So let’s talk about dates and dating this Friday.  I’m sure a few of you have a an exciting date, a hookup, a potential partner, an online date–somebody–that you’re going to meet up and hang out with this weekend.  You may be nervous and wanting to make a good first impression, you may  really be hoping you’re going to get laid, you might just be going through the motions and waiting for your date to make the first move.

Whatever ends up going through your head this weekend, one of the biggest stumbling blocks when you’re out with a new person you barely know is running out of things to talk about.  Even worse if you’re the type of person who runs out of things to talk about so consistently on your past dates that you already fear it’s going to happen on your next date!

Now I’m not talking about having a moment of silence, looking at your date, and understanding how to enjoy that silence.  What I mean is when you go on a date with a new person, talk about some boring topic neither of you really cares about for 30 minutes, then, almost like clockwork,  you have  no idea what to talk about or what to do after that boring 30 minute discussion.

Nobody enjoys a night of sitting across from somebody, staring at their food thinking, “Oh my god, what can I talk about?  Is she bored right now?  Does she think I’m a boring person?  Is this a really awkward date?”  Before you know it, you’re in your head the whole night and this date ends up being just another one to chuck onto your pile of uninspired mediocre first dates.  That’s  a surefire date-killer, a surefire way to go home alone, and a surefire way to not get that second date.

"Does she think I'm boring?"

So what is it that’s causing this?  Are you a boring person?  Is it just really difficult for a guy like you to have chemistry with many different women?  Are you doomed to go on tons and tons of dead-end dates until you finally find that one (out of 100 maybe) who you finally have some sort of a connection and some fun with?

I don’t really believe in boring people.  If you’re reading this, to me you’re an interesting person.  I really believe that.  But you have to believe it also, because if deep down inside you think that you’re just another boring guy, then that’s exactly what you’re going to project for as long as you continue to believe it about yourself.

While I don’t believe in boring people, I do believe in boring lives.  I guarantee there are a lot of guys reading right now, when you look and reflect back at what your week looks like, what your 2012 has looked like up until now, what your 2011 looked like last year, you will see a whole lot of dullness, mediocrity, and forgettable moments.  And it’s not because you are dull or mediocre.  It’s because of what you’ve chosen to fill your life with every single day.

If you’re consistently running out of things to talk about on your dates, if you’re having a hard time connecting with a woman who you actually really like and you want to see again, it’s not because of who you are as a person, it’s because of what you do with your time, what you think about, and what you experience every single day.

Every time you go out on a date, every time you try to connect with a woman, all you can bring with you is what you have experienced up until this point and what you experience in your daily life.  If you live a life that you’d rather not remember, if you think thoughts that you’d rather not share, if you look back and think, “God, what a boring month I had,” the only thing you’re going to deliver to the woman sitting across from you is the energy of a lifestyle you’d rather not share.

If you can’t enjoy your week all by yourself in whatever you do, you’re bringing to the table a guy who doesn’t know how to enjoy himself in the things he does and the people he’s with.  If you’re not inspired by your own life every day leading up to this Friday night, what makes you think you’re suddenly going to be able to flip the switch and make this Friday night any more inspiring?  

But if you are engaged in the things you do, guess what?  You’re going to be engaging to the woman who you’ve brought on this date with you.

So you can sit around and wait for that one out of 100 women who you finally connect with, or you can do something about your lifestyle, start making some changes, and start connecting with women everywhere.  So tonight before you go out, I want you to do yourself a favor and sit for a while in a quiet place.  Maybe turn off the radio on your 30 minute commute home, maybe crack a beer and sit quietly on the couch,  sit still and meditate, get in the zone on the treadmill at the gym, just do something to give your mind a little rest.

Think about the way you live your life right now and how you feel about your connection to the world around you.  Are you perfectly content?  Are you bored?  Do you see yourself as a boring person?  Would somebody else think that your life is interesting?

Now envision the way that you would like your life to be.  What kinds of changes could you make to start moving in that direction? What are some things you’ve thought about doing but have just never gotten around to?   What new things would you learn about?  Have you always wanted to sky dive?  Would you pick up a cooking class or learn some new recipes?  Would you cut out a day of lifting weights and pick up some yoga?  Would you travel to South America for a week instead of another shitty trip to Vegas?  Would you watch less How I Met Your Mother reruns and go to read the new releases at Borders?

Write down three new things that you would enjoy seeing in your lifestyle.  Put yourself out there so that others can see and write them in the comments section.  Because you can talk about it all day long, but the key is that you have to start doing it.  So pick the most important one, the one that jumps out at you the most, AND START DOING IT.  Even if it’s something as simple as trying out one new restaurant a week instead of getting takeout 3 times a week.

You can’t just read a blog post, learn some pickup line, or post your dating questions on the internet.  You have to make that commitment when you wake up that day and actually add something new and inspiring to your life.

Hey hope everyone is having a great holiday weekend!!

I just got out of the water I spent the early part of the day surfing!!

Hawaii is amazing and I think I found a new sport!
Onto todays blog.
When you’re in the mall and you really want to start conversations, start them based on observations. Your observations are always a good way to start conversations.

You can start by saying, “hey, look, I need some help with the furniture,” and then observe. A client and I recently went into a Pottery Barn and did this. We listened to how she talked – in this case, the woman was Russian – so I threw in, “what part of Russia are you from?” to get her to start talking about herself.

The key is to observe, to then start the conversation, and then to listen intently. Whenever you listen, you get to pick up on all of the things that you want to be able to talk about next. Instead of thinking about what you NEED to talk about, you’ll actually be able to flow with the conversation by just listening to them.

The other person is giving you all the information you need to carry on a deep conversation with them. The more you listen to them, the deeper you can go.

When she mentions that she is from Moldavia, you can say, “Moldavia, I’ve never been there. What is Moldavia known for?” What happens is that you are creating an emotion in them, and by doing that; they are going to start to have some type of connection.

By asking her about things that she actually likes, enjoys, and is a part of, you will make her think about her home. When she thinks about her home, she’s going to want to talk to you more about that and she’s going to look at you as an emotional response. She’s going to bond with you, and think, oh my god, this guy is really interested in me – most guys aren’t really interested in ME, they’re interested in the physical aspects.

You can see when she starts talking a little bit about her language, and she gets red in the face. And then it’s like, well how much money do you have? I’ve got this magic pill – at that point, you have her. It’s done. That’s all you need to think about.

Today our video is all about getting wet with women in the rain.

Have you ever wondered what to say to a woman in the rain to get her intrigued and willing to get even more wet with you.

This is an actual excerpt from a recent coaching that i had with one of my clients.

In order to be charismatic, you need to be present in your situation. Most people think being charismatic is the funny things you say, or being loud or boisterous and whatever it is, but really, charisma is just a couple of simple things. One is listening intently to what someone is saying, showing enthusiasm to what they say, and reacting with enthusiasm to what somebody says. That’s charisma, in my book.

So how do you get really present when most of us are scattered with our thoughts all over the place?

Rent the movie Ocean’s 11. In that movie, pick one of the casino scenes. In these scenes, there are a lot of things going on. Watch about five minutes of the scene, and then turn it off and write down what you saw in that casino scene.

What do you write down? What were the characters saying to each other? What funny things did you see? What did you notice? What was going on in the background? Try to remember everything.

Then, after you write that down, watch that same scene again. What did you actually remember? What did you miss? Watch it again, and write it down again – what you remember, and what you missed the first time.

Watch that scene over and over again until you remember almost everything in that scene. This exercise forces you to concentrate – not only that, but life is like a scene from Ocean’s 11. If you think about it, you could be at a coffee shop, or at a restaurant, like we are right now.

By being in this restaurant right now, there are so many outside sources – there’s the guy with the tray, there’s a baby over there, there’s a guy sitting there and eating. Oh my god – there’s a beautiful blonde over there. There’s a woman on the phone, there’s the guy behind the counter. There are so many things going on.

What will happen is that you’ll start watching life like you’re in a movie. All of us watch movies. All of us actively can watch a movie.

Client: And what’s a movie really about anyway?

David: Life!

Client: That’s the thing about it, isn’t it – you pay good money to see something that every day is on your front doorstep! I never really thought of it like that.

David: Everyday, you’re living a movie. So, pay attention to everything that’s going on in the movie! Start quizzing yourself.

If you’re sitting in a restaurant, look around, and play a game with a friend. Look around, and then ask your friend to quiz you. We’ll do it right now. So take a look around, take everything in like you’re in a movie.

Now I’m going to ask you a question. The blond girl near the wall, is she on her cell phone or not on her cell phone?

Client: I don’t think she’s on her cell phone, no, but I didn’t really notice her.

David: Yes, she’s on her cell phone. The guy standing there waiting at the register, is he happy, or just kind of malcontent and bored?

Client: I think he’s pretty malcontent and bored.

David: You’ve got it. So now there’s two different emotions. Now let’s say that was a woman standing there being malcontent and bored. You could walk over there, and say what? What would you say? Think about it, you’ve seen me say it. If a woman was looking like that, what would you say to her?

Client: I would say, “how’s your day been?”

David: Yeah, “how’s your day been?” or “man, you look like you’re having just one of those days.” But “how’s your day been?” is pretty good, because if she’s been having a bad day, and you approach her with energy, she can be like, wow – no one has asked me that yet!

So now look around again. What do you see? Take a look, take it all in.

How many people sitting to the left of us are with that woman and the baby?

Client: Well, I only noticed the two women and the baby, but there’s quite a bit of people.

David: But do you see what I’m getting at? This exercise will teach you how to focus.

Client: I feel like I’m looking at things in the immediate, as opposed to looking at things far beyond me. I suppose that has to do with my impatience – I’ve been in bars before and quickly said, “it’s no good here, let’s just go.” As opposed to just having fun and chilling out, which is what I suppose I need to learn: how to just chill out.

David: This whole place is fun. Just look at that: there are four more women that just walked in. A little young, but still, they’re women. But this whole place is fun. You just have to take it all in.

There’s a terminology that I use which is called ‘ctn’: it stands for chasing the night. People will go to a bar, they look around, they make an immediate decision – nope, nothing here for me, let’s go.

And then they go to another bar, and another bar, and another one, and they’re just chasing the night all night long. At the end of the night, what happens? Nothing. You’ve chased the night away.

Instead of just going to a place and having a good time with a friend, and just taking in the environment and becoming a master of it, you’ve chased the night.

Client: That’s just so true!

Todays video is part 2 on becoming a natural with women. Enjoy and I hope everyone had an amazing memorial day weekend.

Here is the link to youtube so you can watch part one and two….you will need to see part one first.
Click here to watch the videos.