For those of you want to get technical, I have a herniated L5 disc. They basically offered me two treatment options. I can either try therapeutic treatments for another three months, hoping for some miraculously different result than I’ve gotten doing exactly that for the last year. My other option is to have a new type of miraculous microsurgery which supposedly is only an hour and a half long outpatient procedure.

Let’s not talk today about the condition of my back in today’s blog. I want to talk about something much deeper that affects all of us. You know, a lot of us only scratch the surface in our life.

We tend to look and react to things that happen. We get angry because of what someone else does (or doesn’t do). Someone doesn’t call you back or whatever it may be. We react only to the immediate cause of things.

You get snippy with people you love. Do you ever have days where people you love want to reach out and help you, and you get snippy with them?

I’ve spent the last three days snapping at everyone. Granted, I was in pain and really having a difficult time with my back.

I decided to go deeper to discover what the cause and the root was of the problem. It wasn’t just my back. In life, we have constant reminders that these root causes exist. We see pattern and lessons that come up over and over again.

We have that same fight that happens time and time again. You make up and say you’ll never do that again, and yet it seems to happen again. What happens and the reason these things repeat themselves is that you’re looking to the other person’s actions and what they did to you that caused the fight.

In life, though, you have to look at what YOU did, why you’re angry and why you’re feeling something. You need to do this because when you’re angry at someone, it is really you being angry at yourself or at something you’ve never confronted.

Sonja was away this week. She offered to stay on both Saturday and Sunday, and I turned her down. So, of course, when I woke up on Monday morning I was angry at her. I needed her and I kept wondering how she could leave me.

That was on the surface. Even though she offered to stay, I made her leave so I would not act angry at her. I was really angry at myself for not letting her help me.

To find the real root cause of it, I had to go deep inside myself as a person. I had to go deep inside to figure out why I refuse help from people who love me.

I went to the root of my anger, and realized it went back to when I was about three and a half years old. That’s when my brother Mark died of crib death at the age of nine months. The only thing I remember is coming home after staying overnight at my grandmother’s house, seeing the empty crib and seeing my mother’s pain.

If you go deep inside your core, you’ll discover the memories you find — those imprinted on you as a kid — you’re still living and still are affecting you.

For the next ten years after my brother’s death, I became the parent. I had a father who had no love for anything but the NY Jets and his golf clubs.

I had a mother who blamed herself for the death of my brother, and only gave love in short segments and only if I needed something. She’d give me a hug if I needed one, but it always had a time limit on it.

So I learned at a very young age to be very self-supportive, and to not ask for anything from anybody. I also at a very young age learned how to nurture and to take care of others. My mother even told me yesterday that the only thing that kept her living after my brother’s death was my love for her.

I’ve always been a better giver than receiver. So for the last four days, Sonja has done nothing but reach out to me and I’ve shut her down. Jacob flew in to help me work with a client (and to help me), and I’ve had him walking on eggshells the entire time. Kristen has done nothing but email to try to cheer me up, and I’ve done nothing but be short and angry with her.

I need to apologize, but not to the people who love me. When you have this situation, you need to love and accept yourself, because until you let go deep from your core you’ll still have the same things happen over and over again.

This may have been the most personal blog I’ve ever written and shared with you. The reason I can, is because I know you will appreciate it, understand it and be able to relate to it.

Every lesson you share with others gives them the courage to love and to grow. So be good to yourself, and apologize to yourself for whatever is deep inside your core.

I first met Craig about eight months ago, at a free seminar I taught. We did a role-play exercise and during the exercise he came up, he was charming, it went well for about 48 seconds and then he crashed. And that was it. He didn’t really take it any further; he didn’t really have the confidence to do so.

Now, all of a sudden, he has changed. The difference in him from eight months ago is just unbelievable.

We’ve been talking about the power of the network, and what the network is all about. I tell people all of the time: some encounters will be good, some encounters won’t be so good, but it’s really all about expanding your social network.

I asked the guys with me now, “how many people did you meet today?” They answered, “oh, a bunch of new people, we had some good conversations.” Well, that’s a great day. And then I’ll ask Craig now: how many people did you meet today?

Craig: Probably four or five – I’m meeting people everywhere I go now. I love this street – I live right down the street from here, and I always bring my friends here. I get a free coffee here, I get a free beer at the bar over there, and I’ll go in there and get 30% off – especially if I keep bringing my friends in.

My friends want to hang out and go shopping or get a coffee or whatever, so we always come here. And when people see you over and over again, and you’re genuinely interested in connecting with them and making the other people around you have a good time by being social, your energy will be contagious.

Somebody behind the counter might be having a bad day. You can say, “hey, how’s it going? Are you having a good day?” “Oh, thanks for asking, it’s going well,” they might respond just because you thought to ask.

We did that flower exercise and I couldn’t give away the flower in Santa Monica – nothing seemed to be right. This girl with a nice smile came up behind me and she was wearing a cute blue shirt – I turned around and said, “you know what? I’ve been waiting all day to give this flower to somebody, and I didn’t think I’d be able to give it away. I wanted to give it to somebody with style and to somebody with a nice smile, and it’s yours.”

And she was like, “oh, great, thanks! What are you guys doing today?” I told her we were just hanging out. Her boyfriend was like, “why did he give you that flower?” But he was cool with it. It’s just about being social and being fun.

David: Let’s talk about this some more. We were just discussing how to keep building up your social exercises and Mark asked a question that was really important: do you journal this?

This is something that I’ve told everybody over and over again – journal this! Journal your progress. Everyday you’re going to have small victories, and it will help to write them down.

Craig, what would you recommend in terms of writing this stuff down? You just went through this whole transformation, so what do you think some of the best tips would be for the guys in terms of journaling?

Craig: I would say it is important to keep a record of what your goals are. If your goal is to expand your social circle, you can write, I’m going to try to talk to three people today, and then you could journal about how that was. Were you nervous? What did you talk about? This will also help you with making and remembering observations – what people do, who people are.

You could journal about your feelings too. This will give you an accurate record of your own emotional progress through this journey. Journal about what you learn too. This is really important. This will make it a macrocosm book of what you are doing. It makes your brain focus on your process as well.

So I would journal about: who you met, what they were about (because as David says, you have to be able to connect with people on the level of who they are and what is going on in their life), your feelings (so that you can accurately track your progress and get a feel for this process, this will also give you an overall picture of your journey.)

If you do this, in six months you will look back at some journal entry where you wrote, oh my god, I saw these really cool guys and I wanted to approach them because they were talking about music and I’m a music producer, and so I walked up there and it was all weird and awkward.

Three months later, you’ll write, I saw this really pretty girl in a sundress and I just walked right up to her and we’re going out on Friday.

Through the journal, you’ll be able to see the progression of your progress.

David: Also, remember to never judge yourself. Don’t be such a hard critic on yourself. Spend the time to look for the win every single day. Don’t look for the negative, look for the positive. In everything you do, there’s a positive.

For example, today we were talking, and I said, “well, maybe you didn’t have a breakthrough in this way, but what situations do you feel comfortable in?” and you told me. So you found your wins.

In terms of dating, we’ve been so negative for so long, so we aren’t used to looking for those little wins. But those little victories are unbelievable.

It’s like a baseball season, guys: it’s fucking long as hell. If you look at the Mets this year, Meyer did 500, Meyer did mediocrity, and Willie Randolph is managing them into the ground. And at the end of the day – it’s now the end of July and they are in first place.

You have to think about it like this. You’re playing every single game – and not like it’s the last game, but like it’s part of a season. The difference between life and sports is that the season just continues on.

So you’re playing first for the present: how many people did you say hello to today? How many great encounters did you have today? How many people did you meet? What do you remember from your conversations?

Not only are you playing for the present, but you’re playing for the future as well. So the present was: today I met six great new people, I had a wonderful time, I didn’t get a phone number but who gives a shit.

Two weeks from now, that girl that you said hello to on the street? You run into her at Whole Foods and say, “oh my god, I saw you a few weeks ago on Abakini, how are you doing?” She’ll say, “I’m great, god, I’m so sorry I didn’t talk to you that day, that was rude!”

This is what happens! You’re building your social network for the present and for the future. Stop grading yourself just on the present. If you go up to somebody on the street, and it didn’t work out well, don’t think to yourself, oh shit, this stuff doesn’t work.

It works. If you follow every thing that we’ve been doing, teaching, and talking about – it has worked for everybody that has followed it. Including myself, including Craig, including Khiem.

Craig: That brings up a really important point. If you’re judging yourself negatively – without getting into the depths of the psychology of it – but you’re actually reinforcing that negative behavior. Every time you come down on yourself and think, I saw this pretty girl, I was too afraid to approach her – god, I’m so stupid! Stupid, stupid, stupid! – you’re just putting that right back into your brain and programming yourself to do the same thing the next time. Instead, you could just be a little bit easier on yourself, thinking, you know what? I’ll get her next time.

David: That’s it. And that “stupid, stupid, stupid” thing is just not true. You’re not stupid! We have just hung out, and we’ve had a great weekend. We’ve all hung out with each other, and not one of us has looked at another person and said, “stupid, stupid, stupid!”

You do it to yourselves because you’re a hard critic. Here’s the point: stop validating yourself through women! I think that every one of you guys is unique, fun and exciting. I was telling Allan earlier – and this is something really important to remember – the women that are attracted to me may not be attracted to you or you or you.

But if I’m hanging out with Craig and I approach a woman who I think is really cool, and I notice that she’s vibing him and not vibing me, cool! That’s alright. It’s about abundance. She likes my friend more than she likes me. That’s fine! That’s her choice.

You can’t twist attraction around, and you can’t use magic tricks – and you have to respect that. A woman that I’m attracted to might not be attractive to you at all. She may be too loud and boisterous. And a woman you’re attracted to might be too mellow for me.

We all have an abundance of women that we could be attracting at every single moment. Your friends don’t steal women from you – the women were attracted to your friends in the first place!

Todays video is all about how to build momentum on a Saturday or Sunday. Do you desire to meet great people this weekend?

If so then watch this video right now and then get out from behind the computer and do it!