Yesterday we all went to Spitalfields Market, and everyone met so many cool women. For those of you who are in London, Spitalfields is a must. I ate so much great food again, I really stuffed myself. Then we sat to digest for a bit as I lead a really “heavy” discussion on dating!! Bo-bump-bump…pshhh!
You know that sound, that “bo-bump-bump” drum sound you hear at a bad comedy show? You know what “bo-bump-bump” is? That’s not just reserved for late-night talk shows, it’s also you when you become Punch-Line Guy.

Are you the guy that read somewhere on the Internet that women are really attracted to the funny guy? So now, in every conversation you have, you always want to make sure that you can show you’re funny, that you get the punch line out as quickly as possible? Basically you are punch line guy. You’re that guy who, within a minute of a conversation, whatever the topic, you have to end the conversation with this funny joke (well, at least that you think it’s funny).

Here’s the deal guys: That really takes both you and her out of a moment that could have been special. Punch-line guys tend to kill conversations because there’s not much to go on after you spew your cheesy punch-line. Especially if the punch line wasn’t that funny, maybe she’ll chuckle a little bit and then she’ll just realize the conversation is ending.
What most punch-line guys do is they just end the conversation with that mediocre punch line, they don’t keep it rolling. They take a perfectly good conversation and they feel like they have to spit the joke out somewhere to show her that they’re funny.

The reality is that you have plenty of chances to show her that you’re funny—at the right moments. But your problem is that you can’t risk waiting to be naturally funny, waiting to be funny at all the right moments. You have to do it now, you have to try to create the punch line moment because this is the ONLY moment to show her you’re worth getting to know.
I know what this is like because I used to be punch line guy. I was the class clown, I used to sit back and wait for my punch line in class. When I was first learning to talk to women, I’d always anticipate and wait for the punch line. I’d throw it out there and expect a big laugh but I never realized, when I was younger, that actually killed a lot of good conversations because I was killing the momentum.

All the punch line does is show that you’re not really listening and adding the conversation, it just shows that you want to be the center of attention, because that’s what punch line guy really is. He wants to be validated, he wants people to think he’s funny, and he wants to be the center of attention. So the next time you have your punch line guy moment, think to yourself, Is this really a proper moment for the punch line? Think about that. Will it keep the conversation flowing, or will it end the conversation like it has in the past?

This week has been really hectic, I’ve been on a lot of coaching calls with clients, and few calls with some of you blog readers from all over the world as well. Just a lot of guys I’ve talked to this week.

There’s one common thread that runs through almost everybody. And that fear is what’s commonly called APPROACH ANXIETY. The moment you see somebody who you’re attracted to, you make a determination that you’ll go talk to them. But then the fear kicks in. Well, now you’re stuck in a situation where you CAN go up and talk to them, you’ve got no excuse not to, but you’re afraid of what might happen. Actually, you have no idea what might happen, and that’s what makes it so scary.

It’s like you get this crazy sensation in your stomach, your mind starts racing thinking all sorts of ridiculous thoughts, thinking of any excuse in the book why you should not go up and start talking to this person or just say “Hi, how are you today?”

So how about this for an invention: Anti-Rejection Specs.

Just like those cardboard X-ray Specs you used to get in the old comic books, you could put on these magic Approach Sunglasses when you enter the bar, or browse the supermarket, or you’re at the gym, and just like an X-ray, the Anti-Rejection glasses would tell you exactly who is going to be interested in you and who isn’t. Wouldn’t that be great? You would know exactly who to approach. You would never ever get rejected again. Wouldn’t that solve all your problems putting yourself out there trying to make a connection and meeting women?

But the fact is glasses like that don’t exist. In fact, it’s actually quite a scary thought if they did. Men everywhere would be running rampant like the lock to the chimpanzee cage just got cracked.

So many guys have this fear of the unknown, fear of getting rejected, fear of putting themselves out there and getting shot down. So many guys think their entire manhood is on the line if they get blown out and the woman he wants to talk to decides she doesn’t want to talk to him. “What if I approach her and she doesn’t like me? What if I get rejected? She’s really cute and I don’t want to look like a fool.”

But guess what? You’ll never know unless you try. There’s no such thing as Anti-Rejection Sunglasses, and yes, every woman will not be interested in you all of the time. That’s life. But there are plenty of great single women out there who WILL be interested in you. It’s up to you to put yourself out there and find them.

You’ll never find out if she’s interested in you unless you drop the games, stop trying to act cool and standoffish, and just be open and receptive and introduce yourself without putting on a front.

I understand the games. The games are there for a reason. You tiptoe around, you pretend not to be interested in her, so that way if you find out that she’s not interested in you—well, you never had to put yourself out there now you don’t look foolish.

But that’s not going to get you the girl you want. To really grow, to radiate confidence, to be with the kind of woman you really desire, the fact is you have to make yourself vulnerable. You have to drop the games and the gimmicks. You have to go out and approach women even if you don’t know what the outcome is going to be. And yes, you have to experience rejection.

You’ll never know unless you try, and that’s the hardest part. But it’s also the best part. Because when you do approach, and you are successful, and you do get the digits, or the date, or the lay, or the girlfriend, or whatever, you’ll know that you had the guts to approach her just the way you are, without any silly games—and without any Anti-Rejection Specs telling you every time it was safe to approach.

Every time someone asks me this, all I can picture is this giant chicken wing dripping with buffalo sauce running around next to them. I picture them constantly having to clean off their shoes from all the buffalo sauce that is dripping off their wing.

So is it better to run with a wing or to run by yourself? The answer is that it is always better to run by yourself.

If you’re by yourself, then it’s like you are the complete master of every conversation. If you run with a wing, then all of a sudden you are opening up your conversations to someone else.

That someone else will jump in your conversations and might even end up dominating the conversation. Even worse, they might end up turning off the very person you are trying to intrigue because they aren’t listening.

If you are having a great conversation with a woman, your wing might end up feeling neglected and want to leave. I’ve seen women wings do that all the time. A woman will having a great time talking to a guy in a bar, and the woman wing will get annoyed and start tugging on the woman telling her that they need to go somewhere else.

Meet Women With Wings

I’ve seen so many wing scenarios go badly. So it’s much better to go alone.

Going alone also forces you to learn to speak with people when you are alone. You don’t want to just stand in the corner by yourself. Going it alone forces you to go out there and communicate with people.

So going alone is something all of you need to do. It’s something I personally really enjoy. My best conversations always happen when I go out alone.

“Today is my day!”

Now the real question is… “Do you really believe that?”

Today’s podcast is all about your belief system.

BE LIKE A NEW YORK JET!

Click Here To Download Today’s Podcast!

For those of you who have yet to see the now famous Bart Scott interview check it out.

Now you need to picture what “in your head” sounds like, because technically you’re not really walking around inside of your own head. If you were, you’d just be this gigantic round thing rolling around on the ground like a bowling ball at all times. If you were really in your head, you would just be a rolly poly head — nothing more, nothing less.

So the term “in your head” is really just your way of saying, “I want to go do this, but I’m worried about x, y and z.” If you think about it, though, the principles of meeting people are very simple.

You observe what they’re doing. You react to what they’re doing so you can really connect to their world (and so you don’t bring them into a whole new world when you’re experiencing something else). Then you speak with authority, playfulness and confidence. It’s really very, very simple.

What makes it so difficult is the fear that’s associated with it. You decide at that present moment whether to do it or not. If you don’t do it, what happens is you go into what people call “getting into my head” (which means that you’re finding an excuse not to do it at that moment).

Technically it’s the same principles over and over again — it really is. I’ve been teaching this a long time, and it’s the same principle over and over again. I taught myself those same principles over and over again until I got it right.

So when you’re in your head, what that really means is that you just don’t want to try at that moment. You’re too afraid to give it a whirl, because you’re too caught up with seeking approval.

You really and truly believe that if this doesn’t work out, things are going to be really bad for you that day (or whatever it might be based on stuff in the past). Past programming could be from the way your parents taught you, the way kids teased you in high school, whatever it was.

You need to remember that it’s all in the past. If I were living in the past and I saw a woman, I might throw my rattle at her and drool. It all depends on how far back in the past I really want to go. I might just give her some Wacky Packs like I did in the fifth grade, or I might offer her a couple pieces of Bazooka gum. It depends on how far in the past I want to go. If I want to go back to the high school days, I might ask her to borrow a pen even though she’s in the middle of Starbucks drinking coffee.

All kidding aside, going back into the past is another way for you not to try. It’s just an excuse. You think, “Well, this failed me 23½ years ago, so I’m not going to do it now. I don’t want to do it now because if it fails, then I’m going to be a total failure because I’m giving all my power away to this person I don’t even know.”

There is no such thing as failure in life. There really isn’t.

If a professional football player plays in a game and the team loses, did he fail? No, he tried his hardest and they didn’t win, but there will be another day.

An investment banker makes the wrong investment. Did he fail? No, he just made the wrong choice and it didn’t work out. A stock trader trades a stock and it goes the wrong direction. Is he a failure? No, it just didn’t go the way he thought it was going to go.

In life, if everybody quit as often in other areas of their life as they do about approaching women, they’d be broke and homeless and living on the side of the road. They would be holding up a sign saying, “I’m a quitter. i can’t afford to pay my bills. Can you please give me some money?”

So getting into your head is just your safety zone. It’s you basically saying to yourself, “I’m much more comfortable not trying than trying.”

Oh and one last thing.

Ravens 17 Steelers 16

Close great game but Ed Reed picks off Big Ben to end the game.

Packers 27 Falcons 20

Just a hunch that Aaron Rodgers is heading to the Super Bowl.

I was sitting across from my client and we needed a few napkins. So I turned around and standing right in front of the napkins was this really cute brunette that my client had been eyeballing.

So in this situation what can you do to speak with her? As you know, I don’t believe in routines and pick up lines.

1., they can smell a line a mile away, and 2., you need to learn how to connect with a woman so she is all excited that she met you.

So my client and I went over what I would do in this situation and he being the great listener and learner did exactly this.

He walked over and as he was walking over he gathered information in his head: she was right in front of the napkins so this was going to be real easy. He walked over with no hesitation and said excuse me are you the napkin guarder? He smiled as he said it she was quick with a response.

“Yes I am I am all about protecting the napkins,” she said with a smile. So now they went back and forth about the napkins and he looked around and saw that the forks were right next to the napkins so he asked her,”Are you also the protector of the forks and spoons”?

Now before I tell you what she said, I need to explain why he changed the subject. You need to move the conversation forward. You can not keep going around in circles and by doing this it shows that you are playful. He opened her with a tease and busted her about being the napkin police. Now you need to look around and find other talking points to move the conversation forward.

” I am all about the napkins, maybe next time we can talk about the forks,” she said. So she dropped her first hint about the next time. “Well see what happens,” he respond confidently. He smiled at her and walked away. Now why did he walk away? Well, he knew that he had her and she still needed to place her food order so she was not going anywhere and the power of walking away really turns them on. It shows that you are confident and it leaves them guessing and face it, we all like a bit of mystery in our lives. So he sat back down and ate some of his food and about 4 minutes later walked back up and busted her one last time. She was waiting for her food in the wrong area.

“Hey Napkin Girl…I know your job is to guard the napkins but you are standing in the wrong area!”
He smiled and she laughed and they kept chatting about food and stuff. She then got her food and he peeked into her bag to see what she had (he did this to find out if she had 2 meals in there, always need to find out if she is single without asking). Never ask a woman if she has a boyfriend. If she is on the fence she will always make up one so you don’t ask her out. When you ask a woman out assume that she is single.

So what do you do in this situation, up until this point you have totally intrigued her and had some fun with her.

This is what I call a foundation so you can ask her out and she is intrigued by you. Most men will try a routine on a woman and even if they get the number the woman will leave feeling all confused. Why would she be confused with a routine? Well, once she processes what happened she will start to have a weird feeling about the whole thing.

What I teach is to be natural, when you are natural a woman will feel all comfortable and she will be more intrigued by you and your boldness and confidence.

So how do you close her in this situation. Here are a 3 ways to do that.

1. You grab a few forks and tell her to grab a few more napkins. She will do as you tell her because up to this point it has been all about fun. Now look at her and say: “Perfect we now have all the napkins and forks for the next time when we grab some burritos. What’s your number?”

2. Or you can just say: “Nice meeting you tonight have a great dinner.” And as she is about to leave, you let her take the first few steps and then you say: “Hey Courtney, wait….give me your number – we need to grab some napkins together real soon.” This approach will bring her back to the original fun opener and the first close will make her anticipate the next meeting.

3. One last thing….wait about an hour and text her this: How was your nachos…did you have enough napkins:) Add your name so she knows who you are and you will make her smile again.

We will talk more about why the follow up text is so important another day.

‘Till then.

Oh and did he get her number.

Mystery and Intrigue is so much fun.

I leave that up toy our imagination but I will not be seeing my client on our usual Thursday night outing if that is enough of a clue.

You know, not too many people ever give that kind of weird look. They might give an indifferent look meaning they were not attracted to you or not really into talking to you, but that is fine.

Do you know how many times I walk up and talk to someone and they don’t want to talk to me, and then give me an indifferent look and walk away? It happens to everyone, and it’s no big deal.

Why? Because you do the same thing whether you realize it or not. If someone comes up and talks to you and you’re not in the mood to be talked to, you give that same look of indifference.

We do this to each other every day, but yet when you’re out trying to meet the opposite sex and it happens then you freak out. You act like it’s the end of the world, and it makes you never want to approach anyone ever again.

Sometimes you go and sit down near some people, and they walk away when you start to talk to them. They were not in the mood to talk, but yet you think to yourself, “Damn, that didn’t work!”

I’ve walked away from people at times when I wasn’t in the mood for conversation, and so have you. For whatever reason, it’s the wrong time or place to talk to those people. Don’t take it personally or as an insult.

If someone does that to you, just look at them and just say, “Enjoy your day!” Suddenly they’ll realize, “Hey that guy is kinda cool. We weren’t into talking to him, he acknowledged that fact, and he’s cool enough to realize we just were not in the mood to talk right now.”

You know what? Maybe you’ll talk to them another time. Stop taking life so personally.

People aren’t out to hurt you. They don’t know who you are and what you’re all about, so stop taking life so personally all the time. Start enjoying life a little bit.

So what if someone doesn’t want to talk to you. Who cares? It doesn’t matter. It is perfectly okay if someone doesn’t want to talk to you. It happens to me all the time, and I don’t ever care.

I don’t think twice about it, and I would never jump into my head about it and think, “Oh my God, life is over because a stranger didn’t want to talk to me. So now I’m going to crawl in a hole and die.”

I don’t think I’m going to die if that happens, I just keep moving forward. Remember, you do this to people too.

Ok maybe not that drastic but today I have a challenge for you.

Are you ready to for an early Christmas present from yours truly?

Intrigued?

Then kick back watch and see what I am going to give you.

One last thing.

All you women who just watched the video.

Reverse the advice and make it work for you!!!

You watch this guy. You see him looking around ogling women. He checks them out, but is never talking to any of them. As the night goes on, it seems like his face gets longer and longer. You think to yourself, “Man, I never want to be that guy.”

I mean, here you are in your 20′s or your early 30′s. You’re in what I call the “adult adolescence” period of your life. That is the point in your life where you are learning about yourself and when you have infinite opportunities. Every night you have an option to meet any woman you want. Every day in the business world, you are learning so many new things about who you are and what you are all about.

So as you’re thinking to yourself that you never want to be “that guy” across the bar, you need to take advantage of the freedom and the options you have right now in your adult adolescence. The key to taking advantage of your adult adolescence is to have the right mindset about it.

From the time you get out of college at age 22 to about age 35, you are going to learn so much about yourself — about who you are, what your place is in the world, what type of job you want, how you are as a businessman and what kind of relationship you want. As you’re dating during your adult adolescence, you might sample different kinds of relationships. You might try living with someone. You might decide to just date a lot of different women while you are figuring out who you are. You do this so that you do not end up being that lonely guy at age 47.

You don’t want to beat yourself up during this time. So many guys during this period of their life tend to beat themselves up because they feel like they should get everything right on the first try, or that they should be achieving certain things by a certain age. They will think (about every part of their life), “When am I going to get this?!”

The wonderful thing about your adult adolescence is that you ARE getting it. Every day you are learning something. Every day you are embracing a new lesson. You are developing a complete picture of how you want your life to be.

Approach Rejection As A Learning Experience

It is true that one part of your adult adolescence will be experiencing your fair share of rejection. Do you know what I say to this? Get rejected over and over.

Approach rejection as a learning experience, because really there is no such thing as rejection. Say you see a woman you find incredibly attractive. You want to meet her, so you walk over to her. You say the exact “right thing” and she does nothing but walk away. You need to look at that as a learning experience, not as a rejection.

There is no such thing as rejection. Rejection is really all about a fear inside your own mind. Think about it. That woman doesn’t know you or what you’re all about. She doesn’t know what a great person you are. So really, when you feel rejected in that situation what you are doing is rejecting yourself. You did nothing wrong.

I remember when Kurt Warner threw an unprecedented five interceptions in one game against the Panthers, and then in the following couple week he went out and threw 4 touchdown passes. When a reporter asked him how he did it, he told the reporter that he has a short-term memory.

You need to be like Kurt Warner when it comes to rejection, and you need to have a short-term memory. The quicker you forget about it, the quicker you move forward.

Acknowledge That A Date Is Just A Date

Another part of enjoying your adult adolescence is embracing the idea that a date is just a date. It’s a chance for you to get to know somebody, and for someone to get to know you.

So don’t over-think your dates. Don’t go into dates with the mindset that a woman is hot and you need to make her your girlfriend.

Instead, your mindset on every date should be this: I am a strong, powerful, amazing person. I am going to be open. I am going to be honest. I am going to be myself. If this woman likes me, that is fantastic. It doesn’t matter though, because I might not even like her.

Don’t try to sell yourself. A date is just a chance to get to know someone. If you like her, then ask her out again. That’s really all there is to it. It really is that simple.

It’s all about your mindset. This woman with whom you are going out on a date is not a fantasy girl – at all. A fantasy girl is just an imaginary person you build up in your mind.

A date is really nothing more than an opportunity for you to spend time with someone to see whether you have mutual chemistry. That needs to be your mindset about your dates from now on.

Cast A Wide Net

During your adult adolescence, you need to cast a wide net. This applies to both your work and your personal life.

If you’re having trouble meeting women right now and the only place you’re going to meet them is bars and clubs, then you need to start thinking about trying to meet women in other places. Make a list of five places you really like to go. Places where you already like to go are great places to meet women, because it will be easy for you to have a conversation about something in which you’re genuinely interested.

Also, start thinking about going out with different people. Start expanding your social network a bit. If you don’t like your job, for example, then start talking to new people and going to events where you can build up your network.

Cast a wide net, because your life is only as powerful as your network. The more people you contact every day, the greater chance you have of succeeding every day.

Stop Looking At Your Friends’ Successes

One thing so many guys do in their adult adolescence, is to compare their lives to the lives of their friends. Stop this immediately! Stop looking at your friends’ successes. Don’t compare yourself to them – in terms of work or your personal life.

Don’t compare yourself to the friend who is dating three women right now. Don’t compare yourself to the friend who is making a lot more money than you are right now. They are on a totally different path.

Life is a marathon, not a sprint. Do not compare yourself to other people. At this moment, you may have friends who are dating more women or making more money than you. Be happy for them! The important thing is that you are embracing YOUR wins every single day.

Let’s say you have trouble approaching women, then start by approaching five women a day to overcome your approach anxiety. If you’re looking for career success, start thinking about what you want to do and how to meet the people so you’re able to get the job that you want. Every day take a step forward, and never compare yourself to anybody else’s success.

When I look back at my 20′s and early 30′s, I realize that some of the greatest times of my life happened during my adult adolescence. Unfortunately, I always wanted to be someone else during my adult adolescence. There were so many times when I just wanted to learn a lesson once and for all, and not have to keep trying to learn it over and over again.

As I look back now, though, I wouldn’t change anything that I experienced in my adult adolescence because they were some of the most carefree, amazing times of my life. They were also some of the most important times of my life for what I learned.

Whether it was the times I had to search my couch cushions for quarters so I could afford to buy a box of pasta for dinner, or that “most amazing” woman who never called me back, those experiences made sure I would never be “that guy”.
Some of those experiences felt like the end of the world when they were happening, but in reality they were just part of a growing process. They taught me a lot about myself, and they were some of the best times of my life.

So enjoy your adult adolescence. Don’t beat yourself up or compare yourself to anybody else, because this is your journey and that is what makes it magical.

Are you somebody who sits around and talks about what you need? You’re in a bad financial situation so you need money, but yet you’re the one who put yourself in that situation in the first place with the energy you project.

Yes, we all need money. Money is great — it buys freedom, the “things” we want, it allows us to take vacations and it pays the bills. When you walk around needing it, wanting it and desperate for it, however, you won’t get it.

Are you a woman who is really tired of dating, and just wants to be able to settle down and start a family? Your energy’s vibe is want, want, want, need, need, need. Your energy is projecting your desperation for marriage and a family.

So when you go out on a date, you will project that energy. You might notice you are getting a lot of first dates, but not a lot of second dates.

On dates, do you talk about need, need, need and want, want, want, want? Do you talk about what you lack in your life right now? Do you talk about how you want marriage and children?

That will scare any man away. It will scare any person away. If you’re a man doing that to a woman, it would scare her away too.

Are you somebody who just really wants to get laid? Are you constantly thinking, “I want to get laid. I need to get laid. I just have to get laid.” When you have this energy, you will notice that you never seem to have sex and you never seem to meet anybody.

When you go out are you just so desperate that you want to meet someone — anyone — today? That energy you are bringing out with you is desperate energy.

No one wants to be around desperate energy. It is a turn off. Period.

There are so many people out there who, instead of spending time focusing on the things they have in life, are completely desperate for the things that they lack.

Granted, you might be a 40 year old woman who isn’t currently married and doesn’t yet have any children. There may not be anyone “on the horizon” at the moment. What do you have in your life right now though?

Maybe you don’t have children, but think about all the amazing things that you have accomplished as a person. Think about all the people and the other relationships you have in your life.

Are you a 28 year old guy who hasn’t ever had much success with women? Maybe you have gone to an occasional hooker to get laid.

Do you think about what you’re lacking or missing in your life, or do you think about what you have and what you have accomplished in your life.

To attract people in life — whether it’s romantically, in business, as friends or in any other way — you have to have an open energy. Having desperate energy won’t ever attract anyone.

To learn how to have open energy, you have to start somewhere. You have to start with the basics.

So many people walk around with desperate or angry energy. That kind of person is the last person with whom I ever want to hang out.

So change your focus. Stop thinking about what you lack, and start focusing what you have.