In order to meet somebody great, you need to create a great lifestyle for yourself. You need to do things you love.
The first thing (and one of the most important things) you need to do, is to evaluate your work environment. You need to be in a healthy work environment, one you love and one that has people in it with whom you enjoy spending time.
Of course there are going to be times at work you don’t enjoy. There’s going to be things you have to do that you don’t like. There are going to be people you need to interact with whom you don’t particularly like. In the grand scheme of things, though, you have to decide which compromises you’re willing to make with yourself.
You may be in a job that doesn’t stimulate you like it used to, but it pays you well enough to allow you to maintain the lifestyle you really enjoy. So you make an agreement with yourself that you’re going to stick with this job because it allows you to do the things you like to do outside of work.
If that job is something you just don’t like anymore then you could move to another company, except you’re afraid to move. If you can make a lateral move where you don’t lose money or seniority, then I suggest you spend some time and energy to do that. It will really improve your life overall.
Lifestyle is something a lot of people don’t fully understand. Lifestyle means doing the things that you love. If you do the things you love to do, you will always have something to talk about with people.
If you’re somebody who does not enjoy going to a bar, then you’re really not going to have things to talk about there. You’re just going to be standing there punching the time clock. You’re basically going to be walking in, handing your time card to the bartender to punch, spending a few hours there, paying your bill and then punching out before you leave. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it?
So, do things that you love. If you like exploring new neighborhoods, explore new neighborhoods. It doesn’t matter what it is, it’s only important that the “it” is something you love.
One of the reasons why creating a lifestyle like this is so important, is that creating a lifestyle makes you more open. You want to be open all the time.
Don’t go places and just “show up.” When you go to places, you want to show up and embrace everything.
You need to smile. You need to talk to people. You need to have random conversations with strangers all day long. That way, when you find someone to whom you are attracted you will have an open energy that will attract them (and get them to come over and approach you!).
The reason why a lot of women don’t get approached and a lot of men aren’t approachable, is because they’ve got a look on their face that says ‘don’t talk to me’ to people. People have that look on their face because they’re not really having fun.
They are not enjoying things. Everything you do, you should do with a child-like enthusiasm.
Go to the supermarket and act like you’ve never before been in there. Look through everything, have a good time and ask questions.
Ask questions of other people in the store. If you see someone getting a brand of yogurt you’ve never tried say, “I’m curious. I’ve never had that. Is it good?” Use those kind of approaches to talk to people everywhere.
Let’s say you’re in a brand new coffee shop and it’s your first time there. Don’t just order a cup of coffee. Ask the person standing in line next to you, “What do you recommend?” Even if you’re the only one in line, ask the guy behind the counter, “Hey, What’s good here?”
Get into a conversation, because people notice open energy. People notice people who are having fun. People notice people to whom other people are talking. It’s called attraction.
The law of attraction works. When you walk into a place and you start talking to a bunch of different people, other people will line up and want to talk to you.
I teach this at my Bootcamps all the time, and the guys see firsthand that it works every time. I remember one time at a Bootcamp we went into Neiman Marcus and started to talk to a woman.
All of a sudden, everyone was watching us and watching this interaction. Everyone was watching her smile. Everyone was watching us smile. When we went into another department, I had the guys do the exact same thing.
So when we came back through again for the second time, people literally started walking up to us and started conversations with us. One woman said, “Wow, you guys are so much fun!”
That is the kind of energy to which people are attracted. People are attracted to people having a good time. No one wants to hang out with a person who’s pouting, folding their arms and looking miserable.
So it’s about creating a lifestyle and being open. Do things that you love, and enjoy and embrace every moment.
By doing that, you will naturally start attracting people. You’ll be more open, so people will start talking to you. Being open will also get you to start talking to more people.
The key here is that when you are more open, people will notice you and will want to be around you. If they want to be around you, they’ll start talking to you.
You want to have the ultimate abundance mindset in life. This goes for business and it goes for your dating life.
Let’s say you work in sales. Every January 1st you always feel like you are broke because you’re “starting over” in a new year. You feel like you need to get that first sale of the year.
You compare yourself constantly to the previous year and you continually want to improve your statistics. You’re competitive. You want to make more money and be more successful than you were in the prior year.
We all do it. I do it too. I’ve done some things I almost don’t want to admit. I’ve held back checks that came in during the month of December and didn’t deposit them until January because I wanted to feel like I made more money in the new year.
You’re still paying the same amount of taxes on that money, but somehow by doing that it feels different mentally. In your head you think, “It’s January 2nd and I have cash in the bank already!”
Here is something that someone very financially successful taught me a long time ago: Don’t ever count what you’ve made this year; Count what you’ve made your entire adult life. If you do this, you will always feel abundance.
Instead of thinking “Wow, I’m having an off year,” think I’ve made $20 Million so far! You feel much more abundant when you do that. You don’t have to count and keep track of every little deal, and you don’t need to compare yourself to others.
This same abundance principle applies to your success in meeting the opposite sex. So many guys will think, “God am I having a bad week!” They could instead think something like “Wow, I’ve gone on 3,000 dates and slept with 250 women!” That is an abundance mentality and it will affect how you interact with people.
So think abundance every day. Walk around and feel that abundance.
Don’t think about how many people you have (or have not) met this month. Think about how many dates you’ve been on in your life.
When you do this, your energy will change and be open. What happens then is that every time you talk to someone of the opposite sex, you will talk to them with a confident open energy and without desperation.
If you have a rough streak where things aren’t happening the way you’d like, which happens to everyone, then you might have a tendency to put more pressure on yourself to change things. If you can concentrate on all the wonderful people you’ve met in your life, then you’ll radiate the power of an abundance mentality instead of radiating an air of desperation.
It’s no different than when a professional baseball player is in a slump. When a baseball player is having a 2-10 slump, the best players pull themselves out of that slump by thinking “Well, I’ve still got a .300 average!” If a player is in a 2-54 slump, you can always tell that he has just been thinking about how badly things have been going for him and he just keeps pressing. That never works.
In terms of meeting someone of the opposite sex, when you start pressing you need to take a “time out” and write down all your successes. Take a day off from chasing, and then go back the next day with a brand new attitude of how successful your entire life has been.
That’s how you do it. It’s all about the mindset. It’s all about having the ultimate abundance mindset.
I’m sitting here right now deleting 219 unopened emails from my Facebook page. As I’m sitting here doing that, the IM box keeps popping up with all sorts of “friends” (whom I don’t really know) wanting to chat with me.
“Hey David! Are you there?”
“Hey David, Can I ask you a question?”
“Hey David – I have a situation with a woman right now … ”
Things like that are popping up nonstop on my screen. It’s really funny that there are all these ways to contact me in ways I don’t want to be contacted.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love hearing from people, but I have one email address — david@davidwygant.com — that I want people to use to contact me.
People will be on my website, but for some reason or other decide to contact me via Facebook.
It’s not just Facebook. I get things from MySpace. I get things from Twitter. I get them from all over the place. I get people who just randomly text me nonstop saying things like “Hey, how are you?”
What is so funny is that in this age of communication where people are so good at communicating via all these different methods — Facebook, Twitter, MySpace etc — that people still can’t say hello to each other in a store. Pretty wild, isn’t it?
Can you imagine us all walking around with laptops around our necks? Every time we’d pass someone, their Facebook page immediately shows up on our laptop screen. So instead of actually talking to them, you can just send them an IM as they’re shopping in the grocery store aisles.
You could be sitting in traffic and, all of a sudden, you notice you’re attracted to the person driving in the car next to you. You could then immediately jump on their MySpace page, IM them and say “Hey you! I’m in the car next to you. Want to chat?”
People don’t do this in real life. Seems like everyone is good in the cyberworld, but lousy in reality, and the fact is that reality is the only thing that matters.
The other day I was walking near these two kids who were about ten or twelve years old. They were texting their friends and ignoring each other.
I remember when I was a kid, we used to go on roadtrips all the time. We actually used to look out the window and see what was going on around us. Now, kids stare at DVD screens in the car and text their friends.
It’s amazing how many people complain nonstop about how they’re not meeting anyone. The reason a lot of people aren’t meeting anyone is because they have their head up their electronic ass all day long!
As most of you know, I’ve been looking for an iPhone. One guy said to me that if I get the 3G iPhone, that it may not be compatible with the T-Mobile network making the mobile web service work a lot more slowly. I told him I didn’t really care because I don’t need the mobile web nonstop.
I like to connect with people, say hello to my friends and neighbors, and get to know new people. Also, what ever happened to learning what someone is all about as a person? I don’t need to read it on a Facebook page or a MySpace page. I can actually walk up to people and find out more information in five minutes than I ever would on their Facebook page or MySpace page.
When people write in cyberspace, it is often a bunch of lies. Everyone writes as the person they want to be, not the person they really are. Everybody makes themselves sound so perfect, and they do it on dating sites as well too.
So, really, think about the amount of hours you spend IMing people, texting people and trying to get in touch with old friends. Think about all the time you spend reconnecting with people whom you really haven’t connected with in so long.
We’re all looking for those great friendships or that great love, and we’re doing everything we possibly can to find them. We’re reconnecting on Facebook with people we dated twenty years ago to see if there’s anything to be rekindled with that old flame.
In reality, though, how much time are you spending every day actually going out and meeting people? This is what I’m teaching you here. It’s about the spark you can find in everyday life. It’s about living life and not spending so much time in cyberspace.
As I sit here wasting time not only checking out all the useless emails on Facebook, I want to also tell people to stop tagging people, hitting them with water guns, and all the other stupid applications that Facebook offers. Who cares if someone wants to squirt you with a water gun?
Great! Come to my house, talk to me, and then let’s get into an old-fashioned water gun fight instead of you tagging me with an imaginary water gun in this imaginary world called Facebook.
Are you ready to put down the Facebook pages and meet women out and about in the real world? Summer is a great time to meet people at street fairs.
I want you to think about this question: How many people are doing things they don’t like in order to meet people?
Some people hate being online, yet they will spend hours on the Internet writing profiles, putting up photos and answering emails all to meet people to whom they are not even attracted. Other people who don’t drink, aren’t “late night people,” and who hate the smell of cigarette smoke will spend weekend night after weekend night in bars.
Why would these people do all this? They do things like this, i.e., things they don’t enjoy, in order to meet someone.
There are a lot of people who have the mentality that the time you spend standing in line at a grocery story is not a good time to talk to someone, because they they think “Well I shouldn’t say anything. I don’t want to bother them.” Somehow, though, they think it’s perfectly okay to “bother” someone who is inside a bar or on the Internet.
For whatever reason, a lot of people think there are only certain places at which it is acceptable to try and meet someone. People are so afraid to think outside the box.
One problem with this mindset, is that the “conventional places” to meet someone — like the bar and the Internet — are really the least favorable places to meet people. You have to weed through SO many people to find a gem on the Internet, and don’t get me started about the issues with meeting people in bars.
Everyone wants to meet somebody. We are born and put on this Earth to love. In order to find love, though, you have to meet a lot of people.
You have to be meeting three to five people every day, since (as I’ve said countless times before) about 80% of the people you meet are people with with whom you will have no romantic chemistry. To find that 20%, i.e., those real connections with someone, you have to do the work.
Sunday is still by far my favorite day of the week. You know what’s so funny, though, is how many people beginning on Sunday afternoon experience what I call “Monday anxiety.”
The minute Sunday afternoon rolls around, they start thinking about work. They start worrying about the upcoming week. My Mom even used to lay out the clothes she was going to wear on Monday. People do all this, and in essence kill the rest of their Sunday.
What is really sad about this, is that people who have “Monday anxiety” are people who really only have a one day weekend. As far as I’m concerned, I couldn’t care less about Monday until it is Monday.
So today for those of you who suffer from “Monday anxiety,” just relax and enjoy your Sunday! I purposely posted this blog late today, because I know you “Monday anxiety” sufferers are already deep into your suffering and I was hoping that just maybe this might be your connection back to Sunday.
Today’s blog is directed to the women out there, but I know all you guys can relate to this situation as well.
You know, it is difficult for most guys to approach a group of women. Women are just brutal about going out in packs of three or four, and then just huddling together. It’s really intimidating for a lot of guys to approach the group to meet one of the women in the group in whom he’s interested.
There is something I see going on time and time again in these “packs” of women that I really wanted to address. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone out and seen a man approach one of these packs of women, and there will be one woman who sits there texting someone who is not even there but giving the absent party the blow by blow of what’s going on around her.
You can imagine the texts now. “Oh Mary, you should really come here. There are so many cute guys here.” I would want to ask our texter this: How would YOU know? You’re not even present!
When you’re out and with a group of people, don’t text another person who is not there. It’s hard enough for guys to approach you in the first place.
You don’t want to be that woman who is just texting away nonstop, because it means that you are not present in the moment. If you’re not present in the moment then you’re going to miss tons of opportunities to meet someone.
So from now on if you’re out with a group and feel compelled to have a text talk, then take yourself to the bathroom and do it when you’re alone. Don’t text people when you’re in a restaurant or bar when you’re out to meet people.
Don’t text people who aren’t there, because as you’re giving attention to someone who isn’t there you are also ignoring people who are there. In particular, you are ignoring any men with whom you could possibly be connecting at that moment.
So start opening up your energy. The truth is that if you are out in one of these “women packs,” you are going to have to if you want men to approach. Four women will be out together in a football-like huddle, and they will wonder why guys aren’t approaching them.
If you want men to approach you in this situation, your energy has to change. You have to smile. You’ve got to face the room, and not have your back turned to the crowd of people around you. When you do that, you make it virtually impossible to approach you.
When you open your energy, face the crowd and smile, you make it possible for men to break into your pack. So the next time you’re out and one of your friends is texting, grab her phone and tell her to remain open and present. You will all have a much more enjoyable night!
If you want to give your mom a Mother’s Day she’ll always remember, make this Mother’s Day the one you meet your future husband or wife. Curious yet? Read on . . . cause this will be one Mother’s Day your mom will never forget!
I’ve got a brand new Mother’s Day tradition for all of you to start today. This will be the first one I’ve celebrated in quite some time, due to the fact that my girlfriend celebrates it. So by default I have now become someone who celebrates it too. The kind of Mother’s Day I’m celebrating, however, is the kind I think you should be celebrating. (more…)
Remember when you were a little kid, and whenever you were afraid of anything you had a superhero to bail you out? Who can forget “Have no fear, Underdog is here!” What about if you had a bad dream? All you had to do was run into your parents’ room, and they would make everything scary go away.
Remember how long the days used to be when you were a kid? Remember how long summer vacation lasted? Do you remember how slowly the school year would go? First grade took forever. High school felt like an eternity. It seemed like every year was as long as a dog year.
Things are so easy in grammar school. You go to school. You come home. Then you do crazy things with your friends.
Did you ever take a box you got from the supermarket, draw some headlights and a license plate on it, and then go for the ride of your life in it down the stairs? Sometimes you’d make it all the way down, while other times you would land on your head.
Do you remember going skateboarding from the top of a hill with a leaf pile down below? You start down, you pick up speed, and then all of a sudden as you’re getting close to the bottom you decide it would be fun to jump into the leaf pile (sometimes missing it entirely)? You’d get all bruised and a little bloody . . . then you’d do it again because you had no fear.
I remember as a kid go sledding (or sleigh riding as we called it) on those plastic blue sleds down this huge hill. Now in New York, whenever it snowed it would also always rain making the snow quite slick.
So one day I went sleigh riding with my brother and sister behind my house on Winged Foot Golf Course in Scarsdale. At the time, my brother was probably six years old, my sister was eight and I was thirteen. We got to the top of the hill, got on our plastic sleds, and then we all started down the hill.
Due to the icy conditions, we were all headed in different directions. I headed in the direction I was supposed to go because I weighed the most. My sister started doing continuous 360’s down the hill, while my brother headed directly for the brook. My sister ended up about 25 yards from me, dizzy and confused.
My brother, meanwhile, was nowhere in site. So I headed to the brook, where I found my brother about 12 feet from his sled laying face down on the ice.
I thought I had killed my brother . . . and boy was my Mother going to be mad at me for that! Forgetting to take out the garbage was one thing, but killing your brother on a February day can’t be good.
I kept screaming his name “Little guy! Little guy!!” Finally he lifted one side of his cheek off the ice. It was quite red. As I pulled him up, he looked at me with tears running down his cheeks and he said to me “Can we do that again?”
What happened to that fearless little kid in all of us?
It’s already the end of January. Your New Year’s goals are probably broken by now. A lot of you have emailed me about coaching. Some of you are going through with it. Some of you are using all sorts of excuses . . . from lack of money, lack of time, too busy with kids to whatever.
I learned a long, long time ago, though, that the number one excuse behind which people hide is fear. Everybody who contacts me about coaching can afford it. There are coaching programs for EVERY budget. This blog, however, is not about getting you to work with me. That’s your choice.
What this is about is the excuses you make to stay hidden behind your fears. Time is ticking by. The days are shorter. The months are shorter. You don’t have long summer vacations anymore. We’re full of obligations. It seems like years go by in months, and all we’re doing is getting older . . . but sometimes not getting wiser.
You’re an adult. So, really, what is going to change unless you acknowledge your fears? Nothing is going to change unless you do something about them.
Learning the skill of meeting people is no different than losing weight. I’m sure you’ve tried miracle diets that promise instant results, but in the end you end up putting all the weight back on. There are NO shortcuts . . . and it’s time you admit that you can’t do this alone.
It’s funny. Have you ever seen the movie “Defending Your life,” where the lead character played by Albert Brooks finally realizes his life lesson was that he was cheap with himself? What’s the point of making money unless you can invest it in the most important thing – yourself.
As kids, we are fearless. As adults, we live behind our fears. The difference is that as adults, we have the means to work with people to help us eliminate our fears.
We spend money on clothes, expensive vacation and cars – all external things. So you can afford to go to the Bahamas for a week, but when you get there and see a woman (or man) to whom you’re attracted you are still the same fearful person you are at home.
Nothing will change unless you start changing things about yourself. Fear is the number one reason and the number one excuse why people don’t try something new.
I get this question all the time from people: “What if I work with you, you coach me, and it doesn’t work?” My response is always the same: “With that attitude, we might as well not try.” I tell people this because I know that my coaching and my products work . . . as long as the person makes the commitment to themselves and are willing to become that fearless child again.
Think back in your life. What was your sleigh riding moment as a kid? How did you feel being totally fearless?
Now think about your current social life and what you’re not accomplishing. Think about your fears and excuses. How would you rather be?
Would you rather be an adult having fun like a fearless kid, or would you rather hide behind your fears and not connect with the people you most desire. When was the last time you did something fearless without expecting a result?
If you’re a man, when was the last time you approached a woman to whom you’re most attracted in a natural way without worrying about the outcome, i.e., without worrying about whether or not that person was interested in you? When was the last time you just enjoyed the moment without the drunken scared monkey in your head trying to out think the whole interaction?
If you’re a woman, when is the last time you fearlessly approached a man? When is the last time you flirted and had fun without caring whether he likes you or not?
The point of life is not to make money, buy material things, live in a great house . . . and to be lonely. The point of life is to create amazing connections and memories.
I have worked with a lot of lonely wealthy people. Their fears are no different than people who aren’t wealthy. Their loneliness is no different. Their excuses are no different.
Money does not buy happiness. The only thing that buys happiness is having no fear and being able to connect with someone. Men and women both have the same goal: to meet a member of the opposite sex, to fall in love, and to find someone with whom to share memories.
The only thing preventing men and women from getting together are the fears that each of them have. It’s time you eliminate those fears and self-doubts, and live like the fearless five year-old who has a gusto for life and embraces life as a new journey.
That’s how I live my life every day. That’s what I teach when I coach and in all my products. If you want to go sleigh riding with me, I’m here.
Happy Christmas Eve to all …. and a happy Wednesday to those of you who are not celebrating Christmas. This message today (although inspired by a classic Christmas movie) applies to everyone!
Do you remember these poignant words which the angel Clarence said to Jimmy Stewart’s character George Bailey in It’s A Wonderful Life?: “Strange, isn’t it? Each man’s life touches so many other lives. When he isn’t around he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he? . . . Dear George, remember no man is a failure who has friends . . . See George, you really had a wonderful life. Don’t you see what a mistake it would be to just throw it all away?”
I know know how stressful the holiday season can be. I will get stressed out too if I have to watch one more Zales diamond jewelry commercial. Then again, if it is followed up by the Budweiser horses then it’s okay.
It’s almost the end of December 2008. Have you thought about how wonderful your life really is, or are you too busy thinking about what you don’t have?
If you’re a man, maybe you are wishing you were better with women. If you’re a woman, you are perhaps wishing that more men would approach you. You might be thinking about how much chemistry you thought you had with the last person you dated, yet they didn’t call you back.
The problem that I find coaching so many people that are single, is that they are always thinking about what they don’t have. When I coach someone, I find that they seem to only focus on all the things that they are NOT, instead of embracing all the things that they are.
It’s amazing how many people come to me who really want to learn how to approach women (or men), but they don’t want to put in the work necessary to learn how to do it. They don’t practice every single day, and they don’t embrace the small victories that happen every day.
What so many people do is they try something once, and if it doesn’t work then they quit. Last season, Peyton Manning threw six interceptions against the Chargers. He didn’t quit. He was down 21–0 and he kept coming back.
How is it he can throw six interceptions and keep going, but the average single person who learns a new approach will give it only one chance to work? They will try it once, and if it doesn’t work they’ll quit and re-embrace their fears all over again.
During this holiday season and in the new year, give yourself permission to try new things and new approaches. If you are only able to talk to someone for 30 seconds, then the very next day try to talk to someone for 35 seconds. Learn to embrace the small victories.
It seems though that when people are single, they always want to know ahead of time if they are going to succeed. They don’t believe or understand that learning to approach and connect with the opposite sex is a process that will have successes and failures along the way.
Recently a student of mine said to me “David, I don’t want to approach a woman unless I know 100% for sure that it’s going to work.” So I used the football analogy on him, and I asked him “Is there anything in life that’s 100%?” The only things that are 100% in life are, as they say, death and taxes.
So during this holiday season, give yourself some goals for the new year. You just can’t win the Super Bowl the first time you ever play the game.
So take a look at your life and where you are, and start embracing little gains. In order to become a master communicator, you need to put the time and effort in to make it happen. It’s not just going to happen overnight.
Every day allow yourself some practice time. Go out and flirt with two people today, and then maybe with three tomorrow. Instead of getting frustrated with yourself, start accepting the small gains.
In order for somebody to share your wonderful life with you, you need to first realize that your life is wonderful.
Today’s video will show you how you can comfortably and easily create an opener. It will help you as you go out there to do this daily practice and to get those daily wins.
