Here’s a comment that a reader left on the blog that I really wanted to address. I’ve heard it quite a few times from guys and the topic is really relevant for guys who don’t drink alcohol but still want to go out and experience some nightlife.

Coach Shogo, I want to try something new: going sober in a club or bar, how can I put myself at ease and enjoy while not taking any drinks?  I’ve been studying this option for some time now, and it is very difficult to achieve…

–Maximillian

First off, I think going sober is a great thing.  I think living an alcohol-free lifestyle is great.

That being said, I have to give you a disclaimer that I personally don’t live an alcohol-free lifestyle.  Now, I don’t booze it up every day, but I do like to go out a couple times a week and have a few drinks in the evening.  And about once I month I like to go out and actually get drunk.  Just the way I like to do things.

So if you want to go out and have a couple drinks, loosen up, and be less uptight when you’re out meeting people, more power to you.  (But if you HAVE to drink in order to open up at social functions, that’s a problem and we need to talk.)

And if you never drink alcohol because you don’t like the feeling of losing control of your senses, or you don’t want to put unhealthy things in your body, more power to you as well.  Don’t let the pressure of the drinking crowd get to you.

Is everyone at this bar getting drunk?

A lot of times I will go out and not drink any alcohol, or I’ll just sip on one beer the whole night, especially when I was bartending and just needed a break from all the boozing.

But if you’re not able to put yourself at ease in a bar or club situation without drinking, it’s for one of two reasons:

One, you don’t feel comfortable in a bar or club environment and you need the influence of alcohol to relax you and help you be less uptight.

Two, you’re self-conscious about being the sober one in the bar while everyone else is drinking and you don’t want to look or act like the odd man out.

Let’s talk about the first one.  If you don’t feel comfortable when you’re out in a bar or club, or you just can’t seem to mingle with the crowd, you should really consider not going to bars or clubs anymore.  Your body is telling you something.  There are plenty of other great things you can do in the evenings besides going to a crowded bar and standing around feeling like you don’t have anything in common with the people there.  But if you feel like you need the influence of alcohol to help relax you in EVERY social situation, that’s another issue altogether and something you need to deal with separately by putting yourself out there and opening up to new people every single day.

Now let’s talk about the second one, and that’s really the heart of the matter.  If you do genuinely enjoy going out and being social in bars and clubs, but you just want to cut out the drinking part of it, here’s what you do: you cut out the drinking.

Just get a glass of something nonalcoholic and hold it in your hand.  Drink a coke.  Drink club soda with lime.  It doesn’t matter.  Nobody is going to ask you what you’re drinking. On the off chance that someone does (and it will probably be another guy), just casually tell them you’re having a club soda and change the topic.

What’s really holding you back is that self-conscious feeling of being a little bit different from the rest of the crowd.  That somebody will look at you like you’re from another planet if you tell them you’re not drinking.

Here’s what I think about that: forget about the rest of the crowd.  You do whatever you feel like doing and you don’t look back.  So what you’re not holding a vodka tonic in your hand while you’re going around meeting people?  Trust me, there are plenty of people in the place who are also not drinking, especially women.  The more upscale and fun the venue, the more likely it is that other people are not getting drunk.  Just avoid those crappy little bars where the only activity in the place is to stand around getting completely hammered.  That’s just no fun.

So drink whatever you want to.  People are not standing around the bar talking about the fact that you’re not drinking alcohol.  Honestly, nobody cares.  When you see somebody standing at the bar only drinking water, do you start whispering to the people around you, “Hey, that guy over there is only drinking WATER!!”  Of course you don’t.  That would be weird.  But when it comes down to ourselves, we think that everyone around us is talking about us.  Trust me, nobody is talking about the drink you’re holding in your hand.

It’s far cooler to be the level-headed sober guy at the end of the night than the obnoxious drunk stumbling around with beer stains all over his shirt.

Now it’s been a while since I wrote anything about bars and clubs.  To be honest, it’s been a while since I’ve been out to any clubs.  But I’m going to be out on the town this weekend with some friends, so I figured I’ll put you guys in the right mindset with a question that comes from an email I got last week:

Hey Shogo,

Thanks so much for the coaching call yesterday, I got some great advice out of it and can’t wait to put it to use.  One question.  Could you help me out with cock blocks in a bar or club, they can be very annoying and ignorant I find and I’ve been cockblocked now and again.  So what could ya say to the guy to stop?

J, Ireland

Hey J,

Here’s how I feel about cock blocking.  I never get cock blocked.  It just doesn’t happen to me. So what that means is that cock blocking has nothing to do with another guy being an asshole, swooping in and taking “your” woman.  It’s got everything to do with YOU.  You can learn all the quick and witty comeback lines and banter you want to be prepared for a so-called cock block, but it’s not going to stop it from happening to you.

Because cock blocking only happens to certain types of guys.  And it happens to them over and over again.

Guys who are very hesitant about expressing themselves to a woman.  Guys who don’t claim their space.  Guys who keep their distance and are afraid to get close out of fear that he’s offending her or coming across as “giving her the wrong idea”.

When you do that, other guys will notice it and see that there is no chemistry there.  Maybe you just look like friends.  Maybe a guy is an asshole, and sees an opportunity there to come in and take her away.  In any case, she’s clear for the taking to any other swinging dick who walks by.

Cock blocking happens to guys who don’t intrigue women.  If she is interested in you and the conversation you are having, she will stand there and listen to everything you have to say.  When she’s not into you, her eyes will start darting across the room, hoping for her friend or some other more interesting guy to come rescue her.

When that starts happening, you’re done. Nothing can save you.  She’ll pray for someone else to come join the conversation.  She’ll be totally open to starting a conversation and flirting with another guy who’s around her.  And a guy who sees that will jump right in.  Sometimes she’ll start a conversation with another guy.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone up to the bar to get a drink, and a girl standing there will turn and start talking to me while another guy was just in mid-conversation with her.

Then I’d look over her at the poor guy’s disillusioned face and give him a little shrug.  Does that make me a cock-block?  Does that make me an asshole?  No.  It means she was bored to death with the other guy and wanted talk to me instead.  It means the other guy needed some coaching—not on how to deal with cock blocks, but on how to keep her intrigued.  Because I’m no better than the guy who just got shoved out of the picture.  But I’m much better in conversation.

Cock blocking happens to guys who don’t claim their own space and walk over with confidence and start great conversations with women everywhere they go.  Cockblocking happens to guys who talk to one or two women a night, and then CLING onto those conversations like their lives depended on it.

Sound familiar, victim of cock blocking?

You sit in the corner of the bar, waiting for what to say to that one girl you’ve been looking at for the past 45 minutes, then you finally get up the guts to approach her and hope it really works out because this is your one shot for the night.

Instead you try and try and try with that one girl you finally approached, even when there’s no chemistry.  And the more you try with a girl who’s only lukewarm about you, the longer you stand there struggling, the more likely some guy with dimples and a great smile is going to wink at her and jump in to the rescue.

So you’re still asking why you need to start conversations with women everywhere?  This is why.  Because when you start doing that, you will start having an abundance mindset.  You’ll start approaching women everywhere.  When I go out, I talk to girls everywhere.  Quick, 30-second conversations.  If there’s no chemistry, if she doesn’t want to talk to me, I move on.  I don’t stand around in a shitty conversation, struggling to make things happen, and wait to be cock blocked by some guy she likes better than me.

You think you’ve been cock blocked, but you really just cock blocked yourself.

I was at a friend’s house for a BBQ recently, and a few of them were planning on going out to bars that night. I started talking to two guys, really cool guys, who were asking me for tips on where to go out and meet women. One of them was in a relationship, so it was the other guy who wanted to meet somebody that night, maybe get some phone numbers.

I suggested some places for them to go out, and the two of them decided that the relationship guy was going to play the role of the wingman for the single guy. So we talked a bit about the “wingman” concept, and I told them some of my thoughts on what the wingman is for why I think having a wingman when you go out is a pretty goofy idea in first place.

For a lot of guys, having a wingman is necessary. They couldn’t imagine the thought of going out by themselves and having to meet people when they’re out alone.

When you rely on having a wingman when you go out at night, you’re basically treating your night out like a sport. It’s like a game, and the goal of the game is to meet some women, get a phone number, maybe hook up that night, whatever it is that you’re into. So in order to accomplish your goal, you need a teammate, a partner in crime, a like-minded cat who’s going to help you get there. In short, your wingman.

How To Find A Good Wingman

A wingman can serve several different purposes. He’ll hype you up to the person you’re talking to and make you look good. He’ll distract other people for you so that you can focus in on the woman you want to get to know. He’ll make it look like you actually have friends when you’re out meeting people and that you’re not a social outcast–social proof, as some like to call it. He’ll make you feel less awkward as you’re standing around scanning the room thinking about all the women you’d like to be talking to.

For all of you guys who are going out trying to meet women at night time, here are my thoughts on wingmen: get rid of the whole concept.

Try going out by yourself for once and see what happens. Why? Because it shows that you have confidence. You have the confidfence to go out at night by yourself, talk to and get to know whoever you want, and have a great time without the help of anyone else. You don’t worry about looking awkward. You don’t need someone to cover your ass, talk you up, or someone to stand there next to you so that you don’t feel so self-conscious.

Going out by yourself is ballsy. It shows that you don’t have to rely on the wolfpack to go out and have a good time, that you do whatever you want, and that don’t really care what other people think about you. Not only that, if you’re out without a wingman or without a group of guys, you HAVE to meet people. It’s like traveling by yourself–which is the only way I travel these days. When you walk through the world on your own, you’re forced to interact with others. You don’t have the excuse of huddling in the corner with the people you know, looking around all self-conscious and never talking to anyone new all night long.

Try it out this weekend. And let’s hear from you guys about what you think about wingmen.

And if you absolutely MUST have someone with you when you go out, if you’re not at the level yet where you feel comfortable by yourself, then go out with a person who you’re going to be able to have fun with. It doesn’t have to be the coolest person, or the guy who is really connected, or the one with the best pick up lines, or the best looking of all your friends–make it someone who you’re going to be able to really enjoy spending time with, someone who you feel good around and you can let loose and just have a blast with. That person is going to be your best bet for a wingman!

Let me know if this sounds familiar:

It’s Friday, you decide to meet up with your regular group of guys and hit the bars tonight and see if you can meet some new women. You have a couple beers to pregame, maybe watch the game, maybe play some video games.

A few hours later, you’re out with your group of buddies, standing at the bar having a couple drinks. You’re all taking to each other, looking around the room to see if there are any women to talk to. After a while, you start getting a little bored. No cute girls at that bar, fine.

So you go to the next bar and have a couple more drinks. Damn, it’s wall-to-wall dudes at that bar. So you go to the next place and have a few more.

Before you know it it’s last call, you’ve scoured every bar on Main St., you’re out $80, and you’re drunk standing in line holding your dick in your hand waiting to get an overpriced slice of greasy pizza at 3am. You didn’t meet a single woman tonight. Or one of your friends actually got up the courage to go talk to a woman, while the whole group watched him do it and that was the mediocre highlight of the night. But basically nobody worthwhile crossed your path. The right opportunity just didn’t come your way.

How To Meet Women In Bars

So what went wrong?

Here’s the rundown: You can’t wait for the right opportunity to come to you. You have to create it. You guys were running around town, basically trying to chase a good time. You didn’t find that good time you were looking for at the first place, you got frustrated, so you went to the next place looking for a good time.

You guys are all trying so hard to have a good time, waiting for the right girls and that perfect situation to basically fall into your laps, but you didn’t really end up having that good of a time.

Why? It’s because you’ve got “desperate bar energy.” You can feel it, and the women around you who you’re trying to meet can feel it. You and your buddies are all out together trying to (a) meet new girls, and (b) have a good time and let loose. That’s great. But the problem is that nobody’s succeeding at either one of those so you all end up being really uptight. Nobody’s saying it, but everybody’s feeling it. So you go to the next bar trying to chase the Friday night good time you’re supposed to be having. And the next bar. And the next. That’s desperate bar energy.

The thing is that all those great women you’re trying to meet . . . they’re everywhere. There is no one bar or one place that’s better than the other. Every place is a great place. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: what you need to do focus on is having a good time first. If you go out and have an amazing time with your friends, whether it’s at a bar, a restaurant, a party, a coffee shop, wherever—the women will follow.

So go out with less friends. Don’t go out on a Friday with the hungry wolf pack of five dudes chasing the good time. You need to create the good time. Go in a mixed group: couple guys, couple girls. Go out with one cool friend who you really vibe with and who you know you can have a great time and great conversation with regardless of whether or not you meet women that night. Go out with a cool wing girl and go around talking to everybody together. Or befriend the bartender and go out by yourself, which is what I do all the time. Stand on your own two feet, go out a little bit earlier by yourself, and see where the night takes you.

Try it out this weekend, break your usual “desperate bar energy” habit, and I’m looking forward to hearing from you in the comments section today!

You take a deep breath. You sigh, say, “Well . . . maybe not tonight, I’m comfortable right now. I’m cozy in my house.” So you get undressed slowly. Maybe wash up a bit, run a bubble bath. You slip into your pajamas, maybe slip on your little shorts and a comfy oversized t-shirt.

Now you’re starting to get in the mood a bit. You put on some soft music, dim the lights down, and you say to yourself, “Hmm . . . maybe I’ll get my toys out tonight and have a little fun. I’ll go out next week to meet someone special, but for tonight it’ll just be me and my electronic toys to keep me satisfied.”

So there you are, another night, home alone with your electronic toys.

But as you’re home alone stimulating yourself with your toys, you start to think how you’re almost addicted to the whole thing. It’s just easier than the effort you have to put in to go out and get some real human contact. “This is ridiculous,” you say to yourself. “I really need to stop relying on these toys to satisfy my needs. I should really force myself to go out, meet new people, find someone who I connect with, and then I wouldn’t be so electronic-toy-dependent.”

So you stare at the toy you’ve got in your hand and think to yourself how you can stop using this thing. It’s always so fun with it. It allows you to dream and to fantasize in any which way you want. So how do you break up with it?

Two Guys With Man Vibrators

You need to say to your toy, “How do I stop you from sucking me into your world? Damn you, electronic toy! You’re killing my social life, and it’s time for me to cut you off! I don’t care if I can play golf as Tiger Woods, and I don’t care if I can be Michael Vick in Madden NFL. You’re killing my chances and meeting people. Damn you, X-Box, stop sucking me into this electronic world!”

If you’re one of those guys that gets stuck in electronic gamer-land and you’re frustrated about your social life, it’s time your really started limiting your electronic toy time and went out to meet some new people. There is no X-Box game that teaches you how to meet women. There’s no X-Box game where you can go and practice your conversation skills with women. Really the only thing your X-Box does is ruin your chances at becoming a social person, you’re allowing yourself to rely on your electronic crutch so much that you don’t even care about the real world out there that’s so much more fun to play in.

So the next time you get the urge to mentally masturbate inside your X-Box, I suggest you go out and start talking to people instead. Every time you’re about to reach for the electronic toy, head out instead and break that X-Box habit.

Several clients who come to us are essentially reformed Pick Up Artists, and we spend a lot of time with them deprogramming their brains from the PUA techniques they learned, and getting them to start over and learn how to be as real and sexually mature as possible.

A few weeks ago, David and I were out coaching two different clients on two separate days. Knowing that I’m great at meeting people in bars (and it’s all about being social in situations where you feel most comfortable), each of the clients asked me the same question: is there a difference between meeting women in bars at night, and meeting women during the daytime as you go about your day?

But before I answered the question, each of the guys made the assumption that it’s much different at night time, because women don’t want to talk to you in bars.

“Really?” I asked. “How so?” They each told me that when you’re out at night, you have to come up with really funny stories to keep the women you’re talking to entertained, and you also have to touch them on their arms and on their back to show that you’re interested and get them attracted to you.

“Well…maybe that’s why these women don’t want to talk to you,” I said.

Here’s the deal guys: you don’t have to be the entertainer, and you sure as shit don’t have to go around in bars touching women. You don’t have to touch them on their arms, and you don’t have to touch them on their back like a creepy Pick Up Artist. Keep it up, and the only thing you’ll be touching is yourself at 3 am, thinking about how many women you fondled at the bar that night. Sick.

How To Meet Women In Bars

An attractive man does not go around fondling women in the bar. An attractive man does not need to grab a woman’s waist to let her know that he is interested in her. An attractive man knows how to communicate straight from his mind, with open ears and warm eye contact. An attractive man is sensitive to what she is feeling because he is genuinely interested in her, and senses whether she is going to be receptive to his touch or not.

When a guy can’t communicate who he is and what he’s all about, he’ll go around the room like Mr. Gropey, groping the women he wants to go out with and wondering why they’re all repelled by him. Seriously, cut that shit out. You look like the creepy bar molester. A woman is either going to be attracted to you or she’s not, and no amount of you putting your grubby paws all over her will change her mind. What you need to do is work on yourself more, and learn how to express yourself and say what’s on your mind, instead of worrying like a PUA about when to touch her on the nape of her neck or whatever.

So back to the question: is there a difference to going out and meeting people at night to meeting people during the course of the day? Basically the answer to that question is no, as long as you have a strong mindset, you believe in yourself, and you make sure you’re actually enjoying yourself.

You know what I’m talking about. You’re out at a bar just standing there hanging out with some friends, and the next thing you know a woman walks by and boobs you. She basically rubs her boobs against your back or your shoulder as she walks by you.

When that happens, you always turn around because you’re startled. You know what boobs feel like, and you know you have been boobed. You think to yourself, “Is she boobing me on purpose, or is it just really crowded?”

If when you turn around after she’s finished boobing you, you realize that the gap between you and other person she had to squeeze through is actually pretty big, that is when you know. You know it was an intentional boobing.

So what do you do at that moment when you realize you have been intentionally boobed? You follow up. You walk over to her and say, “Excuse me. You just boobed me. Obviously we need to talk.”

Do You Desire Fake Breasts?

Some women actually use their boobs as flirting objects. Other women’s boobs just get in the way when they are trying to get by and the crevice between the two people is too small to get through without boobing one of them.

So the next time you’re boobed at a bar, you might want to have a look around you. Find out what kind of boobing it is.

If there is a gap as wide as the Lincoln Tunnel between you and the next closest person, then you know you were boobed on purpose and you should follow up with her. If the gap wasn’t as big as the Lincoln Tunnel, then you know it was an involuntary boobing and you don’t need to pursue it any further.

There’s a valuable boobing tip for all you guys.

I have a confession to make: I went out last night. And I got really, really drunk. So drunk in fact that I decided to leave my girlfriend stranded at the place we were at and took a cab home by myself. And I was keeping all her money and her ID in my pocket. Don’t ask me why. Not the smartest decision I’ve made in my life. Like I said……I was drunk.

So here’s to making not-so-smart decisions while wasted. Let’s hear from you guys. Ever made any stupid drunk decisions? I certainly have my fair share.

I think it’s ok to go out once in a while and just get really drunk if that’s what you want. I honestly think that it’s fine, as long as you understand what you’re doing, you can control yourself, and you keep your lifestyle balanced. For me, I do it like once every month. About once a month, duty calls and I get the urge to just go out and get shitfaced with my friends. I like to call it the male version of getting my period. Other than that I’m not a huge drinker other than a beer or a couple glasses of wine with dinner. Wait a second I sound like functioning alcoholic.

But one of the biggest mistakes that guys who are dating can make is when they decide to go out at night and mingle with friends, to go out and meet new women, is that they end up getting really drunk. And they do it every time. Now don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with having a few drinks here and there. But if you’re out there trying to meet new women to date, and you’re choosing bars as the place to do it, don’t get hammered every time you go out. It sounds so obvious, but when you’re in a bar all night it’s actually really easy to get carried away and have one pint or seven too many.

Why Drinking Prevents You From Hooking Up

Guys, here’s a tip: NEVER use alcohol as a way to get up the courage to go approach and talk to a woman at a bar. Never. There’s a fine line between “social lubricant” and “liquid courage”.

You see a cute girl at the bar you’d like to talk to. You don’t really know what to say. But you’ve been reading this blog and learning from David so you already know that there is no best thing to say. You’re going to just go up and say hi. But you need another drink first. So you go hang with your buddies and have another round. Five rounds and two hours later: it’s last call, you forgot about the cute girl and you’re standing there with your buddies like a sloppy mess, or you finally did go talk to the cute girl, but you were tipsy and she wasn’t, and the conversation didn’t go so well because you couldn’t really communicate.

Don’t make it a habit to guzzle down some liquid courage before you can start a conversation. Use real courage. When you get that urge, it’s time to “just say no.” Use real courage, and once you can do it sober, meeting new women in bars very casually will start getting so easy and fun for you.

Alcohol will never help you grow balls. Getting drunk once in a while can be fun, but understand it for what it is. It’s not going to help you meet women. And if you have in the past, it’s because you got lucky. That’s why they call it “getting lucky.” Two drunk people basically bumped into each other on accident, looked at each other, and said, “Let’s get it on!”

So if you’re a habitual drinker that’s my challenge to you this weekend: if you’re going out tonight, switch it up a little. Drink soda for the entire night and see how many women you can talk to. Make it fun. Use it as a conversation opener. Go up to random people, say, “Hey, I’m trying out a new social experiment. I usually drink when I go out to bars, but my conversations are always a little hazy. So tonight I’m drinking apple juice like a little kid and I’m seeing if my conversations are any different. And I’m going to entertain myself by finding the most drunk people in here and watching them interact.” Then lean back and let the conversation unfold.

I guarantee you one thing: you won’t be the last drunk guy looking around with his dick in hand as the lights come up for last call.

David and I are in London, getting energized and ready this morning for David’s final London bootcamp of 2011. It”s promising to be an absolute blast, all of the guys I’ve talked to online and over email, we’re all pumped and ready to meet a ton of new people everywhere and make some major breakthroughs in the process!

On my flight from Beirut to London yesterday, I had a great conversation with a group of fun, intelligent, and really attractive girls (just the kind of girls any guy would want to meet) who were returning to London after a long week of partying it up in the Beirut nightlife for a bachelorette party. Or “hen do”, as the Brits call it.

The girls and I had a fantastic conversation the whole way, and because they spent their days partying in bars and clubs and basically not seeing the light of day, I figured I’d pick their brain for you guys and use what they told me as inspiration for today’s blog.

Now keep in mind these girls were really confident, outgoing, and full of energy. To give you an idea, one of the bachelorette’s tasks was to approach 3 guys and bite them on the nipples. She ended up biting 10 guys’ nipples.

That got me thinking, it’s so funny what girls can get away with. I mean, can you imagine if a guy attempted to go around and bite the nipples of 10 girls during his bachelor party? It’s really funny to imagine it, but not too realistic, right? But that’s what makes the difference between the sexes so much fun.

Another big difference between men and women when they go out at night is their different mindset. Here’s a basic assumption that a lot of people have when they go out on a Friday night: every guy would have sex with any woman if she allowed him the opportunity.

Leave a comment and tell me what you think of that assumption. Every guy would have sex with any woman if she allowed him the opportunity. Now I’m not saying that YOU personally fall into that category, but a lot of us do make this assumption about men and women. So what happens is that a lot of single men go around at night with the assumption, “Yes, if there were no strings attached, I would sleep with nearly any woman in here.” And a lot of women walk around with the assumption, “Every guy in here would have sex with me if I gave him the green light.”

One of the bachelorette party girls, a doctor, told me with total confidence, “When I go out at night, I know I could get the hottest guy in the place if I wanted to.” It sounds cocky and a bit immature at first, but when you think about it, that’s a very powerful mindset to have. In fact I think it’s a great mindset to have when you know what you’re looking for. It allows you to be the selector. It allows you to avoid making bad choices and avoid seeking validation from other people.

So today’s message is for both men and women: when you go out tonight, remember to always keep your power. Think a bit about what you’re looking for in the opposite sex and don’t give your power away.

If you’re a woman, you have to give yourself that strong mindset and be the selector. Keep your power. The reality is that there are thousands of men out there right now who would love to be with you, who would love to be in a relationship with you, have sex with you, and everything else. Believe it because it’s true. If you meet a cute guy who you actually like, don’t slut yourself out just to get approval from that guy. Don’t make out with him right away just because you think he wants to. Don’t go home with him just because he says, “Let’s go to my place.” If you want to sleep with him, if you’re feeling horny at the moment, then go for it. Otherwise save it up. Think of the thousands of guys out there who would love to be in that guy’s position and to be with you. Don’t play hard-to-get either. Be straightforward and tell him that you think he’s really cute, that you would love to go home with him, but you’re just not ready for that right now, and you’re really excited to see him soon.

If you’re a guy, you have to stop believing that you would have sex with all of these women if no strings were attached, or so you can tell your friends, or if nobody found out, or whatever. Because deep down inside, do you really just want to have sex with a bunch of women? Or do you want to have amazing sex with a wonderful person tonight and all the nights to come? Don’t you really want to be the selector and not the selected? As long as you continue to see yourself as this walking penis who would put himself inside of any woman at the drop of a dime, you will remain the selected. If you want to be the selector, you have to live your life as the selector. You have to set standards for yourself, and really believe that when you go out tonight to meet new people, you are looking for that special woman who will really blow your mind—along with everything else.

We have a lot of international followers and readers of the blog. We always get a ton of emails every day, and last week alone the emails we got from you guys came anywhere from the US to Sweden to Zimbabwe to Indonesia. They were great!

But a lot of your questions are cultural. A lot of you guys think that what “works” for us won’t work for you where you are because you live in a smaller town, or you’re Muslim, or you’re in Asia, or you’re European and Europeans don’t like being approached by strangers, or whatever the excuse is.

This week’s blog is coming to you live from Lebanon, where I’m coaching a client and we’re enjoying the incredible Beirut nightlife. Originally we had planned on a coaching weekend in NYC, but my client wasn’t sure if what I was going to teach him in the USA would “work” when he returned home. So I went to stay with him in Lebanon to show him exactly how having the right attitude and the right outlook on going out will “work” for him wherever he goes.

Here’s the deal guys: I’ve lived and traveled all over the world. I’ve dated people from all over the world, of different colors, different religions, different traditions. I’ve been in amazing relationships with women who, on the outside, were very different from me. And one of my greatest lessons has been that, at the core, we really are all the same. We all react to the same things. We all respond to the same attractive, confident attitude in the opposite sex. That’s what I teach and that’s why I get great results for my clients, wherever they are located.

So my lesson for you is that when you’re going out this weekend, whatever it is that you do, it WILL work if you trust yourself, you have the right attitude, and you have the right mindset. Remember my message last week about just cultivating good energy, having fun, and just being friendly? That goes for everyone, and I don’t care where on this earth you are located. A bar is a bar is a bar, whether you are in Toronto, Rome, Sydney, or Bangkok.

Now I’m sure that there are pickup-lines, and jokes, and cheesy routines that work in a bar in LA that won’t work in a bar in Tokyo. And vice versa. Bu forget about all of that because what you need to focus on is not WHAT to do when you go out, it’s HOW you do it.

This is something that a lot of men do wrong all the time. Men love to think there’s some magic formula, and some guys have it, while others don’t. They think there’s four magic words they can say when they go out at night that will turn them in to Mr. Charisma.

The fact is there is no perfect thing to say in every situation. There never has been and there never will be. There is no magic bible that will walk you through and guarantee success in your social life. There is no Lonely Planet “Guide to Meeting Amazing People” for every country.

I travel a lot and I really don’t need to waste my time coming up with the right thing to say based on cultural differences. I don’t need to act like a different person, or treat people any differently, simply because right now I’m in Lebanon.

Men Checking Out Women At Starbucks In Lebanon

The secret is for you to be “the same you” wherever you go, and whatever you do. The secret is to not let a change in your environment create a change in the way you walk through life. Don’t change how you act simply because you stepped foot into a bar or lounge. Wherever I go, I act exactly the same (save for some basic local etiquette rules).

Every cultural barrier that you believe exists, every invisible barrier that’s preventing you from having an amazing dating life and meeting people of the opposite sex, it’s only there because YOU put it there.

If you believe that women and men in bars in Germany are unfriendly and not willing to talk to strangers, guess what? They will be. If you are living in China and you think that women only want a tall foreigner but you happen to be a short foreigner, then to you, women will only want a tall foreigner. If you’re in the Middle East like me right now and you think that a Middle Eastern woman will run away from you for thinking sexual thoughts, then she will run. And she will run far.

We are people. Every person, man and woman, black and white, thinks sexual thoughts. And when we as people go out at night, we all want to meet someone friendly and unique, who is interested in us, and who knows how to have a good time.