Eagles and the Chargers in the Super Bowl.

Client: So are you opposed to the idea of the first contact being through texting?

David: Yeah.

Client: Sometimes I feel like on the phone I can’t ever get my rap together. And nowadays, no one ever answers their phone!

Khiem: David’s a bit different from me. I don’t mind a quick text once in a while. I don’t mind the first contact to be via text but there needs to be a phone call very quickly after that.

David: I do like texting. Khiem, you just like to talk on the phone longer than I do. The other day Khiem got on the phone at 5:30 and rumor has it he wasn’t off of it until 11:30 or 12:00! When he wants to have a phone conversation, you might as well make plans for yourself for lunch, dinner, and a snack! It will be a while!

Khiem: With the girl that I’m seeing, I made a rule that I wasn’t going to talk to her every day. So then every time we talk, she wants more. I try to give her enough to last her a couple of days. I don’t want to talk to her every day!

Client: When you’re seeing somebody, how much do you think that they want to hear from you?

Khiem: I set a rule about what I want. Do you remember how I said earlier that you should make sure that you tell people how much you expect from them? Let them know what you want so that they know what to expect from you.

I tell women up front that I like my independence and that calling every day is too much for me. I tell her that I want her to grow and have her own life. I don’t like clingy girls, and I tell women that straight up. If you like clingy girls, that’s cool, but that’s not who I am, and I won’t do it.

And because I’ve laid that out to her, she accepts it. You have to tell them up front. For me, we can talk every two or three days – no more than that.

Client: But when you do talk to her, you have meaningful conversations, right?

Khiem: Oh yeah, it’s always meaningful, and many times it’s arousing as well. Not every phone call would include dirty talk, but many of them do.

Client: Do you think that there are special considerations when you are dating younger women?

David: How young are they? (laughter)

Client: Not like students, I’d say around 30. That’s the absolute youngest I would ever go.

Khiem: You have to understand their world.

David: Yeah.

Khiem: Try to understand their world, because each woman at different ages has different expectations in life. Based on their expectations and lifestyle, you can work from that angle.

You don’t want to try to accommodate yourself entirely to her. But if you’re dating a woman who is a lawyer or does something corporate, then you know that she has a busy schedule. You know that you have to set up a date at least three or four days in advance – if not a week.

But if you know that she’s more active and spontaneous, you can call her more often and be more spur-of-the-moment with your dates. That’s how you tailor your communication style to the woman that you are interested in.

At a younger age, she has a higher level of distractions. Women in their twenties have a high level of distractions, particularly around 23, 24, 25.

Client: 23 is like insane.

David: At 23, it’s like a Labrador Retriever on the beach! “Should I play? Should I sniff ass? Should I go? Should I get the ball? Oh my god, nobody wants to play with me? I’m going to go lie down and look sad for 20 minutes.”

Khiem: Yeah, at 28 you start to get settled. 28-year-olds still haven’t fully matured yet, but around that age they start to settle down. But again, what is she doing? What kind of life does she live? Is she working? Is she still in party-mode?

You can meet women in their thirties that are still in party-mode.

David: Oh yeah!

Khiem: But you can also meet 24-year-olds who are out of that, done with partying and looking for something more.

David: Let’s take it a bit deeper. I speak to all women in the same way, because I know that I attract a certain type of woman. I’m very careful about who I attract into my life. I like a certain type of woman.

Sometimes someone might slip through the cracks – because the sex is great or whatever. There are certain women you’ll put up with more shit from because you’re just in the mood for that type of sexual relationship or something.

But most of the time, if you like a certain type of woman, you’re used to dealing with that type of woman. Maybe you don’t like the hard, ball-busting, lawyer type of woman, so you avoid them. Maybe you prefer the creative types – or whatever it might be. You’re used to that type of woman, and that’s what you attract.

But I always tell a guy that if you’re looking for a woman a lot younger than you, you’re going to encounter a whole other language.

Client 1: I feel like on some of these online dating sites, the girls my age are always looking for men aged 28 to 45. What does that mean?

Client 2: What’s wrong with that? What site is that again? (laughter)

Client 1: But what does that really mean? Does that mean that they just want someone that is mature and confident?

Khiem: Probably. Usually what they mean by older is not so much age, but someone who is comfortable with themself.

A lot of younger girls who are looking for older men are tired of the guys their age who have no clue. They are looking for a guy who is really secure in his own identity. He might be established as well, but that’s usually coming from the maturity of being secure in yourself. Generally that’s what they mean when they are looking for older guys.

Client 1: Okay, I just didn’t know if I should take it at literal value, like, okay they are just looking for someone that is older.

David: It means that they are pretty much open. They are looking for somebody who knows himself. They are tired of meeting man-boys. They’ve dated them. They are sick and tired of guys that are indecisive.

But they don’t really realize that the older guys are often just as indecisive! We have more life experience to share with them, which they like, but age doesn’t necessarily mean you’re secure with yourself.

David: What would I say on my first phone call? The first phone call should always be based on something that we talked about the night before – always. I want to bring her back to the moment that we had before.

I don’t “date” that much at all. I’m very much about just hanging out; connecting… so my first phone conversation is always based on something we talked about the last time.

Jonathan: So let’s say I met her on the street when she was handing out fliers, and we bonded over Sweden. She’s from Sweden, and I’ve been there before.

David: Okay, what else?

Jonathan: Music, movies – she’s also a musician and an actress.

David: So how did you ask for her number? What did you say to her?

Jonathan: I don’t know, I don’t really remember.

David: Okay, well here’s the thing: it all starts with the way that you ask for the number. The way you ask for her number is the same way you start the phone conversation.

So if you said, “oh my god, I’ve really enjoyed talking music with you. Give me your number, I want to continue this conversation,” you’re giving her something to look forward to.

Then you call her up on the phone, you can say, “hey, how are you doing? You know, I was thinking about what we were talking about the other night and I was really curious and wondering whether or not you listen to the Postal Service?” or something.

You want to make it as if the conversation has almost never stopped. You want her to feel like it’s just a continuous conversation from the last time until now.

So many guys don’t relate to women very well. They will get her phone number and then call her up and telemarket her: “so, I’m the guy that you gave your number…”

It’s all about creating that moment. It’s the only line from Jerry Maguire that actually made sense – “you had me at hello.”

Women are looking for that magic “hello” or whatever it might be. They are looking for something to help them build that story up. It’s a continual story.

So that Swedish musician? That story is Jonathan and the Swedish Girl. The story started with music and meatballs – she was handing out fliers on the street and she met this cool guy who asked for her number. He called her the next night and remembered the details about the conversation (which excites women, because their biggest complaint is that men don’t listen.)

You bring that real conversation into the phone conversation. That is how I would do it.

Today is also all about how to relate to her when you first speak to her. Check out todays video.

First, you have to look at your mutual friends. Obviously, you couldn’t be looking at her profile if you don’t have a mutual friend. You’re not cruising Facebook – you’re just looking through other people’s friends.

Joe Smith sends you a friend request, and you don’t know him, so you look at his friends. You see Mary Thompson is one of his friends, and you add her as a friend.

And of course Mary Thompson confirms you as a friend – because the internet is a fucking popularity contest and everyone wants a lot of friends! Facebook and MySpace are like having 5,000 friends that you never talk to! They could give a fuck about me, but they are still all of my buddies.

But when I show up as their happy friend, it makes them feel popular. Being on the internet is like regressing back to junior high school. Don’t you feel bad on Facebook when you see someone with like two friends? You think to yourself, oh, what a loser, he’s got two friends! It’s ridiculous; it’s such a popularity contest.

So anyway, you go to this woman’s profile and add her as a friend. She will always add you, and then you send her an email.

Subject line: Man, Joe knew we would be…

I always like the dot-dot-dot because when it comes down to marketing yourself, you have to think like a business. Most people in the subject line of an email write “hello.” What the fuck, hello? Delete.

But you know when you get good junk email, and you swear that you don’t want to open it, and when you do open it, you’re like, oh shit, I got caught again! How did you get caught? They had a good subject line, right? So your subject line has to be something good that will make her want to open your email.

And then the body of the email: …that we would be great friends, so I added you. So now that you’re my really good friend, can you help me out with one thing? Who the hell is Joe Smith? He just appeared one day as my friend, and I’m hoping you can hope me unlock the mystery of Joe Smith. ☺

You do the smiley face so that she knows that you are funny and clever.

She’s going to open it, giggle and laugh, and she’s going to answer you back. You just became her buddy. Then your messages will go back and forth just like any other email exchange.

You have to get clever. Most guys are so bad at emailing.

It’s amazing how many people I call, and the first thing I learn about them is their phone number recited by a computerized woman’s voice. Do you realize that your first “meeting” with and introduction to someone might be via your voicemail message?

You may thereafter hand somebody a business card with the intention of introducing yourself to them for business purposes, but their first impression of you will remain hearing “You have reached 310-555-1212 . . . ” Do you know what type of first impression that makes? None.

The other terrible thing about this ever-so-sexy computerized voice reciting a phone number as your voicemail message, is that as the caller you sometimes think you may have dialed the wrong number because there is no way to know whose voicemail you’ve reached (since today we don’t usually memorize everyone’s phone number). So you don’t leave a message. Thus, even though we know we dialed 312-555-1212, we might have hit the wrong button and we didn’t memorize it.

I don’t care whether it’s your business or your personal voicemail, you need to leave a warm personally recorded message so people who hear it can get an idea of your personality. For example, I’ve been using basically the same voicemail message for years. In mine, I say:

“Hey, it’s David. Great to hear from you. Looking forward to speaking with you, but I can’t get to the phone right now. I’ll call you back as soon as I get into the office. Take care, and make it a great day!”

Your voicemail message should at a minimum be something that’s strong. I have excitement in my voice in my message.

I want people to be excited to talk to me. I want people to be interested in talking to me. I want them to know that I’m a warm person.

It’s amazing how lazy most people have become. This is a problem that is equally prevalent in men as it is in women.

There is no reason you should have a computerized voicemail message at work. It’s unprofessional in every way. Let people know about who you are.

If you’re dating, then having a computerized voicemail message is simply ridiculous. If I call a woman and get the “You’ve reached 310-555-1212 …” voicemail, then I wonder if I was handed a wrong phone number and very often I will not want to leave a message.

Why should I leave a message in that situation? I don’t know whose phone I’ve reached. I don’t know if I’ve reached Amy, Lisa … or some weird 90-year old guy in prison somewhere who just likes to listen to voicemail messages.

So when you record your voicemail message, make it warm and friendly – but don’t make it stupid. I can’t tell you how many times I have called someone and, after hearing their dog barking in the background, their message in their cutest tone of voice says “Fred says ‘leave a message!’ Ha Ha Ha …” That is really annoying.

Also, what about when you call up a family home and after the voicemail begins “You’ve reached the Wilsons ….” you hear each child in turn yell their own name like “Timmy! Amy! Joe!” followed by the dog barking after being introduced. How cute … if you’re a part of that family.

How about the people who put an excerpt of a tv show or song as part of their voicemail message? Like that makes sense. Why in order to leave someone a message am I being forced to endure 30 seconds of a tv show that I don’t watch?

It’s time we all grew up. It’s time we all stopped being lazy. It’s time we all recorded a personal voicemail message.

So for all of you who have the “You’ve reached 310-555-1212 …” message on your voicemail, it’s time you decided to say “hi.” As for me, I’ll end this blog by saying “This is David . . . and welcome to my voicemail!”

Going further into voice. Do you know how to create powerful emotions with the tone of your voice.
Todays video explores that and more!