Do you know what “the magic of a story” is? The magic of the story is remembering that while you might be telling a story for the hundredth time, the woman you’re talking to is hearing it for the very first time . . . and being able to tell it like you’re telling it for the first time.
Recently while I was with some clients, I told a woman a story I’ve told probably at least a thousand times (that’s why the story is so good!). The clients who were with me were shocked when they found this out, and said it seemed like I was telling the story for the first time.
I have such enthusiasm for my stories because I like them. I also know how people will react to them because I’ve told them before.
So how do you tell a great story; how do you tell a story like you’re telling it for the first time? Well, you have to start somewhere in order to learn how to do it.
Pick five or six things that come up over and over again in conversations, and then think of stories that relate to those things. It doesn’t matter what they are about, so long as you enjoy telling them and can do so with passion.
Practice your stories, so they are natural and easy for you to tell. I would suggest that you record all your stories, and then listen to yourself tell them.
As you listen, ask yourself whether you are interesting enough as you tell each story. If you are not, then go back and record them again. Keep listening to those stories over and over again, because those are the stories that are going to come out when you meet people.
Those amazing stories will be what attract women when you talk to them. They love to hear them.
A man who can tell a great story is very intriguing to women. It will show you as a man who is passionate about who he is. A woman will think that if you’re that passionate about yourself and your life, then you will be equally as passionate about her if you start hanging out together.
If you’re passionate about everything that you do – even down to little things like sniffing fruit passionately at the farmer’s market — then women are going to realize how passionate you are about all sorts of things. It’s about living with passion, and it all starts with your stories!
What are the four worst words in the English language? Do you have any idea what they are? They are: We have to talk.
What a powerful phrase that it. It’s never good when anybody says those four words to you. Usually when people say “We need to talk,” they do so lurching at you with a frustrated energy, because no one wants to have the talk that follows the announcement that “We need to talk.”
If you think about it, the reason that you have the “We have to talk” talk before you have the real conversation, is because you’re full of anxiety. What you have to talk about is probably something you’ve been thinking about for weeks, but just couldn’t get yourself to raise with the other person.
Because there has been all this buildup, when you do finally bring it up the tone that is taken is unbelievable. It is never a loving tone.
If your boyfriend or girlfriend ever says to you “We need to talk,” you know it is not good news. If it was good news, you would have heard about it already..
Nobody uses the phrase “We need to talk” to tell someone that they love them. When your boss calls you into the office and says, “We need to talk,” it’s never good.
It’s funny, too, because you could have just been in the kitchen with your boyfriend or girlfriend five minutes before talking about breakfast, then all of a sudden you are hearing “We have to talk.” So you say, “Weren’t we just talking?” and they will say “No, we weren’t having the ‘we have to talk’ talk.”
I don’t have a solution for the “We have to talk” problem, but I can tell you one thing. If you have something good to say to someone, you’ll never preface it with “We have to talk.”
Also, no matter what you have to say to someone — whether it’s something great or telling someone they are driving you up the wall — don’t start it off with “We need to talk.” Start it off with something more loving like, “Hey babe, I want to share something with you about the way I’ve been feeling that I think will really be beneficial to our relationship.” Doesn’t that sound much better than “We need to talk?”
Let’s talk about this. There are so many better ways to start a conversation than, “We need to talk.”
What would the theme music be for ‘we need to talk?’ Maybe the theme from The Exorcist? It must be something ominous sounding. Let me know if any of you have suggestions.
Have you ever had a conversation with someone in which you are pouring your heart out about something, and the other person makes an assumption about what you are saying based just on the surface stuff? Let me put out a very simple example of what I’m talking about.
Let’s say you and your significant other are discussing whether or not to go to the beach that day. You say that you are apprehensive about going to the beach, and don’t really want to go. The other person’s immediate reaction is, “You don’t want to go to the beach with me.”
Now, I know the beach isn’t the best example, but stay with me here. The other person didn’t hear the part where you said you almost drowned in the ocean as a kid. The other person didn’t hear about how frightened you are of the water.
So even though you’re telling the other person all this information so they will understand your background, and so that maybe you can open up about wanting to try and go in the water again, the other person makes an assumption about what they think you are saying.
A lot of people in life are “assumers.” Assumers always assume the worst because that is the way people have always treated them. It is the way they have always been treated by everyone in their mind.
They have always been rejected, or they will reject themselves before anyone else can reject them. This is what happened in the beach example above. The other person rejected themselves very quickly, and didn’t stop to really listen to the the real meaning behind the words being said to them.
They have not been able to get really deep with themselves. So many of you do this over and over again when it comes to meeting members of the opposite sex.
You don’t approach someone because you either look for a certain “sign” that you don’t get, or you get what you perceive to be a negative sign. You’ll think, “Oops, they looked in the other direction, so that means they don’t want to be approached. They don’t find me attractive and just rejected me.” All that from someone looking in the other direction?
You are always looking for the negative because you are a negative person and negativity is your comfort zone. That is what you are used to, i.e., being rejected or assuming the worst.
I have a friend who is like this. If I don’t immediately call them back or answer an email from them, they assume there is something wrong. They assume they did something wrong.
The truth is that I didn’t answer an email because I was busy. The truth is that I didn’t call them back because I didn’t have my phone on me over the weekend. I’ve told this friend over and over that I don’t carry my phone on the weekends because (1) I’m not a doctor and (2) I find the phone obnoxious during my time away from things. No matter what, though, this person assumes there is something wrong.
They will ask me, “What did I do? What did I do wrong? Are we back in the non-communication mode?” This person reacts because of the way that people have treated them their entire life, and they can’t see past it no matter what I say to them.
They don’t want to see past it. They don’t want to listen to the depth of what I’m telling them, because all they do is hear what they are used to hearing.
They are used to that rejection. They are used to feeling that way.
It is really time you listened outside of your comfort zone, and really listen fully to what someone is saying when they talk to you. If you are someone who has trouble really processing this in your life, then I have a great exercise to help you.
When you have a conversation with someone, write down bullet points of everything you hear. Instead of immediately reacting, take time to really review the conversation and change you pattern.
You pattern will never change until you do this. I know because I am a reactor too. My mother taught me how to react.
The minute someone says something negative, I used to react and say “Aha! I knew you felt this way. I knew it!” We do this because it makes us vulnerable to change our ways and this pattern.
If someone is constantly saying to you that you are assuming things in what they say that just aren’t true, then it’s time to change the way you do things. It’s time you learn to listen outside your comfort zone.
You need to step up and realize the things that you bring upon yourself. It’s really, really important to do that. When you do, you will live a better and more enlightened life.
You want to live a more enlightened life and really feel someone’s energy, instead of always focusing on the negative things they might say. If you focus in on negative things, it’s because you’re a negative person.
You’re not somebody who really wants to grow. Even though you say you want to grow and even though you say you want to make changes, you have a hard time doing it because you don’t follow what you’re saying.
So, look into your life. Look deeply into your life. If you’re somebody who has really been focusing in on the negative and only hearing what you want to hear, then you are missing the entire conversation. You are missing an amazing npart of what another person is giving you — the gift of themselves and the friendship you could really have — all because of this neurosis.
It’s Saturday and as I was leaving this morning to go speak, I was thinking that I still need to give all of you my lead pipe, surefire football picks for this week. I do have my 3-0 record at stake here after all.
So for tomorrow, I like the Ravens and the Giants not only to win — but to crush their opponents. Tomorrow will also be the day that the Lions finally win a game. The Redskins have shown nothing so far, and the Lions are due.
On to today’s blog, and it’s a good one . . .
This blog today comes right from my heart. The wisest person in life is not the one who knows everything. Sure, that person is pretty damn wise, but only if that person has actually experienced everything he or she knows.
There are a lot of “Mr. Humble” people out there. You know who that person is, don’t you? He’s that guy who who is NEVER humble?
He is the one who always has something to say about everything. He thinks he knows about everything even though he’s never experienced half of the things about which he talks.
The wisest people are those who can shut the hell up when something new and unknown comes into their life. “Mr. Humble,” on the other hand, is always feeling like he needs to contribute something to the conversation even if he knows nothing about it.
I know when something comes up in a conversation with which I’m not familiar, that I sit back and listen. I don’t let my ego get in the way. If the conversation is going in a direction that I’m unfamiliar with and I can’t control, I just kick back and listen. As I listen, I’m learning.
Life is a series of repeated experiences. Two weeks after that conversation where I kicked back and listened, I might find myself in another conversation about that same topic about which I previously knew nothing.
Because I sat back and listened the first time, I’m now able to contribute. By contributing to this new conversation, I earn respect and I learn even more about the topic.
People often over-talk because they think that people will respect them more if they have a lot to say. People, however, actually respect you less if you over-talk. If you don’t know what you’re talking about, it’s okay to sit back and listen.
The quiet, silent types are the ones who are always listening and learning. We all know people who will always contribute to the conversation, regardless of if they know about the topic or not.
It’s their ego talking. Their ego wants them to be the wisest person in the conversation. In reality, though, the wisest people I know talk half of the time, and listen the rest.
I have been painted as one of the “pickup guys.” You hear things about men in general all the time. Men are always on the prowl looking for women. Men cheat on women. Men are only looking for sex. It’s funny how many stereotypes there are out there.
As all of you know and as you all can see, we’ve started to really change some of the focus here on the site. Not only are we trying to teach men how to meet women (and teaching them how to meet women in an authentic way), but we are teaching men how to have great relationships. We are teaching men how to connect with women more deeply when they start dating them. We are teaching men how to really please women sexually.
Women need to know that there are men who want to get married as much as women do, otherwise there wouldn’t be marriages. It’s funny how many women think men are “just after one thing,” when in reality so many men are after the same things women are: love, companionship and friendship. It’s just that men have been painted a different way.
So many of the stereotypes that are out there are just ridiculous. A lot of men think that women are just after them for their money . . . even the men who don’t have any money think women are after them just for their money.
I think it’s time we really stopped with the stereotypes. I can tell you that men who have coached with me are men with whom I would set up my sister. The men I’ve coached are all men I would call friends of mine. We get some really good quality men in here.
It may be true that there are all sorts of men out there who just want to get laid. Guys who come here to this site, however, are guys who are looking to have relationships and to make deeper connections with women. So, ladies, let’s give them some credit.
And if any of the other type of guys are reading today’s blog…..then this video is for you.
Do you know what one of my favorite things is to do? It’s when you’re in a relationship and you stay up late at night into the wee hours talking. You guys thought I was going to say something else, right?
Do you know what I like about getting deep and really talking like this? You learn so much about yourself, about your lover and about how to get closer to each other.
I truly believe that in order to make things amazing in your relationship, you need to get down to the core of your behaviors. I’m going to share more about this a future blog.
Right now, though, let’s talk about another conversation. One that is needed for all lovers to share…
You know, it’s really interesting. I was recently talking to a female client who said to me, “David, I’m having this great sexual relationship with a man but I don’t really know how to communicate things. I love what he does to me, but I don’t know how to communicate more with him in bed.”
Then I asked her a list of things to find out what she likes that he does to her, and also told me what he likes to do and the kind of sex they have together. She also told me what she likes that he does.
So I asked her, “Do you tell him this? Do you tell him that you love when he has sex with you in certain ways? Do you tell him that you love when he goes down on you in a certain way? Do you tell him that you love the way he massages your body? Do you tell him any of that?”
She said, “No I don’t.” I told her that as a man, I want to be told those kind of things.
Let’s say I have great sex with a woman or try a new position or something and the next day she tells me how much she loved what I did to her with that new position. What am I going to want to do? I’m going to want to do it again and again in that position. Even if it wasn’t my favorite position in the world, I’m going to want to do it again and again and again.
Why? I want to do that because in these situations I’m fully embracing their wishes and desires. I’m putting it in my memory bank.
Every time each of you put something in your memory bank, what you’re doing is programming each other. I think everyone needs to reprogram their lover in every which way.
You need to forget about the past, and you need to look at your lover and start finding new ways to make love to each other. So, every single time your lover tells you something that they loved sexually that you did, put it in that memory bank and remember it.
You need to encourage the other person. If the other person does something to you one night and it feels great, encourage them. Say, “I love the way you do that…” What happens when you start doing that, is they are going to want to do those things to you over and over again.
Thank that person for giving themselves to you. Don’t expect, but thank that person. Start doing thiss and your sex life is going to go off the charts.
I was in a Whole Foods-like market in Malibu the other day, and I was “BlackBerrying out” texting on my phone (which is something I tell you guys never to do!) I caught myself doing this (and you should too). You should never be on your hand held device in public oblivious to everything going on around you, because you will miss opportunities that present themselves.
So as I was on my BlackBerry, there was a woman standing next to me. I looked at her and very genuinely said, “How is your day?” I did it very nonchalantly, and didn’t think too much about it.
When I see another person standing next to me, I don’t worry about coming up with some magical thing to say or a comic opener to win someone over. I never think, “Oh my God, I have to say something really funny…” (more…)
So you’re having trouble meeting somebody. You’ve read things on how to meet somebody. You’ve used all different approaches and methods for how to meet somebody. Yet it’s still not happening for you. Why isn’t it working for you? Meeting someone is not just about memorizing approaches or methodologies. That’s only part of the equation.
By creating an amazing lifestyle and being passionate about the things you do, you will start attracting the opposite sex instead of spending your life chasing them and hoping you’ll connect with them. People are attracted to positive, fun, interesting and well-rounded individuals. If you’re miserable or doing things that you don’t enjoy, you are not going to to meet someone no matter what approach or methodology you use to do it. The reason is that no one wants to meet someone who is miserable or spending their life doing things they don’t like.
So before you go out and try to meet somebody, you need to first figure out how to create a passionate lifestyle for yourself. Think for a second about the kind of people to whom you are attracted. Most people are attracted to people who are positive, energetic and interesting. Now think about what type of person you are right now. Are you that positive, energetic and interesting person I just described, or are you someone who is miserable and angry because you can’t meet someone?
It all starts with creating an amazing lifestyle for yourself, so that you feel great and will attract amazing people into your life. So to give you a little incentive to get started creating your own amazing lifestyle, here are 5 ways that doing so will make you instantly more attractive to the opposite sex:
1. Reevaluate Your Work Environment: One of the first (and most important) things you need to do to create an amazing lifestyle is to take a very critical eye to your current work environment. Because work is something most of us HAVE to do, we sometimes don’t expect that it is also something we can want to do (or at least not hate doing). Think about your current work environment. Do you have a boss who is consistently demeaning? Do you dislike most of your co-workers? Do you dread going into work every day? If your work environment is toxic and causing you to be miserable, then it’s time to reevaluate whether it’s time for a change. If you are working in a toxic environment, consider whether you are staying there because you are comfortable and don’t want to have to push your own boundaries. If you stay in a work environment that makes you miserable and angry, then understand that miserable and angry is what you are going to project to everyone around you (whether you intend to or not), including to the people you have been trying to attract.
2. Do The Things You Love: So many people go to places they believe they “should” go or “have to” go in order to meet somebody, but which are places they don’t enjoy being at all. Is it really any wonder they have trouble meeting people in these places? Instead of going to places where you’re not happy to try and meet somebody, pick five things YOU really love to do. Think about what your five favorite things are to do. Then ask yourself whether there are members of the opposite sex present at each of those five things. If not, then go deeper and find five things you’re either already interested in or about which you would like to learn. Then go to any of these places to meet people. When you go to places that interest you, you’ll already have things to talk about and will naturally bond with people. The reason you have trouble making conversation with people in a bar (or other places you may not enjoy being), is because when you’re someplace you really don’t like you have to manufacture conversations instead of just talking about what’s already interesting to you.
3. Be Open: Positive people are open to new experiences. So instead of expecting to meet someone when you go out and getting totally disappointed if you don’t, be open to what the day or night might present to you. Being open means talking to everyone with which you come into contact, and not only being friendly to someone you find attractive. Just because you are not attracted to the person you’re talking to doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be open and friendly. You never know if that person may have a friend they’re meeting later with whom you might end up totally connecting. So be open to anything and everything, because people who are open to whatever presents itself to them always meet people. Remember that every connection you make with someone leads to another, and you never know what (or who) that next connection might bring into your life.
4. Find Your Inner Child: A big part of being attractive to the opposite sex is being approachable. That means when you go anywhere, don’t just “show up.” You need to embrace the moment and approach everything with a child-like enthusiasm. Smile, talk to people, ask questions and enjoy yourself. During a recent coaching weekend with several male clients, instead of just “taking them out to meet women” I took them to the beach and had them build sand castles. The reason I did this was to teach them how to have fun again and not to be so serious. If you’re serious when you try to meet someone, then you’re not having fun and that is not attractive. Life is about having fun just like you did when you were a kid. So what happened with the guys on the beach? They ALL ended up meeting great women who joined in to help them build the sand castles.
5. Use The Law Of Attraction: This is part of why how you behave in public will affect how successful you will be at attracting member of the opposite sex. It’s called attraction for a reason. When you walk into a place and you start talking to a bunch of different people, other people will line up and want to talk to you (including those members of the opposite sex you’ve been trying so hard to meet). If you’re angry, you are going to attract angry people and you will spend your day in constant confrontations. If you walk around in life having fun, having casual conversations and enjoying every step of the journey – even if you’re just running an errand to the market – you are going to attract great people into your life. People are attracted to people having a good time and who are enjoying their life. No one wants to hang out with a person who is pouting, folding their arms and looking miserable. That’s why it’s so important if you want to attract the opposite sex that you create a lifestyle.
Creating a lifestyle is all about learning to genuinely enjoy your life every day. Do things that you love and enjoy them. Embrace every single moment. By doing these things, you will naturally start attracting people. By being more open, not only will you start talking to more people but more people will notice your openness and start talking to you. Being more open also makes you more memorable.
So why continue to chase after people you want to meet when you can start attracting them? Create an amazing lifestyle and be passionate about the things you do, and you WILL start attracting the opposite sex.
