You guys have labeled all these things in so many different and creative ways, from monkey chatter to approach anxiety. I mean, if you Google “fear,” it is amazing how many different versions of it will pop up in the search results.

What I am about to share with you in today’s podcast is going to blow you away. I know that every week I tell you that the podcast is the most powerful one ever, but that is because every week I come up with something more powerful than the week before.

In this podcast, I am going to tell you why there are only two emotions in this world: one is love and the other is fear. Hate is fear. Approach anxiety is fear.

Love and fear really are the only two emotions, and in this podcast I explain to you how to really embrace loving everything and fearing nothing. Click here to listen now:

Also, if you want to learn how to truly embrace love in your life and also how to truly erase fear, then you need to check out my Men’s “What’s Your Excuse?” and my Women’s “No Excuses” programs.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about men, however, it is that when they finally find that one woman with whom they want to be, they want to declare their love to the world.

It’s like they just want to tell everyone. They want to tell anyone who will listen.
They want to get up on a podium and announce, “I met this great girl and I’m in love!”

It’s almost like they’ve never felt that way before. I don’t understand it, but virtually all men seem to act this way.

So I think that a lot of men never fully feel complete until they figure everything out in their life. They want to figure out their whole life. They figure out their work. They figure out their place in the world.  

A lot of guys don’t want to fall in love. 23 year old guys will say things like, “I really want to be with this person, but I’ve got to figure my career out first.”

As a man, I think you need to go through a lot of life lessons and understand yourself.  I’m not saying that women don’t also need to do this, and I’m not excluding women from this discussion. Men, however, just seem like they need to figure everything out before they put the pieces into place.

The thing is, though, that sometimes in life those “pieces” might come into your life before you have figured everything out. When that happens, you still need to embrace them.

It seems like when men finally do find their true love, they love to declare it. It’s like they want their friends to say, “Wow!” They want the confirmation of hearing, “Really, Dude, that’s so great!”

When a lot of guys are in the beginning stages of learning how to meet women, they tend to have a lot of the same conversations. When they sleep with a woman, they’re going to tell their friends “Man, I slept with this hot girl last night!” It’s all about confirmation.

Men are always about confirmation. They’ve always been about confirmation.

Guys will say things like, “Look at that hot babe over there. She really likes me!” That guy says that because he wants his friends to agree that the girl really likes him.

So men are always looking for confirmation when it comes to women, and that doesn’t change when men find love. When a man finds that woman he know he wants to be with for the long haul, he will make a declaration of love . . . to everyone he can find.

Think about it. Men like to blow their friends away (regardless of the what it is). Men first like to impress their friends, and then they want to blow them away.

It’s funny, too, in how many different places now a days you can make such declarations of love. You can go on Facebook and declare your love to someone. I’ve seen almost all my friends do that.

A friend of mine from college declared his love for someone on Facebook. This is a guy who probably slept with half of the women at that University when we were there, and I’ve never seen him declare his love. When I spoke to him recently, though, he declared his love for her to me. I thought he was crazy.

I’ve seen a lot of my friends declare the love, but I’m just not as public about declaring mine. That’s just not me.  It’s not my personality.  Why should I declare love?  I have a relationship that’s amazing, and nobody needs to know. The reason I’ve probably never declared love, though, is because I never truly felt in love until now.

Now, am I going to declare my love to all of you in the blog today? Nah . . . I’m not going to do that. I’m not going to declare my love for the woman I love either. I know how I feel. I will, of course, declare that love to all my friends though!

Men are very funny and very stubborn, but when a men truly falls in love he’ll declare it and shout it from the top of the Empire State Building. So if any of you guys have ever felt this way, I’d like to hear it.

For those of you who think this blog is too sappy, I don’t really care because sometimes nothing feels better than a declaration of love. If you’ve not declared your love for somebody — including yourself — recently, it’s time you started because real love for yourself and for someone else doesn’t happen often. You should be declaring your love every single day.

When you’re dating somebody, what are the boundaries? Are there certain relationship boundaries which, if crossed, cause irreparable damage and the ultimate end of most relationships? While I am not usually a fan of hard and fast “rules” for relationships, there are certain dating behaviors which will almost without exception will end a relationship.

What all of these behaviors have in common is that they are violations of another person’s trust. Once one person in a relationship no longer trusts their partner, the relationship will almost certainly end. So to help you ensure that this doesn’t happen in your relationship, here are 6 relationship-ending dating behaviors that should always be avoided: Keep in mind that I am not mentioning the most obvious one which is cheating.

1. Everyone Is Entitled To Their Privacy. What constitutes a violation of someone’s privacy? When, if ever, are you justified in violating your partner’s privacy? If you have an “intuition” about something, does that give you the right to start reading through your partner’s email? To start listening to their voicemail messages? To hack into their other Internet accounts? The answer to all of these is no! To violate someone’s privacy is to violate their trust. You should NEVER dig through someone’s personal emails, or listen to someone’s voicemail messages. By listening to your partner’s voicemail messages or reading their emails, you are violating not only their trust, but also the trust your partner has with anyone who left those voicemail messages and emails.

2. There’s No Such Thing As “A Lie For The Greater Good.” Of course lying is never good in a relationship, although we’ve probably all been guilty of doing it. Certain kinds of lies, though, are far more damaging to a relationship than others. Some people will lie to their partner in certain situations in an effort to avoid hurting them or to avoid having to have a conversation that will be hurtful to them. So although we lie believing we are doing so to “protect” our partner, when that lie is exposed (which it almost always inevitably is) we end up digging a deeper hole for ourselves. When you do get caught in this situation, not only do you end up hurting your partner anyway, but you also end up hurting yourself even more. In life, what you fear will actually manifest – but it will manifest even more severely than you feared. So whatever you were trying to protect your partner from by lying to them will seem worse because of your lie than it would ever have had been if you just were open and honest about it from the get-go. On top of that, you have violated your partner’s trust by lying to them. These kind of lies are almost always relationship-enders.

3. You Are Not James Bond, So Never Spy On Your Partner You are not a spy, so you should never be spying on your partner. You should never snoop in your partner’s private things. That means that you must never look through your partner’s drawers, their wallet, their filing cabinet, or their private records (like their bank or credit card statements). Further, there is nothing that justifies snooping. No matter what you have a “hunch” about, snooping through your partner’s things is never the way to confirm or deny your hunch. It is an absolute violation of your partner’s trust. Your partner’s private business and personal records should be kept private unless they give you permission to look at them. Spying on your partner behind their back James Bond style is one of the most deliberate and blatant violations of your partner’s trust, and will achieve nothing except to have your partner never trust you to be alone near their things ever again.

4. Beware Of Designating Yourself “Magnum P.I.” Another wrong way some people try to verify suspected bad behavior by their partner is to take on the role of private investigator by attempting to “catch their partner in the act” of doing something. Whether this takes the form of searching for your partner’s car by driving by their house, work or gym, or it takes the form of following your partner in your car, this is something you should never do. Even if you believe you have a true “hunch” or “intuition” that your partner is doing something wrong or is hiding something from you, designating yourself as your own private investigator is not only the wrong way to address that, but also frankly smacks of stalker-like behavior. If your partner finds out you’ve been “tailing them” in your car, they will no longer trust you and will likely end your relationship right there and then.

5. Don’t Send Others To Do Your Dirty Work. Don’t ever send a friend or anyone else to gather information for you about your partner or to spy on your partner for you. That means, don’t send a friend to go hang out where you know or suspect your partner will be. Don’t have your friend try to eavesdrop on your partner’s conversations in places they go. Don’t ask your friends to use their cell phone to snap covert pictures of your partner. All of these not only violate your partner’s trust, but also reveal your total lack of trust in your partner. This behavior, if discovered by your partner, will most certainly result in them ending your relationship.

6. Avoid Paranoid And Obsessive Behavior. One of the biggest ways to reveal that you don’t trust your partner at all, is to manifest that distrust with paranoid and obsessive behavior. While calling your partner regularly is quite normal, calling them incessantly to “check up on them” comes off as paranoid and obsessive, and will virtually always drive your partner away. If for example your partner leaves their phone somewhere, and by the time they realize they left it and pick it up two hours later you have called them 50 times, you are not only coming off as being paranoid and obsessive, but you are clearly communicating to your partner that you don’t trust them at all. If you panic every time ten minutes go by without a reply from your partner to a phone call or an email, it sends the exact same message to them. This behavior will not only drive your partner away from you, but the fact that you clearly don’t trust them at all will most likely lead your partner to end your relationship.

So even if you have some type of “intuition” that your partner is doing something wrong, it is better to confront them openly about it and “slug it out” with them than to violate their privacy and their trust by searching for answers behind their back. Even if your partner doesn’t respond to your attempts to talk about it the first, second or third time, chances are that you will get to talk about it – and the outcome of confronting your suspicions openly with your partner will always be better than if your partner discovers you have engaged in any of the behaviors I talk about here.

Finding a great person with whom you want to be in a relationship can be really hard. Once we find somebody, though, we need to understand that our partner’s privacy and trust are boundary lines which must not be breached. Violations of trust like the ones discussed here are some of the quickest ways to kill any relationship.

No matter how much emotion and love exist in a relationship, a relationship cannot survive without trust. Think long and hard before you engage in any of these behaviors. Violating someone’s trust will never take a relationship to a better place. In fact, by doing so you may very well be single-handedly orchestrating the end of what could have been a fantastic relationship.

Love At First Sight!

I’ve heard so many people describe the time they met their husband or wife, and have said they knew that person was “the one” the second that person walked in the room. I’ve had people say to me things like this all the time: “David, I just knew. I just knew when they walked in the room. I don’t know if it was the way they smiled or the way they talked, but I just knew.”

Have you ever held someone so close at that that you feel like you want to jump inside their body and inside their soul? Do you ever feel your soul communicating with somebody else?  You’re just laying there next to them, and you feel yourself talking to each other without saying a word.  

It doesn’t take words sometimes to describe what you really feel, because sometimes in life words just can’t adequately describe it. Words can’t fully describe what you’re really thinking, what your emotions are and what you’re feeling.

Have you ever met someone of whom you just can’t get enough? Time just flies by every time you’re with them. When you meet them, you want to remember everything they say. You want to show them your life. You want to remember everything that happens between the two of you, because you know everything that’s happening is a memory you are going to want to be able to talk about in the future.

Have you ever had that amazing feeling all over that you just can’t put into words? It’s almost an overwhelming emotion.

Have you ever been able to look at someone and know exactly what they’re feeling at all times because they communicate it with their eyes? Sometimes words are overused.  

I can tell you one thing for sure. When you find someone for whom you have these kind of feelings, you’ve got to go with it because there’s not too many times that it’s going to happen to you in your life. When you’ve found this person, you just know in your heart that you’ve found something magical.

For those of you want to get technical, I have a herniated L5 disc. They basically offered me two treatment options. I can either try therapeutic treatments for another three months, hoping for some miraculously different result than I’ve gotten doing exactly that for the last year. My other option is to have a new type of miraculous microsurgery which supposedly is only an hour and a half long outpatient procedure.

Let’s not talk today about the condition of my back in today’s blog. I want to talk about something much deeper that affects all of us. You know, a lot of us only scratch the surface in our life.

We tend to look and react to things that happen. We get angry because of what someone else does (or doesn’t do). Someone doesn’t call you back or whatever it may be. We react only to the immediate cause of things.

You get snippy with people you love. Do you ever have days where people you love want to reach out and help you, and you get snippy with them?

I’ve spent the last three days snapping at everyone. Granted, I was in pain and really having a difficult time with my back.

I decided to go deeper to discover what the cause and the root was of the problem. It wasn’t just my back. In life, we have constant reminders that these root causes exist. We see pattern and lessons that come up over and over again.

We have that same fight that happens time and time again. You make up and say you’ll never do that again, and yet it seems to happen again. What happens and the reason these things repeat themselves is that you’re looking to the other person’s actions and what they did to you that caused the fight.

In life, though, you have to look at what YOU did, why you’re angry and why you’re feeling something. You need to do this because when you’re angry at someone, it is really you being angry at yourself or at something you’ve never confronted.

Sonja was away this week. She offered to stay on both Saturday and Sunday, and I turned her down. So, of course, when I woke up on Monday morning I was angry at her. I needed her and I kept wondering how she could leave me.

That was on the surface. Even though she offered to stay, I made her leave so I would not act angry at her. I was really angry at myself for not letting her help me.

To find the real root cause of it, I had to go deep inside myself as a person. I had to go deep inside to figure out why I refuse help from people who love me.

I went to the root of my anger, and realized it went back to when I was about three and a half years old. That’s when my brother Mark died of crib death at the age of nine months. The only thing I remember is coming home after staying overnight at my grandmother’s house, seeing the empty crib and seeing my mother’s pain.

If you go deep inside your core, you’ll discover the memories you find — those imprinted on you as a kid — you’re still living and still are affecting you.

For the next ten years after my brother’s death, I became the parent. I had a father who had no love for anything but the NY Jets and his golf clubs.

I had a mother who blamed herself for the death of my brother, and only gave love in short segments and only if I needed something. She’d give me a hug if I needed one, but it always had a time limit on it.

So I learned at a very young age to be very self-supportive, and to not ask for anything from anybody. I also at a very young age learned how to nurture and to take care of others. My mother even told me yesterday that the only thing that kept her living after my brother’s death was my love for her.

I’ve always been a better giver than receiver. So for the last four days, Sonja has done nothing but reach out to me and I’ve shut her down. Jacob flew in to help me work with a client (and to help me), and I’ve had him walking on eggshells the entire time. Kristen has done nothing but email to try to cheer me up, and I’ve done nothing but be short and angry with her.

I need to apologize, but not to the people who love me. When you have this situation, you need to love and accept yourself, because until you let go deep from your core you’ll still have the same things happen over and over again.

This may have been the most personal blog I’ve ever written and shared with you. The reason I can, is because I know you will appreciate it, understand it and be able to relate to it.

Every lesson you share with others gives them the courage to love and to grow. So be good to yourself, and apologize to yourself for whatever is deep inside your core.

Anyway, there’s a new store that’s opened up on that street called “California Herbal Remedies” where you can get a 20% vanilla cake or even a 30% chocolate brownie that’s guaranteed to make your head spin for the entire day. All this can be yours if you go to a clinic, tell them you hurt your shoulder and say that Advil has stopped working to alleviate the pain.

Let me just say this: I’m all for the legalization of marijuana. I’ve never met someone who was high who acted like an asshole. On the other hand, I’ve met many a person who acted like an asshole when they were drunk. There should be a warning label on alcohol bottles that reads “Warning: Consumption of this fluid may turn you into an asshole.”

So, it was no surprise that the biggest crowd was outside California Herbal Remedies last night. It was, after all, the store with the best munchies. Big shock!

Alright, let’s talk about why people get wasted. They do it with the hopes of getting Lucky in love.

On the topic of luck, can you really get “lucky in love?” Is there a way to get lucky in love? Does getting “lucky in love” really exist?

I’m going to tell you something right now that’s going to blow your mind: You can absolutely be lucky in love! Here are five ways to ensure you will be lucky in love:

1. Hard Work Plus Opportunity Equals Luck: In order to get lucky in love, you need to put the effort into going out there and meeting people. You need to go out and talk to people. You need create the opportunity for luck to happen to you. Luck only happens when hard work meets opportunity. Thomas Jefferson said it perfectly when he said “I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.”

2. Luck In Love Finds Those Open To Love: The reason why people are lucky in love is because they’re open to love. What I mean by “open to love” is that they are out there talking to people every single day and being okay with letting people know they’re single. If you want to get lucky in love, be open to other people trying to find you love. Open yourself up a little bit, and stop being so closed off to others taking a role in creating luck in your love life. When you meet somebody and they ask you if you’re single, stop looking at it like it’s a plague or disease and say “Yes I am. Do you know of anybody great you think I should meet?” In order to get lucky in love, you need to expand your horizons.

3. Luck In Love Comes To Those Willing To Give A Bit Of The Unknown A Try: In order to get really lucky in love, you should also use the power of your network to help create that luck for you. For instance, you can use online dating in a new way to create luck in your love life. Here is a little trick that I used to use all the time when I was dating online. When I would meet someone online with whom I didn’t end up having a connection but who I thought was a great person, I’d make a suggestion. I’d say “I don’t know about you, but I’m getting sick of all these coffee dates. Why don’t we get a whole group of our friends together and see if any magic (or luck) can happen.” This is yet another way to create luck in your love life . . . and possibly in the life of someone else.

4. Luck In Love Is The Product Of Persistence: If you want to get really lucky in love, you have to realize that luck is the product of persistence. You will have to put consistent effort in and be willing to be persistent in not giving up on the search for love. When you are persistent, you will be rewarded with luck in love. The truth is that you’re not going to find a four-leaf clover or a little leprechaun to help you get lucky in love. It’s really up to you. It’s really all about the power of your network. How strong is your network and how big can you build your network to become? As I said in #3 above, are you trying things that create opportunities to bring people into your life and into your network? When you do, you will be lucky in love.

5. Luck In Love Comes To Those Who Are Already In Love: This probably sounds a bit puzzling at first read, but let me tell you what I mean. In order to really be lucky in love, you need to first love yourself. You need to really believe in yourself. You need to stop letting fears and excuses keep you from being open to love. You need to stop making excuses. You need to stop saying things like “I’m a 47 year old woman and men don’t want women my age” or “I’m 20 pounds overweight and no woman is going to find me attractive.” You have to believe that you are a gift – a gift that’s worth giving and a gift worth receiving.

You have sex the same time every Saturday night – and it’s the same sex over and over again.

How do you break up those routines in a relationship? It’s very simple.

Grab a piece of paper, and sit down with your lover. Write down the things that you want to do. Don’t focus on the negative and say, “Baby, we’re in such a boring routine.”

Instead, take the high road and say, “I’ve got some great ideas of things I want to do with you. I think that we could be sharing more together, and I have some things I’d like us to share together.”

So write down the 10 things that you’ve never done sexually with your partner. Write down the ten places you’ve never been with your partner that you’d like to go to together.

And then once a week, do something from that list. Start doing things differently.

How many of you are in relationships where you can’t have date night anymore because the kids are always around? Everything has become routine.

Do you realize that dating will help you to put the excitement back into your relationship? Start dating your wife or your girlfriend all over again.

Pretend like you’re in a brand new relationship, and stop letting things get so routine.

So the next time you’re sitting around, watching TV with your partner for the 100th night in a row, take the remote control, flip off the TV, grab your partner’s hand and lead them downstairs to the bathroom. Make a bath. Or give each other erotic massages.

The only reason that your relationship has become routine is because you’ve let it happen!

It’s Q&A day on the blog today and we have two more great subscriber questions that I’m going to answer here. Remember, if you are on my subscriber list and want to submit a question for me to answer in future blogs, simply respond to any one of the newsletter emails with your question.

If you’re not on my newsletter subscriber list and would like to be, all you need to do is go to the blue box at the upper right hand corner of each page of this website and submit your name and email. It’s that simple! Then as soon as you receive your first newsletter via email, you can submit your question!

So, without further ado, here are today’s questions!

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**Reader Question 1**
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David,

I have a rather unique question that I think you would have a helpful response about. There is an obvious attraction between my former/future professor and I. It was a big uncomfortable step, but I actually worked up the balls to ask her out a few months ago, and we ended up going out twice more afterwards.

While there is an attraction between us, I find myself always holding back because of the age difference (I’m 23, she’s 30) and the superiority she has in school. It’s very difficult for me to do a complete role reversal when I see her outside of school and be the one in charge and leading, even though I am CERTAIN that is what she wants. Can you suggest any possible ways I can get over the age and superiority issues and just be as I would around any other women?

Your advice is much appreciated. Thank You, R.

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**My Answer To Reader 1’s Question**
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Thanks for your question R!

Listen, you’ve got this age difference between the two of you. How you feel about the age difference is all in your head. If she’s attracted to you and you are attracted to each other, then what does the whole superiority thing matter? If she’s okay with the age thing, then it really doesn’t make a difference. The thing is, though, that you are giving her all the power.  You’re giving her the superiority. If this woman is interested in you then she’s interested in you.

So go take her out and have fun like you would with any other woman. Don’t bring up the age difference. Don’t bring up the superiority issue. Don’t bring up the fact that she was your professor.

Just take her out and have fun like you would on any other date, and let her get to know you in that situation.  She can make up her own mind. If you go out with her feeling like she’s superior or some supreme being from another planet, then of course it’s going to be uncomfortable and won’t work.

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**Reader Question 2**
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Hi David,

Over the weekend I  attended a wedding to my aunt in which I was the best lady. I suddenly developed feelings for the best man on a Saturday morning at the church service. David, you know I love him so much that I would spend sleepless nights thinkming about him. But he doesn’t know I love him. All I know is that he’s been avoiding me, we had never remained together in the same place, he would leave if the person we are with leaves.

One thing I know is that I can’t tell him I love him. I have just recieved an sms from him telling me that he was still tired thou he had an honourable weekend. He told me I looked so beautiful. 

My question to you is, “How do I make him tell me that he loves me?”

Isabella

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**My Answer To Reader 2’s Question**
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Isabella,

How do you make someone tell you that he loves you? You’ve got to be kidding me. This is one of the most unhealthy emails I’ve ever received. I’m sorry that I have to say that, but anyone who has this type of mindset needs deeper help. I’m not talking about just from a dating coach, but perhaps in terms of some kind of therapy.

You don’t make someone love you. You don’t look for ways to make someone tell you that they love you. First, a guy needs to ask you out on a date. Second, you need to have chemistry and get to know each other. To try to get someone to make a guy love you is just wrong. It’s wrong from every angle.

This is like some fantasy in your head. Where is your reality? You don’t even know this person, but yet you say you love him so much? You don’t know what he is all about. He was avoiding you. You’ve never remained together in the same place. So how do you love this person? It’s a fantasy in your mind.

Isabella, you’ve got to start living in reality here. What do you want out of life? Do you want to have real connections with men, or are you just living what I call the ultimate fantasy? You barely meet someone and you have this beautiful and perfect picture of him in your mind that doesn’t really exist.

Isabella, go out and meet men, have some fun, and let a man fall in love with you for who you are. Don’t ever try to make a man tell you that he loves you. This totally reminds me of Glenn Close the bunny boiler in Fatal Attraction.

You start thinking to yourself, “Oh my god, what am I going to do with her for the whole weekend? It’s going to take away from me-time, and she will take me away from finding someone I’m really into…” Have you ever felt like that?

But in reality, this experience that you’re having with this woman – connecting with her, the experience that you’ll have sexually with her – will help you move forward.

You know that old saying, “Love the one you’re with?” If you love the one you’re with, you’ll start to learn things about yourself and learn how to better interact and connect with other people.

Maybe this weekend will be a great weekend for you to have some fun and learn some new sexual things. Just be open to it! You don’t have to spend your whole life with her – you can just hang out with her for a few days.

A lot of guys won’t do it. I used to be guilty of it when I was younger as well. I wouldn’t be open to it. Some woman would just deposit herself in front of me and want to hang out and I’d think, well, this isn’t the one I REALLY want, and then I would panic. I didn’t want to be “stuck” with her.

But the best thing to do in that situation is just enjoy it. Enjoy the weekend that you have with her. Enjoy the time with her – you’ll learn a lot from it.

And have you guys been following this story. Also to all the men out there who do not think women age well.

Time to really wake up and see true beauty.

Check this out.

It’s so interesting to me how everyone thinks they need to find some super-special way to celebrate their love on Valentine’s Day, then the thought of how to celebrate their love doesn’t cross their mind again until the following year’s Valentine’s Day. That whole concept is so strange to me.

Here is my view on this. If you have a wonderful love in your life, then every single day should be a day to celebrate your love. You should wake up every single day and find a way to embrace, respect and honor your love.

So this year on Valentine’s Day, I want you to try looking at it as the New Year’s Day of love. Make some Valentine’s Day resolutions.

Look at Valentine’s Day as the first day you will start honoring your love every day. Resolve to start doing something special for your love every single day – even if it’s something as small (but significant) as expressing your love every day.

So let’s start thinking of February 14th as Lovers’ New Year’s Day. This is really the only right way to look at Valentine’s Day, cause celebrating love just one day a year really is not going to cut it in any relationship. Celebrating your love every single day will cultivate and take your relationship to new levels you never imagined.