So today check out this fun video I shot on how to overcome one word answers when you first meet a woman or a man.

And keep in mind when watching this video, all the people who were involved in the making of the video were a bit stiff at times.

Check out how I loosen them up.

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How To Overcome One Word Answers

This morning, I was walking down the street with my dog Daphne. It’s simply an absolutely beautiful day today, and we’re just walking down the street and I just started talking to people. When you let the weather and the environment inspire you, you get in the most interesting conversations.

So many people don’t take advantage of the beautiful days of summer and they spend all this time not talking to people and spending all this time at home. Were you one of those people this summer?

If you were, you need to start getting into more conversations. Ask people if they’re enjoying the great weather as much as you are. Relax. Go to a cafe. Sit outside and bring your work to the cafe with you. If you get stuck in traffic, roll your window down, smile and wave to the person stuck in traffic next to you. Yell something fun and lighthearted over to them, be playful have fun and keep in mind the weather is going to turn cold soon and you will wish that you took advantage of the great weather.

Actually, if you follow my posts. you know that what I write about really applies any time of the day, wherever you are. Daytime, nighttime, weekdays, and weekends alike. It’s all about having a strong, positive mindset, and that’s really the crux of it.

If you guys read the comments to Monday’s blog, our reader Konstantin asked a great question. From time to time I answer questions directly from you guys when I find them relevant. I’m going to answer Konstantin’s question right here for you guys:

Shogo, this is my problem

First, I read all your blogs and I know all tips of natural approach (observing, listening, eye contact) and also I read Always Talk to Strangers (David’s book).

I go to night clubs most, where are all girls from town. I know that place is competitive but I got no choice.

Hey Dad Lets Go Meet Some Women

I’ve tried to observe to start conversation but I don’t know with what to start. Ex: I see girls most in groups, they see at me and smile at me. I look that she drinks something, she is with friends and all that. As you said it’s unnatural because they are doing nothing, except having good time with her friends. Give something to start with Shogo, as I said before I tried, but conversation was like from script cause I not found anything to start with and not to appear as fool. Thanks.

Konstantin,

You have “no choice” but to go to nightclubs? What’s that about? You always have a choice with what you do with your time. Always. What you decide to do with your time is your choice. You can do whatever you want, and as long as you’re out of the house, women will be there.

So ask yourself, do you enjoy going to nightclubs?

If yes, why? Write down the reasons. Do you like the music? Do you like the people? Are you entertained when you see how people there interact? How people dress? Do you like to dance? Do you enjoy watching other people dance and make fools of themselves? Write down all the things you like about going out to nightclubs. These are all going to be your conversation starters.
When you’re out, you see girls who are smiling at you. That’s great! If a girl is smiling at you, you need to go over there and talk to her. It doesn’t matter that she’s in a group. Walk over with a big smile, be open, and introduce yourself.

If you need something to start with, observe everything around you.

She’s drinking something? She’s with her friends? That’s not an observation. Every woman is drinking something and every woman is with her friends.

Be creative. Point out the freaky-looking guy in the corner and how he’s dressed. Comment on how bad or good you think the music is. Make a comment on other people dancing–notice whether it’s good dancing or bad dancing. If it’s really bad dancing, poke fun at it. Use whatever is around you. People in clubs are running around all night acting like fools. There’s always something to discuss. Tell her you dig her outfit (if you actually do dig her outfit). If you don’t like her outfit but you think it’s interesting or weird, tell her why you think it’s interesting or weird.

So here’s the most important part of your question: YOU NEED TO STOP THINKING YOU WILL APPEAR FOOLISH.

Many women you approach in a nightclub will be a little uncomfortable at first too. Just like you, she’s hesitant because she does not know what to expect from you yet. You need to be the first one to be comfortable in the conversation. You need to be comfortable with yourself first.

If you think you’re going to appear foolish, you will appear foolish every time. Or you will never approach. I never, ever believe that about myself when I’m out. I’m out to meet new people, and every conversation that I have is going to be an amazing conversation. That’s all I think about. Period.

Start off by making observations, and before you know it, you won’t even need that anymore. When I go out to bars at night, usually the only thing I say to start a conversation is walk up with a big smile and say, “Hi, my name is Shogo.” That’s it. Guys who have been out with me know that that’s all I ever do. Or I say with a big smile, “You guys look like you’re having fun, mind if we join your conversation?” Or, “You look bored as hell, I’m here to entertain you.” That’s it. Simple.

David is out in Chicago today at his final Communication Seminar of the year! If you missed it but wanted to attend, don’t worry. There will be more coming next year, so stay tuned.

You know I always love giving you guys advice on how to handle going out on the weekends, making sure you have a good time, and being able to make sense of it all. The reason I can give you the insight is because I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to go out on Friday and Saturday nights chasing women around, collecting phone numbers, not getting anywhere, and generally not having a very satisfying time by the end of the night.

But every once in a while, I still get swept up into the Saturday night fever myself. I still get sucked into the same traps, standing around in some bar, talking to some woman I just met over blaring music, not being able to hold any sort of real conversation, wondering, “Why the hell am I here?”

Last weekend, I took a trip out to Montreal with some good friends. We were five guys all together, no women in our group. All around, the weekend was terrific. Friday night? Amazing. We had a great meal and saw some cool live jazz in town. Saturday during the day? Had a great time walking around, meeting people, eating some great food, sitting out in the park, and checking out some of the sights.

How To Meet Women At Night

But then…by the time Saturday night rolled around, everybody started getting nightclub fever. It’ like as a single person you’re led to believe that on Saturday nights you’re supposed to go out to a bar or a nightclub. That’s just what you’re supposed to do. So we all met in the lobby, everybody wearing the same collared shirt, jeans, and black shoes combo. The infamous wolf pack. I wanted to kill myself before the night even started—way too many dudes in the same group. I’ve been in the situation many, many times before and I saw where it was headed: a whole lot of nowhere.

Now don’t get me wrong: I did end up meeting some cool people and generally having a good time, just because that’s my nature and I’ll have a good time wherever I go, but a couple of my buddies were so stressed out from the night. One guy kept wanting to go to a strip club. Another guy didn’t drink and didn’t want to hang around drinkers. Another kept texting his girlfriend every 15 minutes. Another hadn’t been laid in years and was totally unsuccessful in his attempts to chase down women. Everybody was in a different place in their heads and nobody was getting anywhere.

The fact is you don’t have to go out to a bar or club to meet single women. It’s not true at all. If you want to, great! I like a nice bar. I really do. But if you’re going out on the weekends, it’s frustrating you, and you keep repeating the same pattern over and over, you need to stop going to those places. You need to reevaluate what you’re doing and where you’re going. It’s time for some change. There are plenty of places you can go on a weekend night where you will meet a lot of other single people that don’t involve massive amounts of overpriced vodka, pumping techno music, and people standing around posing in their club gear. More to come on some fun alternative places for you to go on weekend nights in a future blog…

I say this ALL the time before we go out for the evening at our boot camps and seminars, and I’ll say it again: If you don’t actually like to go out at bars, don’t go out at bars to try to meet women. Don’t do it. Just like if you don’t like to read books, don’t hang around Barnes and Noble trying to meet women. If you don’t like basketball, don‘t get basketball season tickets to try to meet women at games. You get the picture…

Now get out there, have a great time this weekend, and enjoy one of our last weekends of summer!

It is all about how bad advice can lead you to a very lonely dating life.

Lets clear up a few things today.

Check out the email and then listen to today’s podcast.

Its time we got rid of our mothers advice and starting listening to what really works.

Hello David,
I first off want to thank you for all of your useful and I must say funny videos. I am sure that you get a lot of emails but it would mean more than you believe if you could help me out. As I just came across your videos on YouTube tonight.

Here it is.I am a 22 year old female and have never ever been approached by a guy. Im sure you must be thinking that I need to work on my confidence and possibly body image but it is not any of those. I am a normal girl however I am pretty shy, and I tend to be very serious when I am in public alone. Don’t get me wrong if someone comes up to start a conversation, I’m more than nice!

Moms Dating Advice

But as my mom always tells me I look too serious and look rather unapproachable, as if I’m not interested in any guy or that I am already with someone. I feel like my attitude my come off as being “bitchy” but that’s not it. I’m a serious girl and I know what I want. But obviously the way that i have been carrying myself has not been working for me

I especially am serious when I go to the gym, I have my music on and just in my own world. I have tried looking back at guys when they look at me. But I have this thing that if I look, and they look… It kind of cracks me up and I start laughing, I know its weird.. But its just from me being shy. That’s why I always take the serious approach and not look into guys eyes.

I would realllly appreciate ANY advice you can give me. There are a lot of potential guys that I was interested in but things never happened cause of me and me being shy! Especially at the gym!

Thanks a million!!!!!
Lara

Listen now below to hear my thoughts…

To Download Today’s Podcast Click Here!

In reality, there are only a few things in life on which you are an expert, but one of those things is your errands. You’re an expert at your errands — and about the places you go time and time again as part of your errands.

How many times have you been to that same supermarket? You’ve been there and seen those women you’re attracted to a thousand times.

How many times have you run into Starbucks to get your morning coffee and seen that woman you’re attracted to also getting hers. How many times have you ordered coffee there? You’re an expert there.

How many times do you go to the dry cleaner, the library or a bookstore? If you think about it, you can see all the places in which you are already an expert where you can be meeting people.

You know the history of those places. You may have been shopping at Ralph’s for ten years, and you know that the donuts that are the shelves on Tuesdays are different than the donuts they put on the shelf on Thursdays.

How To Meet Men At The Supermarket

So why aren’t you meeting people in these places? The problem is that you get into these places and you go right into your head . . . and inside your head is a bad neighborhood.

The worst block in that neighborhood is at the intersection of Fear Avenue and Insecure Boulevard. It’s a horrible place.

It’s not only bad, but the traffic lights never work. Everybody is stuck right in the middle of it. No one knows which car should go first, which person should walk, and which person should turn right or left.

So if you are stuck at that intersection of Fear Avenue and Insecure Boulevard, what do you do about it? You become the leader.

You realize that you are an expert in that intersection. You’ve already been through that intersection a million times. So you need to bring yourself back to the moment, and really grind into your head where you are.

So if you are at Ralph’s and you see a woman standing there staring at the donut boxes, just take a second to look around, observe and realize you’ve eaten donuts your entire life. You’ve dreamed of donuts even before you could eat donuts. (I hope you’ve figured out that donuts is just the analogy here.)

You’re in a place where you are truly an expert. So really allow your brain to process all the signals that are going on around you, and then speak with authority.

I don’t care if you walk up and just say something like, “I like the white powdered sugar ones better, but really what are you in the mood for?” Whatever you say, just say it with authority. Speak with clarity and passion in your voice.

You’re an expert at the places you go to run your errands, but you refuse to use your brain and state the obvious with confidence. You are an expert in all these places, and yet you spend the whole time in them inside your head wondering what to do and say that is clever.

The truth is that nobody is smarter than you are in the places you go to run your errands. So take advantage of that!

You’re in a relationship, but you don’t really want to be in a relationship, so you’re constantly going out with friends (or telling your significant other that you’re going out with friends). But what you’re really doing is secretly making yourself available so you can look for something better, look for a replacement for the man or woman that you’re with.

Have you ever been on a date that’s not going really well, but you see someone else you’re attracted to sitting by the bar? So you sneak away—just for a second—to go flirt with the person at the bar so maybe that can be your next date…

We’ve all done this from time to time. We’ve all performed the “sneak around.” Whether we cheated on our significant other, we were out on a date and secretly talked to someone else we were attracted to, or just plain and simple we did not want to be in the relationship and avoided our partner instead of confronting the issue.

The Cheatanator

Isn’t it amazing how many things we do instead of just being honest? You realize what a waste of time the “sneak around” is. You’re in a bad relationship, yet you’re sneaking around hoping any issues will miraculously be solved. You don’t have the balls to get out of the relationship, so you spend all this time and effort lying, sneaking around, daydreaming about living a different lifestyle and not living your own life freely and openly, and not living your life so you are truly enjoying yourself.

Think about all those things that you do in life in order to avoid hurting your partner, even if you don’t want to be with them anymore. But in reality, you’re going to end up hurting them in the long run by sneaking around and prolonging the inevitable, and not being open and honest with them. And in the end, you’re not facing your own issues head-on, and you’re actually really hurting yourself.

As usual the year is moving along at a rapid pace.

One month from today is my birthday, so this will be your only reminder to make sure that you spoil me on my birthday!

I have a question for all of you today.

How fun are you?

Are you able to get out of your head and just let go, without thinking of how others perceive you?

I show you how on today’s podcast, listen now below!

Click Here To Download Today’s Podcast!

As well as a podcast today, I want to share this video with you.

When I was in London last month we did a get out of your head exercise during the bootcamp.

Check out how we go out of our heads and became the life of the party in London.

And for those of you who are thinking of a bootcamp.

I only have 3 left this year, so check out the schedule below and if your interested shoot me an email so we can go over all the details.

Bootcamp Schedule

June 10th – 12th
The Only 2011 New York City Bootcamp for Men
1 slots left!

July 15th – 17th
Toronto Bootcamp for Men with myself and Marni from Wing Girls.
5 slots left!

October 28th – 30th
London Bootcamp for Men
5 slots left!

I want you to read this a few times and really take in a very important message.

If you can master today’s message and really take it in, you will be able to meet a ton of people of the opposite sex.

If we were as boring with our friends as we are when we try to meet the opposite sex, we’d have no friends.

Think about that for a moment.

If we were as boring with our friends as we are when we try to meet the opposite sex, we’d have no friends.

I want all of you to go out today and when you meet people of the opposite sex, talk to them like a friend.

Talk to them like they are your close friend.

So when we walked into Sears, I told him to watch and learn just how playful you can really be.

So when I walked into Sears, Passion Optical, ready for my glasses to be done with repairs. I walked in, and this woman behind the counter says to me, she goes, “Are you here for a pick-up?”

I said “Absolutely, I’m here for a pick-up.” She goes, “What’s your name?”

“No, I’m here to pick you up,” I replied.

Then all of a sudden she realizes what’s going on. Little did she know the ulterior motives I had with my client watching but when I said so, she came crawling back, talked with me even more, and was cracking up the entire time.

Think about all the times you go and you pick up something at a business.

How To Meet Women At Sears

In a restaurant, you walk in and they go, “What are you here for?” “I’m here for a pick-up.” And they go, “What’s your name?” “No-no-no-no, no. I’m here to pick you up. I didn’t order any food. You asked me if I was here for a pick-up. Absolutely, I told you, I am here for a pick-up.”

Think about how much more fun you have and think about how creative that is. It’s about being goofy, having fun, and really just admitting why you’re even there in the first place.

So the next time you go to a restaurant and they ask you if you’re here for what you’re here for, just tell her you’re here for a pick-up, and then they’ll wonder what name. Just don’t fumble it, and get your own name wrong!