No, it’s not the end of a football game. But isn’t that great when your team’s winning, you’re in the stands and you count down. “Ten, nine, eight…” What’s the point? They don’t hear you. The players could care less, and in their heads they’ve already counted down when the game was over anyway.

Sp here we are, December 31st, 2011, only a few hours to go until the most incredible moment of the year!
The strike of 12, when you’re standing in a room full of people that you have not talked to or connected with all night, and you desperately search around the room for the drunkest woman to kiss. That is the stupidest night of the year.

Most of you will be chasing the night tonight. You go out, trying to find the best party you can possibly find. When you get to that party, if it’s not good, you’ll say to yourself, “Man there’s no chicks here. We really need to go to the Holiday Inn bar down by Route 25, I heard there’s some cougars there that are looking to get lucky on New Year’s Eve.”
You’ll be searching all night long, when in reality tonight, all this night is, it’s just another Saturday night. It’s no different than last Saturday night, or the other 364 days this year. Who cares? You don’t need to go out with a bang.

In fact, you may not have had a bang the whole year. You don’t need to make amends, make up for bad parties, bad choices, bad dates, whatever it might be, by going out and trying to make this the greatest night of your entire year.

This is the most overrated night of the entire year, so instead, why not be proactive? Do something you actually enjoy where you know you’ll have a good time. Go see a movie, stay at home, have dinner with friends or family. Do something that’s more enjoyable. Invite some friends over and play board games. You’ll certainly be more stimulated, and really if you think about it you’ll be more bored, and definitely a whole lot more anxious, at a ridiculous, overrated New Year’s Eve soiree.

It’s time that you did something different this New Year’s Eve and stopped chasing the New Year. Allow the New Year to come to you. Allow the New Year to happen on its own, and allow the New Year to manifest the way it’s supposed to. You’re not going to make up for a year’s worth of bad nights by going out and maybe find someone to kiss at the stroke of midnight.
It doesn’t matter if you kiss some sloppy drunk person and have a funny story to tell going into the New Year. It’s not going to change your life or the way you are with women, just because you were able to make out with a sloppy drunk girl at the stroke of midnight, so stop being an amateur and act like a professional.

Professionals don’t count down at the end of the game. Professionals embrace the win and move forward and think about what to do the next day to become even better.

All the presents have been unwrapped.

By now the parents have driven you crazy. You look around the house and think to yourself, “Okay . . . now what can I return that I don’t like?”

Well it’s too late to return Mom and Dad. I don’t think there’s any store that will take them back, unless there’s a new store called People Depot, where you can return all the parents and friends you no longer want to have around.

Can you imagine that? The day after Christmas, going in and returning all the people in your life you really have no need for anymore? That would be a really interesting thing to do. Walking into People Depot with a cart stuffed with your mom, your dad, a friend you don’t want to be around anymore (who’s got still some wrapping paper in his hair because you unwrapped the gift halfway and realized you just didn’t want it).

And as you walk up to the register, they scan his foot and go, “Nope this person’s not from this People Depot store. He came from Peoplestore.com.” So now you have to rebox everybody back in the box that they came in.

We can’t return people to stores. That’s from some left over Kris Kringle fantasy for those of you who still believe in Santa Claus.

So what are you going to do today? It is the day after Christmas. Everybody’s out and about, shopping, returning gifts, playing, going to the movies . . .you already know exactly what my advice is.
Get out of the house! Head to all the stores and ask people one simple question. One really easy simple question: “So tell me — was Santa nice to you this year? Did you get everything you wanted? And why on Earth would you think about returning a waffle iron? Waffle irons are so cool.”

So go out, be inquisitive, start conversations, and just have fun with people. First things first: Get out of the house. Have a good time.
It’s the day after Christmas. It’s only five days before the most overrated night of the year — New Year’s Eve! Oh boy. I just love New Year’s Eve.
Five . . .four . . . three . . . two . . . one!! Everybody!

The greatest night of the year, New Year’s Eve. Are you going to have the night that you imagined you’ll have? We’ll talk a little bit about the hype and the reality of New Year’s Eve later in the week.

But for today, get out of the house, go return your parents to People Depot, and go strike up some conversations and see what happens.

How do you think this Christmas party is any different compared to other parties?

They’re the exact same thing. You’ve got to go out, you’ve got to enjoy yourself, you’ve got to be social, you’ve got to meet people, you’ve got to talk to everybody, you’ve got to smile.
You’ve got to walk over to women right from the get-go and basically base your conversation on an observation you’ve made. It’s not any different. Christmas parties are exactly the same as other parties.

Somebody e-mailed me the other day and asked me, “How do you hook up at a Christmas party?” It’s no different guys, it really isn’t. It’s about using the same techniques that I’ve been teaching here ever since I started this blog.
You have to stop thinking that things are so different in different situations. It’s not different. It’s always your mind set that needs to change. You need to go to every single party the exact same way. You need to walk into that party, you need to talk to people, you need to relate to people and have fun, you need to show women you’re the kind of guy who knows how to have a good time.

Talk to men. Talk to women. And when you see someone you’re attracted to, walk over to them directly from the get-go based on an observation you’ve made, and just start talking. It’s not any different.

Sure, during Christmas time maybe you could wear a Santa cap. You could carry around a mistletoe. You could be cute like that, you could do all those things, or you could walk around with a stocking full of little gimmick gifts to give out at the party. But the bottom line is, it’s all about communication. And if you’re not great at it, you’d better learn, by clicking right here.

Alright, I’m guessing most of you are saying no.

But really, what if Santa Claus was real? I mean, what if Santa Claus was actually real?

What if you could go to the mall, sit on Santa’s lap — I’m sure there are some dirty old man Santas whose lap you would not want to sit on—but what if you could sit on Santa’s lap and actually ask for something to be delivered under your tree come Christmas?

Think about that for a minute. What would you ask for if you could get one amazing gift this Christmas? Would you ask for a better job? Would you ask for the world economy to be rescued? Would you ask for world peace, to end hunger and starvation in the world?

Are you a person who really wants to save the world or do you really just want to save yourself? Be honest.

Would you ask Santa for a hot girlfriend or a boyfriend? “Hey Santa, can you deliver something special under my tree? Somebody hot, somebody sexy, somebody who desires me and wants to hang with me every day?”

What would you ask for if Santa Claus was real, if you can actually go to the mall and actually wish for something on Santa’s lap?

So today let’s get into the Christmas spirit a little bit and let’s make out our Christmas wish list. I don’t care if you’ve been naughty or nice. It’s not really a big deal since it’s just pretend anyway, and it’s fun to have a little conversation in a way that gets us all back to being six years old again and getting excited about what’s going to be waiting for us under the tree at Christmas time.

So what would be under your tree this year? And go ahead, be comprehensive in your lists. Make a list that’s 10 wishes long if you want. I’m looking forward to reading about all your wishes! Who knows, maybe Santa is real and maybe some of it might come true this holiday season ☺

So today check out this fun video I shot on how to overcome one word answers when you first meet a woman or a man.

And keep in mind when watching this video, all the people who were involved in the making of the video were a bit stiff at times.

Check out how I loosen them up.

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How To Overcome One Word Answers

You know, the other day a reader named Jen posted on the blog asking how she can recognize the shy guy who is too timid to approach to get him over to come approach her.

Sure, women who are not often approached can work on their appearance and work on making themselves more approachable by smiling more wherever they are, getting rid of the ipod in public, making more eye contact with men they’re interested in at bars, etc.

But even for women who do get approached often, do you ever find you’re just not getting approached by the kind of guys who you want to approach you? There’s another even better step you can take: ladies, you can approach the fellas too!

How To Meet Men

I know plenty of guys who are great catches, in reality they are take-charge kind of men, just the kind of guys you would like to meet, but they will never approach you in a public place. Why? Because it’s just not a part of their social norm to meet and get to know people in a random public place. So in turn they don’t do it—not because they don’t want to talk to you, just because it’s something they’ve never thought of doing before. This is especially true with a lot of European men.

I also know many men who just don’t approach women even in a bar or club setting, or at a party—places where most people would approach—because they’ve never learned how to, or they have a bit of social anxiety (we all do to some extent), or because they just haven’t built up the confidence to go after what they want. Doesn’t mean they’re not great guys—in fact, for a lot of women out there the shyer introspective guys are actually more attractive and a better match for them than the dominant fearless types. Ladies, you know what I’m talking about.

So how do you do this? Very simple. Just like we teach men how to start a conversation with women: you make an observation based on what’s going on in the moment around you, and you say that observation to the guy. There’s a benefit to this, too: because women are far less threatening than men, and men are pretty dumb and unassuming, you can say pretty much anything you want and it won’t look like you’re “picking him up”!

Here’s the best way to start a conversation with a man: ask him a question, or tell him you need help with something. He’ll love the fact that he’s coming to the rescue and be so proud that he was able to help you out.

Ask a guy for directions somewhere, or tell him you’re looking for a nice restaurant or place to shop in the area and ask if he knows of any.

If you’re sitting at a restaurant, ask the guys sitting at the table next to you what they’re eating. Tell him you’re not sure what to order and his food looks good. He’ll tell you all about it and help you out with the menu just because guys love to be the guy who comes to the rescue.

If you’re standing by the bar ordering a drink, you can say something as simple as, “What are you drinking? That looks interesting.”

If you’re standing by the subway or waiting for the train and a guy is reading a book, ask him what book he’s reading, or tell him the cover looks interesting. Just yesterday I was waiting for the metro in Washington, DC, I saw a woman ask a man what he was reading, and they talked all the way into the subway car and beyond.

Right now you may be thinking, “Geez, won’t it appear like I’m completely desperate or being way too forward?” The answer to that is no. It won’t appear like you’re doing anything other than striking up a friendly conversation.

This isn’t the 1950’s anymore. You can do and say whatever you want to a man, there are no rules in dating and the single life. In fact, I have more than a few girlfriends who get approached by men all the time, but the men who they usually end up with (and ones they’re happiest with) are the ones who they actively decided to introduce themselves to and go talk to first. The reality is that most men would be flattered, and many of them relieved, to see that you actually took the initiative and got up the courage to talk to them!

Now fellas, this doesn’t mean that you’re off the hook. A man should NEVER use the excuse of, “Well, if she was interested in me she would approach me.” The women you want won’t just fall into your lap. You have to put yourself out there and go after what you want with complete vulnerability and honesty. That’s the only way you’re going to get good at this. Staying in your comfort zone and standing around waiting for the women to approach you is the worst thing you can possibly do.

It is just really shitty mind set as far as I am concerned. Being single is great. It is amazing. No one to answer to, all the food in the fridge is yours, you don’t have to leave the toilet seat up, you never have to change anything about yourself that you don’t want to. You can always pick the type of food that you want to eat that night, you can go on the type of vacations that you want.

Most importantly, you never have to change the car seat because someone else drove your car. And you don’t have to bitch and complain because they left stuff in the sink.

Being Single

Being single is wonderful.

It means it gives you the opportunity to do whatever you want, maybe do whoever you want, date whoever you want, experience whoever you want and it also gives you the opportunity to go out there and meet great people and get it right. Being single means that you have the opportunity to go out there and meet people and figure out what you want out of a relationship. It gives you the opportunity not to screw up and get involved in a bad relationship, because you know you are on a path right now to figure out who you are.

Being single is phenomenal.

So the next time you hear somebody bitch and complain about being single, give them this blog and tell it is some of the best times of your life. It is all mind set folks. It is all attitude.

Recently a lawyer friend of mine did some contract work for a client’s business. My friend actually flew in to his client’s office, did the work that was agreed to, and gave the client an invoice when he left. The client took the invoice and said, “I’m not going to pay you right now. I know you worked hard and I’ll cover your expenses, but I can’t pay you until I know that this legal work you did is going to work as we discussed.” Apparently the guy was fighting a former business partner in a matter and my friend came in to give him some legal advice, ways to avoid court and so forth, and he was doing it as a favor so they negotiated a set fee beforehand. So my lawyer friend looks at his client and says, “You’ve to be kidding me.” The client says, “No, let’s just see how it plays out first. If it plays out the way you say it will, if I get the results I want, then I will pay you. If not, then sorry but I won’t pay.”

Do You Date With Integrity

So my friend says, “You know I could sue you for payment,” and the guy says “I really don’t care. Let’s just see how this all plays out first.” A ridiculous story and my lawyer friend has basically called it a loss but is still waiting for the client to pay.

The bottom line is that your integrity is all you have as a person. A lot of you guys reading the blog are striving to become better men in the way you connect and communicate with people, and that’s a great thing to work on yourself in that way. But in order to become a real man, you need to keep your word. If you promise somebody that you will do something, if you agree to pay them for work that they are doing for you, then you pay what you agreed to pay whether you like the outcome of that work or not. If you go to a therapist, you chose to enter their office and sit on that sofa, and you owe them money for that session. You don’t wait and see if your issues go away before you pay the doctor.

If you go to a personal trainer and he guides you through a bunch of fitness exercises, you owe the trainer money regardless of whether or not you like the way your body looks afterward. You can’t look at the trainer and say, “Listen, I came to see you because I got high body fat, I really don’t want to pay you until my body fat gets lower.”

You are only a man of you word. How many of you have bills that are outstanding, debt that you owe from money people lent you, that you promise you will pay at another time? If you borrow money from somebody, you pay them back before you pay yourself. Always. With your credit card it’s the same thing, it’s very important for your debt management to not pile up. If you have debt, don’t treat yourself to luxuries you don’t need. If you can’t afford the big screen television right now, you wait and buy it when you can afford it.

But to live an integrity-filled life, you have to remember that you are only as good as your word. Always make sure you follow through on your promises. Always make sure you disclose the truth behind your plan. It is something I was taught a long, long time ago. Because in life, you never have to remember the truth, but you always have to remember a lie.

The worst thing to do is to have to run in the other direction when the phone rings. You don’t want to have to worry about a bill collector, somebody angry with you, or somebody pissed off because you failed on a promise, waiting on the other line.

Integrity is all we have in this life. Practice it every single day. And how does this relate to dating? You knew this was coming didn’t you? Very easy. You got a phone number and say you’re going to call? You call. You got a date? You set it in stone and you don’t flake. To someone you’ve been seeing for a while, you never make false representations about who you really are. If you are bold enough to allow others to have expectations of you, you better live up to those expectations. If you have weaknesses, disclose them and don’t cover them up. And if you do cancel on a date, or break things off with your significant other, you fess up and disclose exactly why you are doing so.

How often have you gone out and the only guys you talked to all night were either self-absorbed players, Mr. Socially Awkward, or a normal guy-who ruined it by having to get drunk to build up the nerve to come talk to you? Not to mention the creepy stalker guy who hovers around you and your friends for half the night.

But there are some great men out there who do hang out at bars on the weekend. So why not make the most out of the situation and make sure that when you’re putting yourself out there, you’re attracting the right type of guy instead of always the wrong type of guy?

If you’re having trouble meeting the right kind of men, chances are that it’s got a lot to do with the energy you’re projecting.

Eye contact really is key. You can’t be too passive. It sounds romantic to just let things happen serendipitously, but the good ones are not going to just appear out of nowhere or fall right into your lap with the perfect words to sweep you off of your feet. When you’re out at night (or anywhere, really) and you’re huddled around not giving any men any outward signs that you’re interested, you’ll get approached by two types of guys: the overly macho guy who is overcompensating so he can get some action tonight, and the overly wimpy guy who really built up his courage to approach you but now he can’t get the right words out.

What you really want is the normal guy in the middle. Problem is, that guy will rarely approach you unless you give him the right signals. Here’s some male psychology for you: guys are more oblivious to a woman’s signals than you can ever imagine.

How To Meet Men In Bars

That means that giving a guy a quick glance for about 0.25 seconds and then quickly looking away isn’t going to cut it. That guy will never approach you, and it’s not because he’s not interested. What you need to do is pick a guy you like, and really LOOK AT HIM with a nice smile. I’m talking like several seconds, until it seems unnaturally long. After that, you can look away, but then look and smile at him again for a LONG TIME. And then again. Don’t worry, you won’t look desperate. Like I said, men are really slow at picking up signals. By now, maybe he’s starting to get a clue.

If he’s still looking at you, he’s interested but he may not know it’s ok to come over yet. Sometimes you may need to look at him four or five times to get him to come over. If he doesn’t walk over by then, he doesn’t have the guts right now, so move on to the next guy.

Similarly, if you’re walking by a guy who catches your eye, don’t just glance at him once really quickly and then keep walking in hopes that he’s going to come chase you down. Look at him as you’re walking by, take a deep breath, then turn around and look at him again over your shoulder with a nice, inviting smile.

Either way it’s the same principle: the key is that you need to look at him several times, not just once and then turn your back. The guy that you want will rarely approach you if you do that. In fact, most guys are secretly hoping that you’ll come approach them! (But that’s another blog.)

So your homework for this Memorial Day weekend is to really practice working on that great eye contact and smile wherever you go out. Practice not getting stuck in what I call “social constipation mode”, where as soon as we’re in a social setting, we suddenly start worrying about what everyone this thinking about us, we forget to let loose and smile, and basically we get this emotionless constipated look on our faces.

Really take the time to give a guy some real eye contact to let him know that you’re interested. Have fun, smile, and laugh everywhere you go. It doesn’t have to be overly sexy or seductive, just any inviting smile will do—you don’t need anything fancy. So many women are unaware of just how irresistible a nice genuine feminine smile can be to a man.

So Shogo and I were in a beer garden today in Munich near the English Garden, and we sat and had a great conversation with a couple of German men and women we had just met. Beer gardens are so funny because it’s such a bright open space so everybody can see everybody else, everybody is kind of on display and can check each other out. As you know, I teach you guys to talk about what is going on in the moment, to observe the things that are going on around you and will never run out of things to talk about.

So the six of us, we all started talking about how in beer gardens there are so many people and everyone can check each other out. I introduced them to a new English term, “googley eyes,” and they couldn’t stop saying the word.

“So what are googley eyes?” they asked me. Googley eyes is not getting on Google.com and punching in a search for the best optometrist in Munich, real googley eyes is when somebody looks at you and they have that certain look. That look that makes you kind of gaga, that makes you weak in the knees. That look that sends the message that they just like they want to eat you for lunch (and they’re probably thinking that way too).

Googley Eyes

For men, when a woman shoots a set of googley eyes at us, all we think is, “Oh my God!” We immediately go right into our head, and then our thoughts shoot right to our groin. We read that sexuality, because real googley eyes is just pure sexual energy. It is uninhibited sexual energy, that look that drives us crazy. All of the sudden when you get shot that look, that person becomes the sexiest most erotic passionate person that you’ve seen in ages. Googley eyes, gotta love it.

I’ll tell you, used to be my favorite thing when I was single when I would meet somebody and get those googley eyes from her, because I would just googley eye her right back. I know all of you know Google as the search engine term, and it’s really time to set the search engine as yourself. Your own personal search engine is now going to find other people, because what do search engines do? They search for that perfect match right then and there for them to keep riding down the road and see what pops up.

So today’s message applies to my female readers just as much as to my male readers. The next time you see somebody and you really want to get their attention, what do you do? You shoot them the hottest set of googley eyes and you give them a look that they will never forget. You be completely uninhibited with your energy, make them feel you, you make them notice you, and you get them so intrigued that you make them want to get to know you more.

So that’s what the real “google” is all about. Well, I that was a pretty good analogy at least. What do you guys think about that? Googley eyes…