Do you think about laying in bed all alone, candles lit, romantic music playing in the background, with a bottle of KY lotion next to you, as you slowly explore your organ for probably the thousandth time this year? Is that self-love?

How about when you look in the mirror and you actually admire everything about yourself, when you stare directly into your eyes and embrace everything about who you are. Is that self-love?

Or when you actually write down all the amazing things about how you are, the type of friend that you are, the type of lover that you are, the type of boyfriend that you are, the type of man that you’ve become, and more importantly, through all those experiences, how you look at yourself. Is that self-love?

Self-love is by far the most powerful lesson when it comes down to dating. Without it, you are doomed. You really are. There is no chance in hell you are ever going to meet somebody great unless you love yourself.

So how do you go about loving yourself? Pretty simple. You’ve got to start looking at the good points of you, instead of the bad points. And this is usually where I get the “Yeah, But David” from my clients.

“Yeah, but David, I really, really don’t like the way my body looks right now and I’d do much better meeting the opposite sex as soon as I like my body.”

Do you hear the way that you are talking? Listen to what you are saying “when I like my body.” You’ve got to love your body.

Here is the deal: your body can always be better. Whose body can’t be better? All of us could lose a few pounds; all of us could gain a few more pounds of muscle; all of us could fix our hair, fix a tooth, or whatever it might be. But self-love starts every day because every single day you have an opportunity to meet the opposite sex; you have the opportunity to meet a great woman and if you are feeling down about yourself, there is no way in the world you are going to be able to meet that awesome woman.

Self-love is one of the most powerful journeys you can take and everybody needs to take that journey every single day. Otherwise, you might end up like this person:

“I am really waiting until the spring time to date because I figure by then, I will have the job that I want because right now I just don’t really like my job that much. And I know I am going to have a better job even though I haven’t sent my resume out yet but I know someone is going to want me once I send my resume out. Not only that but spring time, I am going to lose the 20 pounds that I have put on over the course of the holidays and the wintertime and I am going to start hitting the gym come March and I will look a lot better and…”

It doesn’t start in the future! Self-love starts in the present. It starts right now.

Self-love.

I love that term, “They don’t want you to know about it.” Who are “they?” Are they a committee of people? Do they form this powerful committee together called the “they’s?”
Another term we use all the time, “Everyone recommended this movie.” Who’s everyone? It’s funny, somebody will tell you about a movie and they’ll say this movie is great, everybody recommends it. Have you seen it? No, not at all.

So then all of a sudden, because we’re so programmed, all of a sudden we’ll start talking about movies we’ve heard. I’ve heard this is great, everybody says it’s great. Who’s everybody? With these people, is it Bill, is it Tom, is it Ted, is it Mary, is Alice? Who exactly is everybody? And why did they all say the movie is great?

Dating And Small Talk

So you can use both terms, you can use everybody and they. Everybody, they all said it was great. See a new restaurant in town, everybody says it’s great food. Who’s everybody? Nobody covers their lists of people and here is the deal: I’m pretty particular about where I eat, I’m very particular where I vacation, I’m very particular about what type of movie I see.
So I want referrals, I want names.

I want to see if these people even like these people who are recommending this movie to me. We really misuse some terms and I find it really amusing.
Everybody says that this is a great blog, they should all read it. Who’s everybody? And who’s they?
And how do we use this when we meet someone? Think about making fun of the they’s in the world.

I just watched the season finale of Entourage, and it was definitely not what I expected. Really, Entourage is a fun and entertaining show, but when I watch it I don’t expect to feel anything at all.

The show definitely had its moments, just like all TV shows. Some good moments, some great moments, and some just plain old dumb moments.

But the last episode, if you have not seen it, was a real treat. (Slight spoiler alert here for those of you who haven’t watched the finale yet!!)

The episode was all about Love.

It was not what I, or probably anyone else, expected out of the last Entourage episode. It was all about Love and how far people are willing to go for love.

It really got me thinking…

How far are YOU willing to go for love?

Would you quit your job and move halfway around the world for somebody or something you loved?

If you’re a complete workaholic, would you stop working and just relax for a year in order to spend time with your family and save a dying marriage?

Would you go against everything your parents wanted for you in a partner, even if they hated the person you were with? Would you ignore them and be with the person you loved?

Love is strong. Love is powerful.

But just how powerful is love in your life? Let’s hear from you guys today.

In responding to the survey, one subscriber wrote a great statement:

Whenever I successfully have a girlfriend, it never goes over two months. I am looking for a relationship for a long time and to learn about love.

Getting a girlfriend is really only part of the equation. Learning how to have a meaningful relationship is the whole thing. I have said this to guys so many times, and to women as well. But especially men who are in this situation. So many men spend so much time learning the skills on how to approach women, how to meet women, talk to them and get a phone number, but spend virtually no time at all learning how to have a relationship. That’s where all the work comes in.

All the work comes in when you have a relationship with someone. Eventually, every person will meet a partner. As my good friend in the car business said, “There is an ass for every seat”

I truly believe that there is a person out there for everybody. What I have found in all my years of coaching is that most people don’t prepare themselves for when that relationship happens down the road. To me, that part is huge.

I have said that in blogs so many times before. When I talk about relationship advice, some people will inevitably say, “Oh man, David, why are you writing this? We are here to meet people so we can go on dates, not listen to you talk about relationships with the opposite sex.”

Really? Because if you are not looking at the complete picture, what happens when you finally do meet somebody? You don’t know how to have a relationship with them. You don’t understand what romance is, and you don’t understand how to keep them intrigued. You don’t understand exactly what it means to be needy or desperate, is the best way to put it.

You’ll continue to get into a relationship for a month or two months, then blow it. Then get in another relationship for a month or two, then blow it again. You only understand how to keep them for two months because your partner loses interest in you right away. Why? Because you don’t know how to cultivate the relationship and make it a romantic journey for the both of you.

Here’s a plug for a product, guys. Check out this relationship product I have. It takes you through the first 90 days of a relationship. The crucial first 90 days. I don’t care if you’re not in a relationship right now, I don’t even care if you can’t even approach people right now.

You have got to be prepared in all aspects of your life: physically, emotionally, and sexually. Because if you are not, then you are just going to blow chance after chance after chance and be like the guy above.

Thanks David for letting me post another blog that really resonates with me. I hope all of enjoy this one as much as I enjoyed writing it.

We all have our go to excuses: for some it’s “I’m not good looking enough”, others it’s “I’ve been hurt before and now I’m just out for revenge.” For me it was always very simple:
“There’s something wrong with me.”

I didn’t know what was wrong with me. But I knew something was. Id’ been dumped, cheated on, and couldn’t find a job that I didn’t hate. Not only that it seemed like the women who dumped me and cheated on me ended up in more emotional pain than I was in. I was so rotten that even the act of getting rid of me hurt people. It seemed to me that the more someone got to know me the worse I became. And I could twist anything into making about why something was wrong with me.

If I met an attractive girl I’d tell myself that I wasn’t nearly good looking enough to talk to her. If she turned out to be smart she was way too smart to put up with me and if she was funny, I wasn’t nearly funny enough to be with her. I was NEVER good enough because there was something wrong with me.

Even when things were going well I always had it in the back of my mind… there’s something wrong with me and something bad is going to happen. Something I just didn’t see coming. It’s going to hurt and I’m going to feel like an idiot because I didn’t see it coming.

These excuses…they were my story. I was the tragic hero, fighting against the sad reality of my situation… that I could never be good enough for happiness… but I was sure as hell going to fight for happiness until I had breathed my last.

I’ll tell you all a deep dark secret… I liked my excuses, my story, my tragic heroism. It was romantic. It made me feel… special. It made me feel like I was unique. I wasn’t one of the shiny happy people but I also wasn’t one of those guys who had just given up and wrote sad poetry to try and impress girls. I had a quiet courage in the face of certain death. I was a Spartan at Thermopylae or a soldier at the Alamo. I embraced my excuses because the more I excuses had the more epic my struggle became.

Except, as much as I loved this story I had made myself the hero of… I didn’t love myself. My life seemed to be going nowhere. I had nothing. One day, it dawned on me that if I wanted to love myself and my life I’d have to get rid of my most beloved possession: My excuses. I had to drop the story I’d written for myself and honestly look at who I was. It was terrifying and I hated what I found. I was a miserable person. I wanted so bad to still be the doomed hero. I was safe there. But I refused to go back. I discovered that when you get rid of excuses you can create whatever life you want for yourself. You can be the REAL hero in your own story and save yourself.

So, if you have excuses, and we all do, drop them. Take a hard look at yourself and do all the hard work that needs to be done in order to be the person you want to be.

Jim Carey professing his love for Emma Stone.

Its actually quite amusing and scary at the same time.

The question is:

Would you ever send a video love confession to a woman or man you were crushing on?

Or would you just do nothing……

You know what my favorite part of a relationship is? The part of the relationship where you have to prove that you love the other person. Prove that you love me. If you love me, you will do this for me. People are nuts when they do that crap.

Prove it? You know, it kind of makes me scratch my head a little bit and makes me think. What, everything I have done up into this moment does not say that I love you? Are we misinterpreting each others’ actions so much that you just don’t understand anything that I do?

So many times, somebody will say that. If you really love me, you will cancel your night out with your friends tonight, and you will come and take me out to dinner. Or, if you really love me you won’t go visit your friends this weekend. You will fly around the world to go see me. Prove that you love me.

How To Prove Your Love

Let me tell you something. You don’t have to prove anything. If they don’t believe that you love them — if they don’t believe that you are into them, then you know what? Those relationships are not worth pursuing. They really aren’t. Any relationship that causes you grief — any relationship that just drives you off the wall and you have to consistently prove yourself to somebody is a relationship with a very needy person. An extremely needy person. Needy people always want things proven to them.

In reality, though, the reason why they always want things proven to them is because they don’t trust themselves in the first place. Prove that you love me. Have you ever dated somebody like that where you have to prove everything, and you are constantly on edge? Share with me today.

Doesn’t matter what day it is on the calendar, doesn’t matter what month it is.

It could be any day on the calendar, it could be any month. But today, July 13 2011, I’d like all of you to show appreciation for somebody in your life that’s been there for you.

Maybe it’s a good friend, maybe it’s somebody you work with, maybe it’s a brother, sister, mother, father, whoever it might be. But, today I’d like you just to show some appreciation for somebody.

Take some time out of your day and tell somebody how you feel about them and how much you appreciate them in your life. It’s a wonderful thing to do and it’s something that I think we don’t do enough of. So, today, on this random summer day, we’re going to make this a day of appreciation.

Tell me who you gave your appreciation for, how you felt afterwards and how they felt. Look forward to hearing your stories today on our random summertime day of appreciation.

I’m using the term ‘lover’ generically, but you could fill in the blank with someone’s husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend. Let’s use the term ‘lover’ here though.

What does a lover do? A lover loves somebody unconditionally. A lover nurtures and makes the other person feel safe, loved, desired, heard and wanted.

A lover can be your best friend, and technically should be your best friend. Your lover is somebody with whom you can look forward to being and spending private, intense, beautiful and warm moments.

Television is an escape. A better escape is to spend every night drifting off into your lover.

Maybe one night just drift off into each other’s eyes — looking at each other, connecting, talking, and being open and honest with no judgment. Really just embrace each other’s desires, warmth and words.

Another night, maybe just touch one another. Explore each other in ways you you haven’t before, or in ways only you know makes the other person feel amazing.

Think about it. What would you rather do — watch a movie, or spend two hours loving your lover into intense, erotic, totally ‘letting go’ moments?

Maybe another night you ask yourself what your lover really loves, and then you do it for them. That might mean rubbing their head or giving them a back massage or rubbing their feet. Who knows? Some of us are physical, and some of us are mental and just want to be listened to by our lover.

Foreplay

It really comes down to asking yourself this: Would you rather watch television, or would you rather get lost in your lover emotionally, sexually and physically? We have such limited time in our day, and nothing feels better than to let go fully with your lover.

Can you even let go? Do you even know how to let go?

Do you dial into your lover’s energy on a daily basis? Do you think to yourself, “What can I do for my lover today?”

When you have sex, do you give 120%? Do you totally succumb to what your lover is doing, or are you in your head so you start thinking about things?

Letting go with someone and succumbing to them is one of the most amazing feelings in the world. In fact if you did that every single night, then all the tension and the battles and the fights would release.

Respecting each other is very important. You can never have an equal relationship if one person feels less respected or less desired. In that case, you will have a relationship that will not work the way EITHER of you desire.

“Decide what you want, and learn how to ask for it.”

Think about it. You have to make a decision. What do you want? What do you want in a date? What do you want to get out of a date? What do you want in relationships? How do you want to be treated in a relationship? How do you want to be loved? How do you want to give love?

In work, you get to decide how to get a job, how to start a business, how to get clients, how you want your career shaped. The quote above works for everything. But, today, let’s focus in on how it works for relationships.

I truly believe we all have a blueprint, a blueprint on how we need to be loved, how we desire to be loved, and how being loved will satisfy us. All of us need to share this, whether you’re in a relationship or not in relationship. Communicate how you need to be loved. Are you somebody who likes to have sex for long periods, for lots of long, intimate sex sessions? Are you somebody who lives to travel with your partner? Are you somebody who likes deep conversations, and it’s really important? Are you somebody who is all about quality time, no distractions, hanging out? Are you someone that likes to have their head rubbed or their back rubbed?

Learn what you want, decide what you want, and learn how to ask for it.

We give each other the blueprint when we’re first dating, during that excitement phase, when we’re first hanging out with somebody. We tell them everything we need, because we truly trust and believe that this person, this new special person that we feel wonderful things for, really gives a shit and wants to please us, wants to learn, wants to know what we’re all about and how we desire to be loved. Then, in a perfect world, that person will actually do those things that are important to the other person.

The problem is that most relationships dissolve because the other person or both people stop doing the things that are most important to the other person due to whatever battlegrounds ruin those wishes.

Some of us actually suck at delivering what the other person needs. There’s a book called “The Five Love Languages,” which I’ve discussed before. It talks about learning your partner’s love language. Until you learn your partner’s love language, the relationship will be frustrating. Once you learn the love language, then every single day, you can go and do the things necessary. Every day you’ll be able to then do things that fill that person’s love tank. I believe it. I look at all my relationships and I realize the reason they weren’t successful because the woman I dated wasn’t getting their love tank filled, and my love tank wasn’t full either. The book’s great because it really talks about how, even when your love tank is empty, you can go and fill another person’s up, because somebody has to be full. And even though that other person may not react or fill up your love tank for a while, eventually that lover will, if they love you.

Self Love

Decide what you want, and learn how to ask for it. It’s pretty amazing. It’s pretty simple. I think the majority of relationships fail because the couple sits there like two stones on a couch, not reaching, not doing a thing, because the other person isn’t doing it. It all starts usually when one person or both people have really described what they wanted and the other person doesn’t deliver. We’re talking simple things usually what most of us want. I’ve had lots of relationship in my adult life, and it’s mostly simple things that people are asking for. The other person just doesn’t want to deliver. They can deliver for their kids, for their family members, and for their friends. Yet, with you, they won’t do it.

If the other person can’t fulfill yours or doesn’t want to, that could be the end. But you can decide what you want, and learn how to ask for it. Every day, you need to think to yourself, what can I do to fill my partner’s love tank up? You need to do it, otherwise you’re a phony. All those wonderful promises and all those wonderful emotions and wonderful feelings you make and have in the beginning of the relationship are just a facade. If you’re that lazy and that mean – and I’m referring to when people act in a very passive aggressive way to really hurt somebody – you really don’t deserve to have a wonderful relationship.

Relationships take work, and take effort. If you think the next one is magically going to be any better, you’re 100 percent wrong. Because what happens is, you’ll take the same behavior patterns, and lack compassion for the other person’s needs, wants, and desires, and you’ll repeat that same pattern for the next person. Life works that way. It’s really that easy. Decide what you want and learn how to ask for it.