I was in a Whole Foods-like market in Malibu the other day, and I was “BlackBerrying out” texting on my phone (which is something I tell you guys never to do!) I caught myself doing this (and you should too). You should never be on your hand held device in public oblivious to everything going on around you, because you will miss opportunities that present themselves.
So as I was on my BlackBerry, there was a woman standing next to me. I looked at her and very genuinely said, “How is your day?” I did it very nonchalantly, and didn’t think too much about it.
When I see another person standing next to me, I don’t worry about coming up with some magical thing to say or a comic opener to win someone over. I never think, “Oh my God, I have to say something really funny…” (more…)
I received an email the other day from a woman which truthfully broke my heart. She emailed me expressing serious doubt that there really IS someone out there for everyone. Then she asked me my opinion on that very question: Is there someone out there for everyone?
There are more than six billion people in the world today. So you have to believe that the answer to that question is yes. (more…)
Over the river and through Whole Foods to anyone’s house we go …
So on this Thanksgiving Day, I wanted to share with all of you my take on the day — as well as a little personal message from me.
Did you sing that song as a kid — you know, the “Over The River And Through The Woods To Grandmother’s House We Go …” song? I never really understood the “over the river and through the woods” analogy for Thanksgiving because my Grandmother made the driest turkey this side of the Sahara Desert.
We’re about to head into the holiday season. Six weeks of tedious annoying Zales Jewelers commercials, not to mention that lovely $69.00 diamond pendant with diamonds the size of bedbugs.
What Thanksgiving really kicks off (other than the end of the Chargers’ playoff hopes) is the start of the most vulnerable six weeks of the year for singles. Let’s call it “the quest to meet someone before 5-4-3-2-1 woo hoo Happy New Year!”
I’ve had some great Thanksgiving Days though. I remember a few years ago when I had nothing going on for Thanksgiving. So I walked into Whole Foods the day before Thanksgiving and I picked up my Thanksgiving dinner: a box of Peanut Butter Bumpers and soy milk.
As I was looking for some pumpkin pie to finish off my sugar rush, I bumped into this really sexy woman who had a cart full of some really great looking food. So I started a conversation with her:
DW: “Your dinner looks a lot better than mine.”
Her: “Please tell me that’s not your Thanksgiving dinner.”
DW: “I’d love to tell you it’s not not my Thanksgiving dinner, but that would be a lie. I was going to get Cruchberries, but they were out of them. Crunchberries remind me of my Grandmother’s cranberry sauce and dried out turkey.”
We proceeded to talk, and she said that she refused to let me eat Peanut Butter Bumpers for Thanksgiving … and I got invited to a Thanksgiving night party with her and seven of her friends.
I have a confession to make to all of you — I’ve done that every year I’ve been single.
I actually enjoy spending Thanksgiving with total strangers. I mean, didn’t the pilgrims do that before they killed all the Indians? Then again, my knowledge of history is a little poor at times …
So if you want to know where I’ll be today, I will be spending the day with my girlfriend and having dinner with friends.
On a more serious note, I do want to wish all of you and your families a very Happy Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is a day to be thankful, and I am thankful for many things this year. A thanks to all of you for letting me come into your hearts, minds … and your computer screens this year.
Also, a special thank you to all the guys who — once again in overwhelmingly large numbers — were kind enough to send me the feedback I requested yesterday for the upcoming launch of my membership site.
You know, one of the most common questions I get from both men and women is how they can become more attractive to members of the opposite sex. The problem is that most people who struggle with attracting the opposite sex really don’t understand what creates attraction.
So what makes someone attractive to the opposite sex? What makes someone attractive in general? Anyone who is familiar with my work knows that one of the core principles I teach is that you need to put out good energy in order to attract people. (more…)
Think about this Zen-like principle: if you walk over to someone and expect nothing, you’ll accept everything from them.
If you expect nothing from people, then you will accept every gift that they give you – the gift of themselves, and the gift of sharing with you.
Life is just a series of continual conversations. Whenever you meet somebody you connect with and find interesting, you want to continue that conversation with them, right? (more…)
The following is a talk I gave to a client at a weekend bootcamp. This is a great example of my direct one-on-one coaching during bootcamps.
Whenever you try too hard in life to get people to like you, you push everybody away.
When you do this, you’re too over the top and you’re generally not listening to people. You’re actually overwhelming them.
It’s like a Golden Retriever: have you ever gone over to someone’s house and they have a Golden Retriever, and you’ve never met this dog before, but the dog will just not leave you alone? It just keeps running over to you, bringing you its ball, and all of its toys and everything?
In a dog, this is a great quality. In a human – well, you don’t want to be a human Golden Retriever.
Both men and women do it. When people try too hard, it’s just too much. You get in somebody’s face, and they automatically want to back down. I watch when a guy will go out there and be a human Golden Retriever – and I watch the way women react. At first, they will find him attractive, because he has great energy, but then after two minutes, she’ll just try to shoo him away.
She hasn’t gotten to know the guy in those two minutes, because generally the human Golden Retriever is just spitting out hyperactive words the whole time instead of connecting.
By tuning yourself down a little bit, and by listening and being intriguing, you’re no longer going to be a human Golden Retriever – you’ll be a person. And that’s all that it is about. It’s about connecting with people in a genuine way.
After this weekend, some of you guys will keep in touch with some of the guys here a little bit longer than you might keep in touch with some of the other guys – that’s just life. That’s chemistry.
So stop trying so hard. You’re such a deep and genuine soul. You’re a good person all around. You don’t need to try so hard to prove yourself to other people. So stop overtrying
Todays video dives even deeper into life and how to present yourself to a total stranger with confidence.
This blog is not just for men today. The same exercises will work for women who want to meet men!
Here’s a great little question after a bootcamp – and this actually felt like a real bootcamp too – 90º, 90% humidity, thunder, lightening and heavy rain as we marched through the streets of NYC meeting all sorts of people along the way.
This is a transcript from an actual conversation that we had on Saturday when Yakub and I were coaching Mike.
Mike has a question. Mike?
Mike: What are some strategies that you use to stay present in the moment?
David: Kub?
Yakub: Alright, one of the things that I do is tell myself, STOP – when your head is thinking way too much, you can pretend you see a stop sign, and just say, STOP – where am I? What do I see? Right now!
David: Another thing that I do is a bit more Zen-like – his method is pretty Zen as well, but I’ll sit there – like when we were laying on the grass. I feel around everything that’s around me. It’s like, oh man, this grass feels so good. I don’t think anything else.
Or if we’re in a store? I don’t think, alright, there’s no chicks in this store, we’ve got to go – I think to myself, alright, I’m just going to enjoy the store. I’m going to enjoy the stuff in the store, I’m going to enjoy the people in the store, and I’m going to listen really carefully. Whenever anybody talks, I’m going to make sure I’m paying full attention.
I’m going to touch things to ground me some more – another great thing to do when your mind starts wandering is to start touching things. Touch, like, breasts, vaginas – no! (Just wanted to see if everyone is paying attention!) But no, just touch things. If you’re in the supermarket, and you start wandering, you’re not really present – then go to the produce section, and start smelling the fruit.
If you’re in a coffee shop, start smelling the aromas of the coffee. If you’re in traffic, start cursing at the person ahead of you! Whatever it is – just ground yourself for that moment. Don’t allow anything else to come in there. Take advantage of that moment.
You’re in the lobby of a hotel, waiting for your buddy to come down because he’s visiting from out of town, and instead of thinking about work and other things, start people watching. Start looking at what’s going on around you. Just focus in on everything that’s around you, so you don’t start wandering.
The minute you start wandering, focus in on something in that room to ground you back. The bunny rabbit over there – anything! Focus in on it. If you feel your mind starting to wander, think to yourself, what did this person say to me last?
Client: One more thing to add to what David just said – he kind of already said it, but things around me remind me of things that I’ve experienced before. Maybe I’ll see a stop sign, or maybe I’ll see a tree, or whatever, and it will trigger a memory.
And there is a story attached to the memory, and all I have to do is stop for half a second and remember that story – and I have all of the emotions of it again, and everything associated with it again.
The whole point about how to be present during a conversation is that you’re distracted by thinking, what if I run out of stuff to talk about? The last word we spoke, the last memory we had – there’s a story attached to it and there’s more to talk about there.
David: Perfect.
Tomorrow I am going to post the perfect summer workout. So every man and woman will be in the shape of their lives!
