So when you read today’s blog think about how you can use my funny observations as your openers to engage the world around you.

I drove by a Toyota lot the other day, and I saw a couple of really ugly cars. I started thinking to myself, “What happens to all of these cars? Is there really an ass for every seat? Do they all get sold?”

I know the cars that don’t sell and get a little old on the lot will go to an auction where some other dealer will buy them. Usually a small used car lot will buy a car at the auction that a big franchise dealer wholesales.

Are there some cars, though, that just never get sold? Are there some cars that just go from lot to lot and sit there, and nobody ever wants them?

There just seems to be so much inventory of so many things in life. Have you ever gone to a Nordstrom’s and looked at all the clothes? You know they can’t all be sold. Where do they go?

Of course they first get passed on to Marshall’s and then to Ross (and maybe some other stores), but what happens if they don’t get sold there? Do they just get exported somewhere else?

We’re such a “make more stuff” culture. We’re constantly producing things — televisions, clothes, cars etc. Where does all this stuff go?

Where does all the fruit go? Do you ever go to Whole Foods or to the supermarket and see all the fruit that is just sitting there?

You want to buy a peach, and when you reach for one you find it’s mushy. You think to yourself, “Well, that was a waste. That poor peach. It made this long journey from a tree to a truck to the fruit market, and now where will it go?” Do they throw it away, or give it away?

How about all the food that is at the “ready to eat” counters? They make all that prepared food. Where does it go? In the trash?

There are so many needy people out there. I wonder if these stores give the food to the needy or if they just throw it out.

More Stuff To Sell

What about the clothes that never end up being bought? Are they just thrown out? How about the cars that are never bought or sold at auction?

I think we should set up something. There must be some way to get all the stuff that is never bought or that nobody wants to people who cannot afford it.

There is so much extra surplus in the world. Does anyone else wonder where all this stuff goes, or is it just me? Maybe it’s just my crazy creative mind always thinking about things and processing stuff.

I’d like to hear what all of you think about this topic, and about where you think all this stuff goes.

I know some of it goes to Craigslist. You can find the weirdest things in the world on Craigslist. Where does the rest of it go?

Also, who really buys those orange colored Range Rovers? I can’t imagine. The other day I was driving around and saw a pink PT Cruiser — the exact thing I was craving the day that I was hung over, drunk, and needed a little bit of Pepto-Bismol.

So let’s hear from all of you today about this…

As each of you guys are out there getting ready to spend your Saturdays meeting women, this is something for you to keep in mind…

It’s so funny how men seem to want to overcomplicate just about everything. Think about this for a minute.

When a man gets a brand new gas grill and he’s putting it together, does he usually read the directions or does he try to just “figure it out” on his own? When a man buys a brand new big screen tv, does he read the manual or does he just try 800 different ways to arrange the cords until the tv works? It’s the same answer about the manual that comes with a man’s new car.

How often will a man read the manual that comes with something? Pretty much never! Why, then, do most men believe that women should come with a manual?

When you first talk to a woman, it doesn’t have to be so complicated. The obvious things are the best things to talk about, because it means that you are paying attention to the little things. If you ask any woman what matters most to them, it’s always the little things. It’s all the little things make life so much better.

If you pay attention to the little things, women will feel like you’ve actually connected with them. They’ll think “Wow! This guy actually paid attention. He was actually present. He wasn’t just trying to pick me up with some ridiculous routine.”

It’s the obvious things that make the best conversation starters. You need to start observing and picking up on everything that is obvious. Everyone who has worked with me for a weekend always notices the same thing about me and how I function: My behavior is very natural and almost everything I say to people is very obvious.

The key to my behavior being so natural is that it really IS natural to me. The way it will become natural for you is by repetition (a/k/a PRACTICE). Here is a caution about practice, though, that you want to watch. When most guys hear practice, they add on “with women you’re attracted to” to the end of the sentence. Don’t make that mistake. Practice with all women and, in fact, with every kind of person.

Remember that just because you don’t want to go out with someone, that doesn’t mean they aren’t a great person worth talking to and getting to know. It doesn’t mean that person isn’t someone from whom you can’t learn something. That person may end up being a great friend. It’s all about building up that power and social network.

Another exercise to help you learn to comment on the obvious stuff is to take 20 common every-day words – words like coffee, groceries, furniture, fruit, gasoline, gym or whatever – and write down one thing you would say about each. Create a little story about each.

A great conversation can always be created from one of these kind of stories. The obvious things are the things you already know and about which you can feel comfortable talking. Furthermore, if you start the conversation with a woman about something obvious, then you won’t break the woman’s chain of thought and she won’t wonder why you’re bothering her with some random comment coming out of left field. So stop overcomplicating things when it comes to meeting women, and start getting in touch with the obvious!

When you concentrate on and really listen to what someone is saying, your body language is going to reflect that interest to them. The other person will know you are interested and intrigued by them.

When a woman sees you doing this, she will naturally start to loosen up her own body language. She will do this because she knows you’re listening to her and connecting with her. Women are all about connecting with a man. A woman will also start to relax because you are relaxed.

The problem is a lot of guys do the reverse of this. They start talking AT a woman (instead of WITH her), and then they start looking for body language clues from her. They think things like “What does her body language say? or “Her arms are folded. What does that mean?” The problem is that you’re viewing things in the wrong way and the wrong order.

You are the leader, and you need to lead by example. What I mean is that when you go and talk to a woman, her body language most often is going to follow yours.

So if your body language is strong and shows interest in her, then her body language is going to follow yours and reflect signs of interest in you. If your face is engaged – you’re smiling and your eyes are focused in on her eyes – and you are paying real attention to her, then her body language will follow yours.

So you need to stop worrying about her body language all the time, and start paying attention to all the details. I have stressed this throughout every part of every lesson that I’ve ever given: You truly need to become a leader in life. You need to become that kind of man who leads by example.

I never worry about other people’s body language because I always listen and pay attention to the details. I always communicate what I’m feeling and what I’m all about to others. If you do this, you are not only going to see your interaction with women change . . . but you are going to see your life change.

Happy Friday!!

Are you going to chase the night tonight or attract the night?

This blog is part of a live coaching from a recent trip to London with a client. Hopefully these exchanges with my client will give you an idea of my coaching style. Consider it a sneak peek into what I do when I am coaching clients and leading bootcamps!

David: Men will spend half of their adult lives ‘ctn’ – they spend half of their lives chasing the night. If you think about it, guys go out on a Friday night, and there’s always one or two guys that want to have fun and talk to their friends. The other ones will be looking around the room, they’ll have one drink and get impatient because there are no women there – even though they haven’t really met women very often anyway – and they have to run to the next place. They spend the whole night trying to figure out what the best place is.

But the best place – which is so ironic – is where you are in the first place. If you spend the time laughing and having fun with your friends, you’ll start attracting people. Women will wonder why you’re having such a good time and you’re not being like the typical male chasing the night.

There’s another scary term – on Saturday nights, there are guys that are ‘ctw’ – chasing the week. They don’t have any skills to go out and meet people during the day, and they haven’t gotten that concept yet, and they realize that if they don’t make something happen on Saturday night, that they have to wait all the way until next Thursday or Friday night for something to work.

So then Saturday night has an even more desperate energy, because men are walking around chasing the week. You can see the desperation in their eyes, you can watch it. You know you’ve done it, and you’ve seen guys that have done it even more. There are packs of guys that are walking around your neighborhood, in the bars, looking around like this – they can’t even concentrate at all.

It’s the guys that are twisting their heads around in every direction. Think about it – when a guy is doing that, it’s not attractive to a woman! A woman is looking at that guy and thinking, holy shit, what is wrong with him? The guys stare like this, and they don’t say anything, they start drinking a little bit – to get their liquid courage on in order to chase the week.

The pressure is building because they know that they screwed up chasing the night the night before, and then usually when they get home after chasing the night or the week, it’s like they have to come down from it. And then you realize that the woman that you saw at the beginning of the night was the one you probably should have talked to in the first place, and then you think well, what could I have said? It’s usually something that comes to you from a simple observation. It comes to you four hours later because you’re no longer in this unbelievable mode of chasing.

It’s a very funny thing. One great exercise to do (and I do this all of the time) is to go out on a Friday night and look at the guys chasing the night, and then look at the women reacting to those guys – just be an observer. When those guys finally go up and approach a woman, watch how quickly she rejects them. She’s noticed him from all different angles – she’s noticed the way that he was looking, she noticed that he didn’t walk over right away.

There’s a reason why women go out in packs: they’re protecting themselves from these ‘ctn’ guys. If they went out alone and they had the guys chasing the night or the week all over them, forget about it! This poor woman would be bombarded with annoying guys all night long. So that’s where the chilling out comes from.

Robert: It kind of reminds me as well of stock trading. It’s like you’re chasing the price as opposed as waiting patiently for it to go, which I know will happen eventually, but you chase the price. And I’ve lost a ton of money doing that!

I admit it, I’ve done it a few times, and I know what I’ve done wrong. It was against the rules; I know that you’re not supposed to chase the price. You just shouldn’t do it. But you’re thinking, oh, but this time, and it never works.

David: And the stock market is all psychology. It’s all human emotions and psychology. So you’re looking at a candle chart, and you see your entry point. You don’t get in because you don’t believe it, even though the formula tells you to get in. Everyone else is watching the same formula, and you still don’t get in. It goes up a little bit, and you still don’t believe it, it goes up a little bit more and you start thinking, holy shit, if I would have just trusted the formula, I would have already made $.20 on it!

So what do you do next? You think it’s going to go down, but it goes up a little bit more, and then what do you do? You, and the other people who were chasing the price, go in. At that point, the stock goes up a nickel and you say to yourself, oh, it went up! Then you see the candle and you’ve got that candle that doesn’t know what direction it’s going to go next. That’s you!

You’re in there, and then what do you see next? Things sink! Because everybody who got in 30 cents ago when they were trusting the whole process bailed out, and then you’re stuck, chasing the price once again. That’s how you lose money. You think, well, it’s going to go up again – but you already missed the boat.

I did the same thing when I was trading. I wouldn’t trust it, and then I would get in too late, and then I’d be there during the downward slope. It’s a great analogy.

Robert: Yeah, I’ve done it. Just this year, I’ve done very small trades as an exercise. I was just trying to be very observant. And it went in my direction. It was really about discipline. But as soon as I put in some big money – I kept thinking, it’s not going to work, and I’d get out, and it was very premeditated.

And then when I did something that was “against the rules,” I would think, oh, I don’t know what I’m doing, and that would work. I learned I needed to be observant, and be patient.

David: Well, think about this: the thing about stock that really goes against all of the rules is that this stock is really a beautiful woman. The little stocks you mastered – these are women that you’re not attracted to. And the bigger stocks are beautiful women and you treat that big stock differently. Really, you needed to treat them the same way, because the same rules apply every time. It doesn’t fluctuate, and it doesn’t change. That’s a great analogy, and a great lesson.

Robert: It is. No matter what you say to yourself, the rules are the same.

David: Life doesn’t change. The formula in life is the same for everything we do, except for our social life and the stock market, where we’ve done other things.

Todays video will teach you how to lay off the CTN…chasing the night mentality and be more of a natural with women.

This is part 4.

This is an actual excerpt from a recent coaching that i had with one of my clients.

In order to be charismatic, you need to be present in your situation. Most people think being charismatic is the funny things you say, or being loud or boisterous and whatever it is, but really, charisma is just a couple of simple things. One is listening intently to what someone is saying, showing enthusiasm to what they say, and reacting with enthusiasm to what somebody says. That’s charisma, in my book.

So how do you get really present when most of us are scattered with our thoughts all over the place?

Rent the movie Ocean’s 11. In that movie, pick one of the casino scenes. In these scenes, there are a lot of things going on. Watch about five minutes of the scene, and then turn it off and write down what you saw in that casino scene.

What do you write down? What were the characters saying to each other? What funny things did you see? What did you notice? What was going on in the background? Try to remember everything.

Then, after you write that down, watch that same scene again. What did you actually remember? What did you miss? Watch it again, and write it down again – what you remember, and what you missed the first time.

Watch that scene over and over again until you remember almost everything in that scene. This exercise forces you to concentrate – not only that, but life is like a scene from Ocean’s 11. If you think about it, you could be at a coffee shop, or at a restaurant, like we are right now.

By being in this restaurant right now, there are so many outside sources – there’s the guy with the tray, there’s a baby over there, there’s a guy sitting there and eating. Oh my god – there’s a beautiful blonde over there. There’s a woman on the phone, there’s the guy behind the counter. There are so many things going on.

What will happen is that you’ll start watching life like you’re in a movie. All of us watch movies. All of us actively can watch a movie.

Client: And what’s a movie really about anyway?

David: Life!

Client: That’s the thing about it, isn’t it – you pay good money to see something that every day is on your front doorstep! I never really thought of it like that.

David: Everyday, you’re living a movie. So, pay attention to everything that’s going on in the movie! Start quizzing yourself.

If you’re sitting in a restaurant, look around, and play a game with a friend. Look around, and then ask your friend to quiz you. We’ll do it right now. So take a look around, take everything in like you’re in a movie.

Now I’m going to ask you a question. The blond girl near the wall, is she on her cell phone or not on her cell phone?

Client: I don’t think she’s on her cell phone, no, but I didn’t really notice her.

David: Yes, she’s on her cell phone. The guy standing there waiting at the register, is he happy, or just kind of malcontent and bored?

Client: I think he’s pretty malcontent and bored.

David: You’ve got it. So now there’s two different emotions. Now let’s say that was a woman standing there being malcontent and bored. You could walk over there, and say what? What would you say? Think about it, you’ve seen me say it. If a woman was looking like that, what would you say to her?

Client: I would say, “how’s your day been?”

David: Yeah, “how’s your day been?” or “man, you look like you’re having just one of those days.” But “how’s your day been?” is pretty good, because if she’s been having a bad day, and you approach her with energy, she can be like, wow – no one has asked me that yet!

So now look around again. What do you see? Take a look, take it all in.

How many people sitting to the left of us are with that woman and the baby?

Client: Well, I only noticed the two women and the baby, but there’s quite a bit of people.

David: But do you see what I’m getting at? This exercise will teach you how to focus.

Client: I feel like I’m looking at things in the immediate, as opposed to looking at things far beyond me. I suppose that has to do with my impatience – I’ve been in bars before and quickly said, “it’s no good here, let’s just go.” As opposed to just having fun and chilling out, which is what I suppose I need to learn: how to just chill out.

David: This whole place is fun. Just look at that: there are four more women that just walked in. A little young, but still, they’re women. But this whole place is fun. You just have to take it all in.

There’s a terminology that I use which is called ‘ctn’: it stands for chasing the night. People will go to a bar, they look around, they make an immediate decision – nope, nothing here for me, let’s go.

And then they go to another bar, and another bar, and another one, and they’re just chasing the night all night long. At the end of the night, what happens? Nothing. You’ve chased the night away.

Instead of just going to a place and having a good time with a friend, and just taking in the environment and becoming a master of it, you’ve chased the night.

Client: That’s just so true!

Todays video is part 2 on becoming a natural with women. Enjoy and I hope everyone had an amazing memorial day weekend.

Here is the link to youtube so you can watch part one and two….you will need to see part one first.
Click here to watch the videos.