickly as possible. You may not take the extra five or six seconds to realize she is standing in the travel section.
A lot of men in this situation panic, and all they focus on is the thought “I’ve got to approach, I’ve got to approach, I’ve got to approach…” While I would agree that you should approach, you should not do so until you are armed with the necessary information to do so. Taking those extra five or ten seconds to really observe what is around you is arming yourself with that necessary information.
Men will often be totally focused on what they can think of to say and will often miss something easy, comfortable and obvious they could say based on what is going on around them. So you need to take those extra five or ten seconds and observe before you approach. It will be well worth it when you see how much more successful (not to mention easy and comfortable) your approaches will be.
Think about what is in her mind at that moment. Is the woman in our hypothetical looking at a particular book? In what section of the book store is she browsing? If she is in the travel section, maybe she is looking for a book about the place to which she is about to travel (or a place to which she would like to travel).
What you’re doing is playing the odds. You are playing the odds based on what she’s already thinking, though, which means that you’ll be in control of the conversation.
This is precisely what most guys do not do when they approach. Most guys go in too quickly.
The reason why these “too quick” approaches don’t usually end up so well, is that you are not starting a conversation based on what the woman is already thinking. You are not getting inside her head.
Don’t go into the approach too quickly simply because you want to get it over with. Don’t rush the approach.
The more you train your mind to be observant by taking those extra ten seconds, the quicker your mind will begin to do that on its own. Don’t worry about getting faster, though, and just work on the observation skill and on not rushing your approaches.
As with everything else I teach you, whatever happens in any approach you should never beat yourself up. Remember that you learn from each experience, and there will always be another opportunity. Working on this observation skill, however, will help to make more and more of your approaches successful.
It’s time to let the coolness factor die. Let’s say you live in Washington DC. Every Friday and Saturday night, you go to the same bars in Adams Morgan or Dupont Circle, and you hit on the same 24-year-old blond girls.
At 10:30 pm, you decide the place is lame and you go somewhere else. At midnight, the same guy every week says, “Dude, we have to go check out this other place. I heard it is great. My friend just texted me from there…”
It’s like Groundhog Day over and over again. You go home, and you’re always frustrated because you missed talking to the girl that got into the cab as you were walking over to talk to her.
In reality, what you’re doing is chasing the night. You’re miserable and not enjoying yourself, but you go back and do it again the next weekend.
While you’re doing this every weekend, other guys may be sitting around the house with some buddies having a great time barbecuing and drinking some wine. Others may have a great soul-searching weekend. Those guys come back on Monday feeling invigorated and alive.
There is a time when you really have to stop giving into your friend’s bullshit. You have to start saying that enough is enough.
When I was single, some of my best Friday nights included going out to dinner and being home by ten o’clock at night. I never cared about chasing the night. I’d be home at 10:00 pm so I could get up early the next morning and have an amazing Saturday meeting the kind of women I really wanted to meet and doing things I loved to do.
When you finally break up with your friends and stop buying into their bullshit, then you’ll know you really didn’t miss a thing when you get that day after call saying, “Dude, you should have been there!” So start breaking up with your friends and start becoming an independent, free thinker!
I used to be the guy who would go out and get validated by sleeping with women. I used to be the guy who would go out with a bunch of guys every Friday night to cruise bars, try to meet hot women, and try to get as many women’s phone numbers as possible.
I used to be that guy trying to do all that stuff — going from bar to bar and place to place — looking for the best night I could possibly have. I used to be that guy who would actually go home with girls to whom I wasn’t even all that attracted. I mean, they might be okay or kind of a cool girl . . . but they weren’t who I wanted.
The women I really wanted always had left the bar two hours before, but my ego needed validation so I’d be with women I didn’t really want just to be “that guy” who could get women to all my friends. I had to prove to them that I was the guy who could pick up women.
My ego needed that validation. I used to be that guy. I remember being that guy in my 20s.
I recently had a great coaching session with a guy in his 20s, and we were talking about this very subject. As we were talking and reminiscing, I found myself being amazed thinking about how many women I would have actually connected with if I knew then what I know now.
I would have connected with women on much deeper levels and would have had much better connections with them. I would have met women I wanted to meet, instead of allowing my ego to dictate with which women I’d have sex or ask out on a date.
Back then it didn’t matter to me about the kind of connections I was having as long as my ego was getting validated. As long as I got validated by women, I was able to connect and hook up with women.
A lot of guys are like that. I used to be like that. I used to be that guy. That’s why I totally understand what all you guys are going through and what you really want.
You don’t need to have constant validation, because truly connecting with women is one of the most unbelievable and amazing things you can do. A lot of guys don’t understand that until they get older.
What is so great about coaching you guys and really getting inside your mindset is that I understand where you want to be. I’m so jealous and wish I could be in this mindset I’m teaching you when I was younger, although it’s so great to be able to help you and see all of you get there now.
I used to be you. Now I can help you become the most powerful version of you.
I have been painted as one of the “pickup guys.” You hear things about men in general all the time. Men are always on the prowl looking for women. Men cheat on women. Men are only looking for sex. It’s funny how many stereotypes there are out there.
As all of you know and as you all can see, we’ve started to really change some of the focus here on the site. Not only are we trying to teach men how to meet women (and teaching them how to meet women in an authentic way), but we are teaching men how to have great relationships. We are teaching men how to connect with women more deeply when they start dating them. We are teaching men how to really please women sexually.
Women need to know that there are men who want to get married as much as women do, otherwise there wouldn’t be marriages. It’s funny how many women think men are “just after one thing,” when in reality so many men are after the same things women are: love, companionship and friendship. It’s just that men have been painted a different way.
So many of the stereotypes that are out there are just ridiculous. A lot of men think that women are just after them for their money . . . even the men who don’t have any money think women are after them just for their money.
I think it’s time we really stopped with the stereotypes. I can tell you that men who have coached with me are men with whom I would set up my sister. The men I’ve coached are all men I would call friends of mine. We get some really good quality men in here.
It may be true that there are all sorts of men out there who just want to get laid. Guys who come here to this site, however, are guys who are looking to have relationships and to make deeper connections with women. So, ladies, let’s give them some credit.
And if any of the other type of guys are reading today’s blog…..then this video is for you.
The bootcamp just ended and as always i am sad to see the guys go. Someone once asked me what type of guys take my bootcamps?
Do you know what my answer was.
Guys who become my future friends!!
So here’s to a great weekend that i just spent with my future friends.
Thanks to:
Justin
Pete
Re Pete
Pradeep
Sarish
Clive….wherever you vanished 2
Chris
Ameet
Contstantin
Hakan
Ashley
Rogerio
And a huge thanks to my new ace coach in London Adam C and my coach in training Markus from Austria for all the help and amazing job they did with the guys this weekend.
And of course the weekend would not have been a huge success without the insight from my friend Eddie and a cameo from one of my ex clients Chris who joined us for the Sunday night dinner!!
Looking forward to my next bootcamp in NYC and all the future friends that i will meet!
One other thing I love about London is that I get to watch the NFL games late at night!!!
Onto to today’s topic…something that we went over in detail this weekend.
What is it with every guy and the street approach? Why does every guy want to get every single woman that walks by?
Here is why: because these guys don’t have an abundance mentality to begin with. (more…)
Just a short tip on this Saturday of Labor Day weekend!
Here is what is amazing: when you go out there all day long and start looking at your neighborhood, observing and talking to people, you’ll start to enjoy your life just a little bit more. (more…)
