If you think about what is most important to women in a relationship, it’s trust. If you’ve misrepresented yourself, no matter about what it was, a woman will immediately not trust you. Then, no matter how good of a salesman you might be, you will have to spend all your time convincing her that the person you are is not a liar (and that you are actually a great person).

So let’s go through four of the biggest and most common misrepresentations that men make online, and how each of those will backfire on you every time.

Using An Old Photo

One of the biggest misrepresentations men make when dating online has to do with the photos they use in their profile. Choice of photos, in fact, is one of the biggest mistakes men make overall when creating an online profile.

Men very often will put up pictures of themselves that were taken at the peak of their attractiveness. They might put up pictures of them weighing twenty or thirty pounds less, or of them with more hair.

The problem with doing this, is that any woman you meet online will be expecting to meet the person she sees in those pictures — as he looks in those pictures. So when you do meet her in person, she is going to instantly think less of you. This is not for the reasons you’re probably thinking.

It really has nothing to do with how you look, it’s simply the fact that you do not look as you portrayed yourself to look. In other words, you misrepresented yourself. When you meet a woman after having posted these non-current photos of you, her first thought about you is not going to be an evaluation of how you look, but rather it will be that you are someone who wasn’t honest about themselves.

What most guys will then do is defend themselves. They’ll tell the woman, “Don’t worry. I’m going to get back into shape.” You don’t want to be doing this. The way to start a date is not by defending yourself. The way to start a date is with a woman being excited about getting to know you and and what you’re all about. You never want to have an uphill battle on a date, especially a first date.

So here’s what you want to do. Go out with a friend and have him take some current pictures of you throughout the day. That way, women can see what you really look like.

Stay away from professional photos, as they tend to make you look like you are trying too hard. Also, make sure you are wearing different clothes in each of the photos.

The most important thing is to have fun with this! It’s your first impression (along with your profile). So make sure you are smiling and relaxed.

Lying About Your Age

Another major area of online misrepresentation among men is age. There are so many men dating online who lie about their age, because they are perpetually chasing younger women.

Men who are 45 years old will say they’re 39. Men who are 55 years old will say they’re 45.

When you lie about your age online, you will only fool women until you actually meet them in person. If you put on your profile that you’re 39 years old when you’re really 45, a woman will know you’re not 39 years old the minute you show up to that first date.

She’ll probably, in fact, ask you how old you really are. That’s when most guys will give the standard “why I lied” answer and say, “I look a lot younger than my age in person, and if you knew I was 45 you probably wouldn’t have gone out with me.”

Let me tell you something. If this is a 28 or 29 year old woman who said she was looking for a guy up to age 39, then you’re right that she probably won’t want to go out with you again now that she knows you’re 45.

If she stated that she was looking to meet someone only within a certain age range, then that was a requirement of hers and not a guideline. She won’t want to go out with you again not only because you are not what she already plainly said she was looking for, but also (once again) because she will see you as someone she can’t trust. You’ve already lied to her once.

If you’re looking to date younger women, then online is not the place for you to find them. Meet them in person. People online want to meet people who fall within the parameters of what they specify in their profile.

Not only that, but what do you think it says about you that you are misrepresenting your age? It says that you are not really comfortable about where you are in your life. If you’re a guy chasing much younger women, that will tell her that you may be very emotionally immature.

I’m in my 40s, and to tell you the truth I wouldn’t want to date a woman in her 20s. They may look great, but I find women in my age range to be far more interesting. You share life experiences. So, maybe it’s time you stopped chasing the dream and started to get real about who you are.

It’s time to stop worrying about whether women will date you at your age, and to start showing women why dating an older guy will be such a great experience. With age comes wisdom, and you will be able to show women a whole new side of life.

Telling Her What She Wants To Hear

When you’re dating online, it is important to be really clear about whether you want to have children. Most women want to have children.

A lot of men who don’t want children will check the boxes that say they are open to children or possibly want children. They do this so they will be matched up with, or will be able to get a response from, more women.

Because so many women want children, these men think their choices will be limited if they put on their profile that they don’t want children. This is not the right mindset though.

You need to have an abundant mindset. If you don’t want children, date the women who also don’t want children. There are plenty of them out there.

What you don’t want to do is take someone on an emotional journey on which you are not prepared to follow through. You will only end up in a mess of a situation.

Write down what you really want. Most people who misrepresent themselves online are not really clear about what they want, or they are chasing an illusion or a fantasy. Get clear and have an abundant mindset, and you will no longer feel the need to misrepresent anything about yourself.

So, instead of telling women what you think they want to hear, it is always better to hook up with people by being honest and telling them where you are at this point in your life. Women have been lied to so many times, that being totally truthful will be refreshing (even if you are on different romantic paths).

Whenever I was newly out of a relationship, I would tell women I’d meet that I didn’t want anything heavy at that time. Not only did I have more fun dating that way, but I had some great sex because women always knew where I stood and there were no games.

Mirroring Her (Pretending To Like What She Does)

The last type of common misrepresentation men make online is the way they write their profile. When you write your profile, don’t write it to sound like a romance novel unless you plan to act out that romance novel.

A lot of men who are just interested in fooling around with women, will write their profile in ways that make them seem like someone who is romantic and wants a relationship. They’ll say that they enjoy taking long walks on the beach, or that they are “all about romance,” when in reality all they want to do is sleep with the women they are meeting.

If you don’t want a relationship, then don’t write a romance novel sounding profile with which women will emotionally bond. You need to be clear about your intentions and literally write them down. Say something like, “I’m not sure about what I want in terms of dating right now. I’d like to meet some interesting women, date and have some fun.”

This is not about making a judgment about what you do or don’t want. It is just very important to be honest about whatever it is that you do want. The thing you want to really avoid is taking a woman on an emotional journey on which you are not prepared to accompany her.

Do you really want to continue spending your days pretending you like art museums when they bore you out of your mind, just so you can get certain women online to like you? Here is a better alternative. Negotiate!

Tell a woman that one weekend will be all about going to museums so she can show you her passion, but then the next weekend you two will hit the beach and play Frisbee so you can show her your passion. That is a way to be able to bond with the woman you really like without ever having to pretend you like something you don’t. Plus, if you end up in a relationship together, there will be plenty of days when you will each do your own thing.

Misrepresenting yourself online really says a lot about who you are as a person. It says that you are really not in touch with what you want. It also says that you don’t practice abundance; that you don’t believe that there are plenty of great women out there, so you feel the need to misrepresent yourself (okay, really lie) on your profile.

Whether it’s about the way your body looks, your age or what you’re looking for in terms of a relationship, misrepresenting yourself online will always backfire on you. You need to believe that there are tons of women out there for you to meet and connect with online.

Dating online is like going to a cyber bar, a bar with tons of women. So you can absolutely find people who will like you exactly as you are and who fit your needs.
When you show up for that first date, show up as you — the real you. Don’t show up hoping to be liked because of (and in spite of) the online misrepresentation version of you.

When you misrepresent yourself online, you will only put yourself at a disadvantage when you meet up with people, and always put yourself in a position of having to work twice as hard for any of those meetings to work out. No relationship can start or work when one person is not being honest with the other person.

I’m down to earth. What exactly does that mean?

Does that mean that they walk around with dirt on them 24/7? Does that mean that they like to roll around on the ground so that they can be really close to the Earth? Does that mean that they like to cover themselves with sand when they go to the beach so that they can feel the Earth?

Down to earth. I love that term. It seems to be the most abused term on Internet dating sites. Everybody puts it in their profile, especially women.

Do you know what I think when someone says in her profile that she’s “down to earth?” I think, “Glad that you’re down to earth. That sounds like a lot of fun. So when a picks you up, should he bring a shovel and a pail and a hoe, and be ready to do some gardening?”

Is that term supposed to mean that you’re real? I think sometimes we use generic terms to describe ourselves and it leaves things “iffy.” I mean, if every other person online describes themselves as “down to earth,” does that mean that 50% of these people are exactly the same? I think we need clarification for this term — down to earth.

A related term I also saw way too much on women’s profiles was the description, “I am real.” Really? I’m so glad you told me, because I thought you were a zombie or a robot.

I don’t get it when people write, “I’m a real person.” Everyone is a real person. Is that really the way you describe yourself, as a ‘real person?’ Well, great. Now I feel like I REALLY know you.

Another thing people say is, “I’m easy going.” Really? About everything or just about certain things, because no one is easy going about everything. There is always a trigger point on something for everyone.

When it comes to online online, I think people need to stop using all these cliches to describe themselves. It doesn’t tell people anything about you. Plus, when you look at fifty profiles and you describe yourself the exact same way 25 other people do, how are you ever going to stand out?

The number one mistake most men make is they mass mail and they fail to realize that when they do this the women delete there emails right away without reading.

So what do you do when you are looking to meet women online?

The correct online opener is no different from the perfect bar, party or supermarket opener.

Guys, women know when something you send is a “cut and paste.” It shows that you did not read

their profile, and the first thing they will think about you is that you’re lazy and not very clever.

You can’t just send out 100 generic emails to women and expect to get a response back. Most men

who use the shotgun approach tend to never, ever receive responses to them.

So what should a guy do to succeed in the competitive world of online dating?

1. Keep in mind that the women have all the power. What works offline is going to work online.
You need to be different and clever, just like you do when you approach a woman in a bar or a
supermarket. So the first thing you need to do is make your profile fun.

Take these examples:

Fine: “I am a doctor and I love it”

Better: “I love what I do . . . I help people cure all common ailments.
Though my day may be full of people complaining, at the end
of the day I know that all of them go home healthier than when
they walked in.”

It really is all about having fun. Here is another example to make your profile rock.

Fine: “I love to travel.”

Better: “I love the Italian coast, and when I was in Positano I had the best
lemon cello in the world. When we speak, ask me about the view.”

Why are the “better” ones better? Because they make them picture what that was like and

it will peak their interest. It will also be something that they can ask you about when they

are responding to your profile. You need to create an emotional response, so they feel

compelled to write to you or to write you back.

2. Pick a select number of women you want to get to know each week. So now that you have
spruced up your profile how do you get their attention and distinguish yourself from all the other
guys online? This is the easy part . . . but it will take some work. Instead of burning through 100
profiles and sending out a shotgun mass email that does not work, you need to pick 10 to 15
women at the beginning of the week that you want to get to know.

The reason you do this is because each week, their emotions and dating moods change. Plus, if
you do it right, you will get a good response rate and have a few dates that week. Now comes the
work. You need to read through their profiles and find the fun tidbits. For example, if the both of
you have a dog you can send this email:

Subject Line: “If not for us . . .”

Email: “… our dogs will never be able to meet

My dog is really visual and when she saw a picture of yours, her stubby lab tail could not stop doing the thump thump!! We need to hook them up…plus I have to get her off Dogdate.com . . . She is becoming addicted!

Lets talk about this . . .

There are few reasons why this will work, besides the obvious ones that it is original and funny.

What you are doing is making fun of yourself here . . . men are visual and you are telling her that

your dog is visual, which will get a laugh from her immediately. You want to make her laugh. She

is getting all these horrible emails from all the “cut and paste” men, then yours comes in with some

originality and creativity. It shows that you tried to get to know who she is by reading her profile.

Now lets say that you or she does not have a dog. This is also easy, you just need to read her profile

and pick out a fun tidbit.

If, for example, she says that she is spontaneous and adventurous, what I like to do is challenge her

on that. Women like their minds to be challenged. So you might write:

Subject Line: “So you say . . .”

Email: “… that you are adventurous and spontaneous. What was the last adventurous thing you did? And if you are really spontaneous ,why don’t you send me your number so we can talk.

Five minutes on the phone and we’ll know if we have chemistry. Let’s talk today.

I dare you.”

This is also a one of my favorite opening emails. Yeah, I know some of you will look at this and think I’m crazy. I have been reading comments online and have enjoyed the banter.

But I will tell you that women like a man who is bold and who challenges her mind. You are also getting to the point and creating intrigue. She will wonder what you are all about.

Now why do I use the “…” on the subject line? I use it so they feel compelled and intrigued to open it. It is all about what may come after the “…” that makes them curious. You need to realize that most women get tons of emails from guys so you need to get that email opened.

3. Stay on a site. This is by far the best advice. Stop jumping from site to site every two weeks and think that you are going to get different results. You need to realize that women will check you out and read your profile, and it may take a few emails to get them to respond. The first time you contacted them they may have been intrigued, but at that time they may have been dating someone else, were too busy with other things, or you simply caught them on a bad day. I always tell my clients that it is okay to lob in another email a few weeks later. Now, don’t send the same one . . . find something new about which to connect with her.

It is all about being persistent. I have found in all my years of advising people on the Internet, that the ones who stay on a site and are persistent will be the ones that get all the great dates. You need to be patient. Some weeks you will have a lot of responses, while other weeks you may not get much of anything. But if you try some of the pointers above, you will increase your odds every day.

For those of you who are serious about meeting women online check this out.

Hmm is this really how I want to spend my Friday night?

And what if I don’t get picked by Mr Bouncer?

Actually that is a great post but today’s post has nothing to do with waiting online at a club.

Its all about the world of online dating!

There’s one tip about online dating that if you follow it, will make it much less likely that you will be disappointed when you meet people for the first time in person. Just one tip, and that’s it.

Do you have any idea what I’m talking about? Any clue? Here’s the deal.

Here is the tip: When you look at someone’s pictures, be sure to look at all of them and pick out the worst picture of the bunch. If you are still attracted to them based on looking at their worst picture, then you’re much more likely to be attracted to that person when you meet them in person.

So many people put up beautiful pictures. They get professional shots taken.

Do You Think These Guys Are Datable

No one looks like they do in professional shots. Do you think that Victoria’s Secret models look like Victoria’s Secret models in real life? I live in Los Angeles and see celebrities all the time, and I don’t even recognize them most of the time.

Nobody looks as good as they do on the cover of magazines or in the movies. There’s airbrushing, there’s lighting, and there’s something called Photoshop.

It’s interesting. A friend of mine recently sent me an article from a UK newspaper that talked about how the majority of women in the UK are now Photoshopping their online dating photos to make themselves look better.

You know how annoying it is when you meet someone you met online, and they don’t look like their pictures. I think this happens most often, though, because we get all jazzed up about people’s best pictures and ignore their worst ones. It’s just human nature — we look at what looks best and ignore what looks worst.

So when we look at pictures, our eye immediately will go to and remember the best pictures. Those are the pictures that allows us to start a fantasy, and make no mistake that meeting someone online is a fantasy at first. You want them to look like their hottest picture.

What you need to is realize, and really assume, is that people you see online probably do not look like their hottest picture. When you do what I’m suggesting here and judge people you see online strictly by their worst picture, then you’re actually dating more realistically. Then if you meet someone and they do look like their hottest picture, it will just be an added bonus.

So from now on when you date online, use this test to decide whether to initiate or get involved in talking to someone. Look at the person’s worst picture and then ask yourself this question: Am I still attracted to this person? If so, then write them a clever email (or answer that person’s email) and proceed.

The correct online opener is no different than the perfect bar, party or supermarket opener. Don’t just send off 100 emails to women and expect to get a response back. Most men who use the shotgun approach tend to never ever receive responses.

So what is a guy to do to succeed in the competitive world of online dating?

1. Keep in mind that the women have all the power. What works offline is going to work online. You need to be different and clever just like you do when you approach a woman in a bar or market. It really is all about having fun. To make your profile rock, instead of saying: “I love to travel”, share a story about one of the places that you have traveled to. For example: “I love the Italian coast and when I was in Positano I had the best Lemon cello in the world. When we speak, ask me about the view.”

Why is this better? Because it will make them picture what that was like and it will peek their interest and it will be something that they can ask you when they are responding to your profile. You need to create an emotional response so they feel compelled to write to you or write you back.

2. So now that you have spruced up your profile, how do you get their attention and distinguish yourself from all the other guys online? This is the easy part but it will take some work. Instead of burning through 100 profiles and sending out a shotgun mass email that does not work, you need to pick 10 to 15 women at the beginning of the week that you want to get to know. The reason is that each week their emotions and dating moods change. Plus, if you do it right, you will get a good response rate and have a few dates that week. Now comes the work. You need to read through their profiles and find the fun tidbits. For example, if the both of you have a dog, you can send this email:

Subject: If not for us…our dogs will never be able to meet ?

Body: My dog is really visual and when she saw a picture of yours her stubby tail could not stop thumping! We need to hook them up, plus I have to get her off Dogdate.com; she is becoming addicted!

Lets talk about this,
Your Name

There are few reasons why this will work besides the fact that it is original and funny. What you are doing is making fun of yourself here. Men are visual and you are telling her that your dog is visual which will get a laugh from her immediately. You want to make her laugh. She is getting all these horrible emails from all of cut and paste men and yours comes in with some originality and creativity. It shows that you tried to get to know who she is by reading her profile.

Now lets say that you or she does not have a dog. This is also easy you need to read her profile and pick out a fun tidbit. If she says that she is spontaneous and adventurous what I like to do is challenge them on that. Women like their minds to be challenged.

Subject: So you say…….

Body: …that you are adventurous and spontaneous. What was the last adventurous thing you did? And if you are really spontaneous why don’t you send me your number so we can talk. 5 minutes on the phone and we will know if we have chemistry.

Lets talk today.

I dare you.

Women like a man that is bold and one that challenges her mind. You are also getting to the point and creating intrigue. She will wonder what you are all about. Now why do I use the … on the subject line? I use it so they feel compelled and intrigued to open it. It is all about what may come after the … that makes them curious. You need to realize that most women get tons of emails from guys so you need to get that email opened.

3. Stay on a site. This is by far the best advice. Stop jumping from site to site every 2 weeks and think that you are going to get different results. You need to realize that women will check you out and read your profiles and it may take a few emails to get them to respond. They may be dating someone else the first time you contacted them and they may have been intrigued but they were too busy with other things or you got them on a bad day. I always tell my clients that it is ok to lob another email in a few weeks later. Now don’t send the same one find something new to connect with her about.

It is all about being persistent and I have found in all my years of advising people on the internet that the ones who stay on a site and are persistent will be the ones that get all the great dates. You need to be patient some weeks you will have a lot of responses other weeks we may not get much of anything but if you use some of the pointers above you will increase your odds every day.

If you want to learn EVERYTHING about how to succeed at online dating — from how to create an online profile, interpret women’s profiles, how to contact women online, to EXACTLY what to say to intrigue them … as well as what specifically will attract the hottest women online and get their attention, then be sure to check out my video product “Secrets Of Online Dating” — Click here to check it out (and see video previews too)

I’m down to earth. What exactly does that mean?

Does that mean that they walk around with dirt on them 24/7? Does that mean that they like to roll around on the ground so that they can be really close to the Earth? Does that mean that they like to cover themselves with sand when they go to the beach so that they can feel the Earth?

Down to earth. I love that term. It seems to be the most abused term on Internet dating sites. Everybody puts it in their profile, especially women.

Do you know what I think when someone says in her profile that she’s “down to earth?” I think, “Glad that you’re down to earth. That sounds like a lot of fun. So when a picks you up, should he bring a shovel and a pail and a hoe, and be ready to do some gardening?”

Is that term supposed to mean that you’re real? I think sometimes we use generic terms to describe ourselves and it leaves things “iffy.” I mean, if every other person online describes themselves as “down to earth,” does that mean that 50% of these people are exactly the same? I think we need clarification for this term — down to earth.

A related term I also saw way too much on women’s profiles was the description, “I am real.” Really? I’m so glad you told me, because I thought you were a zombie or a robot.

I don’t get it when people write, “I’m a real person.” Everyone is a real person. Is that really the way you describe yourself, as a ‘real person?’ Well, great. Now I feel like I REALLY know you.

Another thing people say is, “I’m easy going.” Really? About everything or just about certain things, because no one is easy going about everything. There is always a trigger point on something for everyone.

When it comes to online online, I think people need to stop using all these cliches to describe themselves. It doesn’t tell people anything about you. Plus, when you look at fifty profiles and you describe yourself the exact same way 25 other people do, how are you ever going to stand out?

If you think about what is most important to women in a relationship, it’s trust. If you’ve misrepresented yourself, no matter about what it was, a woman will immediately not trust you. Then, no matter how good of a salesman you might be, you will have to spend all your time convincing her that the person you are is not a liar (and that you are actually a great person).

So let’s go through four of the biggest and most common misrepresentations that men make online, and how each of those will backfire on you every time.

Using An Old Photo

One of the biggest misrepresentations men make when dating online has to do with the photos they use in their profile. Choice of photos, in fact, is one of the biggest mistakes men make overall when creating an online profile.

Men very often will put up pictures of themselves that were taken at the peak of their attractiveness. They might put up pictures of them weighing twenty or thirty pounds less, or of them with more hair.

The problem with doing this, is that any woman you meet online will be expecting to meet the person she sees in those pictures — as he looks in those pictures. So when you do meet her in person, she is going to instantly think less of you. This is not for the reasons you’re probably thinking.

It really has nothing to do with how you look, it’s simply the fact that you do not look as you portrayed yourself to look. In other words, you misrepresented yourself. When you meet a woman after having posted these non-current photos of you, her first thought about you is not going to be an evaluation of how you look, but rather it will be that you are someone who wasn’t honest about themselves.

What most guys will then do is defend themselves. They’ll tell the woman, “Don’t worry. I’m going to get back into shape.” You don’t want to be doing this. The way to start a date is not by defending yourself. The way to start a date is with a woman being excited about getting to know you and and what you’re all about. You never want to have an uphill battle on a date, especially a first date.

So here’s what you want to do. Go out with a friend and have him take some current pictures of you throughout the day. That way, women can see what you really look like.

Stay away from professional photos, as they tend to make you look like you are trying too hard. Also, make sure you are wearing different clothes in each of the photos.

The most important thing is to have fun with this! It’s your first impression (along with your profile). So make sure you are smiling and relaxed.

Lying About Your Age

Another major area of online misrepresentation among men is age. There are so many men dating online who lie about their age, because they are perpetually chasing younger women.

Men who are 45 years old will say they’re 39. Men who are 55 years old will say they’re 45.

When you lie about your age online, you will only fool women until you actually meet them in person. If you put on your profile that you’re 39 years old when you’re really 45, a woman will know you’re not 39 years old the minute you show up to that first date.

She’ll probably, in fact, ask you how old you really are. That’s when most guys will give the standard “why I lied” answer and say, “I look a lot younger than my age in person, and if you knew I was 45 you probably wouldn’t have gone out with me.”

Let me tell you something. If this is a 28 or 29 year old woman who said she was looking for a guy up to age 39, then you’re right that she probably won’t want to go out with you again now that she knows you’re 45.

If she stated that she was looking to meet someone only within a certain age range, then that was a requirement of hers and not a guideline. She won’t want to go out with you again not only because you are not what she already plainly said she was looking for, but also (once again) because she will see you as someone she can’t trust. You’ve already lied to her once.

If you’re looking to date younger women, then online is not the place for you to find them. Meet them in person. People online want to meet people who fall within the parameters of what they specify in their profile.

Not only that, but what do you think it says about you that you are misrepresenting your age? It says that you are not really comfortable about where you are in your life. If you’re a guy chasing much younger women, that will tell her that you may be very emotionally immature.

I’m in my 40s, and to tell you the truth I wouldn’t want to date a woman in her 20s. They may look great, but I find women in my age range to be far more interesting. You share life experiences. So, maybe it’s time you stopped chasing the dream and started to get real about who you are.

It’s time to stop worrying about whether women will date you at your age, and to start showing women why dating an older guy will be such a great experience. With age comes wisdom, and you will be able to show women a whole new side of life.

Telling Her What She Wants To Hear

When you’re dating online, it is important to be really clear about whether you want to have children. Most women want to have children.

A lot of men who don’t want children will check the boxes that say they are open to children or possibly want children. They do this so they will be matched up with, or will be able to get a response from, more women.

Because so many women want children, these men think their choices will be limited if they put on their profile that they don’t want children. This is not the right mindset though.

You need to have an abundant mindset. If you don’t want children, date the women who also don’t want children. There are plenty of them out there.

What you don’t want to do is take someone on an emotional journey on which you are not prepared to follow through. You will only end up in a mess of a situation.

Write down what you really want. Most people who misrepresent themselves online are not really clear about what they want, or they are chasing an illusion or a fantasy. Get clear and have an abundant mindset, and you will no longer feel the need to misrepresent anything about yourself.

So, instead of telling women what you think they want to hear, it is always better to hook up with people by being honest and telling them where you are at this point in your life. Women have been lied to so many times, that being totally truthful will be refreshing (even if you are on different romantic paths).

Whenever I was newly out of a relationship, I would tell women I’d meet that I didn’t want anything heavy at that time. Not only did I have more fun dating that way, but I had some great sex because women always knew where I stood and there were no games.

Mirroring Her (Pretending To Like What She Does)

The last type of common misrepresentation men make online is the way they write their profile. When you write your profile, don’t write it to sound like a romance novel unless you plan to act out that romance novel.

A lot of men who are just interested in fooling around with women, will write their profile in ways that make them seem like someone who is romantic and wants a relationship. They’ll say that they enjoy taking long walks on the beach, or that they are “all about romance,” when in reality all they want to do is sleep with the women they are meeting.

If you don’t want a relationship, then don’t write a romance novel sounding profile with which women will emotionally bond. You need to be clear about your intentions and literally write them down. Say something like, “I’m not sure about what I want in terms of dating right now. I’d like to meet some interesting women, date and have some fun.”

This is not about making a judgment about what you do or don’t want. It is just very important to be honest about whatever it is that you do want. The thing you want to really avoid is taking a woman on an emotional journey on which you are not prepared to accompany her.

Do you really want to continue spending your days pretending you like art museums when they bore you out of your mind, just so you can get certain women online to like you? Here is a better alternative. Negotiate!

Tell a woman that one weekend will be all about going to museums so she can show you her passion, but then the next weekend you two will hit the beach and play Frisbee so you can show her your passion. That is a way to be able to bond with the woman you really like without ever having to pretend you like something you don’t. Plus, if you end up in a relationship together, there will be plenty of days when you will each do your own thing.

Misrepresenting yourself online really says a lot about who you are as a person. It says that you are really not in touch with what you want. It also says that you don’t practice abundance; that you don’t believe that there are plenty of great women out there, so you feel the need to misrepresent yourself (okay, really lie) on your profile.

Whether it’s about the way your body looks, your age or what you’re looking for in terms of a relationship, misrepresenting yourself online will always backfire on you. You need to believe that there are tons of women out there for you to meet and connect with online.

Dating online is like going to a cyber bar, a bar with tons of women. So you can absolutely find people who will like you exactly as you are and who fit your needs.
When you show up for that first date, show up as you — the real you. Don’t show up hoping to be liked because of (and in spite of) the online misrepresentation version of you.

When you misrepresent yourself online, you will only put yourself at a disadvantage when you meet up with people, and always put yourself in a position of having to work twice as hard for any of those meetings to work out. No relationship can start or work when one person is not being honest with the other person.

Now you’ve met someone online you like. You have been out on a few dates, you’ve started to get intimate with them and you really like them. You are not quite sure if this person is relationship material, but you really enjoy their time and their company, and you are really vibing with each other.

In this situation, what do you do with your online profile? The problem with online dating is that it becomes very addictive. I used to call it “Autotrader for people” because you can look at so many used people over and over again until you find the right model that is the right color and has the right number of miles.

The problem with online dating being so addictive is that you are always tempted to keep peeking. You think, “Let me just peek and see who’s online now” or “Let me just peek to see if there is anyone new on there now.”

By doing this, you can ruin what you have going with this person you like. You may be ruining what you’ve started to build with this person you’re seeing.

So if you’ve met someone online and you start dating them, I strongly suggest that you do not click on your online profile because it will show that you were active within the last 24 hours (or the last week). Then you have to have the conversation with the person you’re seeing about why you are still “cruising” people online.

So if you like somebody, give them a chance and take a break from being on your online dating site. There will always be another person posting a new profile, and if things don’t work out with this person there will always be new people online to meet. In the meantime, take a break from going on the online dating sites until you see whether it works out with this person you’re dating.

How many of you find yourself typing away on the Internet, or playing on Facebook chatting up old friends that you haven’t seen in 25 years, at 11:00 each night? How many of you come home from work, watch television, get on the Internet, and then do nothing but sleep when you crawl into bed next to your lover?

Before the Internet existed, we needed to get creative to have intimacy. We actually lit candles. We actually had long conversations. We actually talked on the phone.

The Internet sucks us in now. It’s like a void. Before you know it, you have seven different windows open simultaneously with different things to which you need to respond. You might even be reading this blog instead of being in bed with the one you love.

In fourteen years of being a dating and relationship coach, I’ve found that most people retreat to the Internet because they don’t know how to retreat and connect with their lover anymore. The Internet really is one of the biggest intimacy killers.

I was recently traveling abroad with my wife, and I brought my laptop along (which I almost never do). I found myself feeling like I needed to keep in touch with people business-wise. I even found myself actually reading articles or reading the ESPN website instead of walking on the beach and connecting with my wife.

The Internet really sucks you in. It’s an addiction. It’s an addiction that could be as bad as drinking and drugs.

So many of us spend so much time on the Internet instead of spending time connecting with other people. Instead of going out and meeting actual human beings with whom we can develop a relationship, we spend time chatting online with people we barely know.

So, here’s a suggestion for everyone . . .

Bookmark a few of your favorite sites. When you get home, relax a little bit and spend some time on the Internet reading things.

Then when you have dinner with your significant other, sit there and just talk. Relax and enjoy each other’s company.

When it comes down to intimacy, if the only intimacy you are having right now is with your fingers typing on a keyboard, I strongly suggest that you start realizing how the Internet is killing any intimacy in your life. Realize how it’s killing your connection with your lover and with your friends.