I’m using the term ‘lover’ generically, but you could fill in the blank with someone’s husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend. Let’s use the term ‘lover’ here though.

What does a lover do? A lover loves somebody unconditionally. A lover nurtures and makes the other person feel safe, loved, desired, heard and wanted.

A lover can be your best friend, and technically should be your best friend. Your lover is somebody with whom you can look forward to being and spending private, intense, beautiful and warm moments.

Television is an escape. A better escape is to spend every night drifting off into your lover.

Maybe one night just drift off into each other’s eyes — looking at each other, connecting, talking, and being open and honest with no judgment. Really just embrace each other’s desires, warmth and words.

Another night, maybe just touch one another. Explore each other in ways you you haven’t before, or in ways only you know makes the other person feel amazing.

Think about it. What would you rather do — watch a movie, or spend two hours loving your lover into intense, erotic, totally ‘letting go’ moments?

Maybe another night you ask yourself what your lover really loves, and then you do it for them. That might mean rubbing their head or giving them a back massage or rubbing their feet. Who knows? Some of us are physical, and some of us are mental and just want to be listened to by our lover.

Foreplay

It really comes down to asking yourself this: Would you rather watch television, or would you rather get lost in your lover emotionally, sexually and physically? We have such limited time in our day, and nothing feels better than to let go fully with your lover.

Can you even let go? Do you even know how to let go?

Do you dial into your lover’s energy on a daily basis? Do you think to yourself, “What can I do for my lover today?”

When you have sex, do you give 120%? Do you totally succumb to what your lover is doing, or are you in your head so you start thinking about things?

Letting go with someone and succumbing to them is one of the most amazing feelings in the world. In fact if you did that every single night, then all the tension and the battles and the fights would release.

Respecting each other is very important. You can never have an equal relationship if one person feels less respected or less desired. In that case, you will have a relationship that will not work the way EITHER of you desire.

Well, apparently (and according to hotel owners from around the world) loud obnoxious Americans are not the world’s worst tourists. It’s the French.

So who do you think are the best? It’s the Japanese. It figures, because nobody understands their language so no one knows if they’re complaining. it’s easy to tell when the French are complaining. They’ll just turn their nose up and walk away. The Japanese are quiet all the time.

Also topping Yahoo’s homepage news stories is this headline: “Boy Saves Mom After Indoor Lightening Strike.” There’s even a video about it. Then there’s the headline “Inside Jackson Kids’ Lives At Neverland” for a story which reveals that Michael Jackson actually cleaned up his own spills. Wow! It sounds like Yahoo should actually be called yahoonationalinquirer.com.

Finally, Yahoo’s fourth big story of the day was the results of a poll. I love polls. Exactly whom do they ask to participate in all these polls? People who come out of supermarkets in the middle of the day who have nothing else to do? No one has ever asked me to participate in a poll, and if they did I would walk away. I always say that people who participate in polls have too much time on their hands.

This story was about poll results which indicated that Sarah “Screw You Alaska” Palen is “still a viable presidential candidate.” It’s 2009. Do we really need to be talking about who will run for President in 2012? Shouldn’t politicians learn to act in the present like I teach all of you guys to do?

Anyway, let’s talk about the present today…

There are a lot of good talkers out there. So many people are wonderful talkers. People are just great with talking.

“I want to please you Honey.”
“I want to take care of you Honey.”
“I want to do this for you Honey.”

The question is: Do you really do what you say you’re going to do? Everyone can say all the right things, but how many people actually deliver?

In life, are you a talker or are you a doer? I really believe all of us should be doers. 

If you have found someone you love, then think back for a second about how hard it was to find that person. How many dates did you go on before you found the person you love? How many years, and how many bad relationships, did you go through before you found the person you love?

Pretty grim isn’t it?  Well, then, you’ve got to start coming through with the things you promise that person, because otherwise you are going right back to that place all over again . . . and you don’t want to go back there.

I believe a relationship is a sacred place. When your lover needs something, what do you do? How open are you to your lover’s desires?

If your lover needs their head scratched one night, will you scratch their head for two seconds and then stop?  That is the equivalent of saying “f*^k you” to them. That is like saying, “Whoops, I just touched your head but I didn’t mean to do it.”

When your lover asks for a massage, will you really give them a great massage for an hour and enjoy it because they enjoy it, or will you massage them for two minutes and that’s it? If your lover looks at you and says they want to take you to the bedroom for some great sex, do you say “Ok, after we watch Everybody Loves Raymond” or “Well, just wait because I haven’t seen this episode of Two And A Half Men?”

How open are you to your lover’s needs and desires?  All of us need to be more open to our lover’s needs and desires.

As far as I’m concerned, the thing that turns me on the most is when my lover expresses her desires to me. It’s when she expresses her needs, because then I know how to make her feel good.

I think all of us need to understand that sometimes you have to ask for what you want. A lot of us feel very funny about asking, and feel we are putting a burden on the other person by asking.

We hint a little bit, saying things like “I like my head rubbed,” and then we don’t ask again. We will just say things like this in passing but won’t ask outright. All of us are so preoccupied that we can’t remember everything our lover says.

So if you say “I need my head rubbed,” they will hear it and acknowledge it. When you want your head rubbed, however, why not just look at them and say, “Rub my head.”

If someone asks you for something like this, then don’t ever put a silly time limit on it. That time limit is what makes people not want to ask you for things ever again. So the next time your lover wants their head rubbed, don’t stop until they thank you and say they’ve had enough.

Be generous. Don’t just be the talker. Be generous with your time and your affection. It will come back to you ten-fold.

They ask me things like this: “David, I don’t understand what I’m allowed to share with a man. I’m a sexual being. I really just want to go there and enjoy myself and find a lover, but what can I talk about with my lover in bed? Are we just talking about sex? Are we just talking about dirty texting each other? Are we just talking about the things we want? Sometimes I just want to share with my lover my day, or I want to share with my lover something that’s going on in my life.”

Here’s the difference between a lover and a relationship. I consider a lover to be somebody with whom you can get together to have fun. You get to share secrets with each other. You get to have a great time in bed. You share a wonderful evening together and experience what it’s like having this temporary relationship.

It’s just a relationship that temporarily satisfies you that night. When you and your lover leave the bed and you both go to work the next day, however, that conversation does not go further.

That conversation goes further in a relationship, because that’s what a relationship is all about. When you’re confessing things in bed in a relationship, you almost always the very next day want to send an email or have another conversation.

You want to take the conversation further, recap the prior night’s conversation or take that conversation to the next level. A relationship involves exposing the depth of who you are as a person.

You’re exposing that depth, and you’re going deeper and deeper into that relationship. You’re exploring each other more and more. So those confessions in the middle of the night when you’re in bed lead to more stimulating conversations the next day and lead to more personal discovery.

So when you find a lover, go ahead and confess away and talk about whatever you want. If you don’t want your lover to be a relationship, though, then don’t carry those conversations into the next day, because those kind of confessions are only for people with whom you want to have a relationship.

That’s the biggest difference. Trust your lover, and grow with your relationship.

People will try to tell you there are certain “rules” about how, when and how often you should see your lover. They may say “So long as you don’t see your lover on Friday night AND Saturday night, then everything is fine” or “Never spend a whole weekend with your lover” or “If you see each other Saturday night, make sure you have them home Sunday night before the stroke of midnight, otherwise you’re spend too much time with them over the weekend.”

Really, this is pretty ridiculous. There are no rules about this.

Spend as much time with somebody as you want to spend with them. Spend whatever amount of time feels right and good to you, because life is about embracing your lover and the time you have with them.

The key here is that your sex life and the time you spend with a lover needs to be justified to no one. If you choose to spend seven days a week with your lover and still want more, then that is the best feeling in the world.

You want to have that feeling. You want to have that sensation. You want to enjoy someone that much in every which way . . . and no one should ever judge you for that. There are no rules that you need to follow about this.

So go ahead and spend as much time with your lover as you want. Be spontaneous about it.

If for example you are seeing a man and you are absolutely in love with him (or just absolutely love being with him) and you are on the phone with him at 11:00 pm, invite him over! Say “Hey, I would much rather be snuggling in bed with you right now than snuggling with the telephone.”

It’s nice to miss someone. If you have an inclination to see someone, embrace that and be spontaneous. Being spontaneous with your lover is the best feeling in the world.

So, don’t live by other’s rules, especially when it comes to you and your lover. When it comes down to you and your lover, everything that you do is private.

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