Shogo here with another weekend blog!

For all you East Coast people, hope you’re keeping sheltered up for the vicious eye of the tiger that’s headed your way this weekend.

David and I are here in LA this morning getting ready for another amazing boot camp! I just went for a run on the beach, the weather is great out here this weekend, and I can already tell this weekend’s boot camp is going to be an amazing experience for everyone.

No to toot my own horn, but our events are always an amazing experience. Last month a very cool guy who came out to the New York seminar, whose name will remain anonymous, asked me how it is that I am able speak my mind in front of women with ease. He asked me how it’s possible that I can say whatever I’m thinking in the moment and not hesitate or be worried that I’m going to be offensive or sound like a pig.

This was a great question, and something that I want to share with all of you guys. It’s an important topic to address, especially if you’re out not just approaching women, but getting into real conversations, going out on dates, and talking to women in bars.

Shogo In Nightgame Mode

The thing that’s holding back a lot of guys from freeing up and speaking their mind is that they believe their own inner thoughts will be offensive to others. They think that if other people find out what they’re REALLY thinking, especially women, that they will be seen as a huge pervert. A sicko. An asshole who just wants to get in her pants.

So what happens is that guys get all nervous in front of women, afraid that the woman they’re talking to will find out about all those thoughts and all that chatter going off inside their brain, so they make something up. They come up with lines, they try to be funny, they pretend to be cool and disinterested, and then what happens is that they never let their true selves out.

But the fact is that you don’t have to be squeaky clean. If you really want to get good at this, you gotta let your true self out. You have to say what you’re thinking, no matter what ends up coming out of your mouth. You’re not an asshole or a freak, deep down inside you know you’re actually a really great guy, so start tapping into that part of you. You have to trust that part inside of you.

You have to be unapologetic for who you are. If you’ve never been able to get a girlfriend, or you can’t get past the second date, or you constantly get blown off at bars when you approach women, it isn’t because you’re deficient in something. It’s not because there’s some secret pickup information you don’t know. It’s because you’re covering yourself up. You have a hidden agenda when you’re talking to women that you’re interested in—sure she’s attractive, sure you’d like to have sex with her, sure you’d like to get to know her more—but that agenda really needs to come out into the open. And the rest will follow.

You will feel so much better talking to people.

This person is what I call “the conversation killer.” The conversation killer can’t just kick back and listen, and only join in when they have something to add to the current topic of conversation.

They are the person who gets annoyed because the conversation is not going their way or because they have nothing to contribute to the current topic of conversation. They always want to be able to say something during a conversation or control a conversation, and if they can’t then they will kill that conversation.

You see it all the time when you go out. You see the conversation killer strike, and then usually the entire group disburses. Yes, they all leave because they realize that they around the person who doesn’t pay attention to what other people say and who needs to be the center of attention.

A Great Conversation

Some of the best conversations I’ve ever had are ones in which I was just the listener. When you don’t know something and you can’t contribute, it’s fantastic to listen. The more you listen in life, the more you learn in life — and the more you will be able to contribute to future conversations.

So the next time you’re in a conversation that’s not swinging in your direction, listen, learn, and embrace the subject matter. If you do that, then the next time that same subject comes up in a conversation, you’ll be really glad you listened.

If you’re starting a conversation with somebody, you don’t want to be the subordinate person or the weak person. You don’t want to be the subordinate person because conversations are all about energy, and if you walk over to someone feeling weak or insecure then your energy will make that person perceive that you as a person are weak or insecure. Nobody wants to be in a conversation with someone who is weak or insecure.

Have you ever noticed that when you walk up to a woman (or walk up to a man if you’re a woman) and you’re not feeling great about yourself, that the conversation always goes the same way? It usually goes down the toilet in about fifteen seconds. It’s usually one of those conversations where you have to push the eject button almost immediately because the conversation is just plain not working.

Blah Blah Blah

The only way you can every start a successful conversation with someone is to become the attractor. You cannot be the retractor and start a great conversation.

So before you go and approach someone, you need to feel good about yourself. I can’t stress enough to all of you the importance of self-love, feeling great about yourself and really being a person you respect every single day.

If you’re needy when you walk over to someone and start a conversation, do you know what your needy energy will do? It will repel that person, because you will be the weak person.

So how do you feel good before you have every single conversation? You can do a visualization exercise about something that you love to do, or something about which you feel great that puts a smile on your face. Put whatever that is on your SmartPhone. It can be anything that is going to warm you up and make you feel really good.

For years I’ve been saying, and I want you to really understand, how important the first impression is when you meet someone. So you really have to get yourself feeling good before you have that first meeting.

Remember that you’re the director and the star of your own movie. Would you want to watch a movie about a weak person walking up to someone and having a conversation? No, you wouldn’t.

So you’ve really got to start feeling good about yourself. All of the power to start a great conversation with someone and to attract someone starts within you. It starts with who you are as a person and how you feel about yourself.

There is no shortcut, magic pill, or go-to phrase that someone can give you that will allow you to start a successful conversation with someone if you don’t feel good about yourself as a person when you start it. If you don’t feel good about yourself, it doesn’t matter what you say.

This is so important, and I stress this all the time. Every single person who comes to one of my seminars or Bootcamps understand this principle, and they have gone on to be a master communicator.

If you walked into a business meeting and started the conversation as the subordinate person, how do you think that business meeting would go? It’s no different when you meet someone socially. So if you want to be a master communicator, understanding this principle is where it all starts.

Here’s a great video that I did on the topic as well.

Have a great weekend!

So when you read today’s blog think about how you can use my funny observations as your openers to engage the world around you.

I drove by a Toyota lot the other day, and I saw a couple of really ugly cars. I started thinking to myself, “What happens to all of these cars? Is there really an ass for every seat? Do they all get sold?”

I know the cars that don’t sell and get a little old on the lot will go to an auction where some other dealer will buy them. Usually a small used car lot will buy a car at the auction that a big franchise dealer wholesales.

Are there some cars, though, that just never get sold? Are there some cars that just go from lot to lot and sit there, and nobody ever wants them?

There just seems to be so much inventory of so many things in life. Have you ever gone to a Nordstrom’s and looked at all the clothes? You know they can’t all be sold. Where do they go?

Of course they first get passed on to Marshall’s and then to Ross (and maybe some other stores), but what happens if they don’t get sold there? Do they just get exported somewhere else?

We’re such a “make more stuff” culture. We’re constantly producing things — televisions, clothes, cars etc. Where does all this stuff go?

Where does all the fruit go? Do you ever go to Whole Foods or to the supermarket and see all the fruit that is just sitting there?

You want to buy a peach, and when you reach for one you find it’s mushy. You think to yourself, “Well, that was a waste. That poor peach. It made this long journey from a tree to a truck to the fruit market, and now where will it go?” Do they throw it away, or give it away?

How about all the food that is at the “ready to eat” counters? They make all that prepared food. Where does it go? In the trash?

There are so many needy people out there. I wonder if these stores give the food to the needy or if they just throw it out.

More Stuff To Sell

What about the clothes that never end up being bought? Are they just thrown out? How about the cars that are never bought or sold at auction?

I think we should set up something. There must be some way to get all the stuff that is never bought or that nobody wants to people who cannot afford it.

There is so much extra surplus in the world. Does anyone else wonder where all this stuff goes, or is it just me? Maybe it’s just my crazy creative mind always thinking about things and processing stuff.

I’d like to hear what all of you think about this topic, and about where you think all this stuff goes.

I know some of it goes to Craigslist. You can find the weirdest things in the world on Craigslist. Where does the rest of it go?

Also, who really buys those orange colored Range Rovers? I can’t imagine. The other day I was driving around and saw a pink PT Cruiser — the exact thing I was craving the day that I was hung over, drunk, and needed a little bit of Pepto-Bismol.

So let’s hear from all of you today about this…

Do you like to talk at people and dominate 75%-80% of the conversation? Or when you meet a group of people and the conversation is about something in which you are not interested, do you always seem to find a way to change the topic of conversation to something that does interest you (and something that will allow you to talk at people)?

Have you ever met a self-talker, or are you yourself a self-talker?

Self-talkers are the worst listeners in the world. All they like to do is constantly talk about themselves, their accomplishments, their achievements, their travels, their works, and whatever else about themselves it might be. They will manipulate every single conversation so it goes in their direction. They are some of the most irritating people in the world. When I run into self talkers I always look the other direction.

It’s funny how many guys (and women) will email me and say, “I joined this group or I was at this party the other day, and I just didn’t have anything at all to contribute to the conversation. Do you ever feel that way?”

If you don’t have anything to contribute to a conversation, it is because you’re not about listening and are a self-talker. It is because all you can ever do is talk about yourself, and you’re not listening to the conversation going on around you. Instead of adding to the conversation, all you are thinking about as you’re standing there is how you can change the conversation so it goes in your direction.

Self-talkers are the most boring people I’ve ever met. People who just talk at you for two hours straight are boring.

I don’t want to hear everything about you and your life. I just want to be able to participate in a conversation with a normal individual.

If you are a self-talker, then it’s time you really started listening to other people. Give the rest of the world a break and start listening and participating in a real conversation.

The first thing (and one of the most important things) you need to do, is to evaluate your work environment. You need to be in a healthy work environment, one you love and one that has people in it with whom you enjoy spending time.

Of course there are going to be times at work you don’t enjoy. There’s going to be things you have to do that you don’t like. There are going to be people you need to interact with whom you don’t particularly like. In the grand scheme of things, though, you have to decide which compromises you’re willing to make with yourself.

You may be in a job that doesn’t stimulate you like it used to, but it pays you well enough to allow you to maintain the lifestyle you really enjoy. So you make an agreement with yourself that you’re going to stick with this job because it allows you to do the things you like to do outside of work.

If that job is something you just don’t like anymore then you could move to another company, except you’re afraid to move. If you can make a lateral move where you don’t lose money or seniority, then I suggest you spend some time and energy to do that. It will really improve your life overall.

Lifestyle is something a lot of people don’t fully understand. Lifestyle means doing the things that you love. If you do the things you love to do, you will always have something to talk about with people.

If you’re somebody who does not enjoy going to a bar, then you’re really not going to have things to talk about there. You’re just going to be standing there punching the time clock. You’re basically going to be walking in, handing your time card to the bartender to punch, spending a few hours there, paying your bill and then punching out before you leave. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it?

So, do things that you love. If you like exploring new neighborhoods, explore new neighborhoods. It doesn’t matter what it is, it’s only important that the “it” is something you love.

One of the reasons why creating a lifestyle like this is so important, is that creating a lifestyle makes you more open. You want to be open all the time.

Don’t go places and just “show up.” When you go to places, you want to show up and embrace everything.

You need to smile. You need to talk to people. You need to have random conversations with strangers all day long. That way, when you find someone to whom you are attracted you will have an open energy that will attract them (and get them to come over and approach you!).

The reason why a lot of women don’t get approached and a lot of men aren’t approachable, is because they’ve got a look on their face that says ‘don’t talk to me’ to people. People have that look on their face because they’re not really having fun.

They are not enjoying things. Everything you do, you should do with a child-like enthusiasm.

Go to the supermarket and act like you’ve never before been in there. Look through everything, have a good time and ask questions.

Ask questions of other people in the store. If you see someone getting a brand of yogurt you’ve never tried say, “I’m curious. I’ve never had that. Is it good?” Use those kind of approaches to talk to people everywhere.

Let’s say you’re in a brand new coffee shop and it’s your first time there. Don’t just order a cup of coffee. Ask the person standing in line next to you, “What do you recommend?” Even if you’re the only one in line, ask the guy behind the counter, “Hey, What’s good here?”

Get into a conversation, because people notice open energy. People notice people who are having fun. People notice people to whom other people are talking. It’s called attraction.

The law of attraction works. When you walk into a place and you start talking to a bunch of different people, other people will line up and want to talk to you.

I teach this at my Bootcamps all the time, and the guys see firsthand that it works every time. I remember one time at a Bootcamp we went into Neiman Marcus and started to talk to a woman.

All of a sudden, everyone was watching us and watching this interaction. Everyone was watching her smile. Everyone was watching us smile. When we went into another department, I had the guys do the exact same thing.

So when we came back through again for the second time, people literally started walking up to us and started conversations with us. One woman said, “Wow, you guys are so much fun!”

That is the kind of energy to which people are attracted. People are attracted to people having a good time. No one wants to hang out with a person who’s pouting, folding their arms and looking miserable.

So it’s about creating a lifestyle and being open. Do things that you love, and enjoy and embrace every moment.

By doing that, you will naturally start attracting people. You’ll be more open, so people will start talking to you. Being open will also get you to start talking to more people.

The key here is that when you are more open, people will notice you and will want to be around you. If they want to be around you, they’ll start talking to you.

So, why chase when you can attract?