Since I am so powerful in football predictions, I figured some of you will be waiting to hear my World Series predictions. Some of you are probably thinking, “Why can’t you predict when I’m going to get laid or when my next date will be?” Well that I can’t do (and that’s what my products are for).
I don’t care who makes it from the National League, because the Yankees are winning it all this year. You can take that prediction to the bank . . . and maybe even to the bedroom.
Life is not fair. The other night I was having a conversation with someone about sex. I’m not going to tell you all the specifics, other than to tell you that after that discussion, I was absolutely orgasm envious! So let’s talk about orgasms, and I will tell you the reason why I’m orgasm envious.
By the way, if I could have one wish it would be that I could have a vagina for a day. I just think it would be so much fun. I already know exactly what kind of orgasms I’d want to have. I’d love to know how to have multiple orgasms through all different ways.
I’d want to have a g-spot orgasm. Of course there is the clitoris, so I’d want at least one clitoral orgasm (since the only reason it exists is for pleasure). Then there is this other place way back in the bowels of the vagina that supposedly can create a whole other type of orgasm.
I mean, give me a break. Right there, that’s three different kinds of orgasms! We men only get one kind.
I really don’t, however, want to talk today about the unfairness of orgasm counts between the sexes. What I really want to talk about today is sexual prime.
By the time men hit the age of 25, they are basically out of their sexual prime. Age 25? Half of the guys out there don’t even get laid enough to enjoy their sexual prime while they’re in it. Then by the time they are getting enough sex, they are already out of their sexual prime.
Women, on the other hand, don’t hit their sexual prime until they are around 37 years old. Think about the way that balances out.
By the time a guy is 37 years old, he isn’t exactly producing the same amount of “little swimmers” as he used to produce. Not only that, he doesn’t really want to have sex five times a day anymore (while women at that same age are machines!).
It’s no wonder that 37 year old women are the number one consumers of vibrators. They can basically vibrate their day away.
It’s really not fair the way things line up here. It really seems like things are very askew. It’s no wonder that there are so many cougars running around out there.
If I were a 37 year old woman who was hanging out with a Viagra-infused 55 year old guy with no stamina, I would certainly go find myself a young buck. I mean look at Demi Moore.
Don’t ever give her a hard time. She has a guy who is (whoops, I mean was) in his sexual prime. Wait, she may need to go find someone even younger. Justin Timberlake and Zach Efron, Demi Moore may be calling you really soon.
All joking aside, it just doesn’t seem right how the sexual prime thing is set up. Is this God’s way of punishing us? Someone was being mean when they designed the penis and the vagina. Why aren’t those two things created to be in alignment with one another?
Can all the guys remember when you were 18 and you basically would hump the air every five seconds (almost like a dog that humps the air all the time)? The reason why you were humping air was because you constantly wanted your dick to be touched.
I remember when I was 18 years old. I was so penis conscious, it was ridiculous. I felt my penis nonstop. No, I don’t mean that I touched my penis nonstop. I was just aware of it nonstop.
My penis led my life. It made me sleep with some really iffy women. It wasn’t my idea to sleep with them. It was my penis’ idea.
Not only that, but some guys can’t snuggle with a woman until they hit 28 years old. When you are a male who is 22 or 23 years old and your girlfriend asks you to snuggle, you have to go to the bathroom and snap a load off before you can do it.
This sexual prime gap between men and women just does not seem fair. Something is kharmically wrong here! It’s a mean joke. It’s like our sexual primes should have been matched.
Then again, some of this seeming mismatch may actually have been designed better than we thought. So although a guy past his sexual prime may no longer be able to pump and grind five times in one night, he can really satisfy a woman during the one time they do it and will be more likely to want to engage in a lot more of the foreplay that women crave so much.
It’s Monday. All right, so I missed with my Titans prediction. I did, however, hit with everyone else — which puts me at 11-1 now for the season going into tonight’s game. For that game, I predict the Vikings will beat the Packers.
11-1 . . . I am pretty impressed! What really does not impress me, though, are men who hang out with strippers and who pay strippers to hang out with them.
We had friends in town this past weekend who stayed at the 4 Seasons Hotel. We went there last night to hang out in the hotel’s hot tub.
There was a middle-aged man alone in the hot tub when we arrived. He seemed like a nice man. About three minutes later, though, three bimbos with long nails came bearing drinks and speaking in Paris Hilton-like sentences.
The man started talking about his hotel room and other such things. The women immediately started “wow-ing” about his big balcony. Then they got on the phone with their friends and started going on and on about how they got their nails done at the 4 Seasons and about the guy’s huge balcony.
You know, anyone can open their wallet and invite three bimbo strippers to their room. Unless you’re going to have the sex of your life, though, being forced to sit and listen to these women is just painful. I swear, Daphne had more to say than these women did.
Why is this such a thrill for guys? Here is this guy hanging out with a group of women who can only manage to speak in Paris Hilton type half-sentences. I never understand this.
Of course I get a guy liking younger women, but there’s certainly younger intelligent women he could find who would like him. The conversations they were having were so boring. No one was listening to each other. All I can think is, “Why?”
I know men, and I have coached men, who have done this. The sex is never any good, because the women aren’t into it. They just want the cash or the fringe benefits (like getting their nails done at the 4 Seasons).
What really happens is that the women just try to get the guy to come as quickly as possible. So who is winning here? It’s just so gross.
I’ve had casual sex, but I’ve never paid for sex. Maybe I’m just more evolved and maybe there are just less evolved people in this world . . . and that’s fine.
It’s fine if you’re the type of guy who looks at women like a piece of meat, is only interested in getting his dick stroked, and couldn’t care less about an emotional connection. That’s not the life I want. That’s not the life I teach.
When we were sitting in the hot tub, the man kept looking at me and smiling. It was like validation for him, as if he was saying with his smile “Look, I have three hot bimbos with me in the hot tub!” I ignored his smiles.
If you want to impress me, impress me with who you are as a person. I’m not impressed that you can get three strippers into a hot tub. That doesn’t impress me in the least.
While he was sharing a second grade-level conversation with those women, we were having a deep conversation about life. So why does he think I’d be impressed that he has three bimbos with him? Sometimes I’m embarrassed by my own gender.
So this kind of guy doesn’t impress me, nor does the guy who whips out the black American Express card at dinner. Why should I pay a couple thousand dollars a year to have a credit card that does the exact same thing as my free one?
I’m also not impressed by the guy who pulls in front of the coffee house in his Lamborghini but doesn’t bother to put money in the meter because he doesn’t care about getting a ticket. He figures, what’s a measly $60 to him.
If you want to impress me, get deep and tell me who you really are. I couldn’t care less about all this surface stuff.
Oh, and by the way Mr. Hot Tub from last night, I know you’re reading this today because I dropped my business card on your towel (and human intuition definitely wins out every time). This blog is dedicated to you.
I guarantee you got nothing out of last night, except a thinner wallet and maybe an orgasm. In reality, though, you are just as lonely today as you were yesterday.
So how do all of you feel about men who use their wallets on prostitutes and fancy cars just to prove how successful they are?
If you want to know know how to meet women who want to hang out with you, check out this video:
I would like to introduce all of you to a friend of mine. She wishes to remain anonymous, but I can tell you that she is a sex and dating coach to men and women all over the globe. We’ll call her “The Fiery Redhead.”
Now you all know how I feel about nicknames, so I’ll encourage her to reveal at least her first name soon. I will tell you that she is a woman in her 30’s who lives in Los Angeles, and who thinks that ‘Sex And The City’ doesn’t pertain to Los Angeles (because, really, it’s more like ’sex in the hills’ or ’sex on the beach).
The Fiery Redhead really wants to help men and women meet people, so I’ve offered her the opportunity to be a guest poster on the blog. Plus, I’m sure you guys have to get sick of hearing from just me.
So you will be getting a different perspective from her about every couple weeks. I also thought it would be a cool to have a woman giving her perspective and helping the women and the men.
So let’s welcome our new guest blogger and enjoy her first blog today. It’s a great topic. So, without further ado, here she is…
Hey Guys and Girls,
You know, David asked me to start writing a little guest column because he figured why not have a female opinion every so often. And why not have one who really tells it like it is. That definitely describes me (as you’ll quickly discover).
I’ve got to tell you something. The other day some girl friends and I were sitting around with some guys who were talking all about how to “close” a woman. You will never hear a woman say something like that.
You’ll never hear a woman say, “You know, we went on a boat trip the other day and met some really cute guys. My friend was flirting with one guy, but at the end of the day she ended up going home without closing him.”
No, she didn’t “close” him. She didn’t hook up with him. What is it with you guys having to “close” us? Why do you need to “close” us?
We’re not a door — you don’t need to close us. Really, if you close us it’s actually because we’ve determined that you were cool to hang out with so we want to go and bang you. I mean, that’s really what it comes down to. We make that decision, not you.
I don’t understand it. Why don’t you just learn the way women are? If we like you and enjoy your company, and we give outward signs of that, then you don’t need to close us. You just need to go with the flow.
Why can’t guys just be a little more relaxed and a little cooler about things? You’d get laid so much more if you would just listen to the verbal clues. That’s all for my ranting and raving for this time. I’ll talk to you guys soon!
Okay, thanks again to the Fiery Redhead for this first post! To all of you, enjoy the last weekend of summer, because fall is here as of next week. Also, if any of you would like to know any of my football predictions, be sure to tune into the blog on Sunday. Why? Because I want to and it will be fun.
Now, since it’s the weekend and some of you go out to the bars, I thought this great video will help you out. It’s all about how to walk the walk and talk the talk to be able to successfully approach women in bars.
Today is Wednesday. It’s Hump Day. Hump Day, now there’s a myth.
How many people really hump on Hump Day? How many people are going to get humped on Hump Day?
Today I want to talk about sexual myths. You know all the classic ones. Men can always get off fast, or why do all women take so long to cum.
How about the myth that there’s one method to please every woman? I love when I read the articles with titles like, “The Surefire Way To Get Your Woman To Orgasm Tonight.”
I also love the articles in Cosmopolitan telling women about “The 3 Ways To Drive All Men Wild In Bed.” More often than not when I read those I think that at least one of those things is something I’d never want done to me (and might even drive me away).
It’s amazing how many myths there are out there about sex. Recently one of my competitors was charging $1,500.00 for a program which claimed to teach men how to get any woman to orgasm in thirty seconds or less.
I don’t need to spend $1,500.00 for someone to tell me to buy a vibrator. I mean, a Hitachi Magic Wand is many women’s best friend. I’ve seen some women pray to that thing.
There really are so many myths and misconceptions about sex . . . and about women’s sexuality in particular. Today’s podcast is going to tantalize and tickle you in different ways. You may learn new things or you may not.
You may learn a surefire method to have great sex on Hump Day, and you may laugh and realize that so much of what you hear is, well, the answer to that lies in today’s podcast. So click here and listen now!
Also, If you want to learn more about how to be an amazing lover who has women wanting more and more of you, and also want to get to eavesdrop on one of the world’s top sex experts as he is giving his lover orgasm after squirting orgasm, then be sure to check out my “Sex With The Masters” program.
Do you know what one of my favorite things is to do? It’s when you’re in a relationship and you stay up late at night into the wee hours talking. You guys thought I was going to say something else, right?
Do you know what I like about getting deep and really talking like this? You learn so much about yourself, about your lover and about how to get closer to each other.
I truly believe that in order to make things amazing in your relationship, you need to get down to the core of your behaviors. I’m going to share more about this a future blog.
Right now, though, let’s talk about another conversation. One that is needed for all lovers to share…
You know, it’s really interesting. I was recently talking to a female client who said to me, “David, I’m having this great sexual relationship with a man but I don’t really know how to communicate things. I love what he does to me, but I don’t know how to communicate more with him in bed.”
Then I asked her a list of things to find out what she likes that he does to her, and also told me what he likes to do and the kind of sex they have together. She also told me what she likes that he does.
So I asked her, “Do you tell him this? Do you tell him that you love when he has sex with you in certain ways? Do you tell him that you love when he goes down on you in a certain way? Do you tell him that you love the way he massages your body? Do you tell him any of that?”
She said, “No I don’t.” I told her that as a man, I want to be told those kind of things.
Let’s say I have great sex with a woman or try a new position or something and the next day she tells me how much she loved what I did to her with that new position. What am I going to want to do? I’m going to want to do it again and again in that position. Even if it wasn’t my favorite position in the world, I’m going to want to do it again and again and again.
Why? I want to do that because in these situations I’m fully embracing their wishes and desires. I’m putting it in my memory bank.
Every time each of you put something in your memory bank, what you’re doing is programming each other. I think everyone needs to reprogram their lover in every which way.
You need to forget about the past, and you need to look at your lover and start finding new ways to make love to each other. So, every single time your lover tells you something that they loved sexually that you did, put it in that memory bank and remember it.
You need to encourage the other person. If the other person does something to you one night and it feels great, encourage them. Say, “I love the way you do that…” What happens when you start doing that, is they are going to want to do those things to you over and over again.
Thank that person for giving themselves to you. Don’t expect, but thank that person. Start doing thiss and your sex life is going to go off the charts.
I have to credit this blog to a woman that I’ve been hanging out with recently – I’d love to take credit for everything funny that is in it, but I just can’t.
You know when you’re out on a date, sitting across from them in a restaurant, and there are all those crazy things running through your mind – are you going to kiss them? Are they going to kiss you? What are they thinking? What are they feeling?
And then at the end of the date, you’re not sure whether or not to go in for the kiss – you don’t know if they want to go in for the kiss or not – and then you do that stupid hug where both of your asses are protruding out like you’re at a high school dance. (more…)
We had a server issue the last 2 days and I apologize for any problems you may have had getting on the blog.
My tech guy worked through the night fixing it….ok maybe not through the night but you get my attempted humor!!
Today we needed a break from yesterdays highly emotional topic. Today we get to think about something more fun, plus i have an amazing workout podcast at the end of todays blog for all!
Have a great day!!! I in am back NYC for the next few days……Have any of you ever hung out in Mystic CT?
Wow what a pretty part of the country! My mother just moved there and I spent the last few days poking around the coastal towns.
I have to confess, that i was this close to walking into one of the real estate brokers office and looking at homes.
It was so peaceful and mellow up there!!!
When I was in high school growing up, all I ever wanted was a hummer. I used to walk the halls all the time, looking at the hotties from Laura Stewart to Christa Santangelo to Inky Olson to Amy Huddish to Lisa Rutman to Allison Williams… all I ever thought about was getting one of these girls to give me a hummer!
What would it take? Did I need to beg? Did I need to plead? Did I need to ask for the hummer? What was I doing wrong? (more…)
