I will be here for one week so if anyone wants to do some private coaching next week email me and we can set it up!

I was thinking about something on the plane that I wanted to share with all of you.
There is a certain exercise that I have all of the men and women I coach do. It’s in both my Men’s and Women’s Mastery Series.

It is: what image do you outwardly project to the world? What do other people think of you?

Ask five people what they think about you. What type of energy do you convey? What type of confidence do you convey? What do you look like? How do you dress? Ask five people all of these things.

I have a client named Rob who is a great guy. Rob took a bootcamp with me recently, and the other night we were out to dinner having a long talk. He’s a great-looking guy, he’s got a great image, he has lots of confidence – but it’s all an optical illusion.

He projects these things to everyone who sees him but deep inside he doesn’t really believe it. This is his fundamental issue. He doesn’t believe that he’s good-looking. Rob is 5’7”, but if you sat with him at a table you’d think he was 6’2”. He has this incredibly large persona.

But the problem is that he just doesn’t believe it. Everyone sees it except for him.

Rob is what I call an optical illusion. This is why many men (and women) come to me for coaching – what I can do with them is really work on the inside. It’s great that you’re able to exude these qualities, but if you don’t actually believe it, other people won’t either.

When you first glance at Rob, you believe it. When you hear him talk, you still believe it. But if Rob doesn’t believe it himself, he will never be able to go up to a woman – even though she’s feeling the heat and the energy – and close her. He won’t be able to get her phone number and go out with her.

Rob needs to believe it. And those of you who can relate to Rob – those of you who live in a life of optical illusions – you need to do something to make yourself believe it.

Rob was telling me about some of his friends who are fascinated by what Rob did at the bootcamp. They desperately want to do the same thing but they are terrified. They keep making excuses – about the money. “Oh, it’s $2495, there is no way we could do that,” they say, yet both of these guys are going to grad school. They’re trying to get advanced degrees so they can get a better job and make more money.

They are willing to invest in a degree that will help them to become more successful and make more money in the business world, but they are not willing to invest in themselves!

That’s what you need to do. If you are an optical illusion, you need to invest your time and money in personal development. You need to invest in YOU. You are your own corporation, and you need to invest in yourself.

This is not a sales letter for one of my bootcamps – either you’re going to do it or you won’t. But that’s the thing about life: what are you waiting for to change yourself?

If everyone thinks that you are confident on the outside and you don’t feel it on the inside – if you are an optical illusion – guess what? Your life is never going to change unless you start doing internal work.

So here is a suggestion – and a challenge – I have for all of you: I want you to go out there and find out if you are an optical illusion. I want you to ask five friends what they think of you.

What type of image do you project? What type of confidence do you convey?

I want you to go out there and do this today. And I want you to find out if you are an optical illusion. If you are, we really need to get you started doing some inner work on your brain. It won’t change by itself. If it could, you already would have been able to self-motivate and make it happen.

Consider this the first step – the first kick in the ass – to getting rid of that optical illusion that you may be conveying to the world.

The following is a response I gave to a client who asked me how he could meet women even though he is very shy. This is a great example of my direct one-on-one coaching.

You are going to get exactly who you are.

Think about this: I’m a boisterous person and I’m over the top. A woman who is shy and quiet might be intrigued by me, but the thought of hanging out with me for longer than ten minutes would probably drive her nuts. She wouldn’t want to do it because I’m way too hyperactive and crazy.

But for you, as someone who is shy – which many people are – you’re going to attract another person who is shy. You, as a shy person, are not going to approach a Type A woman, because she will intimidate the hell out of you. You’re not ready for that.

But what you are ready for is women who have mannerisms like you; women who are quiet like you. You have to find yourself.

And a lot of women are like that – I would say at least 70% of women are shy, so you have a lot of women to choose from! If you start talking to the women that are also shy, you’ll realize that when you think your heart is beating a million beats per minute and she can see it through your shirt, it’s not! When you feel your lip quivering when you try to smile, she’s feeling the exact same way!

You both are basically mirror reflections of each other. If you keep that in mind, and realize that this woman that you’re attempting to talk to right now is as equally as shy as you, you’re going to realize how much you have in common.

You could even say to her – and I’ve told guys this often – if you’re talking to a woman in a coffee shop, you could say to her, “man, it’s so nice talking to you, I never really talk to people in public.”

You can say the things that are on your mind, and she’ll respond, “oh my god, I’m the same way! I feel the same way!” So don’t be so afraid to let yourself out. You’ll start gradually increasing your confidence, and the women you start attracting will be gradually more and more confident.

This is not to say that the women that are shy and not yet that confident are not amazing – because you’re a good guy, you’d be a great boyfriend in a relationship – probably much better than me. You’d be more loyal, more loving, and more appreciative – just because you’ve struggled more with this thing.

You don’t have the bigger-better mentality that I’ve had – where I think, hey, she’s hot, but I could go get hotter. You’ll be more like, she’s really cool, I really like her, and she’s sweet.

And remember what we talked about – when you’re the good guy (which many of us are) you need to make sure you read up on sex and kick ass in bed, and this woman is going to be thinking, I’ve got the best guy in the world! She’ll think you’re a bad boy, just because you’re good in bed.

So realize that everything is a reflection. You’re attracted to a certain type of woman that is just like you. We all are.

Patrick: You’ll also find that the whole mirror thing works both ways. Not only when you are nervous, she’s nervous too, but if you are calm, even if she was nervous, you’re inducing her to be calm with you. Your presence can make everyone around you come down to earth too.

David: Yeah, do you remember when I said that you have a very calming presence? When you let go and you smile, you are really engaging and warm. When you were smiling at the clothing store and on the beach, you were so calm. People feel safe and comfortable around you.