In responding to the survey, one subscriber wrote a great statement:

Whenever I successfully have a girlfriend, it never goes over two months. I am looking for a relationship for a long time and to learn about love.

Getting a girlfriend is really only part of the equation. Learning how to have a meaningful relationship is the whole thing. I have said this to guys so many times, and to women as well. But especially men who are in this situation. So many men spend so much time learning the skills on how to approach women, how to meet women, talk to them and get a phone number, but spend virtually no time at all learning how to have a relationship. That’s where all the work comes in.

All the work comes in when you have a relationship with someone. Eventually, every person will meet a partner. As my good friend in the car business said, “There is an ass for every seat”

I truly believe that there is a person out there for everybody. What I have found in all my years of coaching is that most people don’t prepare themselves for when that relationship happens down the road. To me, that part is huge.

I have said that in blogs so many times before. When I talk about relationship advice, some people will inevitably say, “Oh man, David, why are you writing this? We are here to meet people so we can go on dates, not listen to you talk about relationships with the opposite sex.”

Really? Because if you are not looking at the complete picture, what happens when you finally do meet somebody? You don’t know how to have a relationship with them. You don’t understand what romance is, and you don’t understand how to keep them intrigued. You don’t understand exactly what it means to be needy or desperate, is the best way to put it.

You’ll continue to get into a relationship for a month or two months, then blow it. Then get in another relationship for a month or two, then blow it again. You only understand how to keep them for two months because your partner loses interest in you right away. Why? Because you don’t know how to cultivate the relationship and make it a romantic journey for the both of you.

Here’s a plug for a product, guys. Check out this relationship product I have. It takes you through the first 90 days of a relationship. The crucial first 90 days. I don’t care if you’re not in a relationship right now, I don’t even care if you can’t even approach people right now.

You have got to be prepared in all aspects of your life: physically, emotionally, and sexually. Because if you are not, then you are just going to blow chance after chance after chance and be like the guy above.

You know what my favorite part of a relationship is? The part of the relationship where you have to prove that you love the other person. Prove that you love me. If you love me, you will do this for me. People are nuts when they do that crap.

Prove it? You know, it kind of makes me scratch my head a little bit and makes me think. What, everything I have done up into this moment does not say that I love you? Are we misinterpreting each others’ actions so much that you just don’t understand anything that I do?

So many times, somebody will say that. If you really love me, you will cancel your night out with your friends tonight, and you will come and take me out to dinner. Or, if you really love me you won’t go visit your friends this weekend. You will fly around the world to go see me. Prove that you love me.

How To Prove Your Love

Let me tell you something. You don’t have to prove anything. If they don’t believe that you love them — if they don’t believe that you are into them, then you know what? Those relationships are not worth pursuing. They really aren’t. Any relationship that causes you grief — any relationship that just drives you off the wall and you have to consistently prove yourself to somebody is a relationship with a very needy person. An extremely needy person. Needy people always want things proven to them.

In reality, though, the reason why they always want things proven to them is because they don’t trust themselves in the first place. Prove that you love me. Have you ever dated somebody like that where you have to prove everything, and you are constantly on edge? Share with me today.

It’s amazing that when we’re unsatisfied in a relationship — feeling like our partner is not satisfying our needs, wants and desires — that we feel afraid to tell them. It’s amazing that we are afraid to be that open, honest, raw and vulnerable with our partner.

Instead, what people do is search for that perpetual carrot.

Say your partner never really comes onto you, even though you’ve told them how important it is to you for that to happen. Then one day, out of the blue, your partner does it. Somehow if someone does something one time, we think to ourselves, “Wow they understand me. They get it.”

That is the carrot. You tell them how great that was and how much you loved it, but then they don’t do it again for two months even though they know how important it is to you.

It’s that perpetual carrot backed up by passive-aggressive behavior. You are probably not doing something that is important to them, and that is their way on a very deep and subconscious level of getting even and keeping score.

Relationship Promises

We do this, and are not really even aware we’re doing it most of the time. It’s just how we react as humans when we’re not getting our own needs met and we’re not fully satisfied.

We react by taking away from someone something they really need, want or desire. We do that in a very passive-aggressive way, and then we’ll throw that carrot out there.

Do you know what the solution is to all of this madness? The solution is to step up to the plate, and be raw and honest with each other about how you feel.

Maybe you can’t satisfy each other, but you’re holding on anyway. A lot of people do this for years — five, seven, even ten years — hoping that the relationship will work.

The bottom line is this: You need to be raw and honest with someone today — right now — if you want to make your relationship work. Stop holding out for the carrot.

You’ve met somebody you’re really jazzed about. You’ve exchanged phone numbers. You notice the area code is different than yours, so you ask them with some hesitation, “Where do you live?” They immediately tell you, “Oh, I’m just in town for the weekend.” BUT–they visit often, and still they’d still like to get together the next time they’re in town.

So, now you call each other up on the phone, you have some good entertaining conversations, and….they’re coming to town in two weeks. You’re meshing, your’e building up a little friendship over the phone, you’re really enjoying it and now your mind kicks in AGAIN, and AGAIN you become another version of “future man”or- “future woman.”

Remember that blog about future man and future woman? Well, here we go again! You start obsessing and thinking: What do they want? What are they looking for? Do they want something deeper? Could this turn into the dreaded long distance relationship? Are they just looking for a fling? Do I need to clean my house up because they’re going to come over and we’re going to have crazy and wild sex all weekend? We are going out Friday night and he or she will be around the whole weekend…you start thinking again.

Just enjoy it. You have no idea what may happen. This person you’re talking to might travel into town every week or every month. Maybe it’s because in the back of their minds that’s where they want to eventually settle down, and meeting somebody to be with would make it much easier and safer for them to move. Maybe they are just looking for a fling, maybe they just enjoy being able to getting out of their town and into a new town, and just want to have fun. Maybe they don’t even know themselves!

The only way you’re actually going to find out for sure is if you go out with them, and while you’re out you talk to them, you’re interested in them, and you find out more about them. Obsessing about it and planning ahead of time NEVER WORKS!

This person could turn out to be a future relationship, or a future fling, or it could be a future nothing. But you just don’t know, and you won’t know, until you two connect when you’re out on that date. Unless you make a real connection by keeping your head in the present moment, you will never have a handle on the future of whatever it is that you’ve got going on or whatever it could become.

So, stop worrying and thinking about what the other person wants. Talking it out with someone else can be good to help you sort out what you want, but if you’re so curious about what they want, you have to ask them. Don’t be afraid, when you’ve got some private time say, “Hey, you live out of town, and I like what we’ve got going on here. What are you looking for, are looking for a relationship, are you just looking to have fun…where are you at right now in your life? I’m interested, let’s talk about this.”

What happened to honesty? Why are we so afraid of it?

Why do we love to sell portraits of ourselves over and over and over again?

The point of this whole message, the reason for it, is that it’s really not healthy to consistently torture ourselves with our own thoughts. If you’re interested and you’re genuinely curious about somebody, ask them, “What are you looking for?” They will tell you, you will find out a lot about this person, and it will lead to a whole kind of different conversation—an honest conversation, a real conversation. It will give you an opportunity to get to know them on a much deeper and authentic level.

That’s what I want to give you, that’s what this blog is all about, and I hope that you really embrace today’s message.

You go to your first dinner party, and most of your friends — the ones who used to go out drinking with you a few years ago — are married and looking at you as the lone single guy. You’re like the Lone Ranger all by yourself.

It actually makes you feel like something is wrong with you. Your own mother and grandmother gang up on you and say, “When are you finally going to meet someone and settle down? We need grandchildren!”

It’s called the late pressure. It’s almost like the full-court press, or like Rex Ryan sending seven defensive backs at you when you only have three wide receivers. How are you going to find the open man?

How are you going to find that woman with whom to ‘settle down?’ You start to put pressure on yourself, and you do what I did in my late 20′s: You go on a wife hunt.

The wife hunt is very scary because what you’re doing is you’re looking for somebody with whom you can join that dinner party. You are finding someone so that you no longer have to go to those dinner parties alone.

I did this. I went on a wife hunt, and I ended up with somebody who was really one of my best friends. I was never really super sexually attracted to her. I loved her, but always looked at her at that friend. You don’t want to make that mistake.

If you go on a wife hunt, you are probably just going to accept whomever comes your way and you are not going to get exactly who you want. Marriage is really serious, though, and you need to think it through before you do it.

You need to find someone who is just like you — thinks like you, acts like you, and shares the same beliefs and interests. You need to find someone who can teach you things and help you grow as a person.

When you go on a wife hunt, there’s no way in the world you’re going to find that. You are going to find whatever is available.

It’s almost like when you go to rent a house. Just imagine if you gave yourself two years to find the perfect house to rent, and during that time you go and look at a lot of houses. Eventually, you are going to find the right one. You’re going to find the one that fits who you are. You’re going to find one in the right location and at the right price.

When you have to have something — or feel pressure to get something — within a certain time limit, then the results of what you end up getting is never as good. If you feel like you need to find a wife in six months or less, then you may find one but she likely will not be the right one. You’re not going to find the woman with whom you want to spend the rest of your life.

This is your life. So the next time someone starts asking you why you’re not married yet, realize that there is no good that comes from feeling the need to act under their pressure.

Instead you should look them in the eye and say, “I just haven’t met the right person yet. Do you have anybody you can introduce me to? I’d like to meet someone amazing. I’d like to meet somebody with whom I can spend my life, but I am not going to rush it.”

This is exactly what I used to tell people after my first wife hunt. People would look at me and sometimes you would see that look in their eyes that said that they found their wife on a wife hunt (and may or may not have found the right person).

This is your life. Take your time. Enjoy it! Find the right wife even if it takes a long time, and be sure sure to enjoy every moment and every woman you experience along the way.

Maybe there isn’t a great sexual connection. Maybe you have an amazing sexual connection, but the emotional connection is lacking.

Maybe it’s one of those relationships of convenience. You know, one in which you spend weekends together but you don’t see each other during the week. Maybe it’s a long distance relationship, and you like that because it gives you time to work on the replacement theory.

The replacement theory does not work. I hope by now you have figured out what the replacement theory is. If not, let me define it for you.

The replacement theory is when you’re involved in a relationship and you’re looking for another one, but you don’t want to leave your current relationship while you’re looking. You want to be sure you will find someone better before you leave the person you’re currently dating.

Looking For Rebound Guy

This never works. Your energy is all wrong when you do that.

First of all, it’s not fair to the person with whom you’re currently in a relationship. To be blunt, it’s actually pretty sleazy because you’re not being honest with that person. You’re looking someone in the eyes and saying “I love you” to that person you are with on the weekends, while you are going out during the week looking for someone to replace them.

So the replacement theory doesn’t work because you’re creating an energy that’s bad both in your relationship and when you’re out looking for another one. You’re actually very desperate such that whenever you meet somebody new you think to yourself, “God I really hope that this person is somebody that could be my next girlfriend (or next boyfriend). I really hope it works out with this person.”

When you have this mindset and this kind of energy, you actually forecast the whole relationship at the time you meet someone and first exchange phone numbers. There’s thus a very desperate energy about people who are in the replacement theory mode because they is an air of neediness around them.

When you are in the replacement theory mode, you’re so afraid to be alone that you feel a need to constantly be with someone. So you climb from one person to the next, and you end up meeting the same person over and over again. Sting had it perfectly right when he wrote that song about if you love someone then set them free.

So if you have used the replacement theory, then you need to be honest with yourself and you need to be honest with the woman (or man) you’re with. You need to realize that the replacement theory does not work, and let that person go.

Go out and embrace who you are. Learn about yourself all over again. Be single. Be open. Learn things that you never before learned.

Most importantly, develop an abundance mindset. People who practice the replacement theory do not have an abundance mindset at all. All you think about over and over again is the lack of things.

If you actually had an abundance mindset, you would never practice the replacement theory in your life. You’d realize that there are plenty of amazing people in the world to be with and date.

It’s the same with jobs. How many of you want a new job, and yet you keep a job you hate until you find that new job? Then when you find a new job this way, the new job is only a little bit better than the old job. Why? It’s because you are living the replacement theory in your work.

Now I know right now that a lot of you are saying, “David, that doesn’t make sense. I need to pay my bills, so I have to do it that way.” You do have to pay your bills, but here is what you need to realize. You can keep your old job while you look for a new one, but realize that the longer you keep the old job the longer your search for a great new job will be.

We can talk more about jobs another day. For now, I want to leave you with a question: How many of you use the replacement theory in your dating life?

Do you know all there is to know about romance and seduction?

Do you fully understand what women want, desire and crave when they meet a man?

If you are begining a new relationship or even want to find a girlfriend sometime in the near future, this podcast is for you.

We explore how to secure a girlfriend in today’s podcast and I reveal one dating myth that everyone does wrong.

Take Me You Fabio Freaky Guy

More information about tomorrow’s FREE tele-seminar titled “Training Any Woman To Be Your Future Girlfriend” click here!

And as far as the winner from yesterdays blog. It was really tough, there was some great responses but I had to go with this one from Alan.

Hey DW… Might sound kinda cheesy, and not believable, but I spent my V-day listening to your Self-Love Audio, again! Because I need my mindest (the part of the mindest to love myself) to be ready, even if it means listening to it 15 times!

Valentine’s Day is all about Love.

Alan is practicing, what I feel is one of the most important ways to express love.

Without self love we have no love.

Alan shoot me an email and I will set up your coaching call.

You find yourself really starting to forecast what’s going to happen in this not-yet-a-relationship situation. You think about how you are going to take them home for Christmas and what a blast the party you’re going to go to with them on Halloween is going to be. You think about how great it will be to have someone to go sailing with on your birthday this year.

Do you find yourself always falling too quickly for people before you even get to know them? Do you find yourself saying things to someone you’ve just met about what the two of you should do together two or three weeks from now? You are out on your first date with someone and all you do is talk about the future with them.

Do you know why you’re doing that future planning on a first or second date? It’s because you are needy, you hate being single and you don’t have an abundance mentality.

What happens is the minute you get somebody to say yes to a date with you, all you think about is being rescued form this horrible experience you’ve been having called being alone or being single. So what you do is to immediately start forecasting, because it makes you feel better that you might have a relationship that is going to work after it’s been so hard for you to meet someone.

Because it’s been so hard for you to meet someone, now that you have you don’t want to blow it. So you try really hard not to blow it, and end up putting a lot of pressure on it which makes you come across as being very needy.

When you’re out on a first date with somebody and you’re talking about all the things you want to do with them in the future, you look desperate and needy. That will turn them off. It scares them.

All someone wants to do on a first date is learn more about you. They want to learn what is special about you. They want to learn about what makes you tick.

They don’t want to think about what might happen three weeks from now. On a first date, they are not in the planning stage of a relationship. The truth is that you’re not even close to the planning stage of a relationship yet.

You can consider yourself in the planning stage of a relationship when you’re sleeping with them, when you you’re both committed to each other and when you’re enjoying each other’s company on a regular basis. That is when you know there is a relationship.

If you bring this stuff up from the beginning — and especially on a first date — you’re going to look desperate and needy. That is what makes these things not work out. So many people self-destruct potentially good relationships before they even have a chance to happen.

So the next time you’re with somebody on a first and second date, stop your desperate energy. Stop being so needy, and just enjoy them for the moment. You’ll get the end result that you’ve always desired if you stop thinking about the end result and stop looking for confirmation.

Don’t look for confirmation. If you talk on a first date about what you want to be doing with them three weeks from now, you might as well look them in the eyes and say, “I’m so needy and desperate. Do you like me? Do you like me? Do you like me?” That is what you’re communicating to them when you do that. That is why they’re not calling you again, and why you’re having a lot of “one and done” dates with people.

I’d say about one hour. Yes, why not go out there an hour after breaking up — crying, tears running down your face, insecure and full of emotion — and start dating again.

Of course an hour is too soon. Honestly, though, the answer is that it’s a different time period for everyone.

It depends how long it took for you to break up. It depends on who did the breaking up. Most importantly, it depends on how long you need.

You need as long as it’s going to take for you to process everything. You need to get all the anger out, process what went wrong in the relationship, what you need to learn from the relationship, and what type of person you want going forward.

When you go through a break up with somebody, regardless of whether you’re the person being broken up with or whether you do the breaking up, you need to take time to process everything that went on before you move forward and even think about dating again.

I think it’s really important during that processing time to do things for yourself, to spend time with yourself, and to spend time with your friends. Doing these things is important because when you do start dating again, you need to be 100% open to what comes into your life.

If you’re still wounded, you’re just going to find another person who is equally as wounded. That’s not what you want. You want to really be the most positive, amazing version of yourself so that you can attract an equally positive and amazing person.

So take your time after a breakup. Take as much time as you need, however long that might be, before you start dating again.

I always tell people that whenever you lie, you have to remember that lie. A lie has so many levels to it, and you have to remember them all when you say a lie — where you were, to whom you said that lie, the name of the person you were supposedly with or to whom you were talking. You have to create a whole story.

When you lie, you usually leave all sorts of loopholes. You always forget at least one detail. If people are really paying attention, they can easily catch you in a lie.

Being honest is one of the hardest things for people to do, especially when it comes to being honest with ourselves. There are times, particularly when you’re dating, that you need to be 100% honest both with yourself and with the person you’re dating in situations where it is not easy to be that honest.

Say you’re dating someone who wants three kids and you don’t want to have any kids. Because you are so intoxicated by her beauty, instead of being 100% honest about that you say, “You know, I think I could have kids. I really do think I might want kids.”

You have to be 100% honest at all times with yourself, because otherwise it’s going to come back and bite you in the ass. Being honest is very liberating because the more honest you are, the more honest people are going to be with you. When you have this kind of mutual honesty between you, you don’t get into nearly as many arguments.

Say your partner tells you that he wants to move out to the country, and even though you love living in the city you say that you would be happy to move to the country. When you inevitably stall about making the move, it will end up in an argument between you.

Your partner will say, “You told me you wanted to move to the country, and here we are still living in the city.” If you are (and were) being honest with yourself, you knew all along that you didn’t want to move to the country.

The only reason you said you did is that you fell in love with your partner. Instead of being honest with them and allowing them to have their dream, you lied.

Being 100% honest is really tough sometimes, because when you meet someone you think is so amazing and fantastic you really want to want the same things they do. So we will tell a little white lie, and we lie to ourselves in the process.

Then that white lie ends up putting us in a situation where we have to confront that dishonesty with ourselves. That’s where you get into a mess. It’s really important in life to be really clear about what we want.

How many kids do you truly want? There is a big difference between having one kid and having three (and an even bigger difference between having any number of kids and having no kids).

Where do you want to live? Do you want to live in the country or do you want to live in the city?

How often do you like to have sex? Sex is something you have to be this honest about too.

How many people who like to have sex four times a week get involved with someone who only likes to have sex once a week, and tell themselves they are okay with only having sex once a week. They tell themselves that it doesn’t matter.

The truth is that it does matter. I’ve been in a relationship with a person who liked to have sex a lot less than I do, and it was not okay (and mattered a lot!).

We make all sorts of compromises like this when we go into a relationship because we think to ourselves that all our our needs and desires are never going to be met in any relationship. After all, there is no ‘perfect’ partner, right?

The truth is, though, that if you listed all your needs and wants and desires, it is not that many things. You need to be on the same page with your partner in so many different ways. If you’re not, then you will find yourself in situations where you have to accept things you never wanted.