You know what’s funny, I was just on Skype trying to call a guy who works for me and he rejected my phone call (because he was on another call with someone). Nowadays with Caller ID, you always know who is calling you.
This blog is not, however, about Caller ID. It’s about what the guy said to me when he let me know he was on another call. He said to me, “I’ll call you when I get off.”
I thought, “I really don’t want to talk to you after you get off. I really don’t.” First of all, I don’t want to visualize you going to the bathroom, taking care of yourself, and then grabbing your phone with your greasy disgusting cum fingers. I really don’t need to know about you getting off.
Now if you are a woman and say to me “I’ll call you when I get off,” maybe that’s another story. Really, though, I don’t want to know that you have just gotten off.
It’s very funny the words people use. How many times has someone said to you on the phone, “Hey I’ll call you when I get off.” Well, great! I hope you enjoy that orgasm. Do you want me to listen to you have it too?
So the next time someone says to you, “I will call you when I get off,” be prepared with something good to say to them. Tell them, “Please don’t call me when you get off, because I don’t want to hear you cum. Call me when you’re off the phone.”
It would be interesting, though, if someone meant this literally. Can you imagine?
You pick up the phone and hear, “Oh, oh, oh!” as they moan and groan on the phone. If they have a significant other, you might even hear the climactic, orgasmic finish. This would really suck, however, if you haven’t had sex in a while and were constantly listening to people who call you when they’re getting off.
Since I am so powerful in football predictions, I figured some of you will be waiting to hear my World Series predictions. Some of you are probably thinking, “Why can’t you predict when I’m going to get laid or when my next date will be?” Well that I can’t do (and that’s what my products are for).
I don’t care who makes it from the National League, because the Yankees are winning it all this year. You can take that prediction to the bank . . . and maybe even to the bedroom.
Life is not fair. The other night I was having a conversation with someone about sex. I’m not going to tell you all the specifics, other than to tell you that after that discussion, I was absolutely orgasm envious! So let’s talk about orgasms, and I will tell you the reason why I’m orgasm envious.
By the way, if I could have one wish it would be that I could have a vagina for a day. I just think it would be so much fun. I already know exactly what kind of orgasms I’d want to have. I’d love to know how to have multiple orgasms through all different ways.
I’d want to have a g-spot orgasm. Of course there is the clitoris, so I’d want at least one clitoral orgasm (since the only reason it exists is for pleasure). Then there is this other place way back in the bowels of the vagina that supposedly can create a whole other type of orgasm.
I mean, give me a break. Right there, that’s three different kinds of orgasms! We men only get one kind.
I really don’t, however, want to talk today about the unfairness of orgasm counts between the sexes. What I really want to talk about today is sexual prime.
By the time men hit the age of 25, they are basically out of their sexual prime. Age 25? Half of the guys out there don’t even get laid enough to enjoy their sexual prime while they’re in it. Then by the time they are getting enough sex, they are already out of their sexual prime.
Women, on the other hand, don’t hit their sexual prime until they are around 37 years old. Think about the way that balances out.
By the time a guy is 37 years old, he isn’t exactly producing the same amount of “little swimmers” as he used to produce. Not only that, he doesn’t really want to have sex five times a day anymore (while women at that same age are machines!).
It’s no wonder that 37 year old women are the number one consumers of vibrators. They can basically vibrate their day away.
It’s really not fair the way things line up here. It really seems like things are very askew. It’s no wonder that there are so many cougars running around out there.
If I were a 37 year old woman who was hanging out with a Viagra-infused 55 year old guy with no stamina, I would certainly go find myself a young buck. I mean look at Demi Moore.
Don’t ever give her a hard time. She has a guy who is (whoops, I mean was) in his sexual prime. Wait, she may need to go find someone even younger. Justin Timberlake and Zach Efron, Demi Moore may be calling you really soon.
All joking aside, it just doesn’t seem right how the sexual prime thing is set up. Is this God’s way of punishing us? Someone was being mean when they designed the penis and the vagina. Why aren’t those two things created to be in alignment with one another?
Can all the guys remember when you were 18 and you basically would hump the air every five seconds (almost like a dog that humps the air all the time)? The reason why you were humping air was because you constantly wanted your dick to be touched.
I remember when I was 18 years old. I was so penis conscious, it was ridiculous. I felt my penis nonstop. No, I don’t mean that I touched my penis nonstop. I was just aware of it nonstop.
My penis led my life. It made me sleep with some really iffy women. It wasn’t my idea to sleep with them. It was my penis’ idea.
Not only that, but some guys can’t snuggle with a woman until they hit 28 years old. When you are a male who is 22 or 23 years old and your girlfriend asks you to snuggle, you have to go to the bathroom and snap a load off before you can do it.
This sexual prime gap between men and women just does not seem fair. Something is kharmically wrong here! It’s a mean joke. It’s like our sexual primes should have been matched.
Then again, some of this seeming mismatch may actually have been designed better than we thought. So although a guy past his sexual prime may no longer be able to pump and grind five times in one night, he can really satisfy a woman during the one time they do it and will be more likely to want to engage in a lot more of the foreplay that women crave so much.
It’s Monday. All right, so I missed with my Titans prediction. I did, however, hit with everyone else — which puts me at 11-1 now for the season going into tonight’s game. For that game, I predict the Vikings will beat the Packers.
11-1 . . . I am pretty impressed! What really does not impress me, though, are men who hang out with strippers and who pay strippers to hang out with them.
We had friends in town this past weekend who stayed at the 4 Seasons Hotel. We went there last night to hang out in the hotel’s hot tub.
There was a middle-aged man alone in the hot tub when we arrived. He seemed like a nice man. About three minutes later, though, three bimbos with long nails came bearing drinks and speaking in Paris Hilton-like sentences.
The man started talking about his hotel room and other such things. The women immediately started “wow-ing” about his big balcony. Then they got on the phone with their friends and started going on and on about how they got their nails done at the 4 Seasons and about the guy’s huge balcony.
You know, anyone can open their wallet and invite three bimbo strippers to their room. Unless you’re going to have the sex of your life, though, being forced to sit and listen to these women is just painful. I swear, Daphne had more to say than these women did.
Why is this such a thrill for guys? Here is this guy hanging out with a group of women who can only manage to speak in Paris Hilton type half-sentences. I never understand this.
Of course I get a guy liking younger women, but there’s certainly younger intelligent women he could find who would like him. The conversations they were having were so boring. No one was listening to each other. All I can think is, “Why?”
I know men, and I have coached men, who have done this. The sex is never any good, because the women aren’t into it. They just want the cash or the fringe benefits (like getting their nails done at the 4 Seasons).
What really happens is that the women just try to get the guy to come as quickly as possible. So who is winning here? It’s just so gross.
I’ve had casual sex, but I’ve never paid for sex. Maybe I’m just more evolved and maybe there are just less evolved people in this world . . . and that’s fine.
It’s fine if you’re the type of guy who looks at women like a piece of meat, is only interested in getting his dick stroked, and couldn’t care less about an emotional connection. That’s not the life I want. That’s not the life I teach.
When we were sitting in the hot tub, the man kept looking at me and smiling. It was like validation for him, as if he was saying with his smile “Look, I have three hot bimbos with me in the hot tub!” I ignored his smiles.
If you want to impress me, impress me with who you are as a person. I’m not impressed that you can get three strippers into a hot tub. That doesn’t impress me in the least.
While he was sharing a second grade-level conversation with those women, we were having a deep conversation about life. So why does he think I’d be impressed that he has three bimbos with him? Sometimes I’m embarrassed by my own gender.
So this kind of guy doesn’t impress me, nor does the guy who whips out the black American Express card at dinner. Why should I pay a couple thousand dollars a year to have a credit card that does the exact same thing as my free one?
I’m also not impressed by the guy who pulls in front of the coffee house in his Lamborghini but doesn’t bother to put money in the meter because he doesn’t care about getting a ticket. He figures, what’s a measly $60 to him.
If you want to impress me, get deep and tell me who you really are. I couldn’t care less about all this surface stuff.
Oh, and by the way Mr. Hot Tub from last night, I know you’re reading this today because I dropped my business card on your towel (and human intuition definitely wins out every time). This blog is dedicated to you.
I guarantee you got nothing out of last night, except a thinner wallet and maybe an orgasm. In reality, though, you are just as lonely today as you were yesterday.
So how do all of you feel about men who use their wallets on prostitutes and fancy cars just to prove how successful they are?
If you want to know know how to meet women who want to hang out with you, check out this video:
Yesterday’s topic was definitely controversial. About yesterday’s topic, I think that when you’re in a relationship there will be less chance of you seeking out opposite sex friends if you can let go sexually.
Now when I say “let go,” I am talking about you being able to be open about your needs, asking for what you want, and being that crazy person in bed you’ve always wanted to be. This goes right into today’s blog topic.
So let’s get right into this topic and see if we can get the controversy going again…
I was thinking today about sex. It’s not like I don’t ever think about sex. I actually enjoy thinking about sex. There was one thing I was thinking about that was really interesting.
I want you to ask yourself this question: In your sex life, how easy is it for you to let go?
When your lover goes down on you, how is easy is it for you to let go? How easy is it for you to totally give into them, and to let them do whatever they want?
Can you just “go with it” and really just enjoy it? Can you accept that they get pleasure and enjoyment from bringing intense pleasure to your body? Are you able to do these things?
You know what’s funny, is that so many of us (men included) have trouble having an orgasm from oral sex. It’s true. There are men out there that just will not cum from a blow job.
I think it’s all about self-control. Think about it.
If you know how to please your lover, you should really be pleasing your lover on a regular basis. I mean, who doesn’t want to be pleased? Who doesn’t want to experience the beauty of an orgasm (and the beauty of an orgasm from your lover’s mouth)?
So if you’re having trouble climaxing with your partner, you need to think about the reason why that is so. What do you think about when your partner goes down on you?
Are you releasing everything? Are you holding anything back? Are you in control of yourself? Are you over-thinking it or do you just go with it?
In order to really be able to orgasm with your partner — especially during oral sex — you really need to be able to totally let go. If it takes an extra ten minutes one night, who cares? If it take an hour to cum and you’re enjoying it, who cares?
It’s all about having that intimacy, and the greatest thing about intimacy is letting go. Each day you can get more intimate with your partner. You can get more intimate in every way.
So why hold back? There is no reason to ever hold back sexually from your partner. It’s a lesson that I think all of us need to learn.
I rarely ever make a correction to any blog, but I have to tell you something. I can see why some of you are having trouble meeting the opposite sex.
You take things out of context when you read, and if you do it while you’re reading then I know you do it when you’re listening. My blogs are short, but if you want to get the whole message then you have to read them from beginning to end.
I posted a blog the other day that was titled “We’re Pregnant!” I got congratulatory messages all day long on Facebook, on the blog and in my email inbox. If you’d actually read even the first four lines of that blog, however, you would know that Sonja and I aren’t not pregnant and that the blog was about how men use the phrase ‘we’re pregnant.’
Enough about that blog, except that it’s interesting how life is all about perception. Some of you perceived that my girlfriend and I were pregnant.
It was probably the same group of people who don’t listen to what people say, and have difficulty transitioning into deeper, more meaningful conversations with people to whom they are attracted. Life is all about perception, but you’ve got to listen and communicate everything in order to get what you want.
It’s funny. I have someone who works for me who wants to know why they aren’t making more money. It’s not that I’m not paying them well. It’s that they are not doing what they are supposed to be doing (and need to be doing) to earn more.
If they’re not on Skype during the day, I can’t get a hold of them when I need to do so, and they are on the bottom of the sales numbers every month, then I will perceive them as lazy. I will perceive them as not having a good work mindset.
Now, if you want to masturbate the day away, that’s your business. I’m not talking about physically masturbating (although some people do). I am talking about mental masturbation.
People who don’t take action often times are mental masturbators. They’ll mentally masturbate about having great sex, losing that weight, being able to approach the opposite sex, or whatever it may be.
Mental masturbation is no different than physical masturbation. You just get off in a very different way.
You think about the big home you’re going to have, the car you’ll be driving or taking over a business. In reality, though, you’re still the same person who is getting nothing done and who has the same poor work habits.
Life is full of fears, and unfortunately some of us spend more time mentally masturbating away our fears instead of actually doing something about them. It’s no different than masturbating with your hand or a vibrator. Think about it.
Whenever you get off alone, it’s never even close to how good it is to get off with someone with whom you’ve connected. In a work context, whenever you actually accomplish a goal it is always so much better than mentally masturbating it. Approaching actual women and learning how to be confident doing will always feel better than mentally masturbating all the women you want to approach.
Eventually you have to overcome your fear and just do these things. I am a doer, not a talker.
I am not attracted to talkers. I’ll coach them, but I don’t have any friends in my life who are talkers. I surround myself with doers.
With whom do you surround yourself — doers or talkers? Do you surround yourself with a bunch of mental masturbators so you can stroke each other all day long and never get to your destination?
That’s all for this topic. Speaking of stroking, though, today’s video will tell you how to stroke women so they’ll climax like never before. Ahhh…your mind is so dirty right now, but the sexual technique I’m going to show you will stroke women in a place you would have never thought of…
I’ve been spending months upon months frustrated in bed. I’ve been unable to sleep half the night. My body and my head won’t stop racing and feeling anxious. I keep looking over at her wondering when this problem is going to stop.
Then, last night, I finally made a big decision in my life. My heart was a little broken. My soul was a little twisted. I didn’t know what to do this morning, as I was still feeling a little anxious from last night.
After lots of soul-searching, though, I knew it was a decision I had to make. I had to kick her out … After six months of listening to Daphne snore, chomp and smack her lips all night long, we finally put her bed in the hallway.
For those of you who are members of PETA, this was not dog abuse. It was the end of human abuse. We could no longer take one more night of being kept up listening to Daphne snore and chomp and smack her lips nonstop.
I think it might be better for everyone involved. Plus, really, what does she know? We could probably put her bed on the porch and she wouldn’t know the difference. For the sanity of our bed, though, the dog had to move.
I still felt a little funny about it this morning. It was, after all, our first night ever not sleeping together. As I took Daphne for a walk on the beach, she looked at me and I at her, and I knew she we would be okay. If we don’t have to deal with my girlfriend’s insomnia, we would all feel better.
Now onto another issue that many men are facing in their beds right now…
Please lay off the vibrators. Trust me, I am not a man who is jealous of a vibrator. What I have found, though, is that some women are so vibrator dependent that trying to get them to have an orgasm by licking or playing with their clit is like trying to negotiate traffic on the 405 freeway in Los Angeles. It’s next to impossible.
So many women are vibrator dependent because a vibrator works so fast and produces such a centralized orgasm. Our tongues can never work that fast. We don’t vibrate at 10,000 miles per hour like we’re taking off in a rocket ship to the moon.
So the bottom line is this: If you’re a woman who is so vibrator dependent that you cannot orgasm with a man, then you’ve got to lay off of the vibrator. Vibrators are the downfall of women.
When a woman uses a vibrator, she can lay there and have an orgasm in three seconds (and then rest and have another one three seconds after that). Then when you are with a man instead of a vibrator, he has to go down there for about six hours to get you to feel anything.
Not only that, but really think about what kind of orgasm you want to be having. According to most women I’ve been with, the orgasm a woman experiences with a man during oral sex and foreplay is far greater and better because it’s achieved with lot of touching, caressing, talking and feeling.
So if you’re a woman and you’re about to start a relationship, my suggestion to you is to lay off the vibrator . . . for at least a week or two before you start sleeping with the guy. Let the sexual energy and tension build up again, and don’t let your clit get so numb. When you do that, you are giving the guy the opportunity to please you.
When you’re not in a relationship, go ahead and vibrate away to your heart’s content. Go for it! Have a great time with your little mechanical boyfriend.
If you’ve got a relationship coming down the pike, though, then you need to put the vibrator in the closet. If you feel like you just can’t resist that vibrator, then go and buy a room safe (like they have in cheap hotels), put it in there and forget the combination.
The fact is that when you’re in a relationship, you need that man to explore your body and you need to give that man the opportunity to please you in every way. Remember that no matter what a vibrator can do, it is never going to replace the the one-on-one intimacy and the one-on-one contact you have when you’re with someone of the opposite sex.
In New York City with my girlfriend and, as always, New York is full of surprises! I’ll fill all of you in next week…
Did she come? How do you know if she came?
You know I’ve done a lot of different blogs about orgasms. I’ve done blogs on faking orgasms. I’ve done blogs talking about how to give women a great orgasm.
The questions really is, though, did she come? How do you know if the woman you’re with actually had an orgasm?
Some women only seem to have orgasms from the clit. Other women can have orgasms both from intercourse and from clitoral stimulation.
The problem is that a lot of women expect to have the same kind of earth-shattering orgasm from intercourse that they do from their clit. The thing is that during intercourse, orgasms can be more subtle, relaxing and mellow. They are also more distinct.
If you’re inside a woman and you feel her walls start to tighten around you, and starting to expand and contract, you’re guaranteed that woman is having an orgasm. It’s a nice orgasm. It’s a peaceful orgasm, but yet still an orgasm.
If you need confirmation, then keep going and hitting that same spot inside her. If she does it again fifteen or twenty seconds later, then she’s having a multiple orgasm.
Some women have learned how to have g-spot orgasms where they actually squirt. They scream, they yell and they have a release like an orgasm from the clitoris.
The clitoris is actually the leader of the pack when it comes to pleasure. The clit orgasm is a little pleasure button on top of a woman’s vagina that was designed for nothing else but pleasure.
The clit is the captain of pleasure, and the vagina will soon follow. I was originally going to try to tell you all of this in a funny way, but after speaking with a friend of mine today he reminded me how many women don’t even get that that there could be so many subtle ways of coming.
The fact is that as a man, we only have one way to come. We go, we pump, we scream, we yell, we have an orgasm. It’s very distinct.
Women, you can have subtle orgasms and you can have earth-shattering orgasms. I mean, I have always had woman-orgasm envy.
I know if I had one wish, I would have a vagina for the day. If I did, I would just come all day long. I’d also learn every distinctive orgasm that a woman can have so that I could take take that knowledge and turn it into amazing sex with all my partners.
So back to our original question: How do you know if your girl is coming? You can always ask her. You can also be intuitive and you can feel, because when a woman is coming you can definitely feel it in every way.
Today we are going to head in a wet direction, no I am not talking about all the recent snow back east.
Or my office view of the beach.
I am talking about the female orgasm.
Have you ever squirted? Are you a woman, and you’ve expressed the nectar of the gods? Or, really, squirted the nectar of the gods? Do you believe that women can actually squirt when they have an orgasm?
A lot of women think that this is a rumor – that it’s basically the guy’s version of going into the northern Washington mountains and searching for Bigfoot. Or, heading for Scotland and looking for the Loch Ness monster. (more…)
