I thought “sex-changing moment“? What do you mean sex-changing moment?! And then I started going deeper into it, and I realized I did have a life-changing moment brought on by a sexual encounter.

. . .

When I was younger I just wanted to get laid.

I wanted to know that I can screw a woman for 45 minutes straight. Back then it was always about duration. I remember being in college, talking to my friends, saying “Man, I banged her for like an hour today!” I didn’t even realize that I was making her so raw inside, ripping her to pieces, because really it was just pounding flesh for 60 minutes!

I remember having that mentality. I thought I was a great lover because I could fuck for an hour.

How little I knew then.

I remember when my girlfriend and I were 23 and broke up. I was single, living in Manhattan and I met this incredible woman—she was 32. And she was married.

I was hanging out at a country club, one of those real posh places. This woman sees me, approaches me, and basically said that she wanted to use and abuse me because she was tired of her marriage. We exchanged numbers.

She called me. She pursued me, and she came over one day, and taught me everything I needed to know about foreplay.

See foreplay to me was always something great, fun to do, but I thought it ended with a good 60 minutes of screwing. I really thought that 60 minutes of raw pounding was what a woman wanted!

This woman told me, “Look, you are going to be my boy toy. You’re going to do everything I say because my husband does nothing for me.” And she basically guided me through the longest session I ever had in my entire life. She told me to go slow on her body. She told me when I went down on her that I had to go slow. She guided my head a different way. She came once. She told me to stay down there and let her do it again.

She really taught me the art of eating pussy and the whole erotic side of foreplay. She changed my perspective. I remember when I was done eating her. I came up to enter her and she looked at me and she said, “Please. Slow, sensual.”

I held her tight. She kissed me during it. She made me look in her eyes. She taught me eroticism. She taught me so many things that I didn’t know, so many things that I’ve never experienced before.

It was one of the best experiences in my life because it really showed me that women want a guy to pay attention to every little detail in bed. That being a good lover was not about how hard you can pound her or how long you can last—it was about everything leading up to it.

She taught me something else that day. She left me a message. And she said every woman that you’re ever with, that you ever sleep with, has to feel comfortable with you. Simply, patience.

Be patient when you’re getting to know them. If you’re patient, the sex will be even better.

Her message was great. And it was a life-changing sexual experience for me.

I’d like all of you to share your life-changing sexual experiences in the comments section below.

Now when I say “let go,” I am talking about you being able to be open about your needs, asking for what you want, and being that crazy person in bed you’ve always wanted to be. This goes right into today’s blog topic.

So let’s get right into this topic and see if we can get the controversy going again…

I was thinking today about sex. It’s not like I don’t ever think about sex. I actually enjoy thinking about sex. There was one thing I was thinking about that was really interesting.

I want you to ask yourself this question: In your sex life, how easy is it for you to let go?

When your lover goes down on you, how is easy is it for you to let go? How easy is it for you to totally give into them, and to let them do whatever they want?

Can you just “go with it” and really just enjoy it? Can you accept that they get pleasure and enjoyment from bringing intense pleasure to your body? Are you able to do these things?

You know what’s funny, is that so many of us (men included) have trouble having an orgasm from oral sex. It’s true. There are men out there that just will not cum from a blow job.

I think it’s all about self-control. Think about it.

If you know how to please your lover, you should really be pleasing your lover on a regular basis. I mean, who doesn’t want to be pleased? Who doesn’t want to experience the beauty of an orgasm (and the beauty of an orgasm from your lover’s mouth)?

So if you’re having trouble climaxing with your partner, you need to think about the reason why that is so. What do you think about when your partner goes down on you?

Are you releasing everything? Are you holding anything back? Are you in control of yourself? Are you over-thinking it or do you just go with it?

In order to really be able to orgasm with your partner — especially during oral sex — you really need to be able to totally let go. If it takes an extra ten minutes one night, who cares? If it take an hour to cum and you’re enjoying it, who cares?

It’s all about having that intimacy, and the greatest thing about intimacy is letting go. Each day you can get more intimate with your partner. You can get more intimate in every way.

So why hold back? There is no reason to ever hold back sexually from your partner. It’s a lesson that I think all of us need to learn.

So, you’re dating a woman now whose only sexual experiences have been with men that are pump and dumpers. For those of you who don’t know what a pump and dumper is: it’s what I call ‘minutemen.’

Not the minutemen from the Revolutionary War.. They get in, they thrust their hips, they pump a few times, and then they dump all their little men: all their little sea-men to swim all over the place.

A lot of women who are young (and some unfortunately that are older) have only been with pump and dumpers and they have no idea of how unbelievably amazing sex can be with an attentive, sexually aware man. They don’t know sex with a man that has been reading these blogs – a man that really knows that sex and foreplay start right inside a woman’s mind.

So let’s say you’ve done it all right. You’ve started with sex and foreplay, and you’ve seduced her mind and you have her all turned on. How do you encourage this woman – who is basically very submissive in bed due to the fact that all of her experience is with Mr. Pump and Dump?

The reason why she is submissive, much of the time, is that she has never explored her own sexuality. A lot of women that have had pump and dumpers don’t know what they want sexually, and they are usually women that have never masturbated. They don’t know what feels good and what doesn’t. Their only experience is with Mr. P & D.

For those of you who think he is related to P & G, you’re absolutely incorrect. Pump and Dump is not Proctor & Gamble – though I heard that Proctor & Gamble makes their products for pump and dumpers. But it’s just a rumor that I heard!

Anyway, how do you encourage this woman to open up to her own sexuality?

First of all, this woman may or may not have ever had an orgasm before. I would assume that she never has. She thinks she might be having an orgasm – it might be a momentary wave – but she is not having a full-blown orgasm.

If you ask her if she’s had an orgasm, and she says, “I think so” – there is no “I think so” when it comes down to orgasms. Either you’ve had one or you haven’t! If a woman will tell you that she thinks she had an orgasm, it means that she has probably only experienced a little wave of pleasure and not a full orgasmic experience. Ladies, please chime in here and describe what a full orgasmic experience feels like so all the men know.

So let’s assume that she’s never had an orgasm. You’ve got to become the teacher in this relationship. She is probably the type of woman that just expects you to do whatever you want to do, and she’ll just lie there submissively.

So you need to show her slowly how amazing sex is. I would take some extra time and give her a full body massage. I would spend extra time kissing her and just touching her, everywhere except in her breast and her groin area.

I would take extra time when I go down on her and not only lick her, but to also touch all parts of her body also at the same time. I would also slip one finger inside as I was licking her in order to give her a different experience.

I wouldn’t ask her if she is coming. I would just continually do all the things that I know bring pleasure to a woman, and I would ask her, “how does that feel for you? Are you enjoying this? How do you like the pressure? I want to please you and I want to make you feel amazing.” Don’t say, “I want to give you an orgasm.” Don’t tell her you want her to scream and yell. Just say, “I want to make you feel wonderful. Okay?”

And take your time. Allow her to open up and allow her to see sex in an entirely different light. Don’t expect the magical orgasm right away. Don’t expect her to open up immediately. Your only job is to show her – through a soothing, relaxing, attentive sexual session – just how great sex can be.

Another way to do it, too, is when you’re having sex with her, is to do the opposite of what the pump and dumpers have done. Hold her really close to you so she can feel the tightness and feel the sensuality of sex, and then grind in very slowly as you pull her close to you. That way your pubic bone is actually massaging her clit at the same time. By doing that and staying deep inside her, you’re going to give her feelings that she has not had before and you’re going to get her to open up. You may actually get her to start having a clitoral orgasm that way, in time.

You are also going to show her a different side of sex, going to show her the sensuality of sex so that she can feel protected, warm, and nurtured during the experience.

Right now, all she feels is used. All she feels is that guys want to get inside, get off, and leave. So you’ve got to deal with the fact that she was with Mr. P & D. You’ve got to be tender and warm, and you’ve got to put absolutely no pressure on her at all.

By following these simple steps, you’re going to make her feel really comfortable, and you’re going to be able to get her to explore herself even more. She’ll surrender herself to you, in time, but you need to be very patient – because the other guys, the Mr. P & Ds, were not patient. It’s your turn to be patient now.