What is the true definition of a stalker?

Ask yourself these questions:

• Do you find yourself calling people three, four, five times . . . even after they haven’t returned a phone call?

• How about the endless text messaging or emailing to someone even when there’s no responses to any of them?

There are many different ways that someone can be a stalker. There’s the scary Glenn Close type from “Fatal Attraction” who has a penchant for boiling bunny rabbits and jumping out of bathtubs. There’s the creepy ex against whom you have to get a restraining order to stop them from coming over to your house.

Then there is the form of stalker no one talks about. It’s usually the man or woman who doesn’t understand that when a person does not respond after the second phone message, text message or email, that the person is no longer interested.

I’m not very big into rules, but there is one by which I think everyone should abide: If you’ve left a few messages for someone and they haven’t called you back, then (borrowing from an old dating book) he’s (or she’s) just not that into you.

As Miranda on “Sex & The City” once told a group of women sitting on the library steps, if you leave a couple of messages for a man and he doesn’t call you back, he’s just not that into you. The problem is that they should have left it as a “Sex & The City” episode.

That book had one piece of good advice. The rest of it is annoying.

Plain and simple: If you’re a man who leaves a woman a few messages and she doesn’t call you back, you’re done.

If you text her several times and she doesn’t respond, you’re done. Technology didn’t stop working. Her fingers simply stopped responding to you.

If you email someone a few times and they don’t respond, you’re done. The spam filter that wasn’t there before did not just magically appear.

So now let’s get it right. The term is no longer “he (or she) is just not that into you.” The new term is “you’re done!” Finished. Done. End of the game – no two minute warning and no instant replay. You’re done.

Protect your dignity and walk away. You don’t want to be stalking the sidelines at the raving Tom Coughlin, nor do you want to look as confused on those sidelines as Wayne Fontes used to look when he coached the Detroit Lions.

You’re Done! Anything past a few messages, and you ARE a stalker. There are plenty of people to date. Don’t ever get caught harassing someone who does not want to date you.

Now repeat after me: If someone doesn’t call me back after several tries, I’m done. I’m as well done as a Jimmy Dean sausage from a Cracker Barrel roadside restaurant deep off I-95 in North Carolina.

I’d love to hear all of you share one of your stalker stories, whether you were the stalker or the one who was stalked.

Remember, it’s not necessarily negative if you’ve called someone once too often. We’ve all done it in our lives. So, share with us your favorite stalker or stalkee story.

We were walking around London last night and I was telling the guys that the best way to meet women at night is to think about what is waiting outside the bar.

Most guys can not wait to get into a bar or club. I prefer to be on the outside where there is no competition.

The best place to meet women is on line. No, not online on match.com or on Yahoo! Personals . . . but rather while you’re waiting on a line.

We spend so much of our lives waiting on a line. We’re waiting for coffee. We’re waiting at the bank. We’re waiting at the grocery store. We’re always waiting on a line . . . sometimes for one minute and sometimes for two hours.

Do you talk to people while you’re waiting on a line? If the answer is no, then read on because what I’m about to tell you is one of the best time management tools you will ever learn.

As a matter of fact, Microsoft Outlook was thinking of adding this tool to their software for Blackberries. Alright maybe not . . . but you get my point. I looked at the line waiting to get in, and I asked my students:

DW: “What do you notice about what people are doing in that line . . .
besides looking pissed off that they have to wait?”

S1: “No one is talking to each other.”

DW: “Exactly! No one is talking to each other while waiting on line to get
into a bar or nightclub . . . waiting to get into a loud, crowded, place
so they can potentially scream in each other’s ears.”

The best conversations you’re going to have are when you’re waiting on line to get into the bar. They will be far better than any you’ll have while you’re inside the bar.

Bar Lines

To prove my point, we got on line there and we proceeded to have a conversation with the group in front of us and the group behind us. When it was time to enter the club, the doorman asked me how many we were, and I said that we were seven but that we wanted to wait on line for awhile before going inside.

As each group behind us got to where we were at the front of of the line, we met a whole new group of people. By the time we left that line about twenty minutes later, we’d met and spoken with about forty people! In light of this, let me ask you a few questions:

• How many of you speak to forty people when you’re IN a nightclub?
• How many of you get phone numbers when you’re IN the nightclub?
• How many of you get people to text you as soon as they leave a nightclub to see where you’re hanging out and what line is cool right now?

These are just some of the things that happened to my students and I when we were waiting on line at a trendy London nightclub.

Since you’re able to speak about the obvious while you’re waiting on line, how silly is it to wait to get inside a loud club before you start talking to people? Whatever your approach is, when you speak to someone while your on line you can always state it with humor. You can always say something like:

“Aren’t we getting too old to hang out on line to get into a crowded nightclub?
This is the best conversation we’re going to have all night. If we met in there,
I’d have to scream in your ear.”

It doesn’t matter what you say. It’s stating the obvious.

I also told my students that if you like someone you meet on line, just close them with this:

Man: “Let’s exchange numbers. If the loud music gets on your nerves,
text me and I’ll let you know where we’re at.”

What you’re doing here is playing the odds. Most women when they go to a nightclub think they’re going to have fun. After about an hour in the nightclub, however, most of them tend to get annoyed. So after about an hour and a half, what you do is text her.

You: “Are you ready to continue our conversation? I enjoyed
speaking with you on line about [fill in the topic you were
discussing].”

That’s it! Short . To the point. All my students did this, and it worked.

It’s called being different. It’s called seizing the moment.

In addition, when you send this text at this time, you’re most likely going to be texting her when she’s at her breaking point. She’ll remember what a great conversation she had with you while hanging out on line. She’ll already have fended off a slew of drunken horny men who had no rap. So what you’re doing is rescuing her from another 90 minutes of thump-thump music and drunken horny men.

It’s all about being different and taking chances. So the next time when someone asks you if you’ve tried online dating, you’re answer is going to be: “Not on the Internet . . . but on line at a club.”

This weekend, go hang out outside a bar . . . and don’t go inside. You’ll have far less competition and have far better conversations than you would have if you went in the place. Oh and by the way, you don’t need a cheesy picture for this form of “on line” dating.

This “on line” dating also goes for all the “on lines” in you life. This is not just for bars . . . this goes for any line on which you find yourself waiting. Welcome to David Wygant’s world of “on line” dating! Welcome to the www of your life.

What if they decide to crawl over on my side of the plane? Now the great thing about Business class on American Airlines is that you have the built in divider, but when I fly coach its so easy to roll over and and snuggle with the stranger next to you.

Let me ask you a question. When you have sex with someone, does there need to be home field advantage?

Can you be the away team or do you need to be the home team? Do you absolutely need to wrestle in the sheets on your own turf?

There have been times in my life when I preferred to be the visiting team, so that when it was over I could hop on the bus and leave. Nothing is worse after having sex with someone than having to spend the night with them when you don’t want to. So in those situations, being the visiting team is great!

You leave and you can go out for a drink after the game on your way home. That is one benefit of being the visiting team. Another benefit is that you can soil someone else’s sheets, so that when your maid comes she won’t have a heart attack.

Home Bed Advantage

There are some problems though with being the visiting team. There have been times when I have been the visiting team when the woman didn’t mind having sex with her cat on the bed. It kind of freaked me out a little bit.

There I was slowly working my way down her body . . . only to be brushed up against by a purring pussy cat. I said “Can we do something about this cat?” She said “Ignore him.” It’s hard to get excited though when puss in boots is staring directly at my groin.

Another time when I was the visiting team, the woman had one of those yippee dogs. Now, this next part I am not making up. When she started climaxing, rover started howling. I wasn’t quite sure what the connection was . . . and I didn’t really want to hang around and find out.

There are other problems with being the visiting team. They may not have anything good to eat in the fridge. They may get up at 6:00 in the morning when you are used to getting up at 9:00.

I generally prefer to be the home team. I have a dog. She doesn’t howl when someone orgasms and she does not get up on the bed for a three way unless invited. She does, however, need to be walked.

Not only that, but being the home team certainly has advantages. You can brush your teeth with your own toothbrush instead of using your finger. The musical choices will always be your own. There is something I just don’t find attractive about a woman who plays Guns ‘N Roses to get off.

Being the home team also gives you some other benefits. It’s your own bed, so you know the exact spot you can lay in to fall asleep. Also, if you can’t sleep with this stranger in your bed, there is always the Internet to cruise in the middle of the night or a good book to read. Have you ever had insomnia being the visiting team and you had to read Cosmopolitan and Glamour all night?

Another benefit about being the home team is that you can actually create the mood. If you are not into incense burning or sage leaves being waved all around the house, you can do what I do and just light some nice candles and play some music.

Being the home team gives you the advantage of creating any mood you want. Plus, all your supplies are nearby.

The only problem about being the home team is if you do not want the other person to stay after the main event, and you look like an asshole kicking them out. So, as they say in sports, you have to suck it up for the good of the team.

So what do you prefer? Do you prefer to be the home team, the visiting team, or are you like the Super Bowl and you prefer to play on neutral ground like a hotel?

Oh, and it’s different if you are in a relationship. Once you give a drawer to someone, and tell them that your field is their field and your stadium is their stadium, it’s a whole different thing.

So for the occasional fling or booty call, do you prefer to be the home team or the visiting team and why?

As usual the year is moving along at a rapid pace.

One month from today is my birthday, so this will be your only reminder to make sure that you spoil me on my birthday!

I have a question for all of you today.

How fun are you?

Are you able to get out of your head and just let go, without thinking of how others perceive you?

I show you how on today’s podcast, listen now below!

Click Here To Download Today’s Podcast!

As well as a podcast today, I want to share this video with you.

When I was in London last month we did a get out of your head exercise during the bootcamp.

Check out how we go out of our heads and became the life of the party in London.

And for those of you who are thinking of a bootcamp.

I only have 3 left this year, so check out the schedule below and if your interested shoot me an email so we can go over all the details.

Bootcamp Schedule

June 10th – 12th
The Only 2011 New York City Bootcamp for Men
1 slots left!

July 15th – 17th
Toronto Bootcamp for Men with myself and Marni from Wing Girls.
5 slots left!

October 28th – 30th
London Bootcamp for Men
5 slots left!

Travelling is such a liberating experience. It gives you the freedom to do whatever you want, whenever you want. You are the architect of your own experience when you think about it. And it’s funny, because we see that so clearly when we’re travelling and on vacation. It’s like a little bubble of freedom.

But do you see the same thing in your daily lives? Do you live your own life or do you allow others to dictate what to do, what is right and what is wrong in your life? How many of you are really “individuals” in the truest sense of the word? How many of your live your own lives? How many of you do what you want, say what you want, and be who you want to be?

How many of you live a life of total freedom to do what you want, when you want? I’m not talking about work and your other commitments. I’m talking about your free time. Your “me” time. How many of you do what you want but then you don’t listen to your peers? How many of you are still affected by your peers and peer pressure?

I was working out the other day and saw a friend at the gym. She said to me, “It’s great that you really do what you believe in, David. And you have the confidence to just approach and talk to people. But what about if I start smiling at guys and talking to them, aren’t they going to think that I’m easy? Aren’t they going to think that I’m desperate or slutty? No guy wants a girl like that.”

So I looked at her and said, “Do you want to spend your time caring about what other people think, or do you want to live your own life? Who cares what other people think? You give your power away so much to total strangers that you change your behavior, you decide to not go flirt with a guy all because you care what he thinks!”

That doesn’t sound good to me. That means my friend is basically outcome-dependent when it comes to meeting men. It means basically she gives her power away to every single person she meets. And the same goes for a lot of you. It’s time you start living your life for who you are and what you’re all about. Stop being dependent on what others think, and stop living inside your head. It’s crazy how many people live inside their head 24/7. Join us in the outside world.

I am in Munich Germany right now with Shogo and we are having a blast.

If anyone would like to meet up for some coaching let me know.

I have a few open slots and it would be great to work with you in this great city.

I will be here until Saturday night.

Anyway, today’s podcast is all about how to turn an average day into the most amazing fun day that attracts women into your life.

It’s all about how to have fun and let go and get out of your head once and for all.

I recorded this podcast on Sunday night after my London bootcamp, which was one of my all time favorite bootcamps.

Click below to listen in.

Click Here To Download Today’s Podcast!

As I’m writing this I’m still on a big high from the amazing London boot camp. We were really out about town all weekend long getting out of our comfort zones, interacting with and really engaging people all day and night.

You know it’s funny how many people will talk and talk about “playing the field.” They can spout theory and concepts on dating that they read in an e-book all day long. And they’re really good at telling other people how to do it “the right way”.

Are you one of those people that can call people out? When you’re online, can you really speak your mind and let everyone see how much you really know? With a stroke of your keyboard, can you type waterproof arguments and let others have it? Are you somebody who’s so powerful online that you’re able to say whatever you want in public forums and blogs—but then in person, you actually wouldn’t dare look somebody in the eyes and say that?

Do you know what I call those people? Keyboard jockeys. People who appear so amazing online, but when it comes down to real action, they are very weak. People who can tune right in to their computers and type away, comment after comment, thinking, “Wow, I’m bright, it feels great showing everyone how smart I am!” They’re better than everybody else online, but in person they would never talk to somebody like that.

Key Board Jockey

Here’s the deal: If your words are unbelievably strong online, but you can’t actually talk to people when you’re in person, then when you’re typing away on your computer, you’re really you’re just a keyboard jockey living through an alter ego. Isn’t it time to get out from behind the computer and be able to say things like this face to face with people? Don’t you want to be able to say in real time all the powerful things you can type away online?

Granted, you don’t want to say the ridiculous obnoxious things that some of you spout off online, but wouldn’t it be nice to look people in the eyes and actually speak your mind and really be heard with conviction and emotion in your voice? Maybe you wouldn’t be so obnoxious when you’re posting comments…

Now don’t get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE all of your comments on the blogs, it lets me know that what I write is really reaching out to you, so don’t think this is about any of you guys. But I write for several big publications and I see a lot of keyboard jockeys at work.

There’s another form of keyboard jockey, and that’s the person who goes on an online dating site, and basically talks and schmoozes, flirts like crazy, and writes heart-filled e-mails and has lengthy IM sessions. They’re really good at that, but they never actually go on dates to meet anybody because they’re too afraid to leave their computer. Sure, they can really turn somebody on with their words, but they always find reasons not to meet up. Why? Because they’re keyboard jockeys. Do you know of any keyboard jockeys, or maybe you are a keyboard jockey?

I’d like to hear from you guys today. Looking forward to reading your comments when I get to Munich!

So after the weekend, this morning, we met up again for a big breakfast and hung out and walked around. But I digress….

Yesterday we all went to Spitalfields Market, and everyone met so many cool women. For those of you who are in London, Spitalfields is a must. I ate so much great food again, I really stuffed myself. Then we sat to digest for a bit as I lead a really “heavy” discussion on dating!! Bo-bump-bump…pshhh!

You know that sound, that “bo-bump-bump” drum sound you hear at a bad comedy show? You know what “bo-bump-bump” is? That’s not just reserved for late-night talk shows, it’s also you when you become Punch-Line Guy.

Are you the guy that read somewhere on the Internet that women are really attracted to the funny guy? So now, in every conversation you have, you always want to make sure that you can show you’re funny, that you get the punch line out as quickly as possible? Basically you are punch line guy. You’re that guy who, within a minute of a conversation, whatever the topic, you have to end the conversation with this funny joke (well, at least that you think it’s funny).

Here’s the deal guys: That really takes both you and her out of a moment that could have been special. Punch-line guys tend to kill conversations because there’s not much to go on after you spew your cheesy punch-line. Especially if the punch line wasn’t that funny, maybe she’ll chuckle a little bit and then she’ll just realize the conversation is ending.
What most punch-line guys do is they just end the conversation with that mediocre punch line, they don’t keep it rolling. They take a perfectly good conversation and they feel like they have to spit the joke out somewhere to show her that they’re funny.

The reality is that you have plenty of chances to show her that you’re funny—at the right moments. But your problem is that you can’t risk waiting to be naturally funny, waiting to be funny at all the right moments. You have to do it now, you have to try to create the punch line moment because this is the ONLY moment to show her you’re worth getting to know.

I know what this is like because I used to be punch line guy. I was the class clown, I used to sit back and wait for my punch line in class. When I was first learning to talk to women, I’d always anticipate and wait for the punch line. I’d throw it out there and expect a big laugh but I never realized, when I was younger, that actually killed a lot of good conversations because I was killing the momentum.

All the punch line does is show that you’re not really listening and adding the conversation, it just shows that you want to be the center of attention, because that’s what punch line guy really is. He wants to be validated, he wants people to think he’s funny, and he wants to be the center of attention. So the next time you have your punch line guy moment, think to yourself, Is this really a proper moment for the punch line? Think about that. Will it keep the conversation flowing, or will it end the conversation like it has in the past?

Well, if he’s into the woman he’s with, what he’s really thinking is, “When can we do this again? Man, that was great! I’d love to do this again, it’ll be even better next time!” They’re actually looking forward to it.
I know when I have great sex, I’ll lay next to my woman and I’ll think to myself, “Man, I really want to do this again.” Or, “I wish I had lasted just a little bit longer because it felt so good and I wanted to keep going.”

When I was younger, I used to always think about whether or not she had an orgasm: “Hmm, I think she did, but I’m not quite sure… I can ask her. But wait, if I ask her, I’m going to sound really wimpy like I don’t know what I’m doing… argh.” A lot of men will think, “Did she come? Did she enjoy it? Was I good enough for her? Was I better than her previous lovers? Did she have as much fun as I did?”
Sex really is a blast. In years and years of having sex, I’ve learned one thing: Communication is the key. It’s okay to ask her, “How was that for you?” But not like an interrogation, like a scientist taking notes. The best way to ask her is to say, “Babe, I really enjoyed that. How was it for you? Is there anything you want to do differently next time? I really wanted to last longer because it felt so good.”

Londons Great Spring Weather

Men’s minds travel in many different directions after sex. Granted, there’s the one-night stand where the man wants to do the Coyote Ugly, where he wants chew off his arm so he can leave without waking her up, where he basically just wished she’d turn into a remote control, where he hopes and prays that she doesn’t want to spend the night. Sure, there are those moments. And in those moments, and if both of you understand that you’re having a one-night-stand, the best thing to do is look at each other after sex and just say, “All right, let’s be honest. There was a lot of passion, a lot of heat, but we don’t really know each other. Is this a one-night-stand we’re having?”

You can laugh. Talk about it. Most of all, be honest, be receptive, and tell each other where you’re at right now. Don’t promise the phone number when you know you’re never going to call her. Be a man about it.
Women: as men, our minds go so many different directions when it comes down to sex. The bottom line is that if we’re into you, we want to know if you enjoyed it as much as we did. We want to know if there’s anything else we can do to make the next experience with you even hotter and more erotic.

David and I are in London, getting energized and ready this morning for David’s final London bootcamp of 2011. It”s promising to be an absolute blast, all of the guys I’ve talked to online and over email, we’re all pumped and ready to meet a ton of new people everywhere and make some major breakthroughs in the process!

On my flight from Beirut to London yesterday, I had a great conversation with a group of fun, intelligent, and really attractive girls (just the kind of girls any guy would want to meet) who were returning to London after a long week of partying it up in the Beirut nightlife for a bachelorette party. Or “hen do”, as the Brits call it.

The girls and I had a fantastic conversation the whole way, and because they spent their days partying in bars and clubs and basically not seeing the light of day, I figured I’d pick their brain for you guys and use what they told me as inspiration for today’s blog.

Now keep in mind these girls were really confident, outgoing, and full of energy. To give you an idea, one of the bachelorette’s tasks was to approach 3 guys and bite them on the nipples. She ended up biting 10 guys’ nipples.

That got me thinking, it’s so funny what girls can get away with. I mean, can you imagine if a guy attempted to go around and bite the nipples of 10 girls during his bachelor party? It’s really funny to imagine it, but not too realistic, right? But that’s what makes the difference between the sexes so much fun.

Another big difference between men and women when they go out at night is their different mindset. Here’s a basic assumption that a lot of people have when they go out on a Friday night: every guy would have sex with any woman if she allowed him the opportunity.

Leave a comment and tell me what you think of that assumption. Every guy would have sex with any woman if she allowed him the opportunity. Now I’m not saying that YOU personally fall into that category, but a lot of us do make this assumption about men and women. So what happens is that a lot of single men go around at night with the assumption, “Yes, if there were no strings attached, I would sleep with nearly any woman in here.” And a lot of women walk around with the assumption, “Every guy in here would have sex with me if I gave him the green light.”

One of the bachelorette party girls, a doctor, told me with total confidence, “When I go out at night, I know I could get the hottest guy in the place if I wanted to.” It sounds cocky and a bit immature at first, but when you think about it, that’s a very powerful mindset to have. In fact I think it’s a great mindset to have when you know what you’re looking for. It allows you to be the selector. It allows you to avoid making bad choices and avoid seeking validation from other people.

So today’s message is for both men and women: when you go out tonight, remember to always keep your power. Think a bit about what you’re looking for in the opposite sex and don’t give your power away.

If you’re a woman, you have to give yourself that strong mindset and be the selector. Keep your power. The reality is that there are thousands of men out there right now who would love to be with you, who would love to be in a relationship with you, have sex with you, and everything else. Believe it because it’s true. If you meet a cute guy who you actually like, don’t slut yourself out just to get approval from that guy. Don’t make out with him right away just because you think he wants to. Don’t go home with him just because he says, “Let’s go to my place.” If you want to sleep with him, if you’re feeling horny at the moment, then go for it. Otherwise save it up. Think of the thousands of guys out there who would love to be in that guy’s position and to be with you. Don’t play hard-to-get either. Be straightforward and tell him that you think he’s really cute, that you would love to go home with him, but you’re just not ready for that right now, and you’re really excited to see him soon.

If you’re a guy, you have to stop believing that you would have sex with all of these women if no strings were attached, or so you can tell your friends, or if nobody found out, or whatever. Because deep down inside, do you really just want to have sex with a bunch of women? Or do you want to have amazing sex with a wonderful person tonight and all the nights to come? Don’t you really want to be the selector and not the selected? As long as you continue to see yourself as this walking penis who would put himself inside of any woman at the drop of a dime, you will remain the selected. If you want to be the selector, you have to live your life as the selector. You have to set standards for yourself, and really believe that when you go out tonight to meet new people, you are looking for that special woman who will really blow your mind—along with everything else.