A lot of guys use the word “rejection” over and over again in their lives. My belief, however, is that there is no such thing as rejection.
If another person doesn’t choose to be with you, they are not rejecting you. They are choosing to go in another direction.
There may not be enough chemistry between the two of you. There may not be that connection there. Whatever the reason, it doesn’t mean that you are not a fantastic, wonderful and incredible person.
Here’s an email a client of mine recently sent me talking about how he’s been feeling a lot of rejection lately:
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Client Email
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“David, This is something I’ve been dealing with recently (and very poorly, since I’m overwhelmed and miserable from getting turned down by someone who I thought was showing me a lot of signs of romantic interest [buying me a couple little gifts, taking me on a scenic drive around town, asking my advice on a couple personal topics].) But it turned out, when I tried to kiss her after a great night out of dinner and dancing, that she had none of these romantic/sexual intentions in mind. There could be dozens of reasons why she dissed me (bad approach? too slow? not showing enough confidence in my pursuit of her? is she being fickle?), but after spending the last six weeks obsessing over her in my own mind and pretty much falling in love with her (as crazy as that seems), I’m inconsolable. How do you suggest rebounding from this sort of disappointment when you’ve thrown so much of your heart and your emotions at someone, only to see it fall flat?”
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My Response To Client’s Email
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“Think about this. What was happening is that you fell in love with the fantasy of this woman. When you get to know a woman in the first week or you’ve gone out with her maybe once or twice, you are falling in love with the idea of her. The question is when are you going to go in, and are you going in with the intention of kissing her? If she does not want to kiss you, it is not the way you kiss or the way you went in. It is that she just is not feeling the chemistry, and you were not reading it because you were so in your head. David”
Just like with my client, a lot of guys that I have met are just so in their head it’s incredible. They are in their heads in such a ridiculous way, that what they are perceiving as chemistry is not chemistry at all.
Rejection is something that a lot of people take really hard. Rejection is a lot of things to a lot of different people.
I have decided in my life that I don’t believe in rejection. I don’t buy into rejection, nor do I believe that it even exists.
If someone chooses not to be with me, they are not rejecting me. They are just not feeling the chemistry with me. They are just not feeling the same things I think I may be feeling.
Ever since I’ve adopted this mindset in my life and really explored this part of my life, I have found that I live a rejection-free life because I am really happy with who I am as a person. I am really content with who I am. I think I am an amazing person.
If someone chooses not to participate in a friendship or a love relationship with me, that’s fine because I will keep moving forward and find the person with whom I’m meant to be.
As a matter of fact, that’s exactly what I’ve done in my own personal life. That’s why I now have such a great, loving, and amazing relationship with my girlfriend.
This is something you need to think about. Think outside the box a little bit, and stop taking what you think of as “rejection” so personally. Start realizing that chemistry has a great deal to do with whether you will connect with someone, and consider taking “rejection” out of your dating vocabulary.
I am going to end this with another great email from a past client.
Hey Dave,
An invaluable lesson i picked up from that weekend with you and Kheim last March was letting go of myself and allowing myself to not only appreciate, but help create the present for all its beauty. Whenever I get caught up with the “imminent concerns” confronting me and catch myself preoccupying myself with internal thoughts, I read this. Maybe it will help one of your students some day.
-Mike
As we grow up, we learn that the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You will break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.
In today’s podcast, I go more in depth into the subject of rejection and tell you more about how to cope with rejection. If you thought my statement that rejection doesn’t exist was incredible, then you don’t want to miss what else I have to say on this subject:
