Sirius radio is great because you can just scroll right over the display and it gives you the name of the music that’s playing and the year. And while I scrolled over the song, I realized that With or Without You was a song that came out in 1987.

I remember listening to that song, I was 25 at the time and I had either just gotten broken up with or I had met somebody I really liked and it didn’t work out. I remember thinking to myself, “God, With or Without You, yeah, that’s right, I can make it with or without her. I can survive.”

And then I started thinking to myself what my 20s were like.

So many emotions all the time. When I thought I really liked a woman and she didn’t call me back, I’d freak out for a day or two. I’d go through streaks where I was really good at meeting women and then streaks where I wasn’t.

Why was this happening to me? This is why: I didn’t know who I was.

I was unemployed at certain times, I’d lose jobs for no reason at all – at least I thought it was for no reason at all. But the reason was because I had an attitude problem, but at the time I didn’t think I did.

And I remember that so much of my 20s I’d spent with or without all the things that I thought I needed at the time. It was with or without money: times I had money and there were times I didn’t. With or without women: there were times I had them in my life and there were times that I didn’t.

And every time I didn’t have something in my life I kept saying to myself, “Things are going to be much better when I get more money, things are going to be better when I have more women in my life.”
All the while, I could never be content where I was. I always thought I needed something else, but I didn’t realize the beauty of what the whole journey was all about. The whole span of my 20s was like this. And the beautiful thing about it, and the most amazing thing about it, was I was never going to get those days back again.

Each one of those days was a memory. Yet I didn’t fully embrace or fully enjoy each day.

I remember times where I had no money. I was 23 years old and starving. I had to look through my sofa to find quarters and dimes. I had enough money to go down to the grocery store, the little bodega on the corner of 80th and Amsterdam in New York City. I had just enough money to get a box of pasta and a stick of butter and that was dinner for the next two nights. And I remember thinking to myself, “I can’t wait to have money so I can eat better.”

But in reality, it was the beauty of that moment that I should’ve been appreciating. Nothing lasts forever. Every moment you have is just a fleeting moment, because whether or not you can embrace the lesson that life gives you right then and there, you’ve outgrown that moment. And when you outgrow that moment, what happens? You never get that moment back.

I look back on those days in my 20s and I could easily write 100 blogs about all the things that I went through emotionally. But the real message here and the bottom line is that you’ll never get those moments back. Enjoy wherever you’re at, because that’s exactly where you’re supposed to be right now.
Don’t obsess about what you need in the future, don’t think about how your life is going to be better when you have something else or when you are someplace else. Just enjoy the beauty of where you are right now in your life. Embrace it, enjoy it, and honor it.

Because one day you’re going to be like me and you’re just going to look back and wonder why you didn’t fully enjoy it all the way.

It’s time to declare your outcome independence! Here are ways to lose your outcome dependence and attract more women by connecting with them:

1. Stop Being A Predator: You can’t possibly meet every woman you see. Virtually every guy I’ve ever coached have asked me how they can meet women who are walking toward them on the street. Think about this though. You’re walking down the street. You see a woman you find attractive who is also walking down the street. You’re both in a hurry. You all of a sudden become very outcome dependent – you want to meet her right now and get her phone number right now. Let me try to put it into perspective: When you’re in a rush walking down the street, do you like to be bothered? You can’t bother every single woman as she walks down the street by stopping her to ask her for her phone number. You need to realize that you can’t have every single woman you see simply because you find them attractive, because women will not be attracted to you unless you know how to also connect with them. So stop being a predator who chases women, and start attracting them by engaging them in conversations.

2. Good Mechanics Don’t Ensure Success: Just because you walked over to a woman and opened her with some amazing words of wisdom does not mean that she will want to go out with you. When you speak with a woman you need to listen very carefully to what she has to say, because it takes more than a clever opener to really get a woman to be interested in you. You need to pay really close attention to everything a woman says so you can initiate conversation topics about what’s already in her mind. You need to be able to not only engage her in conversation, but also to be able to take the conversation deeper. So just because you arrived on the scene and delivered a perfect opener does not mean that you’re going to get the phone number. It takes a lot more than just showing up in life to get that phone number from a woman.

3. Stay In The Moment: One of the most important things to do to stop being outcome dependent is to make a significant mindset shift. What this means is that when you are talking to a woman, you need to stop focusing on getting women’s phone numbers and start focusing more on staying present in the moment. A lot of men will ask a woman for her phone number and to go out on a date with him mere seconds after they approach and start talking to her. That is the very embodiment of being outcome dependent. Remember once again that in order to get a woman’s phone number you must first connect with her emotionally and in a way that will make her want to give you her phone number. One thing you’ll need to do to connect with women is to be willing to share something about yourself.

Think about this from a woman’s perspective. You’re a complete stranger who has approached her and asked her out … all in fifteen seconds or less. She will first wonder why you are asking her out, but since you know nothing else about her she will assume that you are only asking her out because you are physically attracted to her. Plus since she knows nothing about you, she is unlikely to agree to give you her phone number. So if you want to connect with women when you meet them, you are going to have to spend some time being in the moment with them. Putting in this time also allows both of you to see if you even like each other. Plus, if you’ve been in the moment and connected with a woman when you meet her, if she does give you her phone number she will be excited to get your call (instead of feeling about you like she does about most telemarketers).

4. There Is No Call Back Guarantee: Just because you were able to get a woman’s phone number does not mean that she will call you back after you’ve called her. It is a simple fact of life that there are some women who will give out their phone number just because a man asks for it and regardless of whether she actually is interested in having him call her. There are other women who may genuinely be interested in you when they give you their phone number, but may decide later (due to changing their mind or meeting someone else) that they are not so interested in talking to you, and thus may not return your call when you call them. So to increase your odds of getting a call back, make sure you connect with a woman emotionally before you ask for her phone number. That will greatly increase the chances she will call you back. If a woman for whatever reason does not call you back, don’t take it personally. That happens to everyone. Just move on to meeting someone else. There’s always another woman to meet.

So are you a guy who believes that if you get a woman’s phone number that she is going to be your next girlfriend (or might even be “the one”)? Are you also a guy who believes that if that same woman doesn’t call you back that you must not have said the right thing when you approached her? If so, then you like so many men are very outcome dependent.

So many men perceive approaching a woman like a rite of passage which entitles them to favorable responses from the women they’ve approached. This is the outcome dependent mentality. It’s time to declare your outcome independence!

Understand that you may have to approach a lot of women before you find one who really relates to you. Also, the next time you walk up to a woman, don’t think about how badly you want to go out with her. Instead, get to know her first to see if you really do want to go out with her.