When you’re very clear in your goals, you’ll then start attracting the women you actually want. I was speaking the other night with a client who said that he always seems to get insecure women who need to be fixed. I told him that if those are the type of women he keeps getting, it means that he is also insecure and needs to be fixed.

You always get who you are. We never get what we want if that is not something we are ourselves. That is something that everyone needs to learn.

The reason that we only get who we are is because life is a mirror. If you’re with someone who is so stubborn that you constantly feel like strangling them, then guess what? You’re stubborn too.

So instead of pointing the finger at everyone else, it’s always better to start pointing the finger at yourself. Instead of yelling at your partner and telling them that they are the most stubborn person on the planet, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself “I am the most stubborn person I have ever met.”

When you do that, you will start to open up a bit. You’ll start to become more raw, more vulnerable and less controlling.

People who are stubborn are very controlling. They dole out affection only when they decide they want to do so. They buy gifts sometimes based on love, but other times based on control.

By doing a “daily dump” and really keeping a record of your thoughts, you can re-read your thoughts and see how far you’ve progressed in your life. Not only that, but through that process you will grow and stop blaming others for the life that you have. Always point the finger back at yourself.

So the next time someone really irritates you and you are thinking that they are the most unreasonable person in the world, I want you to go to the mirror and tell yourself, “Joe, you really irritated me, but I am also the most unreasonable person in the world. We mirror each other to teach each other life’s greatest lessons.”

The question is, are you ready to embrace those lessons, or do you want to keep attracting the same kind of people over and over again into your life? That’s the question I pose to all of you today.

Apparently when a friend of his was on the verge of losing his home, my friend loaned him a decent amount of money. When I asked my friend if the guy ever paid him any of the money back, he said he had only received about $150.00 of it. The friend never brings it up.

I asked what kind of person the guy is who borrowed the money. My friend said, “He’s one of those guys who preaches an abundant spirituality and the law of attraction.”

I started laughing. I said, “That’s really interesting. He borrows money that he never pays back, but yet he preaches abundance and the law of attraction. He basically preaches everything he isn’t.”

This is something that a lot of people do. They preach what they’re not, because it is what they want to be.

You’ll have a person who talks about spirituality and the law of attraction. They’ll preach about how doing good deeds comes back to you ten-fold. Yet they will be the person who, when you look deep into their character, don’t follow this at all.

They will be the person who doesn’t pay you back if you lend them money. They are the person who keeps score every time they do something for someone else.

You need to really listen to what your message is to others. What is the message you preach to the world and tell people you are all about, and what is the message you actually follow? Do you follow what you preach in your life, or are you just preaching to everybody because you so desperately want to be that person? I tell people all the time to stop the outward preaching and start the inner work.

There is one other lesson to be learned from my friend’s situation: Never lend money to friends or family. If a friend or family member asks you for money, you tell them “I don’t lend money to people but, because I love you, I will give you this money and I don’t ever expect you to pay me back.”

The second you lend money to a friend or a family member, it changes the dynamics of the relationship. So often, people take advantage of other people’s good nature and never pay money back. This ends a lot of those relationships.

When I was traveling throughout Europe, I realized that at every place I sat down to eat — whether it was take away or sit down — every single person who served me food had pride in their job.  They really did.  

They had real pride in their job.  They got the crumbs off the table. The food preparation was really good.  They were very friendly and made sure we had a good time even though we didn’t speak the same language.

Pride is about success. In order to become a successful person, you need to have pride in everything you do.  

If right now you’re just starting out in your career and you don’t really like your job, you still need to be the best entry level person you possibly can be.  If you’re a law clerk or an intern, you’ve got to be the best law clerk or intern you can possibly be.  

If you are at a point in your career where you’re not really happy, then you need to go find something that will make you happy. No matter what you choose to do, though, you must strive to be the best at it and have pride in your work every single day.

Doing this will give you so much more success down the line. Too many people just don’t care, and they have a “don’t care” attitude to go it.

How many times have you walked into a restaurant and were waited on by a waiter who was having a bad day and not doing much to hide it? He (or she) made you feel like garbage just because you sat down in his section and ate the food there.

I’m tired of that stuff. It’s about having pride.  

You should treat everyone you meet the way that you want to be treated. You should make everybody feel wonderful.  

When you’re out and about, if you’re in a bad mood then don’t share it with the world. Even better, just stay home.

I tell people that all the time, because the law of attraction works in very interesting and unique ways.  When you’re attractive, people become attracted to you.

So have pride in your work. Have pride in yourself.

The first thing (and one of the most important things) you need to do, is to evaluate your work environment. You need to be in a healthy work environment, one you love and one that has people in it with whom you enjoy spending time.

Of course there are going to be times at work you don’t enjoy. There’s going to be things you have to do that you don’t like. There are going to be people you need to interact with whom you don’t particularly like. In the grand scheme of things, though, you have to decide which compromises you’re willing to make with yourself.

You may be in a job that doesn’t stimulate you like it used to, but it pays you well enough to allow you to maintain the lifestyle you really enjoy. So you make an agreement with yourself that you’re going to stick with this job because it allows you to do the things you like to do outside of work.

If that job is something you just don’t like anymore then you could move to another company, except you’re afraid to move. If you can make a lateral move where you don’t lose money or seniority, then I suggest you spend some time and energy to do that. It will really improve your life overall.

Lifestyle is something a lot of people don’t fully understand. Lifestyle means doing the things that you love. If you do the things you love to do, you will always have something to talk about with people.

If you’re somebody who does not enjoy going to a bar, then you’re really not going to have things to talk about there. You’re just going to be standing there punching the time clock. You’re basically going to be walking in, handing your time card to the bartender to punch, spending a few hours there, paying your bill and then punching out before you leave. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it?

So, do things that you love. If you like exploring new neighborhoods, explore new neighborhoods. It doesn’t matter what it is, it’s only important that the “it” is something you love.

One of the reasons why creating a lifestyle like this is so important, is that creating a lifestyle makes you more open. You want to be open all the time.

Don’t go places and just “show up.” When you go to places, you want to show up and embrace everything.

You need to smile. You need to talk to people. You need to have random conversations with strangers all day long. That way, when you find someone to whom you are attracted you will have an open energy that will attract them (and get them to come over and approach you!).

The reason why a lot of women don’t get approached and a lot of men aren’t approachable, is because they’ve got a look on their face that says ‘don’t talk to me’ to people. People have that look on their face because they’re not really having fun.

They are not enjoying things. Everything you do, you should do with a child-like enthusiasm.

Go to the supermarket and act like you’ve never before been in there. Look through everything, have a good time and ask questions.

Ask questions of other people in the store. If you see someone getting a brand of yogurt you’ve never tried say, “I’m curious. I’ve never had that. Is it good?” Use those kind of approaches to talk to people everywhere.

Let’s say you’re in a brand new coffee shop and it’s your first time there. Don’t just order a cup of coffee. Ask the person standing in line next to you, “What do you recommend?” Even if you’re the only one in line, ask the guy behind the counter, “Hey, What’s good here?”

Get into a conversation, because people notice open energy. People notice people who are having fun. People notice people to whom other people are talking. It’s called attraction.

The law of attraction works. When you walk into a place and you start talking to a bunch of different people, other people will line up and want to talk to you.

I teach this at my Bootcamps all the time, and the guys see firsthand that it works every time. I remember one time at a Bootcamp we went into Neiman Marcus and started to talk to a woman.

All of a sudden, everyone was watching us and watching this interaction. Everyone was watching her smile. Everyone was watching us smile. When we went into another department, I had the guys do the exact same thing.

So when we came back through again for the second time, people literally started walking up to us and started conversations with us. One woman said, “Wow, you guys are so much fun!”

That is the kind of energy to which people are attracted. People are attracted to people having a good time. No one wants to hang out with a person who’s pouting, folding their arms and looking miserable.

So it’s about creating a lifestyle and being open. Do things that you love, and enjoy and embrace every moment.

By doing that, you will naturally start attracting people. You’ll be more open, so people will start talking to you. Being open will also get you to start talking to more people.

The key here is that when you are more open, people will notice you and will want to be around you. If they want to be around you, they’ll start talking to you.

So, why chase when you can attract?

But there’s something interesting that I want to bring up to everyone on the blog. As many of you know, I’m not really in to New Year’s resolutions – I think that they are a crock of shit. They are just a complete waste of time.

Everyone always makes 10 or 11 New Year’s resolutions – and of course they are going to be broken! You’re trying to do too many things. I bet most of you have already broke most of the resolutions and we are only 12 DAYS into the year!!

I was talking to some clients the other night and I told them that what I like to do is to choose a theme for the year. I know if I concentrate on a theme, I’ll make things happen. I’m going to start believing in that theme.

I remember one year – I think it was 2004 – my theme was patience and trusting the universe. I wanted to put my trust in the universe in everything I did. I wanted to allow things to happen on their own terms. I didn’t want to force anything.

When I was in the business world, when I would lose a client I would be totally bummed out. If I didn’t have a good month, I’d start stressing out, wondering if things would get better.

A wise friend of mine, told me I needed to start trusting the universe. If you trust the universe, everything that you want will manifest. Things will start to happen because you are no longer suffocating the energy. You aren’t putting too much pressure on things and you are allowing them to unfold in their own time.

Trusting the universe means having the abundance principle. If you embody the abundance principle, people will start becoming attracted to you and they will want to meet you or do business with you.

So in 2004 I worked on trusting the universe and being patient. Then, in 2005, after I learned how to be patient, I started working with the theme of abundance. I started working with the theme of abundance in every facet of my life.

And by the end of 2005, everything was abundant for me. Business was great, the people in my life were great – I had no complaints.

So what did I want to work on in 2006? In 2006, my theme of the year was living in the moment. I wanted to embrace and be present in every moment. I didn’t want to think about the future of everything; I just wanted to embrace every little moment of life.

I wanted to learn about the gift of life. I wanted to embrace it. I wanted to be present every moment and I didn’t want to have to think about what I had to do tomorrow or what tomorrow would bring. I didn’t want to think about the past either. I just wanted to be in that moment.

And by doing that, each moment that I was truly present helped create another moment that I could embrace. It’s all about living in the moment. It’s all about staying focused, positive and having abundance.

All of these themes work really well together as well. This is what you need to do: you need to choose themes for your life.

What was the theme I chose for 2007 and 2008? To continue to live the life that I love. I’m really living the life that I love every day. I want to thank myself every day for this amazing life. I want to thank the people that I work with every day for the amazing job that they’ve done. I want to thank all of the people in my life for what they offer.

It’s about being 100% in tune with what is going on in the world so that you are able to put all of these principles and themes together.

By now, the 12th of January 2009, you all know that you’ve totally screwed up your New Year’s resolutions because you chose too many things.

Start concentrating on one thing. Life is a marathon – it’s not a sprint. It is about being able to go the distance. If you can go the distance in life, you’ll be able to accomplish everything you hope to.

The problem is that many people try to master too many things at one time. Rather than concentrating on one thing, they try to learn too many small things at once.

If you are a fast learner, you could concentrate on having a new theme every month or every three months. But you need to do this work in order to have an amazing life and attract great people into it.

What is your them for the year?

Do you know what mine is?

I have a theme just for the day.

I want to break the record we set last week with 300 responses to last Mondays blog.

So start typing folks!!!

It’s time to declare your outcome independence! Here are ways to lose your outcome dependence and attract more women by connecting with them:

1. Stop Being A Predator: You can’t possibly meet every woman you see. Virtually every guy I’ve ever coached have asked me how they can meet women who are walking toward them on the street. Think about this though. You’re walking down the street. You see a woman you find attractive who is also walking down the street. You’re both in a hurry. You all of a sudden become very outcome dependent – you want to meet her right now and get her phone number right now. Let me try to put it into perspective: When you’re in a rush walking down the street, do you like to be bothered? You can’t bother every single woman as she walks down the street by stopping her to ask her for her phone number. You need to realize that you can’t have every single woman you see simply because you find them attractive, because women will not be attracted to you unless you know how to also connect with them. So stop being a predator who chases women, and start attracting them by engaging them in conversations.

2. Good Mechanics Don’t Ensure Success: Just because you walked over to a woman and opened her with some amazing words of wisdom does not mean that she will want to go out with you. When you speak with a woman you need to listen very carefully to what she has to say, because it takes more than a clever opener to really get a woman to be interested in you. You need to pay really close attention to everything a woman says so you can initiate conversation topics about what’s already in her mind. You need to be able to not only engage her in conversation, but also to be able to take the conversation deeper. So just because you arrived on the scene and delivered a perfect opener does not mean that you’re going to get the phone number. It takes a lot more than just showing up in life to get that phone number from a woman.

3. Stay In The Moment: One of the most important things to do to stop being outcome dependent is to make a significant mindset shift. What this means is that when you are talking to a woman, you need to stop focusing on getting women’s phone numbers and start focusing more on staying present in the moment. A lot of men will ask a woman for her phone number and to go out on a date with him mere seconds after they approach and start talking to her. That is the very embodiment of being outcome dependent. Remember once again that in order to get a woman’s phone number you must first connect with her emotionally and in a way that will make her want to give you her phone number. One thing you’ll need to do to connect with women is to be willing to share something about yourself.

Think about this from a woman’s perspective. You’re a complete stranger who has approached her and asked her out … all in fifteen seconds or less. She will first wonder why you are asking her out, but since you know nothing else about her she will assume that you are only asking her out because you are physically attracted to her. Plus since she knows nothing about you, she is unlikely to agree to give you her phone number. So if you want to connect with women when you meet them, you are going to have to spend some time being in the moment with them. Putting in this time also allows both of you to see if you even like each other. Plus, if you’ve been in the moment and connected with a woman when you meet her, if she does give you her phone number she will be excited to get your call (instead of feeling about you like she does about most telemarketers).

4. There Is No Call Back Guarantee: Just because you were able to get a woman’s phone number does not mean that she will call you back after you’ve called her. It is a simple fact of life that there are some women who will give out their phone number just because a man asks for it and regardless of whether she actually is interested in having him call her. There are other women who may genuinely be interested in you when they give you their phone number, but may decide later (due to changing their mind or meeting someone else) that they are not so interested in talking to you, and thus may not return your call when you call them. So to increase your odds of getting a call back, make sure you connect with a woman emotionally before you ask for her phone number. That will greatly increase the chances she will call you back. If a woman for whatever reason does not call you back, don’t take it personally. That happens to everyone. Just move on to meeting someone else. There’s always another woman to meet.

So are you a guy who believes that if you get a woman’s phone number that she is going to be your next girlfriend (or might even be “the one”)? Are you also a guy who believes that if that same woman doesn’t call you back that you must not have said the right thing when you approached her? If so, then you like so many men are very outcome dependent.

So many men perceive approaching a woman like a rite of passage which entitles them to favorable responses from the women they’ve approached. This is the outcome dependent mentality. It’s time to declare your outcome independence!

Understand that you may have to approach a lot of women before you find one who really relates to you. Also, the next time you walk up to a woman, don’t think about how badly you want to go out with her. Instead, get to know her first to see if you really do want to go out with her.

If you have the minimalist approach to your business, what happens? You don’t make any money, right? You have to have that same feeling of abundance in every facet of life.

So many guys will meet a girl and then say to themselves, I don’t want to blow this! You’re acting like this is the last pretty girl you will ever see. Instead of challenging yourself and having a good conversation with her, you’re monitoring yourself and trying not to blow it. You walk over there and you play it safe, because you don’t want to blow it.

You think, if I say what I really want to say, then she’s not going to like me. You present yourself in front of her and guess what? She doesn’t like you, because you played it safe. Women don’t like when you play it safe. They’re not attracted to it.

So by having this minimalist attitude and playing it safe – not living with an abundance mentality and realizing that there are so many women out there – you will do this same thing every day. You will always be playing it safe.

You need to think to yourself, hey, this behavior pattern isn’t working!

And then the next time you see a good looking woman, you can say to yourself, I don’t give a fuck what I’m going to say. I’m going to say exactly what is on my mind, I’m going to try something totally different, and I’ll just have some fun with it. If she doesn’t respond, it doesn’t matter.

And when you start changing things like this, you’ll realize that women are starting to respond better to you.

It takes time. Women, keep this in mind: men think that they should win at everything that they do.

Women are about connecting. But coaching men is different. Men are like, I’ve got to go out and meet every single woman and they all have to like me!

No they don’t! Who cares? They don’t all have to like you; you just have to weed through them quickly. It is totally ridiculous to expect that every single woman you meet will like you. But as men, we just think it’s our rite of passage. Just because we stood there and talked to her she should give us her phone number and spread her legs for us.

That’s how men think. That’s the male mentality. On the other hand, women think, I just want to connect and enjoy somebody’s company. I want to learn about them and give it more of a chance. It’s more natural and authentic.

So men, remember this: just because you deposit yourself in front of her doesn’t mean that she’s going to like you.

So I just don’t care. I go over there, I talk and I flirt; I say whatever is on my mind. And if they respond? Great. If not? Who cares!

The next woman that you see – go up to her and say exactly what is on your mind. I don’t care what it is. Don’t get confrontational, but be real about it. Pay attention to her and the emotions on her face. Pay attention to what she is doing.

Just say it as you say it right now.

People are always asking me, “how do you make somebody be attracted to you?”

You don’t MAKE somebody be attracted to you – you create attraction. You create attraction by making people feel good – by listening to them, by talking to them, and by engaging them in a conversation.

You create attraction by communicating with someone and paying him or her a compliment – not an over-the top-compliment but a genuine one. A compliment that means something.

If you see someone that you haven’t seen in a while, you say to them, “wow, you look really good.” It has to be something that comes from your heart. Attraction is the art of making people feel wanted and desired. It’s about making people feel special.

So many people are afraid to say what is on their mind. They don’t want to let it out because they don’t want to feel vulnerable. But you can’t get people to become attracted to you unless you are vulnerable. Without being vulnerable, whom are they really becoming attracted to? You have to be attracted to yourself.

I’m really into paying genuine compliments. I like to pay compliments to people. If someone looks really good, I’m all about telling them that. But don’t forget – I’m not doing that to manipulate or create a false attraction. I’m doing it because it’s legitimate. I mean it and I feel it.

That’s how you create attraction – or reveal it. Creating real attraction is by being honest and not being afraid to say things. So many times people are thinking that there is this “magic pill” to create attraction, when in reality it doesn’t exist.

The only way to do it is by making somebody feel good. You have to talk to them and listen to what they have to say – and react to what they say. Take the conversation deeper.

Smile. Touch them a little bit. Touch their arm or their shoulder. Look directly into their eyes. When they say something that is funny, laugh! When they say something that is emotional – and it makes you feel sad – show that emotion.

Attraction is about making somebody feel great in your presence. It’s about being open, honest, and being real. It’s not about manipulation. There is no manipulating when it comes down to attraction.

Real attraction is created when you are being genuine with someone. Be authentic. If you are authentic you can create attraction.

Stop trying to chase everybody out there. So many men are in chase-mode and so many women operate in desperation-mode.

You’re either attracted to someone or you’re not. We’re all attracted to people who make us feel really good when they are around.

I received the following comment from someone the other day that I simply had to share with all of you as it illustrates something I teach perfectly. Let’s read what he wrote first, then I’ll explain further.

“David, I dont know what planet you’re from, but it’s not Earth. I think that perhaps you need to get out in the world and see for yourself. The problems in the dating world are never due to the man being needy or not being confident in himself. The problems lie with the way women have been brought up by their parents.
Women view the world as though everything and everyone is at their beckoned call and disposal. Especially mens bank accounts. Women have NO morals in todays society. They will do whatever it takes to get what they want. THAT is what is most important to them.
Too many times have I been out, alone, enjoying a drink when a girl will ask me to buy her a drink and when I do, its like she didnt even know I was in the room afterwards.
Women have been brought up being called “Princess” like they are something special and this give them a false impression of how the world views them. “Princess” is a word that should be banished by the english speaking world.
Every relationship I have had always ended the same way. She had all my money and personal items and I was left out in the cold and broke. They would cheat on me even though I was the best role model for men there is.
Men are blinded by pussy. They think the only way they are going to get some is if they do each and every thing a woman wants. WRONG!
We should go back to the time when women were seen and not heard, and 99% of those shouldnt let their big ass’ be seen.

David”

There are endless things I could say about this guy’s unbelievably poor mindset and attitude, but I posted his comment in this blog because it is the perfect example of one of the most important concepts I teach people I coach: what you believe (positive OR negative) you WILL manifest in your life.

Many of you have probably heard of “the law of attraction” which basically is this very concept . . . except people often believe that this “law” works only in terms of what you can POSITIVELY attract into your life. You may have seen articles dealing with “the law of attraction which discuss how you can use it to bring wealth, love, fame or success into your life.

“Attraction” is such a positive word . . . but what many people don’t realize is that you can (and will) attract BOTH the good and the bad things into your that your attitude and belief system attracts to it. Here is where our friend Dave’s comment is so perfectly illustrative. He is the textbook example of someone whose poor mindset and beliefs manifest all of those poor things into his life.

Dave’s comments make very clear that he believes himself to be a perpetual victim: he complains at length about how every woman takes advantage of him, his affections, his generosity, his money and his supreme fidelity – despite the fact that he is (and I quote) “the best role model for men there is.” According to him, EVERY woman leaves him broke, cheats on him, believes she should be treated like a princess, ignores him after she gets what she wants and just plain has no morals!

Wow, what are the odds that EVERY woman this guy meets has all of these awful characteristics? Or are ALL women simply like this? Think about how ridiculous this is for a minute.

Another thing that stuck out when reading Dave’s comments was that he takes NO responsibility for any of the romantic failures he’s experienced. He puts 100% of the blame for the fact that ‘every relationship he’s had always ends the same way’ on the fact that ALL women by their nature are people with the laundry list of horrible characteristics he describes.

Is he kidding? In all of these failed relationships there wasn’t one percent of blame that was attributable to him? Again, this is absurd.

Dave seems to find the same kind of woman (and the same kind of relationship) over and over again. Why? Well, looking at what all his relationships have in common, the one thing that is constant is HIM. In life, when we evaluate things in our life we need to remember to always look in the mirror.

Dave has cultivated such negative beliefs about relationships, about the nature of women, about his expectations for a relationship and about his identity as a consummate victim, that he will continue to attract this same kind of woman (and relationship) over and over again. He is manifesting all of these bad beliefs and attitudes into his life every day!

“The law of attraction” works to bring both the good and the bad things you believe into your life. So take some time to think about what you believe and what your mindset is all about.

If you look at your relationship patterns and feel like you keep meeting “bad people” or the wrong people, then you need to really re-evaluate what kind of energy you’re putting out to the world and what kind of beliefs are underlying your relationship choices. Chances are that while hopefully not as negative as our friend Dave’s are, you may be out there meeting and dating people with a few of these bad beliefs and mindsets of your own.

Think of the upside to all this also. By identifying any negative beliefs that may be manifesting negative things in your life, you can cultivate new and positive beliefs in their place which will begin to attract and manifest positive and amazing things into your life. Maybe this blog will inspire our friend Dave to do the same!

Todays video is all about how to attract and meet women everywhere……being natural and having fun with no chance of rejection!