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Posts Tagged ‘love advice’ |
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Thursday, May 28th, 2009
Let’s talk about anger, because the last five days I’ve been a really angry person. It’s not, however, for the reasons you may think. It’s not due to the the things I’ve had going on with my back, and it’s not about waiting for my MRI results.
For those of you want to get technical, I have a herniated L5 disc. They basically offered me two treatment options. I can either try therapeutic treatments for another three months, hoping for some miraculously different result than I’ve gotten doing exactly that for the last year. My other option is to have a new type of miraculous microsurgery which supposedly is only an hour and a half long outpatient procedure.
Let’s not talk today about the condition of my back in today’s blog. I want to talk about something much deeper that affects all of us. You know, a lot of us only scratch the surface in our life.
We tend to look and react to things that happen. We get angry because of what someone else does (or doesn’t do). Someone doesn’t call you back or whatever it may be. We react only to the immediate cause of things.
You get snippy with people you love. Do you ever have days where people you love want to reach out and help you, and you get snippy with them?
I’ve spent the last three days snapping at everyone. Granted, I was in pain and really having a difficult time with my back.
I decided to go deeper to discover what the cause and the root was of the problem. It wasn’t just my back. In life, we have constant reminders that these root causes exist. We see pattern and lessons that come up over and over again.
We have that same fight that happens time and time again. You make up and say you’ll never do that again, and yet it seems to happen again. What happens and the reason these things repeat themselves is that you’re looking to the other person’s actions and what they did to you that caused the fight.
In life, though, you have to look at what YOU did, why you’re angry and why you’re feeling something. You need to do this because when you’re angry at someone, it is really you being angry at yourself or at something you’ve never confronted.
Sonja was away this week. She offered to stay on both Saturday and Sunday, and I turned her down. So, of course, when I woke up on Monday morning I was angry at her. I needed her and I kept wondering how she could leave me.
That was on the surface. Even though she offered to stay, I made her leave so I would not act angry at her. I was really angry at myself for not letting her help me.
To find the real root cause of it, I had to go deep inside myself as a person. I had to go deep inside to figure out why I refuse help from people who love me.
I went to the root of my anger, and realized it went back to when I was about three and a half years old. That’s when my brother Mark died of crib death at the age of nine months. The only thing I remember is coming home after staying overnight at my grandmother’s house, seeing the empty crib and seeing my mother’s pain.
If you go deep inside your core, you’ll discover the memories you find — those imprinted on you as a kid — you’re still living and still are affecting you.
For the next ten years after my brother’s death, I became the parent. I had a father who had no love for anything but the NY Jets and his golf clubs.
I had a mother who blamed herself for the death of my brother, and only gave love in short segments and only if I needed something. She’d give me a hug if I needed one, but it always had a time limit on it.
So I learned at a very young age to be very self-supportive, and to not ask for anything from anybody. I also at a very young age learned how to nurture and to take care of others. My mother even told me yesterday that the only thing that kept her living after my brother’s death was my love for her.
I’ve always been a better giver than receiver. So for the last four days, Sonja has done nothing but reach out to me and I’ve shut her down. Jacob flew in to help me work with a client (and to help me), and I’ve had him walking on eggshells the entire time. Kristen has done nothing but email to try to cheer me up, and I’ve done nothing but be short and angry with her.
I need to apologize, but not to the people who love me. When you have this situation, you need to love and accept yourself, because until you let go deep from your core you’ll still have the same things happen over and over again.
This may have been the most personal blog I’ve ever written and shared with you. The reason I can, is because I know you will appreciate it, understand it and be able to relate to it.
Every lesson you share with others gives them the courage to love and to grow. So be good to yourself, and apologize to yourself for whatever is deep inside your core.
Tags: anger management, apologize, crib death, dating advice for men, dating advice for women, david wygant, inner love, love, love advice, root cause, self help, self-improvement
Posted in Attract and Approach Women, Dating Etiquette, Divorce, Goals & Aspirations | 20 Comments »
Thursday, April 9th, 2009
Hey Everyone,
It’s Q&A day on the blog today and we have two more great subscriber questions that I’m going to answer here. Remember, if you are on my subscriber list and want to submit a question for me to answer in future blogs, simply respond to any one of the newsletter emails with your question.
If you’re not on my newsletter subscriber list and would like to be, all you need to do is go to the blue box at the upper right hand corner of each page of this website and submit your name and email. It’s that simple! Then as soon as you receive your first newsletter via email, you can submit your question!
So, without further ado, here are today’s questions!
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**Reader Question 1**
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David,
I have a rather unique question that I think you would have a helpful response about. There is an obvious attraction between my former/future professor and I. It was a big uncomfortable step, but I actually worked up the balls to ask her out a few months ago, and we ended up going out twice more afterwards.
While there is an attraction between us, I find myself always holding back because of the age difference (I’m 23, she’s 30) and the superiority she has in school. It’s very difficult for me to do a complete role reversal when I see her outside of school and be the one in charge and leading, even though I am CERTAIN that is what she wants. Can you suggest any possible ways I can get over the age and superiority issues and just be as I would around any other women?
Your advice is much appreciated. Thank You, R.
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**My Answer To Reader 1’s Question**
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Thanks for your question R!
Listen, you’ve got this age difference between the two of you. How you feel about the age difference is all in your head. If she’s attracted to you and you are attracted to each other, then what does the whole superiority thing matter? If she’s okay with the age thing, then it really doesn’t make a difference. The thing is, though, that you are giving her all the power. You’re giving her the superiority. If this woman is interested in you then she’s interested in you.
So go take her out and have fun like you would with any other woman. Don’t bring up the age difference. Don’t bring up the superiority issue. Don’t bring up the fact that she was your professor.
Just take her out and have fun like you would on any other date, and let her get to know you in that situation. She can make up her own mind. If you go out with her feeling like she’s superior or some supreme being from another planet, then of course it’s going to be uncomfortable and won’t work.
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**Reader Question 2**
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Hi David,
Over the weekend I attended a wedding to my aunt in which I was the best lady. I suddenly developed feelings for the best man on a Saturday morning at the church service. David, you know I love him so much that I would spend sleepless nights thinkming about him. But he doesn’t know I love him. All I know is that he’s been avoiding me, we had never remained together in the same place, he would leave if the person we are with leaves.
One thing I know is that I can’t tell him I love him. I have just recieved an sms from him telling me that he was still tired thou he had an honourable weekend. He told me I looked so beautiful.
My question to you is, “How do I make him tell me that he loves me?”
Isabella
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**My Answer To Reader 2’s Question**
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Isabella,
How do you make someone tell you that he loves you? You’ve got to be kidding me. This is one of the most unhealthy emails I’ve ever received. I’m sorry that I have to say that, but anyone who has this type of mindset needs deeper help. I’m not talking about just from a dating coach, but perhaps in terms of some kind of therapy.
You don’t make someone love you. You don’t look for ways to make someone tell you that they love you. First, a guy needs to ask you out on a date. Second, you need to have chemistry and get to know each other. To try to get someone to make a guy love you is just wrong. It’s wrong from every angle.
This is like some fantasy in your head. Where is your reality? You don’t even know this person, but yet you say you love him so much? You don’t know what he is all about. He was avoiding you. You’ve never remained together in the same place. So how do you love this person? It’s a fantasy in your mind.
Isabella, you’ve got to start living in reality here. What do you want out of life? Do you want to have real connections with men, or are you just living what I call the ultimate fantasy? You barely meet someone and you have this beautiful and perfect picture of him in your mind that doesn’t really exist.
Isabella, go out and meet men, have some fun, and let a man fall in love with you for who you are. Don’t ever try to make a man tell you that he loves you. This totally reminds me of Glenn Close the bunny boiler in Fatal Attraction.
Tags: bunny boiling, dating advice for men, dating advice for women, dating age differences, dating income differences, dating professors, falling in love, fatal attraction, glenn close, love, love advice, obsession
Posted in Attract and Approach Women, Dating Etiquette, Divorce, Foreplay & Sexual Communication, Goals & Aspirations, How To Ask For A Date | 19 Comments »
Wednesday, March 4th, 2009
There is a tough thing that I’ve realized more and more as I go through my life. My journey is no different than your journey. As you guys embark on meeting men or meeting women, you need to realize that it is a process. It’s just a series of things through which you need to work and from which you need to learn.
Understanding this is why I’ve been able to do it, and it is why I am so passionate about this business. I started putting out my products because I know that without doing the foundational work, that you guys will never be truly successful in your dating lives.
Do you know how I know that? I know that because I tried to find shortcuts for things for much of my life. I’ve tried to find a shortcut for almost everything I’ve ever done in life. I tried to find a shortcut for meeting women, I tried to find shortcuts in business and I tried to find shortcuts in my relationships. What I learned, and what you need to learn, is that there are no shortcuts.
Recently, Esquire Magazine asked me for a quote to put in their May issue. While I won’t know until the issue comes out whether it will actually appear in it, the quote I gave them was “Life is a marathon, not a sprint.” Keep your pace slow, and eventually you will find yourself in front of the right path.
It’s unbelievable how many of you are all about shortcuts. You put time limits on everything. You want one certain thing to happen within one month, when in reality it may take for four or five months because there are lessons to be learned along the way.
Being willing to let things take the time needed to really learn what you need to get there is, to me, about being authentic. It’s being authentic in your life and authentic in who you are. It’s not looking for the shortcut.
I won’t sell you a shortcut. I will never sell you a shortcut because there are no shortcuts in life.
For any of you who approach life thinking there are shortcuts, I say go ahead and spend your money on those shortcuts. What will happen, though, is that you will keep spending and wasting money until you finally realize you have to be authentic and real to get what you really want. The real “shortcut” is to not be detoured by any so-called shortcut in the first place.
If you want to stop playing it safe in your dating life, and want to create your ideal dating life from the ground up so you will NEVER live in dating regret EVER, then click here to read more:
Today’s PODCAST is must listen for anyone who wants to not take a shortcut and REALLY learn how to approach and open up women. Listen to my London coach, Adam, tell you all about it! Check it out here:
P.S.: If you’re having trouble downloading this Podcast from my podcast page, you can download it directly to your computer by clicking on this link
Tags: dating advice for men, dating advice for women, love advice, shortcuts
Posted in Attract and Approach Women, Dating Etiquette, Divorce, Fashion & Style (Women), Foreplay & Sexual Communication, Goals & Aspirations, How To Ask For A Date, How To Be A Better Communicator, Love, Marriage, Masturbation | 12 Comments »
Sunday, March 1st, 2009
As all of you are winding down your weekends, and may have been met someone over the weekend, I thought that today (Sunday) may be a good day to talk about relationships. Enjoy your Sunday!
Let’s talk about building a relationship. It’s really interesting. So many people don’t understand how to build a relationship.
Of course people always come to me seeking advice on how to meet someone, but the question is what do you do once you do meet someone? Whether you’ve just met someone you really like or whether you’re already in the process of dating, how do you build a relationship up so that it’s strong enough to really work out and last?
The most important thing to do to achieve this is to make sure you have open lines of communication. If you are dating someone now, then ask yourself this: Do you do recaps with each other? Something I find really important to building a relationship is as much as possible to recap everything that’s happening between the two of you.
Talk about things. Talk things through.
You know, it’s interesting, because I was dating a woman one time who was definitely a little more conservative than I was sexually. So in order to really to get her to open up sexually with me, we created open lines of communication about sex and really talked about it. You know what happened? She not only opened up sexually with me, she opened up amazingly.
Another time I was dating someone who was really uncomfortable communicating about almost everything. She really was not comfortable communicating about things, especially feelings and emotions. So what I had to do was to make a very safe haven for her to talk about things and to share things with me. Once I did that, she did open up and shared amazing parts of herself with me.
So if something is bugging you, don’t be afraid to talk about it with the new person you’re dating. Opening up the lines of communication like this is the only way you can get in touch with each other, and really start to learn about each other.
Don’t be afraid to say things that are on your mind, because they’re going to find out sooner or later anyway . . . plus, it’s better to find out as much about someone as soon as possible. Think about the alternative. Otherwise six months could go by before something is out in the open, which is six more months that you both have invested your hearts into the relationship and each other.
My suggestion, then, is to go and really open up a distinct line of communication with the person you’re dating. Be open. This will not only make it more likely that you will be able to build a strong relationship, but it will enable you to create a deeper connection and unique bond with each other.
So communication is really, really important to building a strong relationship. It’s very important to have open lines of communication at all times, because when you do you are able to establish a relationship that keeps getting better and is better than any relationship you’ve had in the past.
Tags: dating advice for men, dating advice for women, Goals & Aspirations, how to improve relationships, love advice
Posted in Attract and Approach Women, Dating Etiquette, Divorce, Foreplay & Sexual Communication, Goals & Aspirations, How To Ask For A Date, How To Be A Better Communicator | 22 Comments »
Monday, February 16th, 2009
I just got off the phone with a client and I wanted to share the conversation we had with all of you.
David: So what you’re worried about is not the opener, right? You’ve opened a woman up, but you’re worried about creating that attraction throughout the conversation, right?
Client: Yeah, that, and having something to say immediately after opening her, especially if she’s not giving me a lot to go off of.
David: Okay. So she’s not giving you a lot to go off of. A lot of women do this. But if you’ve opened her in the right way – based on an observation, based on what she was already thinking – you’re getting some type of answer back from her.
(more…)
Tags: Conversation, create attraction, hot women, love advice, opener
Posted in Attract and Approach Women, Dating Etiquette, Divorce | 42 Comments »
Saturday, February 14th, 2009
Before all the women reading this blog get their panties in a knot thinking I am anti-Valentine’s Day by saying “Happy Hallmark Day,” let me make one thing clear . . . you’re 100% correct! I am anti-Valentine’s Day.
I for one believe that you don’t need a special day in the middle of February to celebrate your relationship and your love . . . or to give that microchip-sized diamond pendant from Kay Jewelers. Half of you are still paying off the bills you incurred at Christmas telling your sweetheart you love them.
I personally think that Valentine’s Day should be moved to April 14th – the day before tax day. Think about the headline: “Stressed out having to send the government $20,000.00 tomorrow? Celebrate today by going to Kay Jewelers and buying a microchip-sized diamond pendant!”
Not only that, I can already see the marketing campaign. Somehow Kay Jewelers and the IRS will get together and write it off. “If you buy the microchip pendant now, you can write it off on your 2008 tax return.” I know no one is going to pass that law, though, so let’s get back to my love of Valentine’s Day.
Do you know when I loved Valentine’s Day? I loved it when I was a kid and I got to go to school with my box of Valentine’s cards to give to everyone. You know the ones I’m talking about – the ones where the whole box costs about $2.00 and contains little cards that say “Be My Valentine” coming out of Snoopy’s mouth.
You also got to hand out those disgusting heart-shaped candies that tasted like fourteen year old Tums. You remember those, right? The ones where you give them to someone, and as they eat them dust comes out of their mouth when they tell you “At least I won’t have heartburn this Valentine’s Day!” Tums really should start to put slogans on their little chalky tablets that say things like “Be Acid Free,” I like No Acid,” “Care To Swap Some Stomach Acid?” or “My Heartburn Burns For You!”
Those chalky colored heart candies had sayings on them like “Melt My Heart,” Puppy Love,” “Kiss Me,” “Sweet Talk” and the classic “Get My Drift.” I remember they made a special one based on an episode of “Happy Days” where the Fonz handed ones out that said (misspelled) “You’re the ginchiest.”
Anyway, it was really fun to go into your classroom and give out 50 valentines and bags of bad candy. That was a fun Valentine’s time.
Now what do we do on Valentine’s Day? You have to make reservations at a restaurant where they double the price of same food they serve every other day. Even McDonald’s bumps up the price (and the cholesterol count) for Valentine’s Day.
Since we’re taking a trip down memory lane, let me tell you about one of my favorite Valentine’s Days. It was the year I opened my bar in New York City, and I was broke. Let me tell you . . . opening a bar on 28th? I had no right to do that.
So it was Valentine’s Day, I only had a few bucks, and I had to get my then girlfriend a Valentine’s gift. So I’m walking down the street and see a guy selling stuffed animal bears out of a garbage bag. I asked him how much they were, and he said a couple bucks. Since that was about all I had, I said “I’ll take it!”
I was so proud of my purchase – the bear was white and really cute. So I walk in the door with the bear behind my back and said “Happy Valentine’s Day baby! Look what I found on the way home!!”
As I’m still holding the bear behind my back, my golden retriever Jessie grabs it out of my hand in one violent motion. So I said “Jessie drop it!” She did, but she kept her eyes fixated on it. So my girlfriend Jessie (God, I’m sounding like Dr. Bob now) grabbed the bear and hugged it.
All of a sudden her face contorted and she got a look of disgust on her face. I said “What’s wrong?” She answered (holding the bear toward me) “Smell this!” Meanwhile the golden retriever’s tail is going 100 mph. I took a whiff of the bear and said “It sort of smells like the zoo.”
We made the joint (and quite easy) decision at that point to give the bear to my dog Jessie, who loved “yellow bear” until the day she died. To this day, we have no idea what animal marked that bear. We had a good laugh about it, made some dinner, and created a nice Valentine’s Day memory.
Now I’m not telling you to find an animal, have it pee on a stuffed animal, and then give it to somebody. What I am suggesting, however, is for you to get one of those 50-count boxes of kids’ Valentine’s cards and bring them home tonight so that your sweetheart can open up every single one of them.
You could even buy her a bag of those seventeen year old dusty heart candies with such magical phrases as “Be Mine” on them. Sometimes the “M” looked like an “N,” though, so the candy looked like it read “Be Nine” and thinking you were playing Battleship yelling “B9!”
So you see, I really don’t hate Valentine’s Day. I just think it’s more fun to be creative than to make a reservation at a restaurant. So if anyone wants to “Be Mine” for Valentine’s Day, I’ll be here.
Now let me ask all of you one question. What was your favorite Valentine’s Day and why?
Also, my brand new video will be released on Monday, so if you are on my newsletter list be sure to keep your eye on your email inbox for word about that. This video will NOT be available on the website, though, so if you want to be able to get it, make sure you’re on my newsletter list!
Tags: celebrate Valentine's Day, dating advice for men, dating advice for women, love advice, valentine's day, Valentine's Day gifts
Posted in Attract and Approach Women, Dating Etiquette, Divorce, Fashion & Style (Men), Fashion & Style (Women), Foreplay & Sexual Communication, Goals & Aspirations, How To Ask For A Date, How To Be A Better Communicator | 29 Comments »
Thursday, February 5th, 2009
Today’s blog is going to be the first of three different Valentine’s Day related topics . . . but each with a very unique perspective on this “love holiday.” So enjoy today’s firsts installment!
It’s so interesting to me how everyone thinks they need to find some super-special way to celebrate their love on Valentine’s Day, then the thought of how to celebrate their love doesn’t cross their mind again until the following year’s Valentine’s Day. That whole concept is so strange to me.
Here is my view on this. If you have a wonderful love in your life, then every single day should be a day to celebrate your love. You should wake up every single day and find a way to embrace, respect and honor your love.
So this year on Valentine’s Day, I want you to try looking at it as the New Year’s Day of love. Make some Valentine’s Day resolutions.
Look at Valentine’s Day as the first day you will start honoring your love every day. Resolve to start doing something special for your love every single day – even if it’s something as small (but significant) as expressing your love every day.
So let’s start thinking of February 14th as Lovers’ New Year’s Day. This is really the only right way to look at Valentine’s Day, cause celebrating love just one day a year really is not going to cut it in any relationship. Celebrating your love every single day will cultivate and take your relationship to new levels you never imagined.
Tags: celebrating love, honoring love, love, love advice, resolutions, valentine's day
Posted in Attract and Approach Women, Dating Etiquette, Divorce, Fashion & Style (Men), Fashion & Style (Women), Goals & Aspirations, How To Ask For A Date | 21 Comments »
Friday, January 2nd, 2009
Are you dating a transformer? No, I am not talking about one of those robots which changes shape.
I am talking about one of those people whose personalities transform whenever they have a couple of glasses of wine or other type of alcoholic beverage. They talk differently. They act differently. They may start talking in gibberish. You almost wonder if you’re hanging out with some kind of alien or something.
Then you think that perhaps they were just in the mood to “cut loose and go with the flow,” since they seem to turn into an entirely different person than the one you know. Each day you wonder which personality will show up to greet you.
Each day you may have a totally different person next to you than you did on the day before that. You’re afraid to take them to a cocktail party because you’re not quite sure who the hell is going to show up.
They could have one alcoholic beverage, and all of a sudden you’ll say that certain twinkle in their eyes and know that the psycho personality is about to show itself. They have their second alcoholic beverage, and the next thing you know you see your boss standing next them. You start thinking “Oh God, no!”
Then, to your surprise, your boss looks at you and says “Your girlfriend is really great. You never told me you like to be spanked in the bedroom.” From then on you are known in the office as “spank boy” all because she decided to blurt out some of your private business that was meant to be kept just between you and her.
Then when you go to have a conversation with her about that the next day, she says she doesn’t remember what she said or why she said it because she was too much under the influence of what she was drinking. The conversation is all but impossible because she has transformed back to her “regular self.”
You could also bring them with you to a function with your family. You see them have a few drinks, and the next thing you know they turn into another psychotic transformer. If you thought what happened with your boss was a nightmare, just imagine what they are saying to your mother.
I actually once dated a transformer. Whenever she was under the influence of anything, she would start speaking in some kind of mumbo jumbo gibberish language I couldn’t understand. Then one day she started saying things that scared the living hell out of me. It was at that moment I realized I was dating a transformer. We broke up shortly after that.
Have you ever dated a transformer?
Tags: dating advice for men, dating advice for women, dating tips, drinking, love advice, personality
Posted in Attract and Approach Women, Dating Etiquette, Divorce, Goals & Aspirations, How To Ask For A Date | 21 Comments »
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