As those of you who regularly follow the blog know, I’ve spent the past couple months apartment hunting. I’ve finally found a place, but damn, what a stressful, time-consuming experience it was. Add to that the fact that I live in New York City, so for every apartment offering that goes up, there are about 10 people searching and ready to jump on a good deal. The end of summer is a total zoo, it seems like everybody and their mother in New York is looking to move to a new place.

I looked at apartments all over the city, everywhere imaginable.  There were some good deals out there, there were some scams and dumps, there were hidden gems, and everything else in between.

I inquired about literally hundreds of apartments over the past few weeks, and looked at over 30 or 40 of them. I put in an application at a few places, had several credit checks, was accepted to every place, and I even laid down a deposit at two places.  Then I’d sleep on it or think about it for a few hours, and later on I would pull out with cold feet. I just couldn’t pull the trigger. Every time there was a place ready for the taking at my fingertips, I always hesitated. I couldn’t just say, “Yes, I’m taking it,” settle on a place, and have the search be done with.

Do You Desire To Be The Perfect Dream Couple?

Why not? Because, in the back of my mind, I had this image that there was some apartment in the city that had to be better than the one I was looking at right then and there. Or the apartment that I was looking at somehow wasn’t as good as the one I’d looked at a couple days ago.

So I’d envision myself living there, where the furniture would go, how I would cook dinners in the kitchen when I had someone over, how we would get up and take a shower, walk to the park, everything. Sure, it looked great but in my mind there was always a place that was just a little bit better than the place right in front of me.

Somewhere, I knew there was an apartment that would meet every specification I was looking for, the one place that was going to be perfect for my lifestyle. (As you know, lifestyle is what I teach, and having a quality lifestyle is essential to me.)

There was always a place with a little more square footage. In a slightly better location a couple blocks down. A block closer to the park. Closer to that cool corner coffee shop. 100 bucks a month cheaper. Slightly newer kitchen appliances. Slightly better water pressure, a little more cabinet space, an extra window with better lighting, better hardwood floors, a cooler-looking building, a little closer to the subway…you name it.

I spent so much time thinking it over, comparing and contrasting places, then at the end of the day I could never finally decide on a location. It really stressed me out. So I’d think it over for a night, then call up the landlord or the broker the next day with my mind made up. “Ok, I’ve decided! I’m taking the place at 101 Main Street! Done, let’s do this. When can I come sign the lease?”

“Oooh, sorry Shogo,” I’d hear, “Someone just came in this morning and signed the lease on it… Tough luck. But I’ve got another place I can show you…”  Of course that new place would then be not nearly as good as 101 Main Street.

The fact is there is no perfect apartment. For everything that was better about the next apartment I would look at, there was always something worse about it than the prior apartments. Sure, this place has a great outdoor terrace that the one I looked at yesterday didn’t have. But it’s eleven blocks away from the cool part of town. This place has brand new kitchen appliances. But no bathtub. An extra room for a home office? Sure, but it’s a 6-floor walkup.

There really is no perfection in life. It’s a lesson I’m still learning. There is no such thing as the perfect house, and in all my experiences dating I can tell you that there is no such thing as the perfect person.

Are you in a relationship, or are you dating right now, and you’re still looking around for someone better than the person you’re seeing? Someone who’s a little better looking, maybe a little smarter, a little more popular, in a little better shape? Are you saving yourself up for that special, perfect person? Are you kind of just going through the motions right now, secretly hoping for him or her to come across your path? And if you do encounter that person, will you be able to seize the moment and act on it?

You may come across that perfect person.  But you night not.  You might be waiting for a long, long time.  And before you know it, you may have missed an opportunity with that great person right in front of you.

Today I’d like you to go out and appreciate another person. If you’re single, go out and start a friendly conversation with someone new, whether you’re attracted to them or not, it doesn’t matter. Really listen to that person and be interested in what they’re all about. And if you’re in a relationship or you’re dating somebody, I want you to look at and appreciate them, even though he or she may not be the perfect person in the world. Maybe he’s not as tall as you’d like, maybe she’s got a couple extra pounds on her. Maybe he talks a little too much about himself, maybe she’s more judgmental than you’d like her to be, whatever it is.

You may come across someone who’s a better match for you down the road, and it’s ok to keep your options open if that’s what you want. But really take some time today to appreciate and enjoy that imperfect person who is right in front of you.

They usually do a very mediocre job at what they already are doing for work. They tend to get fired quite often, and they also tend to blame other people for their own misery. They will always tell you that they hate their current job and that it’s just temporary. Yet you have known this person for 10 years and they are constantly telling you that everything is temporary.

Deep down, they are really a Wannabe. In Los Angeles and New York City, where Shogo and I live, there are a ton of wannabe actors, wannabe producers, wannabe television artists…Hell, there are even wannabe wannabes.

Here’s how I feel about wannabes. I am really glad that you want to be something, I really am all about that and I support those who have high aspirations. But if you want to be something, you have to do the hard work. The problem is most wannabes are dreamers. They love talking about their dreams, and usually what they do is support themselves with talk from other wannabes.

Dating A Dreamer

They will sit around together on a Friday night and go, “You are the best actress in the whole wide world!” Then the other wannabe will say, “No, other wannabe friend, YOU are the best actress in the whole wide world!” They will basically mentally masturbate each other all night long making each other feel good.

Wannabes tend to get fired from jobs often because wannabes tell you that their current job is only temporary. Beware of the wannabe actress who is also the waiter. Here are some of the worst waiters you have ever encountered in your entire life.

I am all about dreaming big, I am all about creating a great life. Hell, I wanted to be a dating expert, and look what happened. But it’s because I am all about action. If you are a wannabe, you need to look and see how long you have wanted to be what you’re aspiring for, and check if you have even gotten anywhere even close.

You are only what you are right now, so put in the hard work to be the absolute best that you are.

What is a “Habooo Moment?” It’s just a stupid phrase I utter that puts me in a really funny mood.

Say it over and over again. Look in the mirror and just say, “Habooo!”

Doesn’t it make you smile? Doesn’t it make you laugh?

All of us have inner Habooo Moments. We have these moments only internally because most of us spend our lives not saying what we think. Instead we think about what to say — and what not to say.

Think about that for a second. You spend your life not saying what you think, and instead spend it thinking about what to say (or not say).

Is this any way to go through life? In reality, you need to say what you think.

It is usually something interesting. Our observations are usually based on things we find interesting. They usually relate to things that interest us. So why are we so afraid to comment on them out loud?

Not only that, but when you say what you think then you are actually presenting the true person that you really are. Most people don’t trust themselves enough to do this. What most people do is constantly edit themselves.

Gary Busey Using The Haboo Method

So what happens when you do this? You are showing the world an edited version of you (and an edited version of who you truly are). That is the most ridiculous thing in the world to do. Think about why.

When you meet a member of the same sex to whom you relate really well, you don’t say to yourself, “I want this person to be my new best friend, so from this moment forward I am going to edit things that I say and not tell the truth. I don’t want this person to get to know the real me. I want this person to get to know the edited version of me, because I’m tired of my old best friend and the only thing that is important is getting this person to be my new best friend.”

Of course you would never do this when you meet a member of the same sex. We only do this when we meet someone of the opposite sex.

What happens when you edit yourself and get into a relationship with someone, though, is that eventually the edited version of you starts to crack and the real version of yourself starts to show through. So if you are goofy and you crave that Habooo Moment, then why edit yourself?

Let me tell you about a Habooo Moment I had recently. It happened a few weeks ago when I was in New York City doing a seminar.

All the guys stood in a line in the middle of New York City, and they said “Habooo!” to all the people who walked by them on the street. The guys laughed. They cracked up.

People who walked by said “Habooo!” back without even knowing what it was, because the guys’ energy was of people having so much fun. These guys were enjoying themselves so much that it was attractive to others.

The real you is attractive. So stop editing yourself! Stop thinking about what to say and what not to say, and start saying what’s on your mind.

I had an amazing time in NYC teaching a great group of men my new seminar format. It was one of my most favorite weekends that I have ever had with a group of guys.

I feel like I just hung out with 14 new friends and I cant wait to see them all again!

I have the same seminar coming up in LA at the end of March so email me if you want to learn more.

One final thing to share.

The NYC to LA flight is always full of great people watching.

I sat across from Christina Ricci and her dog Karen and Kevin Bacon was 4 rows in front of me in First Class. The JFK to LAX American Airlines flight is always full of celebs going home from NYC.

Yesterday we had a great debate on about sex.

For those of you who missed it check the blog out.

Today lets dig deeper.

Have you ever just had sex with a man and thought, “Now that I’ve had sex with this random guy (since it’s been six months since my last sexual encounter!), is he going to think I’m a slut?”

The answer? Not if you phrase it correctly.

I’m the first to admit that there’s a double standard out there. I personally commend women who are sexually free and open. I don’t judge women who are sexually free and open. I also don’t really care about with how many men a woman has slept.

There are men, however, who judge women for being sexually free. So, how does a woman know if she’s slept with someone like me, or with a judgmental non-evolved man?

When you have sex with a man for the very first time on, let’s say, the very first date, men are so ego-driven that they want to believe that there was something special about them that made you lose all control and decide to jump into bed with them quickly. They want to believe that they have some magical sexual power over you.

They want to believe this regardless of whether you slept with four other guys before them that week. They don’t know!

So what do you tell a man you’ve just slept with so that he won’t judge you? It’s really simple!

Just tell him, “I can’t believe I did this, but I haven’t had sex in so long that I couldn’t resist it.” A man’s ego so wants to believe that.

I’m all about telling the truth, but some men can’t handle the truth. It’s like when Jack Nicholson told Tom Cruise in A Few Good Men, “You can’t handle the truth!” Unfortunately, ladies, some men just can’t handle the truth.

If he’s a one-night stand or he turns into a booty call, massage his ego and you will massage all the right parts. He will think he’s some incredible lover.

I’m all about women using men for sexual pleasure. Men have been using women like this for years.

Welcome to the new sexual revolution: women rule!

One word of advice to the men: When a woman decides to have sex with you on the first date, stop judging and worrying about what she’s done in the past. Just embrace the gift of another person.

It’s time to learn how men really think so that you can stop wasting your time with men who are just not what you want. Get a complete behind-the-scenes tour of a man’s mind by investing in my Women’s Mastery Series program.

And yes if you want to know Christina Ricci is very nice and I am sure all the women want to know.
Kevin Bacon still looks great.

“Today is my day!”

Now the real question is… “Do you really believe that?”

Today’s podcast is all about your belief system.

BE LIKE A NEW YORK JET!

Click Here To Download Today’s Podcast!

For those of you who have yet to see the now famous Bart Scott interview check it out.

Is that really news?

Nothing new about that and really nothing very interesting either.

But here’s what I think.

I think women are addicted to Charlie Sheen “Man Boys” and crave to be the one to fix them.

I also feel that some men are Charlie Sheen “Wanna Be Man Boys” and crave the variety and deviance of that lifestyle.

So how do you know if you have an inner Sheen lurking inside?

Glad you asked.

Today’s podcast will help you determine if you have an inner Sheen or if you are addicted to dating Charlie Sheen “Man Boys!”

Click Here To Download Today’s Podcast!

I remember that while I lived in New York City, I never went to the theater. Never. I didn’t really take advantage of the museums either.

Even though I don’t really like the theater or museums that much, it is still unbelievable that I didn’t take advantage of them at all while I lived there. I did take advantage of the restaurants and other things, but you get the idea.

Now I live on the beach. I remember before I moved here and I lived in Brentwood (which is about 20 minutes from the beach), I used to drive down to the beach three or four nights a week to do my cardio, get some air and get grounded.

Now that I live on the beach, I never want to walk the beach at night. I never even walk it during the day. I just look at it.  It’s pretty.  It’s beautiful.  It’s lovely, but I don’t take advantage of it like I used to before it was right in my backyard.

It seems like we never take advantage of the things that are right in our own backyards. This is, however, something I want all of you to start doing.

I want you to write down ten things in your hometown or the nearby area that are amazing. Then I want you to write down things in your hometown you don’t take advantage of and why.

What stops you? Are you lazy? Do you make excuses?

Do you find other things to do, or do you just take these things for granted that they are always going to be there? Stop taking things for granted and start enjoying every single day what is right in your own backyard.

Now, how would they know who honked? What if four people honked all at once? Is that an instant $1,400.00 for the City of New York?

You got to love New York City. It’s the loudest city in the United States, and they think that one less car honking its horn will help.

Speaking of travel, let’s talk about traveling and dating . . .

So, you are dating somebody brand new, and you are really excited about them. You decide you are going to plan a weekend trip for the two of you to take together.

A weekend trip is so much fun, but do you know what is the most interesting thing about taking a weekend trip together? You are going to get to know this person better.

Let me tell you something. When you travel with someone, all the wrappers are taken off the candy.

You get to know all sorts of things about the other person you would not probably get to see at this point in your dating relationship. You get to know their bathroom habits. You get to know how long they spend in the bathroom. You get to see how they really look and act first thing in the morning.

Let me tell you something. People can’t pack all the stuff they protect themselves with at home. So on a trip, they expose themselves.

You get to know if they are grumpier in the morning than they’ve acted on those few nights you’ve spent together so far. You get to know more about what they are really like.

Traveling with somebody is the best way to get to know them.  It is something that I tell people to do all the time.  

If you are dating for a month, then go away for a night. Get them out of their home element. Get them to put their BlackBerry down. Take them out somewhere away from home.

After you’ve been dating someone for two months, go away for a weekend with them. Really get to know them more.

After three or four months of dating themsomeone, go away together for four or five days. Let me tell you, it is when you are away for this many days that all the shit really hits the fan.

You get to see them in all situations. You get to see them when they get frustrated at the airport. You get to see them when they’ve had a long and exhausting day. You get to see how they deal with all of those various “travel mishaps” that inevitably occur.

Traveling with somebody strips them down to their core, and gives you the opportunity to get to know them in all ways. I have had relationships in the past end after I took someone away for the weekend. Things would be great and then, all of a sudden, I’d be away for the weekend wondering who this monster was with whom I was spending the weekend.

So, one of the greatest things to do when you’re dating someone is to follow my travel schedule.  If you follow my travel schedule, you are going to get to know somebody very, very quickly.

Technology is amazing. It really is. Technology can really simplify certain things.
That part of technology is great and amazing.

I mean, I can go away on vacation or a business trip and be able to access all my emails from my iPhone. Then when I return, I’m no longer inundated with phone messages and emails because I was able to address a lot of them while I was gone.

With the Internet, I can stay in touch with people I probably never would otherwise. I can post blogs on my BlackBerry or iPhone. There are so many things we can do so much more easily now with technology.

There are some of the simpler things in life which are gone with all the current technology, however, that I do miss. I was listening to an ‘American Top 40′ show on the 70s station of my satellite radio. Listening to some of those songs brought back a lot of memories.

Remember the days when you were dating and you called someone on a pay phone, and the operator would keep coming on the phone asking you to deposit another $0.35? So many times you wouldn’t have any more change but you didn’t want the phone call to end, so you’d start checking the phone and the ground for lost change. For those of you who don’t remember this, allow me a minute to reminisce.

The problem with the whole pay phone thing as someone who was living in New York City, was that pay phones were generally pretty disgusting. The smell of the mouthpiece alone was always repulsive. That part of “simpler” times I don’t miss at all!

What I do miss is coming home to an answering machine and seeing who called you when you were gone. With cell phones and everything right at your fingertips, you don’t get to experience that feeling you got when you came home to a blinking light on an answering machine (signaling that you had messages).

I remember meeting someone and coming home hoping to see that blinking light, and then arriving home to find either no blinking light or that the blinking light was a message from someone else. It was part of dating — that anticipation about the answering machine.

There was no *69. You couldn’t just pick up the phone, dial *69 and see who called you. There was no Caller ID so you couldn’t even see the phone number of that girl who called you but didn’t leave a message.

Dating was more about guessing. You’d wonder, “When is this person going to call? How long are they going to wait to call me?”

Back then if you were in a relationship and got into a fight, you’d be out with your friends and be calling on your answering machine and having to put in your “secret code” to check your messages (and see if your significant other had called). I remember how much fun it was to have a secret code.

Answering machines “voices” back then sounded so mechanical. That voice telling you how many messages you had didn’t resemble a human voice in any way.

I also used to change my answering machine message constantly. I’d change the song I’d put on there and my greeting depending on my mood. I always wanted to create a good listening experience for the women who called me.

One time I had the theme song from “The Brady Bunch” on my answering machine message and came home to about 37 hang-up “clicks” on my answering machine. When I answered the phone the next time the phone rang, i asked the woman on the phone if she was the one who had been calling and hanging up, and she said it was her and that she just wanted to hear that Brady Bunch song over and over again.

Those were some good times. They were simpler times.

Technology certainly is great. With technology you can cruise the Internet. You can go on a website like match.com and meet someone amazing from somewhere across the country, and you can communicate in real time with anyone in the world. You can get a phone call when you’re driving and not have to wait until you’re home.

What you miss with all this technology and instant results is the suspense you used to have with things. It was like Christmas and waiting to see what Santa brought you. You’d come home and be excited to see if you got a message and, if so, from whom. Sometimes you were happy because it was that woman you called earlier, and other times you were a little disappointed because it was just your friend leaving you a message.

I wouldn’t want to go back in time and be without all the awesome technology of today, but I think it would be fun to be able to go back in time for a week or so and get to re-experience all that great anticipation I used to feel. What do you miss that is gone now because of technology? Share with me your favorite story.
Also, share with me your favorite answering machine story or the thing you miss most from when you were young and dating.

I don’t spend much time with my mother, nor do I even know what habits I acquired from her. Sitting there watching my girlfriend and her mother together, though, made me realize from where a lot of my girlfriend’s habits come.

For example, she has a habit of eating lemons. You know, she’ll squeeze some lemon juice over her vegetables, then eat the lemon from the rind. So as we’re having dinner last night I sat there watching the two of them do this, and it was so interesting to see from where that habit comes.

After dinner I decided to take Daphne for a walk to give my girlfriend and her mother a chance to bond. My girlfriend asks me every day about whether Daphne has eaten and about when I fed her. It’s the same thing every day. When I thought about this, I realized that we get so many habits from our parents.

I haven’t spent much time with my parents as an adult at all. I’m kind of wondering now, though, which habits of mine I picked up from my mom and which ones I picked up from my dad.

It’s going to be a very fascinating couple of weeks…

Now on to today’s topic, Spend a night at home, grab a glass of wine, drink a beer – whatever you want to do – and delete numbers from your cell phone contacts list.

Your phone book is full of people that you don’t give a shit about. It’s so cluttered with people that you couldn’t care less about that by the time you are able to find someone in your contacts list, it’s too late to call them.

Maybe you’re driving from New York City to North Carolina, and you remember that you have two friends in D.C. that you want to catch up with. By the time you find their numbers in your phone book, you’re already in North Carolina!

It’s time to really clear your life – starting with your cell phone. If you clear your phone of extraneous numbers, you can start to savor the real friendships that you’ve made. You can get closer to the people that really matter.